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|Original Air Date:||March 31, 1995|
|Guest Stars:||Michael Stipe, Lassie, Mujibur & Sirajul|
Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed
Space Ghost (SG): (stomach growls) Oh, the hunger...
(Opening theme music & titles)
SG: Welcome to the show! Tonight my guests are pork roast and fishwich... (stomach growls) I mean Michael Stipe and Lassie. So, how was your weekend, Zorak?
Zorak (Z): (with British accent) Hey hey hey!
SG: Mine was good too. Eh, say, what's with the action figure?
Z: There is no weekend.
Raymond (R): Hello.
SG: Yeah, yeah. What's with the action figure?
Z: We exist in a boundless time continuum. There is no weekend!
R: (while Zorak is talking) Hello... Hello... Hello.
Z: Eh, this is my nephew, Raymond.
SG: Hi, Ray!
R: Heh heh..
SG: So, what do you want to be when you grow up?
R: Uh... Locust of 'pocalypse.
SG: Isn't that cute? He can't say apocalypse! Watch this... Hey kid, say "spaghetti".
SG: (laughs) Mmmm, pasghetti.
Moltar (M): (in control room, reading book "Reading is Fun For Mentals") Poc-a-lypse. Pocalypse
SG: Hey, you bugs must have billions of relatives, what with all the eggs you lay.
Z: Don't ghosts hang around attics and go "boo"? Jerk!
SG: Weren't your mother's people dung beetles?
Z: (shouting) I am the Lone Locust of the Apocalypse!
Z: Think of me when you look...
SG: Oh, now you're a locust again! Well silly me, I thought you were a mantis!
Z: Uh, I am!
SG: "I am the Lone Mantis of the Apocalypse."
R: (starts giggling)
SG: Wait, better yet: "I am the Lone Fill-in-the-blank of the Apocalypse." How's about that, Zorak, leave enough room for you there, hmm?
SG: And how about you start wearing a shirt to work from now on, Jack?
Z: I wear a vest!
R: (giggling uncontrollably)
Z: Say, Ray...
R: (stops giggling) Yes?
Z: Shut up!
SG: Are you guys as hungry as I am?
Z: (with western accent) Mmmmmm! Hungry, like Hungry Jack hungry?
SG: No, hungry like a muscled-up GI Joe after a tough day in the chopper.
Z: No, uh uh.
Z: No, Raymond.
Z: Nooo, Raymond.
R: Yes, Zoltar!
Z: (shouting) I am Zorak! Zor-ak!
R: (starts crying)
SG: (to himself) Oooh, action figure with life-like tears. (aloud) You want a pizza, Raymond?
SG: Pizza pizza, wittle Waymond.
R: (stops crying) Pizza!
R: Peyoni pizza?
SG: Heh heh... Moltar, establish contact with a pizza parlor! (Zorak & Raymond keep shouting "Pizza!" in the background)
M: Yes, hang on... all right... okay, let me, uh... (throws lever)
Mujibur & Sirajul (M&S): (on monitor, waving) Hi, Dave, hi Dave...
M: Huh? Dave?
Mujibur Rahman (MR): Nice to see you, Dave.
M: Earthlings! (throws lever again)
Sal (S): (on monitor) Sal's Pizza Emporium, we bake it, you buy it.
M: Ah hah... (zaps image to Space Ghost's monitor)
S: What'll ya have, mister?
SG: Greetings, pizza merchant. We wish to order a pie with...
S: Outta anchovies.
SG: ... you guys like anchovies?
Z: How about seal?
SG: Too chewy.
Z: Mmm, yeah. Carp?
SG: You have carp?
R: Waffles. Carp waffles!
S: Fresh outta carp waffles already.
M: Hey, hey, haddock.
SG: We could get grouper...
M: No, no, haddock!
SG: I've got it... Orange roughy!
Z: Yeah, get it bloated!
M: Hey, how about haddock!?
SG: We'd like a pizza with bloated orange roughy, please.
Z: No, wait! Sun-bloated, yeah, get it sun-bloated!
SG: Sorry. Sun-bloated, okay?
S: Yeah, yeah. Hey, Mookie! Gimme one large pie, with sun-bloated orange roughy.
SG: Pronto, with bells on, PDQ!
Z: Make sure it's bloated.
S: Alright already! (screen zaps off)
SG: Mmmmm, orange groupie.
SG: Whatever. My first guest is one of several thousand collies who have gone by the name of Lassie. But this is the real one!
R: Yeah, the Jetsons!
SG: Order! (screen lowers)
R: Oooh, puppy!
SG: Shh! Don't startle the dog guest.
R: (quietly) Sorry.
SG: Gee, you're a nice doggy, Lassie.
Lassie (L): Bark!
SG: So, what you been up to?
L: Bark! Bark!
SG: Yeah, I know! Does it ever itch right here?
SG: You could get some salve. (No response) Okay. Now here's a high-pitch sound only you can hear. AAAAAAAAAEEEEEAAAAAEEEAAAAHHHH!! Uh!
L: (tilts head to one side)
Z: You idiot! We can all hear that!
SG: No you can't. You're bluffing.
Z: Am not! You're saying, "AAAAAEEEEEAAAAHHHH!!"
SG: Well, how 'bout this? Meemeemeemeemeemeemeemeemeemee...
R: (in unison, at higher pitch) Meemeemeemeemeemeemee...
Z: (interrupting) No!
L: Bark! Bark!
SG: What is it, girl?
SG: There's trouble at the ranch?
SG: Hmmm... trouble at the farm.
SG: You say Brak was bitten by a rattlesnake?
SG: Where is he, girl?
SG: He's at old man Tibby's farm?
SG: Farms have chickens. Corn! Let's ride! (flies off)
L: (waits a while, then walks off)
SG: (returns) Uh, where's that farm again? (monitor screen is just static) (in low voice) Oh, she's gone. (normal voice) Say, is that pizza here yet?
R: Uh uh.
SG: What say we enjoy the aroma of food with my smell ray. Stand back! (zap!)
Z: (sniff!) Bacon!
R: Ah! Horsy!
SG: Okay, guess this one! (zap!)
Z: Mmmm, pancreas!
Z: No, pancreas.
SG: And this one? (zap!)
Z: No, Ray. Chlorine!
R: No, look! Pretty pony!
Jumbles (J): Neigh!
SG: (screen shows words "INSERT HORSE") Oh, yeah, that's Jumbles.
R: Pretty Jumbles!
S: (on control room monitor) Look, Iron Man, for the last time, I can't send you a raw pizza.
M: Just gimme the dough, I can cook it in twenty seconds.
S: Twenty seconds? What you got over there, a nuclear reactor?
M: Sal, Sal, listen... Gimme the dough.
SG: Moltar, where's that pizza? It's been over five minutes.
M: Pizza guy on line 2.
SG: Ah, the pizza man. Greetings, pizza merchant. Greetings, pizza merchant.
S: ... Nobody cooks pizza in only twenty seconds.
Z: Hey, Raymond!
SG: ... Hey...
SG: ... Where's my pizza?
J: Neigh!! (galloping)
SG: What happened?
Z: Raymond bit jumbles.
S: Who's Jumbles?
SG: He's my horse. Is he okay?
Z: I dunno. Maybe.
S: So is the horse all right or what?
SG: I don't know. Hey! Where's my pizza?
S: Well, it's like this. Mookie, the guy making your pizza, right, turns out he's allergic to orange roughy, so he got all hivey and stuff, but now he's making you another pie.
R: Is Mookie okay?
S: Whoahoahoa! Hey, Mookie! You gotta check this out! The baby maggot's talking!
Mookie (M): Freaky!
S: Hey, that horse, he don't look so good. What's his name? Jingles?
S: Yeah, Jumbles. He looks lame. You better put him down.
SG: Look here, pizza man. I'm Space Ghost, I'm hungry, I've got a talking voodoo doll taking chunks out of my horse and I want my pizza! (pounds fist)
Z: Freaky Mookie!
S: Okay, okay. Just trying to help.
SG: All right. So we're, we're okay, we're fine?
Z: (playing theme music)
R: Quit steppin' on me! Stop it! Stop!
Z: (done playing music)
SG: You better slap a muzzle on that scaled down piece of evil.
Z: You better get that pizza!
SG: Come on, Jumbles, walk it off. (pause)
SG: Hallelujah! It's Michael Stipe! (pause)
Michael Stipe (MS): Heh. (pause)
SG: What are those things on your face?
MS: Those are my intergalactic space glasses.
SG: Uh huh. What can you do with those?
MS: I can see right through you, Space Ghost.
SG: Uh huh.
SG: So, Mr. Magno-Specs, your new album's called "Monster"? What's up with that?
MS: The new record is, um, it's like, uh, it's a, it's a...
SG: (mocking, in unison) Uh, it's a, it's a ...
MS: ... it's a concept record.
SG: A concept record!
MS: It's a, it's a, it's like a layman's, it's like a layman's, it's like a layman's, like a layman's, a layman's, uh...
SG: It's a, ummmm, it's like a layman's, ummm, there's stuff on your lip, uh, layman's, uh, layman's, uh, layman's, uh...
MS: ... a laymen's dissertation on...
SG: on, on, tip of my tongue, on...
MS: ... the black hole phenomenon.
SG: ... on the black hole phenomenon! (pause)
R: What's, what's this do? (zap!)
SG: Okay, Mike, I'm going to send you a high-pitched message that only you can hear!
Z: (to himself) Why me?
SG: (opens mouth, extremely high pitch sound)
MS: (tilts head to one side) No message, Space Ghost.
SG: Okay then, sing that song, sing that, "Shiny Shiny People" song.
SG: I'll get you started. (sings) "Shiny shiny people, shiny shiny people..."
MS: I hate that song, Space Ghost.
SG: Oh, me too, Michael, me too. Say, Mike, do think I'm a shiny shiny person?
MS: I would say yes.
SG: You're sure?
MS: Yes, absolutely.
SG: You don't see some dark, horrible corner inside of me somewhere?
MS: No, none.
SG: Okay. You're sure?
Z: I have a question. Is that you in the corner?
MS: (looks down under glasses)
Z: (points) That way, in the corner! (picture of Zorak's band, with Michael Stipe's face in lower right corner of screen, rubbing front teeth)
MS: That's me in the corner, yeah.
SG: So what's next for you? What's on your plate? (stomach growls) Ohh!
MS: Um, I'm going to drive to dinner.
Z: Take us!
R: I wanna go!
Z: Take us, please!
Z: C'mon, Stipe! Give us a break! Buy us some dinner!
R: I wanna sit down.
Z: Shut up!
SG: Well, how about him, will he take us?
MS: (in the corner) Yes, absolutely!
SG: Great! See ya! (zaps MS off screen of main monitor)
M: (to MS in control room) Just me, Moltar, outta lines, hangin' out.
SG: (to himself) I'm so hungry, I'm lightheaded! (aloud) May I have a hall pass, Miss Steckler? I wanna go home now, Miss Steckler... (passes out & comes to)
Z: (mocking) I wanna go too, Miss Steckler.
SG: Zorak, where's your nephew?
Z: Who? Oh, I devoured him.
SG: (shouting) That's barbaric! (quietly) Is there any left?
Z: Um... (swallows) No.
SG: (quietly) I'm gonna miss the little guy. (screen fades & freezes)
SG: (in foreground) Let's look back at all the fun we had with our special friend, Raymond.
(Melancholy background music plays. Screen title: "Raymond, A Special Friend". Still shots of:)
(Space Ghost, Zorak, and Raymond at Mt. Rushmore dressed up as tourists. Raymond's T-shirt says "I (heart) Apocalypse")
(Raymond and Moltar in a bathtub in the middle of a busy street)
(Space Ghost, Zorak, and Raymond in drag in front of a boarded up theatre)
(Space Ghost and Raymond flying kites with a tornado behind them)
SG: (sounding light-headed) I think I should see the nurse, Miss Steckler. (shouting) Moltar! Get me that pizza boy!
M&S: (waving) Hi, Dave! Hi, Dave!
SG: I'm not Dave. I'm Space Ghost! Who are you two?
MR: I am Mujibur, and this is Sirajul.
Sirajul Islam (SI): Hello, Space Ghost.
MR: Hmmm, Space Ghost, that's the name on our pizza. (points to pizza box labeled "To Space Ghost, Ghost Planet")
SG: That's my pizza!
SI: Thank you for the gift.
MR: Mmmm! Orange roughy!
M&S: (laugh uncontrollably)
SG: That's a good Jumbles. Feeling better now?
(inverted) Tom Roche
C. Martin Croker
C. Martin Croker
|ORIGINAL SPACE GHOST DESIGN|
© 1995 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.
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