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Original Air Date:July 28, 1995
Guest Stars:Hulk Hogan, Slash

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed


(In the Ghost Planet commissary)

Space Ghost: What day is this? ... My hood is squeezing me. It's hot in here! ... How many more shows do I have to do? ... [sip] Even God rested... Maybe we need to start repeating shows... Tell me a joke.

Moltar: All right, this guy walks into -

Zorak: Heard it.

Moltar: Okay, uhhh... Bridge g-

Zorak: Heard it.

Moltar: Okay. A guy walks... All right, wait... Okay... Okay... All right... Wait...

Space Ghost: Heard any good haikus lately?

(Lights dim, oriental music in background)

Moltar: Smell the burning flesh.
Taste the tangy sulfur air.
Volcano season.

Zorak: Mantis green and strong.
Deadly pincers, razor sharp. (sips coffee)
Waiting for his chance.

Space Ghost: Ehhhh, floating asteroid,
Eh, need to buy some school supplies,
Ehh, you're soaking in it.

Zorak: Go practice your monologue.

Space Ghost: Har de har. I don't do a monologue, junior.

Zorak: Ohhhh...

Space Ghost: What?

Zorak: Tonight you do. Haven't you read the script?

Space Ghost: Yes, of course I read the script! I just don't remember... I'm under a lot of pressure, you know... I'm a workin' man, I don't have time for scripts! ... You know!

(Opening titles & jazzy theme music)

Announcer: Hey! Live! The Space Ghost! Coast to Coast! Live! The Space Ghost! Hey! Coast to Coast! Live! Hey!

Space Ghost: Good evening! I'm Space Ghost! On my show tonight, body slammer Hulk Hogan, and straight from the snake pit, Slash! Now, please say hello to my band, Zorak and The Original Way Outs!

(Zorak & the Way Outs play big finish)

Space Ghost: (reading from a cue card held up by the guitarist; very badly read) Say Zorak, A.. funny thing.. happened.. to me.. on the way.. to the studio! Tonight! (laughs hysterically)

Zorak: No it didn't.

Space Ghost: (stops laughing)

Zorak: (glares at Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: Yes, Zorak, it did.

Zorak: I was there. Nothing was funny.

Space Ghost: (under his breath) Come on! Quit it!

Zorak: I can't hear you!

Space Ghost: I said, a funny thing happened to me.

Zorak: No it di- (Space Ghost motions towards his power bands) - eheh!

Space Ghost: Say! I just invisoed in from the coast, and boy are my arms tired!

Zorak: .. eheh!

Space Ghost: Yeah, buddy. They're tired. (coughs) Hey! You know what's crazy? I'll tell you! Politics! Those guys running around voting, making laws and stuff. I mean, who asked them? (laughs, then starts coughing) Hey, aren't... (more coughing) Phfwhew! Pollen!

Zorak: Do tell us more comical-

Space Ghost: Don't start with me, Zorak.

Zorak: Do start?

Space Ghost: You're playing with fire, greeny, so play me to the desk!

Zorak: Uhh, I would prefer not to.

Space Ghost: Uhh, excuse me?

Zorak: That's the way it is. I ain't doin' it.

Space Ghost: You're not a scrivener. You're a locust. So play me to the desk!

Zorak: (plays Space Ghost to the desk with funeral pipe organ music)

(Monitor lowers with Hulk Hogan)

Space Ghost: Greetings, Hulkster! Are you getting enough O2?

Hulk Hogan: oh, solisdael oll benagoltyl do panino..

Space Ghost: Hulk? Are you with us?

Hulk Hogan: Yeah! Me and that little bee!

Space Ghost: Uh huh.

Hulk Hogan: I know what it is!

Space Ghost: Uhh, beg pardon?

Hulk Hogan: Whoooohohhh!

Space Ghost: ... Ok.

Hulk Hogan: (showing belt) The belt's there because, um, I didn't want any of those space aliens to steal it..

Space Ghost: Moltar, I don't think the Hulkster's getting enough oxygen.

Moltar: (in control room) Umm, uh, where are we, page six?

Hulk Hogan: Space Ghost...

Space Ghost: Hang on, Hulkster, we're working on it!

Hulk Hogan: Five miles of Cuban waters. Mark.

Space Ghost: Moltar, hurry!

Moltar: Now what's the inflation on this exactly?

Space Ghost: How we doing, Hulkster?

Hulk Hogan: Does anyone really care what time it is?

Space Ghost: Moltar! Moltar!

Moltar: All right, hang on, now what in the.. (pulls lever) there!

Hulk Hogan: Space Ghost! The man with the beef!

Space Ghost: (laughs) That's the big fella!

Hulk Hogan: (salutes)

Space Ghost: (to Moltar) Don't tell me it's ok if it's not ok!

Moltar: Wait!

Hulk Hogan: Oh, beautiful, beautiful, ahhhhh...

Moltar: There.

Space Ghost: How we doing, Hulkster?

Hulk Hogan: I know now that I'm on Space Ghost's new show.

Zorak: (still playing pipe organ music)

Space Ghost: Alrighty. Hulk, you have an identifying theme that is cloaked in clandestine mystery! Care to divulge it?

Hulk Hogan: Uh... well...

Moltar: (laughs)

Hulk Hogan: (to Moltar) Whatcha gonna do, when Hulk Hogan comes to wrestle you?

Moltar: (clears his throat)

Space Ghost: Come on! What's your secret identity?

Hulk Hogan: My true identity is the leader of the pack.

Space Ghost: In-a-gadda-da-vida, baby!

Zorak: Yeah!

Hulk Hogan: ..

Space Ghost: Don't you know that I'll always be true, yeah, in-a-gadda-da-vida, Zorak... You know, Hulkie, in some ways, you and Zorak are a lot alike!

Hulk Hogan: No! He's got different colored skin! I'm tanned! I'm from California-

Zorak: Melrose Place.

Space Ghost & Hulk Hogan: (stare at Zorak)

Zorak: My sister watches that show.

Space Ghost: Uh huh.

Hulk Hogan: And I'm the WCW heavyweight champion! That other guy's just a cartoon character!

Space Ghost: Hey! What do you mean, 'just a cartoon character'?

Zorak: Yeah, what's that supposed to mean?

Space Ghost: Look, I paid my dues! I waited tables! I answered phones!

Zorak: I polished silver for the queen.

Space Ghost: I made coffee!

Zorak: Nice lady.

Space Ghost: I danced 'til dawn at studio 54!

Zorak: Wow!

Space Ghost: Me and Rubelle! Man, we could really... Hey! What do you think of Lassie, Hulk?

Hulk Hogan: Well, I'm a, I'm a animal lover; I don't think I'd really wanna -

Space Ghost: No, I wouldn't either.

Hulk Hogan: - wrestle Lassie, I wish Lassie was my pet.

Space Ghost: Me too... But Ted Turner won't let us have pets in the studio. Ever since Banjo... BANNNNJOOOOOOO!

Zorak: Ted Turner? Who's that?

Space Ghost: Ted owns us, Zorak; he can push us around. Even you, Hulk.

Hulk Hogan: Well, I don't know...

Space Ghost: What if Ted made you do Xeroxing all day? In an apron! Would you piledrive him?

Hulk Hogan: He's-

Space Ghost: You would, wouldn't ya? 'Cause you're a tough guy! You're Mr. Tough!

Hulk Hogan: He's got pretty big arms the last time I saw him, because he's been working out with his wife, Jane Fonda.

Zorak: I'm fond-a Fonda!

Hulk Hogan: And she's a fitness expert!

Zorak: Yesss. I'm fond-a Bridget. Fonda.

Space Ghost: Be quiet, brown nose.

Zorak: Hey! I don't have a nose!

Hulk Hogan: Who's the most powerful man in the Turner organization?

Zorak: Fonda.

Hulk Hogan: Hulk Hogan, or Ted Turner?

Space Ghost: Uhh... I would say Ted.... Ted... Then Space Ghost -

Zorak: Feh.

Space Ghost: - and then the Hulkster.

Hulk Hogan: I'd love to see if I could body-slam that big dude.

Space Ghost: Yep! (flexes muscles) I hear that!

Hulk Hogan: (gives Space Ghost a nice biceps shot)

Space Ghost: (returns biceps shots) Whoa daddy! .. Back atcha! .. Heyy bobbaroni!

(Sudden astounding head exchange between Space Ghost and the Hulkster)

Hulk Hogan: uhhhhrrwewwweih.

Space Ghost: wooooewwwwwieeh



Moltar: (to Space Ghost) Originally, they used to say, "Couples skate next - two girls may not skate together." And then like a couple years later they'd say, "Couples skate - two girls may not skate together. Two boys may not skate together." But they'd say it like, "Who'd've figured! Two boys may not skate together?!"

Space Ghost: (short cough)

Moltar: Are we rolling?

Space Ghost: How do you do! How do you do, ladies and gentleman! We're home! Later in the program, we'll be talking to a nice gentleman named Slash! Ow! Ow! I've thrown my back out! Worker's comp! Aahhh! (laughs) Had you going. Hey Hulk, do you know Slash's last name?

Hulk Hogan: That's his whole name.

Space Ghost: Dondi didn't have a last name either! Neither did Henry! He didn't even have a mouth!

Zorak: There's.. Xuxa! mm?

Space Ghost: That's right, Zorak. There's Xuxa.

Zorak: What about her, eh? A word that has no S's that's full of 'em. Xuxa! Xuxa! Xuxa! Ohhhh, Xuxa! Xuxa! Xuxa! (keeps saying "Xuxa" in background)

Space Ghost: (to Hulk) Will you come over and put the sleeper on Zorak?

Hulk Hogan: I don't think any of us, anybody like you, or any of the little Space Ghost kids out there, all those fans of yours, should ever try any wrestlin' holds at home.

Space Ghost: (imitating Hulk) Ohh! You should never put the, sleeper hold, on your boys and, your little girlfriends, and buhh. (normal voice) Ok, Hulk, whatever.

Hulk Hogan: Well, it looks like you've been eating those space cheeseburgers; I'm looking at your waist, and that belly of yours is hanging out so far, I don't even think you can see your shoelaces when you tie your space tennis boots!

Zorak: (laughs)

Space Ghost: My laces are Velcro. (condescending) So tell us! What's new in the incredible world of Hulk?

Hulk Hogan: A brand new TV series called "Thunder in Paradise," where I get to play an action-adventure hero on TV every week!

Space Ghost: (sarcastic) An action-adventure hero! Woooooo! Why didn't I think of that? And you fight crime, right? That's original! Hey, do you beat up any bad guys? Maybe come to the rescue of a few distressed citizens?

Hulk Hogan: Uhh...

Space Ghost: Sure! Maybe even save the day while you're at it!

Hulk Hogan: Well you know, dude-

Space Ghost: Been there, done that, see ya! (turns off Hulk) Moltar, give him a copy of the home game! Please welcome my next guest, Slash!

Slash: Yeah?

Space Ghost: Okay.

Slash: What's happenin'?

Space Ghost: Well, I'm Space Ghost. I'm the host; you just answer my questions!

Slash: Then you'd probably ask me a question I couldn't answer, I'd feel like a real idiot.

Space Ghost: No, no no. Don't you worry your pretty little head about anything.

Slash: Eh, okay. (laughs)

Space Ghost: Are you ready?

Slash: I think so.

Space Ghost: Okay. Citizen Slash, welcome to the show! You're from earth, right?

Slash: Yeah.

Space Ghost: How many clouds does earth have?

Slash: ...

Space Ghost: You know, son, if you were a paramedic people'd be dead already.

Slash: Next question.

Space Ghost: Citizen Longhair, when you're on tour, do you ever miss your mommy?

Slash: I can't hear you.

Space Ghost: Are you even listening to me?

Slash: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Hello?

Slash: I'm here, I just said yeah!

Space Ghost: Whatever. Whatever, son.

Slash: (mumbling) Stupid answer to a stupid-

Space Ghost: What?

Slash: Never mind.

Space Ghost: Where are your eyes?

Slash: I can't do this, you guys; I knew this before we got here.

Space Ghost: Wait! I saw one!

Slash: Get me out of here, I'm just.. (laughs)

Space Ghost: Sing us a zippy guitar riff with your mouth.

Slash: No, no, just listen to the record, I have no intentions of doing any zippy guitar riffs with my mou-

Space Ghost: Here, like this! Reeeeeerrrroohhh-

Zorak: No, like this. Eeooorraaahhrarahhbeeerraahh-

Moltar: No, this. Daooo daooo dao dao daooo..

(General zippy guitar riff mayhem)

Slash: I'm not gonna cooperate with you, I don't have to.

Space Ghost: Oh, really?

Slash: Uh uh.

Space Ghost: You know what, Slash? We'll be right back. (flies off)

Slash: Cool!

Zorak: Yeah, Slash! But don't worry buddy, we'll be right back! (evil laugh)

Slash: (alone) What a character. (laughs)

(Credits roll)

Announcer: Hey!

Slash: (alone in the studio) Hello?

(In the commissary, Space Ghost, Moltar and Zorak are sitting at a table)

Zorak: See ya in a sec, Slash, baby. (all snicker)

Hulk Hogan
Matt Harrigan
Michael Cahill
(inverted) Tom Roche
Sonny Sharrock
Eddie Horst
Sonny Sharrock
Lance Carter
Eddie Horst
Alfrieda Gerald
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Don Kennedy
C. Martin Croker
Roy Clements
Kaili Rubin
Gus Jordan
Tracy Rowland
Alex Toth
Matt Harrigan
Keith Crofford
Michael Lazzo

© 1995 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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