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Episode:47
Title:Sphinx
Original Air Date:October 17, 1997
Guest Stars:Mike Judge, Harland Williams

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed

BEGIN TRANSMISSION (Moltar in the control room, with Mike Judge on the monitor) MoltarOkay, recording, and... now! Mike Judge(in Butthead voice) Space Ghost isn't home right now, (laughs). (changes to Beavis voice) (laughs) Is there something I can help you with? (laughs some more) (normal voice) Okay, there you go. MoltarIt's not for Space Ghost, it's for me. Mike JudgeDid you want, I thought you... MoltarNo, I want one for me. Mike Judge(in Beavis voice) Voltar isn't home right now. Leave a message. Beep! MoltarNo. Mike JudgeOkay. MoltarMy name's Moltar. Mike Judge(winces) Moltar. MoltarYeah, and, and say some stuff about fire this time. Mike Judge(in Beavis voice) Moltar isn't home right now, fire, fire, leave a message. MoltarWait, wait, I, I wanted one with Butthead. Mike Judge(sighs) Another one? MoltarYeah. ZorakHey, do one for me! Mike JudgeOkay, who's it for? Zorak(pokes his head into control room) Zorak! MoltarDo him and me! ZorakMe and him. MoltarAnd make it funny this time. Mike Judge(in Beavis voice) Zorak isn't here, Moltar isn't here, leave a message. (does the finger & lips thing) MoltarNo, make it funny! Mike Judge(in Hank Hill voice) Zo-, Zorak and Noltar... MoltarMoltar. Mike Judge(disgusted) Ah! Forget it. MoltarNo, no, no, no, no! Mike JudgeGet what's-his-name to do a message for ya. (starts to walk off) MoltarSit down, you gore belly rump dead foot licker! We're not done yet! (Opening theme & titles) Space Ghost(invisos in) Greetings, all. Space Ghost is my name, and animated comedy-style interview programs based in outer space are my game. Joining me tonight are craven fat kidneyed flirt gill Harland Williams, and unmuscled sheep biting mold warp Mike Judge. ZorakHave you seen my tail? Space GhostYour what? ZorakMy tail. Some joker cut it off! Space GhostYou don't have a tail! ZorakI know, because some joker cut it off! Space GhostCalm down, Zorak. ZorakYou calm down! Did you eat it? Space GhostWhy would I eat your stupid tail, I didn't even know ya had one! ZorakMoltar? MoltarI didn't eat it. I don't even like tail. ZorakOh, wait, here it is. (pause) It's not a tail after all... Space GhostPlay me to the desk. ZorakIt's a wacky fun slippery slide! (MoA music plays Space Ghost to the desk. Space Ghost invisos to his desk; Moltar and Zorak whoop it up in the background) MoltarWhoa, whoa! ZorakWooo hoo hoo! MoltarHey, check this out! (slides by) Space GhostAll right, put the wacky fun slippery slide away. ZorakWhee-eeeeee! (slides by) Moltar(crash!) My knee! Space GhostPlease welcome my first guest, citizen Harland Williams Harland Williams(monitor lowers from ceiling) (yodels) Space GhostGreetings, Harland! Harland WilliamsHello there... Billy. Space GhostMy name is not... MoltarWheeeeeeeee! (slides by) Space Ghost... Billy. Harland WilliamsOh. (winks) Space GhostIt's Space Ghost. Harland Williams'kay, Billy. Gotcha. (winks again) Space GhostHey, hey, don't call me Billy.I do not care for the name Billy. Harland WilliamsSpace Ghost, you... you're a little, uh, rambunctious today. Space GhostHow would you like it if I pulled down your pants and spanked your bare bottom right here in front of Zorak, Moltar and everybody! Harland WilliamsI'll say one word about y- that: naughty. Space GhostNaughty? Harland WilliamsNaughty. (points) Naughty Space Ghost. Space GhostWhat do you mean? Harland WilliamsThere's naughty stuff goin' on in your head, you probably have, like, daydreams about pomegranates, and ... Space Ghost(hears "pomegranates" with echo effect) Harland WilliamsSea fleece. Space Ghost(hears "sea fleece" with same echo effect) Harland WilliamsTimber. Space Ghost(hears "chocolate chip cookie dough" with same echo effect) Harland WilliamsYou like wood, don't you? Space GhostWell, sure I do. Who doesn't like wood? Cedar, mahogany, rustic pine. Yes, wood is good food. (smile sparkles) Harland WilliamsNaughty-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y (image & sound get stuck in a loop; continues in the background) Space Ghost(laughs) (pause) What's the matter? ZorakThat's some wacky stuff. Space GhostMoltar! MoltarAlright. Uhhhh... hang on. (Harland keeps looping) Uh, is this on the same tape, or... Space GhostStop! (blasts Harland with his destructo ray) Harland Williams(stops looping) God bless you, O black capped whitey legs. D'you have varicose veins? Space GhostNo, I don't. Harland WilliamsY'got big puffy veins, (makes pulsing sounds and motions with his hands) pulsing away like organ grinder monkeys on cheese twists. ZorakYeah, he's got legs like his greasy grannie! (evil laugh) Space GhostThat extra grease tacked two years onto her life, thank you very much. Harland WilliamsYou ever, uh, rubbed a bar of soap on your grandmother's forehead? Space GhostI... don't think I'll have occasion to, being that she's no longer with us. ZorakWhy, what would happen? Harland WilliamsWell, you'd have yourself one heck of a sparkling clean grand-mamá. Space GhostMaybe you didn't hear me. My grandmother bought a farm! ZorakReally? MoltarCattle or crops? Space GhostShe's dead, all right?! I don't want to talk about it! ZorakOops. Back to the veins. Harland WilliamsTell me about your veins. See, I'm turnin' the questioning around, now tell us about your big, greasy space veins... white legs! Space GhostHarland Williams, I will not hold court to your mischief! MoltarSpace Ghost! The completion backward principle! Space GhostUh, completion backwards principle? Harland WilliamsTell us about the veins! (slurps) MoltarRemember? Zorak creates a diversion, while you circumnavigate Ghost Planet at the speed of light... Harland WilliamsThat's right, Space Ghost. ZorakCausing the planet to reverse its rotation. MoltarWhich in turn opens a multidimensional chasm. (monitor shows Space Ghost with three screens completely full of text flashing over him, reading, in part:) Keith Crofford-Tad Ghostal:TempCrofford-Tad Ghostal:Temporary Items:WCrofford-Tad Ghostal:Temporary Items:WCrofford-Tad Ghostal:Temporary Items:W (next screen:) Crofford-Tad Ghostal:Temporary Items:WCrofford-Tad Ghostal:Temporary Items:WCHANGE OR DELETE THE FOLLOWI>OTHER REASONS FOR HIS ABSENC>(available in stores September 2 - EX (next screen:) Unknown LDI TBS Tur>WITS-TECHWOOD Turner Broad>Entertainment Sandi Reid>Hanna-Barbera Space GhostThusly causing time to go backwards so that I can redo and/or cancel the interview before the secret of my hideous and spidery varicose veins becomes common knowledge to the general public! Harland WilliamsYou see now, Space Ghost? Space GhostYes! Why didn't I think of it before? MoltarYou did! You called it the completion backwards principle! Harland WilliamsAll hail Space Ghost! And his giant pulsing veiny legs! Space GhostZorak! Create a diversion! ZorakHey, everybody! Look at me! Do doodley do do, do do da do do... Space Ghost(flies off) Harland WilliamsWh-, where is he? Zorak(laughs) Ever see Superman 1? Harland WilliamsYes. ZorakHe'll be back in a sec. Harland Williams(laughs) Zorak(laughs) Moltar(laughs) Space Ghost(flies back to desk) ZorakHe's back! Space Ghost(out of breath) Greetings! (pants) I (pants) am (pants) Space Ghost. Harland WilliamsWhat, you wake up with a Winnie the Pooh video in your shorts? MoltarIdiot! You went the wrong direction! (screen shows text:) VELOCITY[?]=SPACE(?)/DONUTS Space GhostAre you sure? MoltarWe've been on for three hours now! ZorakYeah! I want time and a half! Space GhostOhhhhh... (falls down onto floor, everybody laughs) I think I pulled too many G's. Harland WilliamsThat a boy, Jerry. MoltarJerry! (laughs) Harland Williams(waves) INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION RESUME TRANSMISSION Mike Judge(on Moltar's monitor, in Hank Hill voice) Oh, I tell ya what, that Space Ghost has a nice little patootie on him, don't he? (monitor shows text:) BED[obscured by M's hand]BROOMSTICKS MoltarNo!! (throws lever, sends Mike to studio monitor) You make me sick! (Monitor screen flips through several test patterns, a picture of Adrienne Barbeau from "Jacksonville", and finally shows Mike Judge) Mike Judge(in Butthead voice) That was cool! (laughs) Space GhostIdentify yourself to the universe. Mike JudgeI am Mike Judge. I am the creator of B- Space GhostI know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I know what you do. Mike JudgeOh. (laughs) Space GhostMaybe I can help you with your little cartoon deal. Mike JudgeUh, yeah, I, I would like to know what I can do to make what I do funnier. Space GhostYou should make your show like "Die Hard". Only put it on a bus! And then you should make the guys talk funny and hit each other in the head. And have explosions! Mike JudgeI, I'm gonna write that down. Space GhostAnd you should give all the guys in the thing a destructo ray and a freeze ray. And you should make them talk funny and hit each other. Zorak(in background) In the head. Space GhostYeah! In the head! Mike JudgeYeah, yeah, destructo ray, freeze ray, that could probably, like, that could put us over the top. Space GhostThen I would come in and save the day! (hums superhero-type theme music) Mike JudgeWell, um, you know how to get a hold of me. Space GhostOh, wait, I just remembered! Draw everyone with large muscular lantern-like jaws. Like mine! (jaw sparkles) Mike JudgeThink if I'd drawn Butthead and Beavis with stronger jaws, and, uh... Space GhostWhite booties! Mike JudgeYeah, white boots, they, they might be funnier and they might score. Space GhostWell, you know what they say, Mike, dames are like mustard. They taste great on a sandwich. But when you're not eating a sandwich, they just sit there in your refrigerator... on a shelf... in a jar... labeled... mustard. Mike JudgeOh yeah. Space GhostOkay then. Citizen Mike, give me an infectious laugh that millions will aspire to imitate. Mike JudgeWell, you know, I actually found a tape of myself trying out different laughs. There was like (does Butthead laugh) and there was like (does monkey-like laugh) and, uh, you know, then, of course (does Beavis laugh). And, uh, if you wanted to have the (does monkey-like laugh) you could probably have that one. Space Ghost(Does monkey-like laugh) Will this (does monkey-like laugh) give me the approval of the much sought after 18 to 34 year old demographic? Mike JudgeNo, not really. (laughs) But it's free, though. Space GhostThen I'll take it! Citizen Mike, what are your favorite programs? Mike JudgeI really like this, I like Space Ghost, man. Space GhostThank you! Mike JudgeI like, uh, Space Ghost... And, uh... Space GhostSpace Ghost? Mike JudgeUh, Space Ghost. Space GhostThank you once again! How can I repay you for your undying devotion? Mike JudgeYou could go into the cartoon "Rug Rats", and just sorta clean house. Space GhostYyyou want me to whack the Rug Rats? Mike JudgeI'll give you a list of some people in the industry that need to be, uh, that need to have this done to 'em. (Blasts Zorak with his own destructo ray) ZorakAaaaaa!!! Mike JudgeSorry. ZorakDon't be. Space GhostThat was quite a display of superior firepower. Mike JudgeCan you put a sound effect into this... (blasts Zorak again) ZorakNoooo!!! Mike Judge... to make us equal? Space GhostSure thing... ZorakWait a minute... Space GhostMoltar? Moltar(throws lever) Mike Judge(in superhero/Hank Hill voice) What special powers do you have to help fight the insanity? (blasts Zorak again) ZorakNo, wait... Aaaaaaa! Space GhostNo, listen: What special powers do you have to help stop the insanity? (blasts Zorak) ZorakNooooooo!! Mike JudgeYou're right, let me try that again. ZorakHold it, gimme just a sec. Mike Judge(Blasts Zorak again) What special powers do you have to help stop the insanity? ZorakAll right, stop it!!! It hurts, okay?! Space GhostHmmm, I dunno. Mike JudgeWell, let's hear you do Butthead. Space Ghost(completely straight voice) Ha ha ha, ha, ha ha. My name is Butthead, my head is a giant human butt. Ha, ha ha. Mike JudgeAnd how about Beavis? Space Ghost(also in straight voice) Shut up, Butt land, my name is Beavis. How was that? Zorak(in background) Fab-oh! Mike JudgeYyyeah, yeah, that was... well, that was great. Space GhostOh, I'm good, baby. Mike JudgeI'd like to hear Zorak do Beavis. ZorakI'd like to hear Mike Judge shut up! Mike Judge(looks shocked) Space GhostOoooh, did you hear that, Mike. Mike JudgeWell, tell him I'd like to tie the long hair on his head to the short hair on his nose and kick him down the street, okay? ZorakBring it on, you son of a carpenter. Space GhostKnock it off, guys. Come on. Mike Judge(In Skeletor, from He-Man, voice) The power scepter is mine now, Beast Man! ZorakThat's my tail! Mike JudgeYou betcha. ZorakGimme back my tail! MoltarWheeeeee! (slides by) Mike Judge(in Beavis' Cornholio voice) Are you threatening me? ZorakYou've got my tail! Space GhostAll right, everybody. Just stop! Mike Judge(stares back) Zorak(stares back) Moltar(slides by) Wo wo wo wo... Space GhostThanks for stopping by, Mike. Mike Judge(in Hank Hill voice) Boy, I tell ya what, it don't get any better'n this. Space GhostNope! It sure doesn't. Mike Judge(in Beavis voice) (laughs) Boy! (laughs) It doesn't get any better than this! (laughs) Yeah! Space GhostYou hit the nose on the head, compadre! It just doesn't get any better than this! Mike Judge(in Butthead voice) Uh, it doesn't get any better than this? (laughs) Space GhostNo, it doesn't. And there you have it, folks. Mike Judge(in Buzzcut voice) Boy, it doesn't get any better than this! Space GhostMike... Mike Judge(in Mr. Van Driesen voice) You know, it really doesn't get any better than this, mm-kay? Space GhostMmm-kay! Thanks for being on the... Mike Judge(in Principal McVickers voice) (wheezes) It doesn't get any better than this. (wheezes) Space GhostMike... Mike!! Mike Judge(in Butthead voice) Uh... (in normal voice) What's that? Space GhostI have to go home now. (Credits roll) Mike JudgeHere's Tom Anderson: "Boy, I tell ya what." Here's Hank Hill: "Boy, I tell ya what." It's a big difference.
GUEST STARS
Mike Judge
Harland Williams
WRITER
Dave Willis
EDITORS
Jon Schnepp
(inverted) Tom Roche
MUSIC
Sonny Sharrock
Eddie Horst
Man...or Astroman?
MUSICIANS
Sonny Sharrock
Lance Carter
Eddie Horst
Alfrieda Gerald
Man...or Astroman?
VOICES
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
DESIGN COMPANY
Big Deal Cartoons
ANIMATION DIRECTOR
C. Martin Croker
3D ANIMATOR
Derald Hunt
ART DIRECTOR
Randall Lane
ON-LINE CONFORM
Jay Bellissimo
AUDIO CONFORM
Mark Coddington
EDIT ASSIST
Paul Wilson
RE-RECORDING MIXER
Roy Clements
PRODUCTION MANAGER
Kaili Rubin
PRODUCTION COORDINATOR
Vishal Roney
TALENT COORDINATOR
Isabel Gonzalez
PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS
Gus Jordan
Maya McClure
Ben Morgan
SPACE GHOST'S MALE SECRETARY
Nathan Cook
SPECIAL THANKS
Carolina Pictures
Steve Tseckares
ORIGINAL SPACE GHOST DESIGN
Alex Toth
LINE PRODUCER
Greg Harrison
LINE PRODUCER
Jim Fortier
PRODUCER
Pete Smith
PRODUCER
Andy Merrill
PRODUCER
Chip Duffey
SUPERVISING PRODUCER
Dave Willis
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Keith Crofford
SHOES
Michael Lazzo

© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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