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|Title:||Eat a Peach|
|Original Air Date:||November 30, 2003|
|Guest Star:||Todd Barry|
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(In the commissary, Zorak and Moltar sit at a table)
Moltar (M): Yeah, not that that's doin' anything for my bank account, but... (clears his throat)
Zorak (Z): Figures.
Space Ghost (SG): (off camera) Zorak? Moltar? (walks on camera, wearing only his cowl and power bands) Let me tell you the story of the birds and the bees.
(Moltar and Zorak look at each other, and start laughing)
SG: Now, don't be like that. It's beautiful.
(Space Ghost invisos to the set, fully clothed)
SG: Greetings, universe and beyond. I'm comedian Todd Barry. On tonight's show: Space Ghost! Now say hello to Zorak and the Original Way-Outs.
(The band plays intro music)
(Space Ghost invisos to his desk)
M: Space Ghost, let me ask you something. How come you never introduce me?
SG: Do what now?
M: At the beginning of each show, you introduce yourself, you introduce Zorak, I just thought it would be nice, one time, if you introduced me too.
SG: (laughs, putting his hand in front of his face)
M: What's so funny?
SG: Moltar, Moltar, Moltar. You're only the director. No one sees or cares about you. Zorak and I are the talent. (Zorak sips from his mug)
M: I thought you hated Zorak.
SG: I do hate you.
Z: Hey Space Ghost! Wanna hear a funny joke?
SG: See, Moltar, this is what I'm talking about.
M: (disgusted sigh)
SG: Quiet, Moltar, your heat will throw off his timing, and that's why you suck.
M: (another disgusted sigh)
Z: Alright, here we go. Er, uh, um... Knock knock?
SG: Um, who's there?
Z: (beat) (BLEEP) you.
SG: (beat) (Laughs) Well done, Zorak. So anyway, Moltar, I'm always open to ideas which might make the show better.
M: How about I come out at the beginning of every show and hit you upside the head with a hammer?
Z: I'd watch that show.
M: And light your teeth on fire and puncture your eardrums with golf tees until your spinal fluid leaks out.
SG: Thank you, Moltar, but...
Z: Can I do the hammer part? You can do the lighting his teeth on fire part.
M: No, I do the hammer.
Z: I do the hammer!
M: (shouting) You ALWAYS do the hammer!
Z: (shouting) I'm the hammer! Me! Zorak is the hammer! Zorak is the hammer! (starts to spaz out)
SG: Alright, it's settled. Zorak is the hammer, Moltar, you suck.
M: (disgusted sigh)
SG: Now, get off your metal ass and bring in my first guest...
(Monitor starts to lower from ceiling)
SG: ... but not right now. (monitor stops, halfway down) Hmmm. (Space Ghost ducks behind desk, making rustling noises)
Z: Where'd he go?
SG: (more rustling noises) Moltar, the louder, the funnier.
M: (disgusted) What?
SG: Just do it.
M: (throws lever)
SG: (more rustling and crackling noises) (hums to himself) I'm mumbling...
M: What an ass.
SG: (more rustling and mumbling)
Z: (looks on; glances at camera momentarily)
M: (reads a book while Space Ghost rustles and mumbles yet some more)
(Space Ghost finally stands up)
SG: Turn it off, Moltar, there's nothing in it.
(In control room, a blonde youth waves in on Moltar's monitor)
M: Turning off in 20 (throws his lever) 19 .. 18 .. 17 .. 16 .. 15 (Space Ghost starts tapping his blue card each time Moltar counts) .. 14 .. 13 .. 12 .. 11 .. 10 .. 9 .. 8 .. 7 (Space Ghost taps his card twice, throwing off Moltar's counting) 6 .. 5'er (Space Ghost starts tapping faster) .. 4 .. 3 .. 2 .. 1 .. 0 (Throws his lever again: screen goes white, then returns) (Laughs) Alright, uh, let's see. (Throws his lever again)
SG: (taps his card) I can't believe you said "ass", Moltar.
Z: Space Ghost, you're an ass.
SG: (laughs) Mercy!
Z: (stares angrily)
SG: Love that line. Love that line. Now, what are we doing?
M: (throws his lever, the control room monitor changes from Space Ghost to a test pattern, then to Todd Barry) Uh, I've got Todd Barry.
SG: Oh. (Looks at his blue card) Who's this guy, I've ne-. I've never seen him. Has he been on Russell Simmons?
Z: Uh... I don't know.
SG: Eh... Why don't we get him on the show? Screw Todd Barry. (Monitor lowers with Todd on the screen) We sure we need this guy?
Z: Quit lookin' at me!
SG: I've never even heard of this guy.
Todd Barry (TB): (laughs) Um...
SG: Hey, Todd! Good to see ya!
TB: Thank you.
SG: (beat) (looks at his card) It says here you've got a car.
TB: Maybe I do, maybe I don't.
SG: Oh, you do. And it's nice. (whispers to camera) I washed it!
TB: Oh, gosh, thank you.
SG: Thank YOU.
(Crow flies across the stage and lands on Space Ghost's head and caws in the background)
SG: So, tell me about your private life.
SG: I wanna, I wanna find out personal details.
TB: I don't know.
SG: Answer me!
TB: Uh, I don't even know what I just said.
SG: Yeah, I wanna call you later at home, you'll have to give me your home number, because I'm gonna ask you how much they're paying you. (Crow hops onto Space Ghost's shoulder)
TB: A hundred ninety.
SG: You're kidding me. (Crow hops back onto Space Ghost's head) That's weird.
TB: I'm sorry, I didn't hear you?
Z: Uh, he said, "Screw you, you ass." (evil laugh)
M: (laughs) Yeah, you're an ass!
TB: How'd you know my middle name?
(Crow hops down from Space Ghost's head, onto desk)
SG: Ah yes. (Crow caws; Space Ghost caws back; crow caws back) Todd, this crow is trying to tell us something.
(Crow runs across desk and off camera)
(Crow stands by curtains, cawing)
TB: Is that the space cops comin'?
SG: No, it's something about your car. (Runs over to crow, caws at it, the crow caws back) It's in danger.
TB: Are you serious?
SG: Crows aren't interested in you, they like cars.
TB: Hey, who doesn't?
SG: Shh! Hey, this is important. (The crow and Space Ghost caw back and forth at each other for a while) Hmm, I better check on your car. (flies off the set)
Z: Hey, baldy! (throws a bottle at the monitor; it breaks on impact)
TB: Heckling's uncool. (another bottle breaks on the monitor) Do you want people heckling you, while you're playing your keyboard.. guitar?
(Zorak throws another bottle)
(Outside, Space Ghost lands outside, next to Todd's car)
SG: Oh, that crow was full of (BLEEP), this car's perfectly safe. Hey! A grocery store. (walks off camera)
(Back on the set, Zorak throws another bottle, while the crow caws)
TB: THat's not very funny. (Zorak throws another bottle) I'm very tired, Moltar, Zolar, you know what I'm talking about. (Zorak throws another bottle) Zofar, you know what I'm talking about.
(Zorak throws another bottle; finally, the monitor goes black. Zorak throws another bottle, and hits the crow; it stops cawing. Then, it jumps up on Space Ghost's desk; dramatic music plays. Zorak looks surprised. The crow hops forward, and laser beams shoot out of its eye toward Zorak, who ducks into his keyboard pod for protection.)
(In the supermarket, Space Ghost is rubbing melons)
(Back on the set, the crow hops toward Zorak's keyboard pod. Zorak comes up behind him, brandishing his rifle)
Z: Get your ass over here! (Dramatic music plays, Zorak fires his rifle at the crow, who makes a backward flip, and fires laser blasts back at Zorak) Now! (fires at the crow, who hops behind Space Ghost's desk, then pops up and blasts Zorak again. The cross fire continues)
(In the control room, Moltar talks to Todd Barry on his monitor)
M: Hell, even at the comic shop here in town, like the Moltar action figure is marked down fifty percent.
M: It's the only one.
TB: That's more of this exposure thing you were asking me about?
M: Well, they want, like, thirteen bucks for it, so I guess they're selling it for, like, six-fifty or something.
(Back on the set, the crow is sitting on Space Ghost's desk, facing away from Zorak, who comes up from behind.)
Z: Right here, buddy. (Shoots at the crow; the crow flies at Zorak, knocking him down; it then starts pecking at his eyes)
(Back in the control room)
M: I don't know, the Zorak one is fourteen ninety-five, so...
M: I mean, they didn't even price Moltars. (Set rocks from an explosion) I mean, they're all supposed to be priced the same.
(Back on the set, Zorak laughs, as he chews on the the crow's head.)
TB: Do you have some food for me?
Z: (stops chewing) Hmm? Uh uh. (continues eating the crow)
TB: Hey, come on.
(Space Ghost flies back to his desk)
SG: I, I never shut my refrigerator door. I just ... (looks at Zorak) Oooh, gimme some of that!
Z: (stops chewing) Hmmm? Nah.
TB: What food are you gonna get? Can you get Thai food? I really like Thai food.
SG: Zorak, Moltar: huddle up.
(Harp music with scene transition; Moltar, Space Ghost and Zorak are now holding hands)
SG: This guy's obviously hungry, but we shouldn't have to share our food. Zorak, you tell him. You'll make it funny. On two. Ready? Break! (Zorak says nothing) Ready... Break! Ready...
Z: Hey, funny man! Got a joke for ya.
TB: What would that be, I'm afraid to hear this one.
Z: You're not getting any of our (BLEEP)ing crow.
(Space Ghost, Moltar and Zorak all laugh)
SG: Well, thanks for coming on.
TB: That's it?
TB: Come on.
SG: How about a big hand for the hungry comedian? (Space Ghost blasts the monitor; Todd Barry is replaced by a giant eye.) Isn't he great? Aw, hell. Damn it.
SG: The bees; I forgot to tell the bees! (flies off the set)
(Next to a dumpster surrounded by a swarm of bees)
SG: Thank you, bees. I am looking forward to it. Oh, that's very kind of you, bees. Dicky said I could. What do you mean? I did too pay you back! Look, Jack, that is such BS. What do you want from me?!
(Transition to Todd Barry's car, now surrounded by bees)
SG: It's got low mileage, and it does pull to the right.
(The car drives off suddenly. Banjo music plays, and we see the view through the windshield as the car roars down the street, through a stop sign, and finally crashing. The screen goes black)
SG: (off camera) Okay then.
(Back in the commissary)
SG: And so, that's the story of the birds and the bees.
M: So, that car crash was a metaphor for when the male sperm hits the ovum?
SG: What? No, bees steal cars.
M: Oh, so the crow that shot lasers at Zorak - that was the metaphoric sperm.
SG: Metaslarphic... Crows shoot lasers! Pay attention! (Beat)
Z: Why don't you put your clothes back on?
|Eat A Peach|
C. Martin Croker
Big Deal Cartoons
C. Martin Croker
Pound O Sound, Inc.
Cartoon Network Studios
King Robot Productions
Adam "Porkroll" Stockett
Tom Roche (inverted)
|ORIGINAL SPACE GHOST DESIGN|
© 2003 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.
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