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(Zorak crosses the set in the dark)

Moltar (M):

Halt! (alarms go off, spotlight shines on Zorak)

Zorak (Z):

Aah!

M:

Who goes there?

Z:

I, Zorak!

M:

(turns off alarm) Sorry, man. Sorry.

(Note: subtitles which correspond to the spoken lines are shown in brackets)

Z:

Moltar, look, I am green with evil. [Moltar, I love you.]

M:

(watching "Banana Splits" on monitor) Huh? [I love you too, Zorak.]

Z:

I said, did your mail order come in yet? [We should get married.]

M:

Yeah. [Papa would never allow it.]

Z:

What'd you get? [But we're in love... why not?]

M:

Soap. [You know why.]

Z:

Hmm. What kind? [It's because I'm an insect, isn't it?]

M:

(holding up bar) Lava. [Papa says...]
It's got pumice. [... insects are bad folk.]

Z:

Yeah. [I don't play fiddle.]

M:

That your new book? [I know, Honey, that's why I love you so.]

Z:

What? [What?]

M:

Is that your new book? [I said, I love you so.]

Z:

Shut up, I'm reading my new book. [- Woe is me, for we cannot marry.]

M:

Sorry. [- I am ashamed.]

Z:

Huh? [- Do not be.]

M:

I said, you can't read. [Let us elope in the night.]

Z:

Yeah, yeah. [Yes!!]
Where's the Ghost? [You would do that for me?]

M:

In the back, with his new Sea Monkey Kit. [No! Are you kidding! I will never marry the likes of mantis! You are a filthy beast! Get ye gone!]

(In a laboratory area; sign outside room reads "DO NOT ENTER / EXPERIMENT UNDERWAY". Space Ghost is in the room, reading directions)

Space Ghost (SG):

"Now you've created an adorable home for your Sea Monkeys... open the pouch labeled "Sea Monkey Pellets" (rip!) and pour into the bowl (pouring sound), in just minutes your little Sea Monkeys will flourish with life!"

Z:

(on the control room monitor) Lombaak ecree oplom ah-plee ozona ah-ah. (his eyes flash, show spirals, etc., whenever he says this)

M:

What is that?

Z:

It's a spell from my new book, "The Joy of Incantations". Lombaak ecree oplom ah-plee ozona ah-ah.

M:

What's it do?

Z:

It gives me power over Space Ghost's mind. Lombaak ecree oplom ah-plee ozona ah-ah.

M:

It's a small spell.

Z:

He's got a small brain. Lombaak ecree oplom ah-plee...

SG:

(still in laboratory) "Soon you will be able to observe your Sea Monkeys as they make families, have dinner, purchase fine autos and perform other daily life activities all within the domain of the Sea Monkey bowl..." Wow!

M:

(in control room) Time to get Space Ghost. Think I'll use my NASA voice. "Ten seconds to air, return to the set... T minus 10 seconds and counting... 10... 9... 7... 6... 9..."

SG:

I have to go, Sea Monkeys. Here, have one of my special super vitamins. (splash!) (fizzing sound)

(invisos in to set)

SG:

Greetings! I'm Space Ghost! Joining me on this show, rap artist Schooly D and funny man "Weird Al" Yankovic! Say hi to the band, they're right over there. (points)

(Zorak's eyes spin with evil hypnosis)

SG:

Zorak, what's wrong with your eyes?

Z:

Lombaak ecree oplom ah-plee ozona ah-ah.

SG:

Ohhh! I see what you're doing. No no no, if you want to control my mind your eyes need to spin counter-clockwise! (he says a short incantation; Zorak's eyes immediately spin the other direction)

Z:

Oh! (calypso music in background) Lombaak ecree oplom ah-plee ozona ah-ah.

SG:

(invisos to desk) Alrighty! My first guest is Schooly D! (Monitor lowers)

Schooly D (SD):

I kinda figured that out.

SG:

Hi Schooly, how are ya?

SD:

What's up man? I'm alright, I'm alright. How you doin?

SG:

Fine fine fine. Say, where'd you get the ball cap, son?

SD:

Uh, I got it from the planet Zurf.

SG:

You don't say! Citizen Schooly,

Z:

Lombaak ecree oplom ah-plee ozona...

SG:

(reads with difficulty) Original-Gangster-in-the-house...

Z:

... ah-ah.

SG:

(makes gibbering sounds, eyes glow, as he falls under Zorak's power)

Z:

Say something stupid.

SG:

You wanna watch me swallow a live mollusk?

SD:

No.

SG:

I mean, tell me about your slacks.

SD:

(laughs) These are baggy jeans, you buy them three sizes bigger so they can hang off your butt.

SG:

Yeah, I saw a yard gnome once, it didn't scare me.

SD:

Yeah.

SG:

Schooly... Schooly...

SD:

Yeah, man?

SG:

Are you interested in frolicking in a leafy glade?

SD:

Well, you know, even if I was, I couldn't...

SG:

(bursts out laughing for no reason) My mantis is dashing in a tux! Will you please pass me one of those wall decorations? My, they look lovely. (makes gibbering sounds again)

SD:

(laughs)

Z:

Lombaak ecree oplom ah-plee ozona... no!!!

(Space Ghost blasts Zorak with his power bands)

SG:

(sniff sniff) Smells like chicken in here.

Z:

Eh... eww...

SG:

Do you have any super powers?

SD:

Yeah, of course I got super powers because I'm Schooly D.

SG:

Display them!

SD:

I can't do that.

SG:

Why not?

SD:

I'm just not allowed to do it.

SG:

So you mean you don't have any.

SD:

Yeah.

SG:

So the D stands for "Defenseless."

SD:

Nah.

SG:

So what does the D stand for, Mr. Rapper?

SD:

It might mean Dynamite.

SG:

Or it might mean something pretty, like Dandelion.

SD:

The D stands for, somethin' different every day.

SG:

D is for Different, and Delightful (I'm sure getting some sissy copy, aren't I?) Sing something delightful, you know, with flowers and stuff.

SD:

Every time I sing something about flowers I lose some of my powers.

SG:

You don't have any powers, you need me in your posy.

Z:

Posse!

SG:

Like I said, posse!

SD:

Uh, I can't do that.

SG:

Well then, give me a rap name.

SD:

DJ Space G.

SG:

Fly!

SD:

(buzzing sound) Yeah well, you know...

SG:

(SMACK!) (squashes the fly on his desk) Dead fly.

SD:

Yeah.

SG:

(My sea monkeys!) Uh, just a minute, Schooly. (flies off to laboratory)

SD:

Alright. It's cool.

SG:

(in laboratory) Sea monkeys? Sea monkeys? Wait! there's one, yes! It's moving! (newborn baby sounds) Hello little one. I shall name you Banjo. You are mighty small, little Banjo, and your flippers are tired, but one day you will become (reverb effect) Banjo: King of the Sea Monkeys!

M:

(in control room) Schooly.

SD:

Yeah.

M:

Space Ghost is tending his brine shrimp, can you wait?

SD:

No. That don't get it. I'm sorry, no.

M:

Well, can we break your legs?

Z:

Break 'em! Break 'em!

SD:

(laughs) This is crazy.

M:

It'll only hurt once.

SG:

(flies back to desk) Oh-kay! Schooly, you're the man.

SD:

Nah, you da man.

SG:

No, you're the man.

SD:

You da man.

SG:

No, you're the man.

SD:

You da man.

SG:

You are the man.

Z:

I am the man.

SG:

No, you're the mantis! Schooly's the man!

SD:

You are the man. You're Space Ghost.

SG:

You're the man Schooly, live with it.

SD:

Okay.

SG:

We're out of time, leave us with words to live by.

SD:

(violin music in background) No matter how hard it seems, uh, you gotta keep going and you gotta keep trying, because as soon as you give up, the game is over with. (music ends)

SG:

(stares)

Z:

(stares)

M:

(stares)

SD:

What are y'all lookin at?

M:

Your hat.

SD:

You're lookin at me like I was crazy.

Z:

Your hat's on backwards.

SG:

Sure is.

Z:

We shall return... with a vengeance!

:INTERRUPT FEED

:START FEED

Z:

Ready or not, here we come!

SG:

(in laboratory) Okay... I'm all alone... Banjo? Oh, Banjo! My, how you've grown! (singing "Flipper") I'm Banjo! Banjo! Faster than light-ning! (crunch!) Ow! You could have taken my hand off! Bad Banjo! I'm not cleaning that up!

(invisos back to desk)

SG:

My next guest is "Weird Al" Yankovic, here he comes now!

Weird Al Yankovic (WAY):

Hi, people of the universe! Hi! Look at me, I'm on TV! Whoooooooo! Whoooooooo! (laughs)

SG:

(imitates) Whoooooooo! Whooooooooo!

WAY:

Ahh! Ahhhaa!

SG:

Whoooooooo! Welcome to the show, Weird Al. Whoooooooo!

WAY:

Thank you! I, I, uh, I can't tell you what a intense thrill it is to be on your show, I...

SG:

Sure you could!

WAY:

Well, I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

Z:

Tell him now! Tell him!

WAY:

Hey Zorak, you...

Z:

Shut up!

SG:

Oooooh.

WAY:

(frustrated) I don't know how!

SG:

Hey Al, tell us about your new record.

WAY:

Oh please, Space Ghost, um, I, I came on your show because I'm a, I'm a big fan, not to plug my latest album...

SG:

Wrong! Next question! Super powers, got any?

WAY:

Well, um, I can eat my own weight in Ding Dongs. I can turn red traffic lights green just by staring at them, and I can do an oil painting with my butt.

SG:

That's enough to get you on this show.

WAY:

Yeah, times are a little hard, I guess.

SG:

So, what'd you think of Schooly?

WAY:

He's, he's a party animal, he's, he's, he's a nut, he's completely out of control, he's, he's a party in a can, he's a wacky, zany, nutty funster.

SG:

Zorak's wacky. Ain't he?

WAY:

Sure, um. Hey, Zorak, you evil locust!

Z:

Mantis!

WAY:

My powers are beyond your comprehension.

Z:

(eyes spinning) Do a B flat.

WAY:

Baaaaaaaaa! (does a really high B flat).

SG:

(joins in, slightly off key, trying several times) Baaaaaaaaaaaa! Aaaaaaaaaa! Aaaaaaaaaaa!

Z:

Now, contort your body.

WAY:

Okay. (contorts his body.)

SG:

Baaaaaaaa.. what does that feel like?

WAY:

Well, it's kinda painful and it kinda feels good at the same time.

SG:

You mean like when your enemy is shaving your back and...

M:

(shivering) Oh-h-h-h-h-h!

WAY:

(still contorted) Can you help me here, Space Ghost?

SG:

What?

WAY:

Can you help me?

SG:

Oh, yeah, yeah. (says "spell" again; Al un-contorts) You know, that reminds me of a story... a story about a little pellet who, with a little grit and a lot of sheer will, became a Sea Monkey...

WAY:

Also he shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

SG:

(laughs) And you know, Al, that little Sea Monkey is named Banjo.

Z:

Here, Banjo! (Banjo appears on the set, he is monstrous)

SG:

Banjo!

Z:

Here, shrimp.

SG:

Aren't you plucky! Finding your way to the set...

(Banjo shoots a ray out of his mouth at Zorak)

Z:

Uh oh. (gets blasted)

SG:

Jumpin' jujubes!

M:

Man, that's a big shrimp!

WAY:

Gotta go now! (waves, ducks out of his chair and leaves)

SG:

No, Banjo! Why are you doing this? I gave you life!

Z:

No!! (gets blasted again by Banjo)

SG:

What have I unleashed! (in a low voice) That's it boy. Come get some.

(Space Ghost fires a destructo-ray and blows up Banjo. The smoke clears, Space Ghost lands on the floor; a piece of Banjo falls nearby)

SG:

Why do we always hurt the ones we love? Why Banjo? Why?! Banjo! Banjo! Banjooooo!

(Black screen with the following words:)

IN MEMORY OF Banjo September 23rd 11:00 pm - 11:15 pm

(Credits roll)

Floor Director (FD):

Okay, that's a wrap! Break it down boys! Somebody get a hose!

SG:

Don't you dare!

M:

Space Ghost.

SG:

What?

M:

Are you gonna eat that?

SG:

(sullen) That's a sick joke, Moltar, even for you. I thought you guys were my friends. I have to get out of here. (zaps off)

M:

(crunch!) Mmmmmmmm! Barbecued shrimp!

© 1994 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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