Home | Ghost Planet Central | Episode Guide | Previous | Next

Title:Gum, Disease
Original Air Date:November 10, 1994
Guest Stars:Branford Marsalis, Danny Bonaduce
Synopsis:The rapport between Branford Marsalis and Space Ghost makes it lookas though the then-band leader of "The Tonight Show" might be switching talk shows. Next, a child star from the same television era as Space Ghost, Danny Bonaduce, talks about his days with the Partridge family and his deep-seated hatred for Osmonds.

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed

Moltar (M): (sneezes)
Zorak (Z): Sixteen.
M: (sneezes)
Z: Seventeen.
M: My nose is stopped up.
Z: Yeah.
Space Ghost (SG): (invisos in) Inviso in... (invisos out) Inviso out... (invisos in) Inviso in... There, seems okay now.
M: (sneezes, entire studio shakes)
SG: Crimony! What's the ruckus, Zorak?
Z: What ruckus? (Moltar sneezes again, studio shakes)
SG: That ruckus.
Z: Oh. Moltar's sick. (Moltar sneezes again)
SG: Bless you, Moltar.
(Opening theme music & titles; part way through, Moltar sneezes again, and music & credits start fast-forwarding & rewinding, and playing at various speeds. Space Ghost invisos out & in again)
SG: (laughs) (aside) That was odd. (aloud) Greetings! I am Space Ghost. (smiles, light glints off his teeth) My guests tonight are recording artist and "Tonight Show" band leader Branford Marsalis, and former "Partridge Family" member Danny Bona-, Bon-, Bonaduckie.
Z: Duce!
M: (sneezes)
SG: Gesundheit!
M: (snort) Thanks.
Z: (plays Space Ghost to his desk)
SG: Zorak, that... (final drum beat) was less than satisfactory. Explain yourself.
Z: I.. don't know. Don't look at me!
SG: I am looking at you.
Z: Well, don't. (Zorak & Space Ghost stare at each other; Zorak blinks)
SG: (Ding!) Hah! I win, Zorak!
Z: Grrrr...
SG: Okey-dokey! My first guest, unlike Zorak, is a talented musician. Please welcome Branford Marsalis. (monitor lowers, but bounces repeatedly) Moltar! Bad director!
M: I can't control it.
SG: Have to use freeze ray. (Fires freeze ray at monitor, it finally stops bouncing) Okay now. No more slip-ups. Remember, this is a professional talk show. (someone drops a microphone, feedback ensues; Moltar coughs in background) (pause) Branford!
Branford Marsalis (BM): Hey, Space Ghost.
SG: Hey right back at you, Branford. So how goes the "Tonight Show"?
BM: It's going pretty good, sir.
SG: That's terrific. Mazel tov!
BM: Thank you very much, Mr. Ghost.
SG: I see you're chewing gum.
Z: Gum?
M: Gum?
Z: Gum!
SG: Did you bring enough everyone?
BM: No, but I'll have some shortly.
Z: No gum?
SG: So, do you enjoy being the "Tonight Show" band leader?
BM: Yeah.
SG: Is it fun? Do you enjoy working with Jay Leno?
BM: Yes, yes.
SG: In a way, you're like Ricky Ricardo, except without all that other stuff.
BM: Absolutely, absolutely.
SG: So, what evil crime have you committed against Jay Leno to become his band leader?
BM: I don't, I don't know. I would, I... I really don't think I've done anything wrong.
SG: (sound of gavel falling) Guilty! (crowd murmuring in background) So, what does Jay Leno do to help defend the universe?
BM: He doesn't do anything to help the universe. (laughs)
SG: This concerns me. So, what is he like, then?
BM: He has all the money, all the babes, all the cars. He's the host. He's just like you.
SG: Hardly! I keep the universe safe; he doesn't! And, I have more trophies. (smiles, light glints off his teeth again)
BM: Oh, I'll tell his you said that, and I'll tell his wife too. (glare from Space Ghost's teeth starts overloading the cameras)
Z: Space Ghost! Shut your big mouth!
M: Aaaah!
(Screen goes completely white, then goes black; then, a blue screen with a picture of Zorak and Moltar, and the words "WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES" appears, with background music; a short while later, the regular screen returns)
Announcer (A): (voiceover) We now join Space Ghost Coast to Coast, already in progress.
SG: ... something crawling on the table... (looks up) Who was that?
M: (sniffle) Some lady.
SG: (quietly) Alrighty. (normal voice) So, Branford, you have a new album! Tell us about it!
Z: Yeah, give us some gum!
BM: Yeah, it's a, it's a really nice album, it's a very dramatic departure from what I usually do. It's more like a, a pop album.
SG: Uh huh.
BM: There's a lot of strange mixes on there...
SG: Speaking of strange mixes, you know what I had for breakfast this morning?
BM: No, I don't.
SG: A sausage and mayonnaise soup, with a cream of corn omelet. (groans and grumbling voices in background)
M: Oh, no, stop, don't!
SG: Some milk I left out in the sun for a week...
M: (sounding nauseous)
BM: Oh, come on, don't do that, man!
SG: And some fuzzy bread.
M: I'm gonna be sick! ("hurling" sounds)
SG: Moltar! Damage report!
M: I just hurled in my helmet!
BM: Oh, man!
Z: Gross.
SG: I... think it's time to take a break (sound of a container being emptied) Moltar! Not in the control room!
SG: (playing "Sonic the Hedgehog" on monitor; exits game) Okay, we're back with Branford the Branford.
BM: Kick it.
SG: Branford, I wonder, does Doc Severinson ever show up and offer useless advice and mess with your horn section?
BM: Well, Doc gave me some really good advice right before, uh, the show started...
SG: (laughs) That Doc! You've gotta love him.
BM: Yeah, he's, he's, he's hype, he's dope, he's, he's crazy.
Z: (in "rapper" outfit, with "scratch" noises) Mrrrrr, stick 'em!
SG: (stares at Zorak) So, Branford, do you have musical knowledge to share with Zorak?
BM: Well, not the kind of knowledge you're referring to, but... (laughs)
SG: What's so funny?
BM: Oh, sorry, were you... nothing, were you saying something, Mr. Ghost?
Z: He was asking you, where's Zorak's gum? For me! Mine! My gum! Mine, not yours!
BM: Zorak, never eat anything larger than your head. (to Space Ghost) How's that?
SG: Not so good.
BM: (surprised) What do you mean?
SG: Would you care to join us for dinner after the show, Branford?
BM: Absolutely, what do we have, rabbit?
Z: I will eat your liver, with some fava beans and a fine Chianti. (sup sup sup sup sup) Oh, and some gum.
SG: Yeah, right, Zorak. You and what army?
Z: Ehhh, the Kiss Army. (Army voices: "Yeaaahhh! Destroy Rock City!")
SG: Er, right, right. (pause) Branford, I mean, Branford, before you go, will you scat?
BM: Well, it's gonna cost you, bro, you know I won two Grammies.
Z: (at desk with laser rifle) Make with the scatting (fires rifle)
BM: A one, a two, a one two three... (scats for 4 bars) (to Space Ghost) Go!
SG: (scats for 4 bars)
Z: (scats for 4 bars) Take it, Moltar!
M: (tries to scat for a couple bars) Take it, Space Ghost.
SG: (scats again; Moltar sneezes, and Branford's image is replaced by Danny Bonaduce's)
M: Space Ghost... (Space Ghost keeps scatting) Space Ghost!
SG: (stops) Hey, that's not Branford! It's that Partridge kid!
M: (sniffle) We lost Branford.
Z: And the gum? (pause, then screams)
SG: Okay, everyone remain calm.
Danny Bonaduce (DB): Hello?
Z: (finishes screaming) (to Moltar) You idiot!
M: Sorry.
Z: Shut up!
DB: Hello?
SG: Hello, citizen Danny!
Z: (in background) Shut up!
M: (in background) Sorry.
SG: So, what have you been up to lately?
DB: Hi, Space Ghost. Well, I, I've been very busy, but before I even say what I've been doing, let me just say I have been on with some of the biggest talk show hosts in the world...
Z: (to Moltar) What?
DB: ... and this is an honor for me.
SG: Okay.
DB: Just kidding! Ha!
SG: Listen, you have been in some trouble, haven't you, young man? In fact, you're very lucky to even be on my show. Don't you think you should thank me?
DB: Ha ha ha ha ha... Very funny...
SG: I'm serious, Partridge. Thank me.
DB: That makes me nervous.
SG: I'm waiting...
DB: Thank you.
SG: Thank you, Space Ghost.
DB: Thank you, Space Ghost.
SG: That's more like it. So, Danny boy, what super-power helped you battle the child star syndrome?
DB: I used the power of invisibility.
SG: I have that.
DB: Oh, no kidding!
SG: Would you use this super-power to help other child star victims?
Z: (to Moltar) Shut up!
DB: No, because I have met other child star victims, and I've got to say that it's my opinion that they pretty much are getting what they deserve.
Z: Like Jan and Jace?
SG: Who?
Zorak & Moltar (Z&M): (laugh)
SG: Danny, do you mind my asking how much you made from all those years as a Partridge?
DB: I've got about eighty bucks and a lunchbox.
SG: That's it? That show made truckloads of cash! Boy, did you get rooked!
DB: Shirley Jones, David Cassidy, that's where all the money went.
SG: It's pathetic how they treat talent in Hollywood. Right, uh, talent, personality, and a quarter will get you a cup of coffee.
Z: [No talent and no personality will get you a talk show]
SG: [Uhhhh...] Danny, what was your favorite thing about the seventies?
DB: The beginning of the eighties.
Z: (in "punk" outfit) Whip it, whip it good!
SG: [Uhhhh...] Danny, what was your favorite Partridge Family song?
DB: I actually have a couple. "Echo Valley 2-6809" was one of my favorites. By the way, if you call that, you actually get an old lady in Arizona, it's very cool.
Old Lady (OL): (phone rings, she answers) Hello? Hello? Hello!
M: (laughs, then coughs)
DB: "I Woke Up In Love This Morning" (starts singing song)
SG: Ewww! Ewww! Joke's over!
DB: Oh.
SG: I understand you're in radio now. Plug your station!
DB: Um, let's see, uh...
SG: Wait for it... Go!
DB: I work at -- (screen zaps, replaced by little girl playing a guitar & singing)
SG: Now what?
Z: Oh, um, sorry. I was sitting on the remote.
SG: (quietly) So, we lost Danny. That's okay. (screen zaps back)
DB: Hello?
SG: Oh. You.
DB: (laughs)
SG: Say, Danny the Danny?
DB: Yes sir, Space Ghost?
SG: What did you want to become when you were a kid?
DB: When I was a, a kid, I really only wanted two things. I wanted to be a policeman...
Z: [Lousy screw!]
DB: ... and, uh, to punch out Donny Osmond, or really any member of the Osmond family.
Z: When I was a larvae, I wanted to be the all-powerful ruler of the universe! (crown appears on his head)
M: Me too! (crown appears on his head also)
Z: And, to have some gum.
SG: Do you know what gum is?
Z: Nnnnnnnnnnno... But I want some!
DB: Have you ever met Donny Osmond, Space Ghost?
SG: I'd... (crown appears on his head) I'd rather not talk about it. (crown disappears)
DB: Got it!
SG: Danny, you sound rather hoarse. Perhaps you've got The Sick of Moltar!
M: What?
SG: Maybe I should take a look. Say "Ahhhhh!"
DB: Ah.
SG: Louder, please.
DB: AaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! (glass breaks all over the studio, alarms go off)
SG: Okay, everyone remain calm.
Z: Space Ghost! (gets pulled out of his seat, flies across room) Wheeeee!!
DB: You know, I, sort of after this, Leno sucks.
(Credits roll)
BM: (scats)

Branford Marsalis
Danny Bonaduce
Evan Dorkin
Sarah Dyer
Michael Cahill
Sonny Sharrock
Eddie Horst
Sonny Sharrock
Lance Carter
Eddie Horst
Alfrieda Gerald
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Tanya Bergan
BRICK HOUSE editorial
Turner Production Audio
Ken Brady
Ken Cargile
Paige Lillard
Jay Yeary
C. Martin Croker
Tanya Bergan
Matt Harrigan
Fred Seibert
Ken Chamberlain
Dave Farmer
(inverted) Tom Roche
Jeff Barron
Dave Dubiel
Jeff Flock
Rob Hess
Michael Maddox
Roy Clements
Alex Toth
Matthew Maiellaro
Andy Merrill
Keith Crofford
Michael Lazzo

© 1994 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

Home | Ghost Planet Central | Episode Guide | Previous | Next