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Original Air Date:March 30, 1995
Guest Stars:Michael Stipe, Lassie, Mujibur & Sirajul

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed

(Background music)
Space Ghost (SG): (stomach growls) Oh, the hunger...
(Opening theme music & titles)
SG: Welcome to the show! Tonight my guests are pork roast and fishwich... (stomach growls) I mean Michael Stipe and Lassie. So, how was your weekend, Zorak?
Zorak (Z): (with British accent) Hey hey hey!
SG: Mine was good too. Eh, say, what's with the action figure?
Z: There is no weekend.
Raymond (R): Hello.
SG: Yeah, yeah. What's with the action figure?
Z: We exist in a boundless time continuum. There is no weekend!
R: (while Zorak is talking) Hello... Hello... Hello.
Z: Eh, this is my nephew, Raymond.
R: Hello!
SG: Hi, Ray!
R: Heh heh..
SG: So, what do you want to be when you grow up?
R: Uh... Locust of 'pocalypse.
SG: Isn't that cute? He can't say apocalypse! Watch this... Hey kid, say "spaghetti".
R: Pasghetti.
SG: (laughs) Mmmm, pasghetti.
R: Pasghetti!
Moltar (M): (in control room, reading book "Reading is Fun For Mentals") Poc-a-lypse. Pocalypse
SG: Hey, you bugs must have billions of relatives, what with all the eggs you lay.
Z: Don't ghosts hang around attics and go "boo"? Jerk!
SG: Weren't your mother's people dung beetles?
Z: (shouting) I am the Lone Locust of the Apocalypse!
R: 'Pocalypse?
Z: Think of me when you look...
SG: Oh, now you're a locust again! Well silly me, I thought you were a mantis!
Z: Uh, I am!
SG: "I am the Lone Mantis of the Apocalypse."
R: (starts giggling)
SG: Wait, better yet: "I am the Lone Fill-in-the-blank of the Apocalypse." How's about that, Zorak, leave enough room for you there, hmm?
Z: But...
SG: And how about you start wearing a shirt to work from now on, Jack?
Z: I wear a vest!
R: (giggling uncontrollably)
Z: Say, Ray...
R: (stops giggling) Yes?
Z: Shut up!
R: Okay.
SG: Are you guys as hungry as I am?
Z: (with western accent) Mmmmmm! Hungry, like Hungry Jack hungry?
SG: No, hungry like a muscled-up GI Joe after a tough day in the chopper.
Z: No, uh uh.
R: Yes!
Z: No, Raymond.
R: Yes!
Z: Nooo, Raymond.
R: Yes, Zoltar!
Z: (shouting) I am Zorak! Zor-ak!
R: (starts crying)
SG: (to himself) Oooh, action figure with life-like tears. (aloud) You want a pizza, Raymond?
Z: Pizza!
SG: Pizza pizza, wittle Waymond.
R: (stops crying) Pizza!
Z: Pizza!
R: Peyoni pizza?
SG: Heh heh... Moltar, establish contact with a pizza parlor! (Zorak & Raymond keep shouting "Pizza!" in the background)
M: Yes, hang on... all right... okay, let me, uh... (throws lever)
Mujibur & Sirajul (M&S): (on monitor, waving) Hi, Dave, hi Dave...
M: Huh? Dave?
Mujibur Rahman (MR): Nice to see you, Dave.
M: Earthlings! (throws lever again)
Sal (S): (on monitor) Sal's Pizza Emporium, we bake it, you buy it.
M: Ah hah... (zaps image to Space Ghost's monitor)
S: What'll ya have, mister?
SG: Greetings, pizza merchant. We wish to order a pie with...
S: Outta anchovies.
SG: ... you guys like anchovies?
Z: How about seal?
SG: Too chewy.
Z: Mmm, yeah. Carp?
SG: You have carp?
S: Nope.
SG: Awwww...
M: Haddock.
R: Waffles. Carp waffles!
S: Fresh outta carp waffles already.
M: Hey, hey, haddock.
SG: We could get grouper...
M: No, no, haddock!
SG: I've got it... Orange roughy!
Z: Yeah, get it bloated!
M: Hey, how about haddock!?
SG: We'd like a pizza with bloated orange roughy, please.
Z: No, wait! Sun-bloated, yeah, get it sun-bloated!
SG: Sorry. Sun-bloated, okay?
S: Yeah, yeah. Hey, Mookie! Gimme one large pie, with sun-bloated orange roughy.
SG: Pronto, with bells on, PDQ!
Z: Make sure it's bloated.
S: Alright already! (screen zaps off)
SG: Mmmmm, orange groupie.
R: Roughy!
SG: Whatever. My first guest is one of several thousand collies who have gone by the name of Lassie. But this is the real one!
Z: Objection!
R: Yeah, the Jetsons!
SG: Order! (screen lowers)
R: Oooh, puppy!
SG: Order!
R: Doggy!
SG: Shh! Don't startle the dog guest.
R: (quietly) Sorry.
SG: Gee, you're a nice doggy, Lassie.
Lassie (L): Bark!
SG: So, what you been up to?
L: Bark! Bark!
SG: Yeah, I know! Does it ever itch right here?
L: Bark!
SG: You could get some salve. (No response) Okay. Now here's a high-pitch sound only you can hear. AAAAAAAAAEEEEEAAAAAEEEAAAAHHHH!! Uh!
L: (tilts head to one side)
Z: You idiot! We can all hear that!
SG: No you can't. You're bluffing.
Z: Am not! You're saying, "AAAAAEEEEEAAAAHHHH!!"
SG: Well, how 'bout this? Meemeemeemeemeemeemeemeemeemee...
R: (in unison, at higher pitch) Meemeemeemeemeemeemee...
Z: (interrupting) No!
L: Bark! Bark!
SG: What is it, girl?
L: Bark!
SG: There's trouble at the ranch?
L: Bark!
SG: Hmmm... trouble at the farm.
L: Bark!
SG: You say Brak was bitten by a rattlesnake?
L: Bark!
SG: Where is he, girl?
L: Bark!
SG: He's at old man Tibby's farm?
L: Bark!
SG: Farms have chickens. Corn! Let's ride! (flies off)
L: (waits a while, then walks off)
SG: (returns) Uh, where's that farm again? (monitor screen is just static) (in low voice) Oh, she's gone. (normal voice) Say, is that pizza here yet?
R: Uh uh.
SG: What say we enjoy the aroma of food with my smell ray. Stand back! (zap!)
Z: (sniff!) Bacon!
R: Ah! Horsy!
SG: Okay, guess this one! (zap!)
Z: Mmmm, pancreas!
R: Donkey?
Z: No, pancreas.
SG: And this one? (zap!)
Z: Chlorine!
R: Pony!
Z: No, Ray. Chlorine!
R: No, look! Pretty pony!
Jumbles (J): Neigh!
SG: (screen shows words "INSERT HORSE") Oh, yeah, that's Jumbles.
R: Pretty Jumbles!
S: (on control room monitor) Look, Iron Man, for the last time, I can't send you a raw pizza.
M: Just gimme the dough, I can cook it in twenty seconds.
S: Twenty seconds? What you got over there, a nuclear reactor?
M: Sal, Sal, listen... Gimme the dough.
SG: Moltar, where's that pizza? It's been over five minutes.
M: Pizza guy on line 2.
SG: Ah, the pizza man. Greetings, pizza merchant. Greetings, pizza merchant.
S: ... Nobody cooks pizza in only twenty seconds.
R: Hello.
SG: Hey...
Z: Hey, Raymond!
SG: ... Hey...
Z: Stop!
SG: ... Where's my pizza?
R: (chomp!)
J: Neigh!! (galloping)
SG: What happened?
Z: Raymond bit jumbles.
SG: What?
S: Who's Jumbles?
SG: He's my horse. Is he okay?
Z: I dunno. Maybe.
S: So is the horse all right or what?
SG: I don't know. Hey! Where's my pizza?
S: Well, it's like this. Mookie, the guy making your pizza, right, turns out he's allergic to orange roughy, so he got all hivey and stuff, but now he's making you another pie.
R: Is Mookie okay?
S: Whoahoahoa! Hey, Mookie! You gotta check this out! The baby maggot's talking!
Z: Mantis!
R: Hello.
Mookie (M): Freaky!
Z: Freaky?
J: (snorts)
Z: Freaky.
S: Hey, that horse, he don't look so good. What's his name? Jingles?
SG: Jumbles.
J: Neigh!
S: Yeah, Jumbles. He looks lame. You better put him down.
SG: Look here, pizza man. I'm Space Ghost, I'm hungry, I've got a talking voodoo doll taking chunks out of my horse and I want my pizza! (pounds fist)
Z: Freaky Mookie!
S: Okay, okay. Just trying to help.
SG: All right. So we're, we're okay, we're fine?
J: (snort)
Z: (playing theme music)
R: Quit steppin' on me! Stop it! Stop!
Z: (done playing music)
R: Uhh.
SG: You better slap a muzzle on that scaled down piece of evil.
Z: You better get that pizza!
R: Yeah!
J: (Neigh!)
SG: Come on, Jumbles, walk it off. (pause)
SG: Hallelujah! It's Michael Stipe! (pause)
Michael Stipe (MS): Heh. (pause)
SG: What are those things on your face?
MS: Those are my intergalactic space glasses.
SG: Uh huh. What can you do with those?
MS: I can see right through you, Space Ghost.
SG: Uh huh.
Z: Freaky.
SG: So, Mr. Magno-Specs, your new album's called "Monster"? What's up with that?
MS: The new record is, um, it's like, uh, it's a, it's a...
SG: (mocking, in unison) Uh, it's a, it's a ...
MS: ... it's a concept record.
SG: A concept record!
MS: It's a, it's a, it's like a layman's, it's like a layman's, it's like a layman's, like a layman's, a layman's, uh...
SG: It's a, ummmm, it's like a layman's, ummm, there's stuff on your lip, uh, layman's, uh, layman's, uh, layman's, uh...
MS: ... a laymen's dissertation on...
SG: on, on, tip of my tongue, on...
MS: ... the black hole phenomenon.
SG: ... on the black hole phenomenon! (pause)
R: What's, what's this do? (zap!)
SG: Okay, Mike, I'm going to send you a high-pitched message that only you can hear!
Z: (to himself) Why me?
SG: (opens mouth, extremely high pitch sound)
MS: (tilts head to one side) No message, Space Ghost.
SG: Okay then, sing that song, sing that, "Shiny Shiny People" song.
MS: No.
SG: I'll get you started. (sings) "Shiny shiny people, shiny shiny people..."
MS: I hate that song, Space Ghost.
SG: Oh, me too, Michael, me too. Say, Mike, do think I'm a shiny shiny person?
MS: I would say yes.
SG: Yes?
MS: Yes.
SG: You're sure?
MS: Yes, absolutely.
SG: You don't see some dark, horrible corner inside of me somewhere?
MS: No, none.
SG: Okay. You're sure?
MS: Yep.
Z: I have a question. Is that you in the corner?
MS: (looks down under glasses)
Z: (points) That way, in the corner! (picture of Zorak's band, with Michael Stipe's face in lower right corner of screen, rubbing front teeth)
MS: That's me in the corner, yeah.
Z: Freaky!
SG: So what's next for you? What's on your plate? (stomach growls) Ohh!
MS: Um, I'm going to drive to dinner.
Z: Take us!
MS: No.
R: I wanna go!
Z: Take us, please!
MS: No.
Z: C'mon, Stipe! Give us a break! Buy us some dinner!
R: I wanna sit down.
Z: Shut up!
SG: Well, how about him, will he take us?
MS: (in the corner) Yes, absolutely!
SG: Great! See ya! (zaps MS off screen of main monitor)
M: (to MS in control room) Just me, Moltar, outta lines, hangin' out.
SG: (to himself) I'm so hungry, I'm lightheaded! (aloud) May I have a hall pass, Miss Steckler? I wanna go home now, Miss Steckler... (passes out & comes to)
Z: (mocking) I wanna go too, Miss Steckler.
SG: Zorak, where's your nephew?
Z: Who? Oh, I devoured him.
SG: (shouting) That's barbaric! (quietly) Is there any left?
Z: Um... (swallows) No.
SG: (quietly) I'm gonna miss the little guy. (screen fades & freezes)
SG: (in foreground) Let's look back at all the fun we had with our special friend, Raymond.
(Melancholy background music plays. Screen title: "Raymond, A Special Friend". Still shots of:)
(Space Ghost, Zorak, and Raymond at Mt. Rushmore dressed up as tourists. Raymond's T-shirt says "I (heart) Apocalypse")
(Raymond and Moltar in a bathtub in the middle of a busy street)
(Space Ghost, Zorak, and Raymond in drag in front of a boarded up theatre)
(Space Ghost and Raymond flying kites with a tornado behind them)
(fade out)
SG: (sounding light-headed) I think I should see the nurse, Miss Steckler. (shouting) Moltar! Get me that pizza boy!
M&S: (waving) Hi, Dave! Hi, Dave!
SG: I'm not Dave. I'm Space Ghost! Who are you two?
MR: I am Mujibur, and this is Sirajul.
Sirajul Islam (SI): Hello, Space Ghost.
MR: Hmmm, Space Ghost, that's the name on our pizza. (points to pizza box labeled "To Space Ghost, Ghost Planet")
SG: That's my pizza!
SI: Thank you for the gift.
MR: Mmmm! Orange roughy!
M&S: (laugh uncontrollably)
(Credits roll)
SG: That's a good Jumbles. Feeling better now?
J: Yeah.

Michael Stipe
Mujibur Rahman
Sirajul Islam
Spike Feresten
Steve O'Donnell
Michael Cahill
(inverted) Tom Roche
Sonny Sharrock
Eddie Horst
Sonny Sharrock
Lance Carter
Eddie Horst
Alfrieda Gerald
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Dennis Mehiel
Brian Welch
C. Martin Croker
Chris Harmon
Roy Clements
Dennis Bassarab
Michael Reff
Tanya Bergan
Gus Jordan
Fred Seibert
Ken Chamberlain
Dave Farmer
Jeff Barron
Dave Dubiel
Worldwide Pants
Alex Toth
Matt Harrigan
Michael Cahill
Matthew Maiellaro
Keith Crofford
Michael Lazzo

© 1995 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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