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:WAITING

(In the Ghost Planet commissary)

Space Ghost (SG):

What day is this? ... My hood is squeezing me. It's hot in here! ... How many more shows do I have to do? ... [sip] Even God rested... Maybe we need to start repeating shows... Tell me a joke.

Moltar (M):

All right, this guy walks into -

Zorak (Z):

Heard it.

M:

Okay, uhhh... Bridge g-

Z:

Heard it.

M:

Okay. A guy walks... All right, wait... Okay... Okay... All right... Wait...

SG:

Heard any good haikus lately?

(Lights dim, oriental music in background)

M:

Smell the burning flesh.
Taste the tangy sulfur air.
Volcano season.

Z:

Mantis green and strong.
Deadly pincers, razor sharp. (sips coffee)
Waiting for his chance.

SG:

Ehhhh, floating asteroid,
Eh, need to buy some school supplies,
Ehh, you're soaking in it.

Z:

Go practice your monologue.

SG:

Har de har. I don't do a monologue, junior.

Z:

Ohhhh...

SG:

What?

Z:

Tonight you do. Haven't you read the script?

SG:

Yes, of course I read the script! I just don't remember... I'm under a lot of pressure, you know... I'm a workin' man, I don't have time for scripts! ... You know!

(Opening titles & jazzy theme music)

Announcer (A):

Hey! Live! The Space Ghost! Coast to Coast! Live! The Space Ghost! Hey! Coast to Coast! Live! Hey!

SG:

Good evening! I'm Space Ghost! On my show tonight, body slammer Hulk Hogan, and straight from the snake pit, Slash! Now, please say hello to my band, Zorak and The Original Way Outs!

(Zorak & the Way Outs play big finish)

SG:

(reading from a cue card held up by the guitarist; very badly read) Say Zorak, A.. funny thing.. happened.. to me.. on the way.. to the studio! Tonight! (laughs hysterically)

Z:

No it didn't.

SG:

(stops laughing)

Z:

(glares at Space Ghost)

SG:

Yes, Zorak, it did.

Z:

I was there. Nothing was funny.

SG:

(under his breath) Come on! Quit it!

Z:

I can't hear you!

SG:

I said, a funny thing happened to me.

Z:

No it di- (Space Ghost motions towards his power bands) - eheh!

SG:

Say! I just invisoed in from the coast, and boy are my arms tired!

Z:

.. eheh!

SG:

Yeah, buddy. They're tired. (coughs) Hey! You know what's crazy? I'll tell you! Politics! Those guys running around voting, making laws and stuff. I mean, who asked them? (laughs, then starts coughing) Hey, aren't... (more coughing) Phfwhew! Pollen!

Z:

Do tell us more comical-

SG:

Don't start with me, Zorak.

Z:

Do start?

SG:

You're playing with fire, greeny, so play me to the desk!

Z:

Uhh, I would prefer not to.

SG:

Uhh, excuse me?

Z:

That's the way it is. I ain't doin' it.

SG:

You're not a scrivener. You're a locust. So play me to the desk!

Z:

(plays Space Ghost to the desk with funeral pipe organ music)

(Monitor lowers with Hulk Hogan)

SG:

Greetings, Hulkster! Are you getting enough O2?

Hulk Hogan (HH):

oh, solisdael oll benagoltyl do panino..

SG:

Hulk? Are you with us?

HH:

Yeah! Me and that little bee!

SG:

Uh huh.

HH:

I know what it is!

SG:

Uhh, beg pardon?

HH:

Whoooohohhh!

SG:

... Ok.

HH:

(showing belt) The belt's there because, um, I didn't want any of those space aliens to steal it..

SG:

Moltar, I don't think the Hulkster's getting enough oxygen.

M:

(in control room) Umm, uh, where are we, page six?

HH:

Space Ghost...

SG:

Hang on, Hulkster, we're working on it!

HH:

Five miles of Cuban waters. Mark.

SG:

Moltar, hurry!

M:

Now what's the inflation on this exactly?

SG:

How we doing, Hulkster?

HH:

Does anyone really care what time it is?

SG:

Moltar! Moltar!

M:

All right, hang on, now what in the.. (pulls lever) there!

HH:

Space Ghost! The man with the beef!

SG:

(laughs) That's the big fella!

HH:

(salutes)

SG:

(to Moltar) Don't tell me it's ok if it's not ok!

M:

Wait!

HH:

Oh, beautiful, beautiful, ahhhhh...

M:

There.

SG:

How we doing, Hulkster?

HH:

I know now that I'm on Space Ghost's new show.

Z:

(still playing pipe organ music)

SG:

Alrighty. Hulk, you have an identifying theme that is cloaked in clandestine mystery! Care to divulge it?

HH:

Uh... well...

M:

(laughs)

HH:

(to Moltar) Whatcha gonna do, when Hulk Hogan comes to wrestle you?

M:

(clears his throat)

SG:

Come on! What's your secret identity?

HH:

My true identity is the leader of the pack.

SG:

In-a-gadda-da-vida, baby!

Z:

Yeah!

HH:

..

SG:

Don't you know that I'll always be true, yeah, in-a-gadda-da-vida, Zorak... You know, Hulkie, in some ways, you and Zorak are a lot alike!

HH:

No! He's got different colored skin! I'm tanned! I'm from California-

Z:

Melrose Place.

Space Ghost & Hulk Hogan (SG&HH):

(stare at Zorak)

Z:

My sister watches that show.

SG:

Uh huh.

HH:

And I'm the WCW heavyweight champion! That other guy's just a cartoon character!

SG:

Hey! What do you mean, 'just a cartoon character'?

Z:

Yeah, what's that supposed to mean?

SG:

Look, I paid my dues! I waited tables! I answered phones!

Z:

I polished silver for the queen.

SG:

I made coffee!

Z:

Nice lady.

SG:

I danced 'til dawn at studio 54!

Z:

Wow!

SG:

Me and Rubelle! Man, we could really... Hey! What do you think of Lassie, Hulk?

HH:

Well, I'm a, I'm a animal lover; I don't think I'd really wanna -

SG:

No, I wouldn't either.

HH:

- wrestle Lassie, I wish Lassie was my pet.

SG:

Me too... But Ted Turner won't let us have pets in the studio. Ever since Banjo... BANNNNJOOOOOOO!

Z:

Ted Turner? Who's that?

SG:

Ted owns us, Zorak; he can push us around. Even you, Hulk.

HH:

Well, I don't know...

SG:

What if Ted made you do Xeroxing all day? In an apron! Would you piledrive him?

HH:

He's-

SG:

You would, wouldn't ya? 'Cause you're a tough guy! You're Mr. Tough!

HH:

He's got pretty big arms the last time I saw him, because he's been working out with his wife, Jane Fonda.

Z:

I'm fond-a Fonda!

HH:

And she's a fitness expert!

Z:

Yesss. I'm fond-a Bridget. Fonda.

SG:

Be quiet, brown nose.

Z:

Hey! I don't have a nose!

HH:

Who's the most powerful man in the Turner organization?

Z:

Fonda.

HH:

Hulk Hogan, or Ted Turner?

SG:

Uhh... I would say Ted.... Ted... Then Space Ghost -

Z:

Feh.

SG:

- and then the Hulkster.

HH:

I'd love to see if I could body-slam that big dude.

SG:

Yep! (flexes muscles) I hear that!

HH:

(gives Space Ghost a nice biceps shot)

SG:

(returns biceps shots) Whoa daddy! .. Back atcha! .. Heyy bobbaroni!

(Sudden astounding head exchange between Space Ghost and the Hulkster)

HH:

uhhhhrrwewwweih.

SG:

wooooewwwwwieeh

:INTERRUPT FEED

:START FEED

M:

(to Space Ghost) Originally, they used to say, "Couples skate next - two girls may not skate together." And then like a couple years later they'd say, "Couples skate - two girls may not skate together. Two boys may not skate together." But they'd say it like, "Who'd've figured! Two boys may not skate together?!"

SG:

(short cough)

M:

Are we rolling?

SG:

How do you do! How do you do, ladies and gentleman! We're home! Later in the program, we'll be talking to a nice gentleman named Slash! Ow! Ow! I've thrown my back out! Worker's comp! Aahhh! (laughs) Had you going. Hey Hulk, do you know Slash's last name?

HH:

That's his whole name.

SG:

Dondi didn't have a last name either! Neither did Henry! He didn't even have a mouth!

Z:

There's.. Xuxa! mm?

SG:

That's right, Zorak. There's Xuxa.

Z:

What about her, eh? A word that has no S's that's full of 'em. Xuxa! Xuxa! Xuxa! Ohhhh, Xuxa! Xuxa! Xuxa! (keeps saying "Xuxa" in background)

SG:

(to Hulk) Will you come over and put the sleeper on Zorak?

HH:

I don't think any of us, anybody like you, or any of the little Space Ghost kids out there, all those fans of yours, should ever try any wrestlin' holds at home.

SG:

(imitating Hulk) Ohh! You should never put the, sleeper hold, on your boys and, your little girlfriends, and buhh. (normal voice) Ok, Hulk, whatever.

HH:

Well, it looks like you've been eating those space cheeseburgers; I'm looking at your waist, and that belly of yours is hanging out so far, I don't even think you can see your shoelaces when you tie your space tennis boots!

Z:

(laughs)

SG:

My laces are Velcro. (condescending) So tell us! What's new in the incredible world of Hulk?

HH:

A brand new TV series called "Thunder in Paradise," where I get to play an action-adventure hero on TV every week!

SG:

(sarcastic) An action-adventure hero! Woooooo! Why didn't I think of that? And you fight crime, right? That's original! Hey, do you beat up any bad guys? Maybe come to the rescue of a few distressed citizens?

HH:

Uhh...

SG:

Sure! Maybe even save the day while you're at it!

HH:

Well you know, dude-

SG:

Been there, done that, see ya! (turns off Hulk) Moltar, give him a copy of the home game! Please welcome my next guest, Slash!

Slash (S):

Yeah?

SG:

Okay.

S:

What's happenin'?

SG:

Well, I'm Space Ghost. I'm the host; you just answer my questions!

S:

Then you'd probably ask me a question I couldn't answer, I'd feel like a real idiot.

SG:

No, no no. Don't you worry your pretty little head about anything.

S:

Eh, okay. (laughs)

SG:

Are you ready?

S:

I think so.

SG:

Okay. Citizen Slash, welcome to the show! You're from earth, right?

S:

Yeah.

SG:

How many clouds does earth have?

S:

...

SG:

You know, son, if you were a paramedic people'd be dead already.

S:

Next question.

SG:

Citizen Longhair, when you're on tour, do you ever miss your mommy?

S:

I can't hear you.

SG:

Are you even listening to me?

S:

Yeah.

SG:

Hello?

S:

I'm here, I just said yeah!

SG:

Whatever. Whatever, son.

S:

(mumbling) Stupid answer to a stupid-

SG:

What?

S:

Never mind.

SG:

Where are your eyes?

S:

I can't do this, you guys; I knew this before we got here.

SG:

Wait! I saw one!

S:

Get me out of here, I'm just.. (laughs)

SG:

Sing us a zippy guitar riff with your mouth.

S:

No, no, just listen to the record, I have no intentions of doing any zippy guitar riffs with my mou-

SG:

Here, like this! Reeeeeerrrroohhh-

Z:

No, like this. Eeooorraaahhrarahhbeeerraahh-

M:

No, this. Daooo daooo dao dao daooo..

(General zippy guitar riff mayhem)

S:

I'm not gonna cooperate with you, I don't have to.

SG:

Oh, really?

S:

Uh uh.

SG:

You know what, Slash? We'll be right back. (flies off)

S:

Cool!

Z:

Yeah, Slash! But don't worry buddy, we'll be right back! (evil laugh)

S:

(alone) What a character. (laughs)

(Credits roll)

A:

Hey!
Hey!

S:

(alone in the studio) Hello?

(In the commissary, Space Ghost, Moltar and Zorak are sitting at a table)

Z:

See ya in a sec, Slash, baby. (all snicker)

© 1995 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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