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:WAITING

(In the commissary)

Zorak: (slurps coffee)

Moltar: (slurps soda through straw)

Space Ghost: (slurps coffee) Who's on the show tonight?

Zorak: It's your show, don't you know?

Space Ghost: Moltar, who's on the show?

Moltar: His name is Jonathan Richman.

Space Ghost: Hmmm, Jonathan Richman, Jonathan Richman...

Moltar: Uh, he used to be on "CHiPs".

Zorak: Oh, uh, he's a singer.

Space Ghost: I thought you said he was on "CHiPs".

Moltar: (sips soda) Well, yeah, he used to sing... on "CHiPs".

Zorak: Yes, a "CHiPs" singer. Very famous! Verrrry talented.

Space Ghost: I'm not familiar with his work, but he must be all the rage if he's on my show.

(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in to set) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost! My guest tonight, singer, songwriter, Jonathan Richman! Please, if you will, say "how do you do" to my band, Zorak and the Original Way Outs. (Way Outs play Space Ghost to the desk) Zorak, what songs did this guy sing for "CHiPs"?

Zorak: Um, uh, "Motorcycle Arresting Cops", uh, numbers 12 and 35, I think.

(Screen lowers with Jonathan)

Space Ghost: Alrighty! Greetings, Jonathan! Richman, right?

Jonathan Richman: It's, uh, it certainly is, yeah.

Space Ghost: Welcome to the show!

:INTERRUPT FEED

:START FEED

Jonathan Richman: Thank you.

Space Ghost: (taps cards) Uh, Moltar, what was that?

Moltar: Oh, uh, sorry. Uh, I was daydreaming.

Space Ghost: Jonathan, are you getting enough oxygen?

Jonathan Richman: So far, so good.

Space Ghost: Let's talk about your new album. And tell me about your striped shirts.

Jonathan Richman: That's a good question.

Space Ghost: (long pause) And that is your answer?...

Jonathan Richman: Yes.

Space Ghost: Okay! Who are your musical influences?

Jonathan Richman: I think, well, that was the first thing I thought of, but I think it's too late now. You know, remember that double question you asked the first time?

Space Ghost: I do!

Jonathan Richman: That confused me, so now I'm thinking differently.

Space Ghost: Hmmmm, uh, want me to do it again?

Jonathan Richman: No.

Space Ghost: You sure?

Jonathan Richman: Yeah, I liked it the first way.

Space Ghost: I don't mind.

Jonathan Richman: I do.

Space Ghost: Alright. Ahem! Who do think is a bad influence?

Jonathan Richman: You mean on me, or on the world in general?

Space Ghost: Either. Iither. Oh, let's call the whole thing off. (laughs)

Jonathan Richman: Well, see, I don't know if there's such a thing as a bad influence, I think... it's up to you.

Space Ghost: How about a bad influence on the world?

Jonathan Richman: Well, I don't know if there's a bad influence on them either. It's up to them.

Space Ghost: What about a bad influence on a proper diet?

Jonathan Richman: Yeah, but then, what's a proper diet?

Space Ghost: Yeah. Question 6, do you have any arch-enemies?

Jonathan Richman: No.

Space Ghost: Sure?

Jonathan Richman: Yeah, I thought about it.

Space Ghost: So, you are sure?

Jonathan Richman: (nods)

Space Ghost: Zorak and Moltar are my arch-enemies. Zorak's the green one over there.

Zorak: Hi.

Space Ghost: And Moltar directs the show.

Moltar: (reading "Ulysses") That's major.

Space Ghost: You're a musician, sing for us.

Jonathan Richman: (strums weird chord on guitar) But I gotta do it in the key of X. (strums strange chords and sings monotone)
Hey there, little insect,
Don't scare him so,
Don't land on him, buddy,
And bite him, though.

Hey there, little insect,
Please calm down,
So he can have fun,
And fool around.

(Big finish)

Zorak: That was good!

Jonathan Richman: And don't think I don't appreciate it, thank you.

Space Ghost: What do you think of keyboard players, aren't they repulsive?

Jonathan Richman: I admire keyboard players, 'cause I don't know how to do it myself.

Space Ghost: You could probably do it.

Jonathan Richman: Yeah, but "probably" isn't the same thing.

Space Ghost: (reading cue cards) If your... If "your"? (boy, here's some good punctuation!) If your were evil, what kind of evil would you get into? I'm just gonna read it as is, if you don't mind.

Jonathan Richman: Well, that's an excellent question. I think, uh, I'd get into something that tasted good. If something's gonna be evil, it might as well taste good.

Space Ghost: Okay then, let's see here... hmmm... Oh, what are your super-powers?

Jonathan Richman: Well, there's (strums strings below lower guitar bridge) Then, of course, there's (strum strings above upper bridge)

Space Ghost: That's a happy sound.

Jonathan Richman: But I only have two super-powers, though.

Space Ghost: Please tell me about your super-powers!

Jonathan Richman: I just did.

Space Ghost: Um, that's it?

Jonathan Richman: Yeah, that's all I can...

Space Ghost: Nothing else.

Jonathan Richman: Oh, I might, but it might be a secret.

Space Ghost: (flies out of his chair) You can't fly.

Jonathan Richman: No, sir.

Space Ghost: (returns to his chair, stretches and yawns) Moltar, is it time for a break yet?

Moltar: Uh, no.

Space Ghost: Come on, let's take a break!

Moltar: No.

Space Ghost: Come on!

Moltar: Uh, sorry, no.

Space Ghost: (sighs) (to himself) My brain is vaporizing. (normal voice) Hey, Zorak, why don't you do a song for everybody?

Zorak: Nah.

Space Ghost: You sure?

Zorak: No, thank you.

Space Ghost: Positive?

Zorak: Nah.

Space Ghost: You're messin' with me again, aren't you?

Zorak: Nnnope.

Space Ghost: Okay. (blasts him with destructo ray) This would be a gooood place for a break.

Moltar: Sorry.

Space Ghost: (sighs) Okay, then, let's see here... Jonathan, who is your favorite talk show host?

Jonathan Richman: What's a talk show host?

Space Ghost: Okay, that would preclude the follow-up question of least favorite.

Jonathan Richman: Yeah, it would.

Space Ghost: And second follow-up of why.

Jonathan Richman: Yeah, it would.

Space Ghost: Okay, then, let's see here... What is your...

:INTERRUPT FEED

:START FEED

Space Ghost: On the show tonight, the always exciting Jonathan Richman. Jonathan, do you get sick of people reading your mind without asking?

Jonathan Richman: No, sometimes I want to see if they can do it.

Space Ghost: (tries to read Jonathan's mind, with Morse code "CQ" repeating in background)

Jonathan Richman: I'm waiting.

Space Ghost: I've got it! Cheese!

Jonathan Richman: No.

Space Ghost: Tell me!

Jonathan Richman: Uh uh.

Space Ghost: Come on!

Jonathan Richman: Uh uh.

Space Ghost: Out with it!

Jonathan Richman: No.

Space Ghost: Yes!

Jonathan Richman: No.

Space Ghost: Right now! Um, where's Ellie?

Jonathan Richman: Boston.

Space Ghost: Okay. When you record, what do you like to eat?

Jonathan Richman: California health food.

Space Ghost: Like what?

Jonathan Richman: Carrot juice.

Space Ghost: Greasy hamburger?

Jonathan Richman: No, no, no, that's not it, try again.

Space Ghost: Chili con carne!

Jonathan Richman: No.

Space Ghost: Flan?

Jonathan Richman: No.

Space Ghost: Jonathan, play another song for us.

Jonathan Richman: (plays flamenco instrumental guitar)

Space Ghost: (while Jonathan plays) Moltar, is the show over yet?

Moltar: No.

Space Ghost: What do you say we end it here?

Moltar: No!

Jonathan Richman: (still playing) There's the summer wind part.

Space Ghost: Dan Fogelberg write that one for ya?

Jonathan Richman: No, I made it up.

Space Ghost: Really. You're, you're not jerking my chain, are you?

Jonathan Richman: Far from it.

Space Ghost: Do you use a tire-sa-, tyrannasaur-, t-, the-, tesaurus, the-, thesaurus?

Jonathan Richman: No.

Space Ghost: It all comes out of your head?

Jonathan Richman: Yeah, they just come to me.

Space Ghost: Just like that?

Jonathan Richman: Yeah, just like that.

Space Ghost: Do one!

Jonathan Richman: (sings and plays)
Well, there's a dumpster in front of my room,
And the neon sign doesn't work too well,
It hasn't worked so well since World War II,
It's another lonely night in a cheap motel.

Space Ghost: I'll bet you've slept a lot on couches.

Jonathan Richman: Many.

Space Ghost: Did you ever find money in the cushions?

Jonathan Richman: Once in a while.

Space Ghost: What do you do?

Jonathan Richman: Leave it there.

Space Ghost: No!

Jonathan Richman: Yeah, sure.

Space Ghost: You don't take it?

Jonathan Richman: No.

Space Ghost: Why not?

Jonathan Richman: It's not mine.

Space Ghost: It's found change.

Jonathan Richman: It's, uh, it certainly is, yeah.

Space Ghost: Okay. Ummm, have you ever been abducted by an alien craft?

Jonathan Richman: (pause) No.

Space Ghost: Um, wanna come fishing with us?

Jonathan Richman: Sure!

Space Ghost: Hmmm. Tell us a good fish story.

Jonathan Richman: Well, I was in Barcelona one time, and the people who put on the show, took us to this restaurant, right there on the beach. They gave us all these dishes with saffron rice, and all different kinds of fish. Tasted good.

Space Ghost: Um, let me ask you this. What do you do on your, um, trampoline?

Jonathan Richman: Only the most simple.

Space Ghost: Can you do a backwards flip?

Jonathan Richman: Front flip, but my front flip isn't too good, either.

Space Ghost: Do you like my mask?

Jonathan Richman: Very distinguished looking, I must say.

Space Ghost: Do you have any masks?

Jonathan Richman: I had one, I had a pig mask for a while.

Space Ghost: Are you hiding anything from us?

Jonathan Richman: Yes.

Space Ghost: What?

Jonathan Richman: Ha ha ha!

Space Ghost: Tell us! I command you!

Jonathan Richman: I accept your command.

Space Ghost: What's your secret identity?

Jonathan Richman: (talks to man off-camera)

Space Ghost: Hey, who is that you're talking to?

Jonathan Richman: Try someone else.

Space Ghost: Charlemagne.

Jonathan Richman: Charlemagne.

Space Ghost: Let's say it together... Charlemagne.

Jonathan Richman: (almost in unison) Charlemagne. Ah, timing problem!

Space Ghost: One, two, three, Charlemagne.

Jonathan Richman: Charle-, Charlemagne.

Space Ghost: (clears his throat) Just clearin' the pipes. Okay! Hmmm... Would you smack Bob Dylan around if you had to?

Jonathan Richman: No!

Space Ghost: He'd take you?

Jonathan Richman: Oh, I'm sure.

Space Ghost: He's only three feet tall!

Jonathan Richman: I see.

Space Ghost: Um, give me some advice on entertaining audiences.

Jonathan Richman: Have fun with them. Delight in them.

Space Ghost: Okay then. Let's see here... Oh, um, tell us something you've only said one time, like, "More leeches, please!"

Jonathan Richman: Lots of stuff.

Space Ghost: Uh... before you go, give us your words of wisdom.

Jonathan Richman: Clean up your room!

Space Ghost: Thanks!

Jonathan Richman: It's my pleasure.

Space Ghost: Visit again!

Jonathan Richman: That's very hospitable.

Space Ghost: I was in the hospital once...

(Credits roll)

Jonathan Richman: (big finish from first song)

Space Ghost: Wooo! Ow! That was sizzlin'!

Jonathan Richman: And don't think I don't appreciate it.

© 1996 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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