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:WAITING

(In the commissary)

Zorak (Z):

(slurps coffee)

Moltar (M):

(slurps soda through straw)

Space Ghost (SG):

(slurps coffee) Who's on the show tonight?

Z:

It's your show, don't you know?

SG:

Moltar, who's on the show?

M:

His name is Jonathan Richman.

SG:

Hmmm, Jonathan Richman, Jonathan Richman...

M:

Uh, he used to be on "CHiPs".

Z:

Oh, uh, he's a singer.

SG:

I thought you said he was on "CHiPs".

M:

(sips soda) Well, yeah, he used to sing... on "CHiPs".

Z:

Yes, a "CHiPs" singer. Very famous! Verrrry talented.

SG:

I'm not familiar with his work, but he must be all the rage if he's on my show.

(Opening theme & titles)

SG:

(invisos in to set) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost! My guest tonight, singer, songwriter, Jonathan Richman! Please, if you will, say "how do you do" to my band, Zorak and the Original Way Outs. (Way Outs play Space Ghost to the desk) Zorak, what songs did this guy sing for "CHiPs"?

Z:

Um, uh, "Motorcycle Arresting Cops", uh, numbers 12 and 35, I think.

(Screen lowers with Jonathan)

SG:

Alrighty! Greetings, Jonathan! Richman, right?

Jonathan Richman (JR):

It's, uh, it certainly is, yeah.

SG:

Welcome to the show!

:INTERRUPT FEED

:START FEED

JR:

Thank you.

SG:

(taps cards) Uh, Moltar, what was that?

M:

Oh, uh, sorry. Uh, I was daydreaming.

SG:

Jonathan, are you getting enough oxygen?

JR:

So far, so good.

SG:

Let's talk about your new album. And tell me about your striped shirts.

JR:

That's a good question.

SG:

(long pause) And that is your answer?...

JR:

Yes.

SG:

Okay! Who are your musical influences?

JR:

I think, well, that was the first thing I thought of, but I think it's too late now. You know, remember that double question you asked the first time?

SG:

I do!

JR:

That confused me, so now I'm thinking differently.

SG:

Hmmmm, uh, want me to do it again?

JR:

No.

SG:

You sure?

JR:

Yeah, I liked it the first way.

SG:

I don't mind.

JR:

I do.

SG:

Alright. Ahem! Who do think is a bad influence?

JR:

You mean on me, or on the world in general?

SG:

Either. Iither. Oh, let's call the whole thing off. (laughs)

JR:

Well, see, I don't know if there's such a thing as a bad influence, I think... it's up to you.

SG:

How about a bad influence on the world?

JR:

Well, I don't know if there's a bad influence on them either. It's up to them.

SG:

What about a bad influence on a proper diet?

JR:

Yeah, but then, what's a proper diet?

SG:

Yeah. Question 6, do you have any arch-enemies?

JR:

No.

SG:

Sure?

JR:

Yeah, I thought about it.

SG:

So, you are sure?

JR:

(nods)

SG:

Zorak and Moltar are my arch-enemies. Zorak's the green one over there.

Z:

Hi.

SG:

And Moltar directs the show.

M:

(reading "Ulysses") That's major.

SG:

You're a musician, sing for us.

JR:

(strums weird chord on guitar) But I gotta do it in the key of X. (strums strange chords and sings monotone)
Hey there, little insect,
Don't scare him so,
Don't land on him, buddy,
And bite him, though.

Hey there, little insect,
Please calm down,
So he can have fun,
And fool around.

(Big finish)

Z:

That was good!

JR:

And don't think I don't appreciate it, thank you.

SG:

What do you think of keyboard players, aren't they repulsive?

JR:

I admire keyboard players, 'cause I don't know how to do it myself.

SG:

You could probably do it.

JR:

Yeah, but "probably" isn't the same thing.

SG:

(reading cue cards) If your... If "your"? (boy, here's some good punctuation!) If your were evil, what kind of evil would you get into? I'm just gonna read it as is, if you don't mind.

JR:

Well, that's an excellent question. I think, uh, I'd get into something that tasted good. If something's gonna be evil, it might as well taste good.

SG:

Okay then, let's see here... hmmm... Oh, what are your super-powers?

JR:

Well, there's (strums strings below lower guitar bridge) Then, of course, there's (strum strings above upper bridge)

SG:

That's a happy sound.

JR:

But I only have two super-powers, though.

SG:

Please tell me about your super-powers!

JR:

I just did.

SG:

Um, that's it?

JR:

Yeah, that's all I can...

SG:

Nothing else.

JR:

Oh, I might, but it might be a secret.

SG:

(flies out of his chair) You can't fly.

JR:

No, sir.

SG:

(returns to his chair, stretches and yawns) Moltar, is it time for a break yet?

M:

Uh, no.

SG:

Come on, let's take a break!

M:

No.

SG:

Come on!

M:

Uh, sorry, no.

SG:

(sighs) (to himself) My brain is vaporizing. (normal voice) Hey, Zorak, why don't you do a song for everybody?

Z:

Nah.

SG:

You sure?

Z:

No, thank you.

SG:

Positive?

Z:

Nah.

SG:

You're messin' with me again, aren't you?

Z:

Nnnope.

SG:

Okay. (blasts him with destructo ray) This would be a gooood place for a break.

M:

Sorry.

SG:

(sighs) Okay, then, let's see here... Jonathan, who is your favorite talk show host?

JR:

What's a talk show host?

SG:

Okay, that would preclude the follow-up question of least favorite.

JR:

Yeah, it would.

SG:

And second follow-up of why.

JR:

Yeah, it would.

SG:

Okay, then, let's see here... What is your...

:INTERRUPT FEED

:START FEED

SG:

On the show tonight, the always exciting Jonathan Richman. Jonathan, do you get sick of people reading your mind without asking?

JR:

No, sometimes I want to see if they can do it.

SG:

(tries to read Jonathan's mind, with Morse code "CQ" repeating in background)

JR:

I'm waiting.

SG:

I've got it! Cheese!

JR:

No.

SG:

Tell me!

JR:

Uh uh.

SG:

Come on!

JR:

Uh uh.

SG:

Out with it!

JR:

No.

SG:

Yes!

JR:

No.

SG:

Right now! Um, where's Ellie?

JR:

Boston.

SG:

Okay. When you record, what do you like to eat?

JR:

California health food.

SG:

Like what?

JR:

Carrot juice.

SG:

Greasy hamburger?

JR:

No, no, no, that's not it, try again.

SG:

Chili con carne!

JR:

No.

SG:

Flan?

JR:

No.

SG:

Jonathan, play another song for us.

JR:

(plays flamenco instrumental guitar)

SG:

(while Jonathan plays) Moltar, is the show over yet?

M:

No.

SG:

What do you say we end it here?

M:

No!

JR:

(still playing) There's the summer wind part.

SG:

Dan Fogelberg write that one for ya?

JR:

No, I made it up.

SG:

Really. You're, you're not jerking my chain, are you?

JR:

Far from it.

SG:

Do you use a tire-sa-, tyrannasaur-, t-, the-, tesaurus, the-, thesaurus?

JR:

No.

SG:

It all comes out of your head?

JR:

Yeah, they just come to me.

SG:

Just like that?

JR:

Yeah, just like that.

SG:

Do one!

JR:

(sings and plays)
Well, there's a dumpster in front of my room,
And the neon sign doesn't work too well,
It hasn't worked so well since World War II,
It's another lonely night in a cheap motel.

SG:

I'll bet you've slept a lot on couches.

JR:

Many.

SG:

Did you ever find money in the cushions?

JR:

Once in a while.

SG:

What do you do?

JR:

Leave it there.

SG:

No!

JR:

Yeah, sure.

SG:

You don't take it?

JR:

No.

SG:

Why not?

JR:

It's not mine.

SG:

It's found change.

JR:

It's, uh, it certainly is, yeah.

SG:

Okay. Ummm, have you ever been abducted by an alien craft?

JR:

(pause) No.

SG:

Um, wanna come fishing with us?

JR:

Sure!

SG:

Hmmm. Tell us a good fish story.

JR:

Well, I was in Barcelona one time, and the people who put on the show, took us to this restaurant, right there on the beach. They gave us all these dishes with saffron rice, and all different kinds of fish. Tasted good.

SG:

Um, let me ask you this. What do you do on your, um, trampoline?

JR:

Only the most simple.

SG:

Can you do a backwards flip?

JR:

Front flip, but my front flip isn't too good, either.

SG:

Do you like my mask?

JR:

Very distinguished looking, I must say.

SG:

Do you have any masks?

JR:

I had one, I had a pig mask for a while.

SG:

Are you hiding anything from us?

JR:

Yes.

SG:

What?

JR:

Ha ha ha!

SG:

Tell us! I command you!

JR:

I accept your command.

SG:

What's your secret identity?

JR:

(talks to man off-camera)

SG:

Hey, who is that you're talking to?

JR:

Try someone else.

SG:

Charlemagne.

JR:

Charlemagne.

SG:

Let's say it together... Charlemagne.

JR:

(almost in unison) Charlemagne. Ah, timing problem!

SG:

One, two, three, Charlemagne.

JR:

Charle-, Charlemagne.

SG:

(clears his throat) Just clearin' the pipes. Okay! Hmmm... Would you smack Bob Dylan around if you had to?

JR:

No!

SG:

He'd take you?

JR:

Oh, I'm sure.

SG:

He's only three feet tall!

JR:

I see.

SG:

Um, give me some advice on entertaining audiences.

JR:

Have fun with them. Delight in them.

SG:

Okay then. Let's see here... Oh, um, tell us something you've only said one time, like, "More leeches, please!"

JR:

Lots of stuff.

SG:

Uh... before you go, give us your words of wisdom.

JR:

Clean up your room!

SG:

Thanks!

JR:

It's my pleasure.

SG:

Visit again!

JR:

That's very hospitable.

SG:

I was in the hospital once...

(Credits roll)

JR:

(big finish from first song)

SG:

Wooo! Ow! That was sizzlin'!

JR:

And don't think I don't appreciate it.

© 1996 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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