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Original Air Date:March 7, 1996
Guest Stars:Bill Nye, Michael Norman

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed


(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in to set) Greetings! It's me, Space Ghost! Please say hello to my band, Zorak and the Original Way Outs!

(Way Outs play Space Ghost to the desk)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) My first guest is both an author and an expert on the supernatural and hereafter! Ghost expert Michael Norman!

(Screen lowers with Michael)

Space Ghost: Greetings, Michael!

Michael Norman: Well, thanks, nice, nice being here, I think.

Space Ghost: You think!?

Michael Norman: I hope.

Space Ghost: You hope?

Michael Norman: I'm sure.

Space Ghost: You're sure... Okay, Michael Norman, what make you a ghost expert?

Michael Norman: I'm a ghost writer. Written books, "Haunted America", "Historic Haunted America", maybe you can help me write "Haunted Universe".

Space Ghost: I'm probably too busy with my show, but thank you for the offer.

Michael Norman: You can be my research assistant.

Space Ghost: Too busy, I said.

Michael Norman: Okay.

Space Ghost: Hey Mike, why don't you write a book about me?

Michael Norman: Absolutely, absolutely. Uh, we'll have a whole chapter, on, on, on, on space ghosts.

Space Ghost: I don't want a chapter, son, I want a book!

Michael Norman: Okay.

Space Ghost: You can call it "Portrait of Space Ghost as a Young Man". (laughs) Ahhh!

Michael Norman: I'm looking for, uh, a good research assistant, somebody who could, you know, help me, and identify those places in the universe that, uh, might have some ghost stories.

Space Ghost: Look, Mike, I'm not going to be your assistant. I host my own talk show!

Michael Norman: I'll give you credit, you know, in the bibliography, I'll even put you on the...

Space Ghost: Mike, tell the universe what you know about ghosts.

Michael Norman: The, uh, the ghosts of Halloween are nothing like ghosts in real life.

Space Ghost: You don't say!

Michael Norman: Ghosts exist in a, in a plane or in a time, uh, that is, when they lived, in other words, they don't exist on the same level, on the same plane that we do.

Space Ghost: Meaning ghosts are wiser and more sophisticated than certain other beings, of course.

Zorak: Geek!

Moltar: Loser!

Michael Norman: (laughs)

Space Ghost: So, uh... who are you again?

Michael Norman: Say the question again?

Space Ghost: So, you are...

Michael Norman: I'm Michael Norman...

Space Ghost: Okay, Michael Norman!

Michael Norman: (laughs)

Space Ghost: (laughs) Okay, Mr. Expert! Explain to the universe how it's okay that my existence defies all known laws of physics!

Michael Norman: I think you'd have to explain that to me, because you're the first ghost I've ever met.

Space Ghost: I'm the first ghost you've ever met? I thought you were the expert!

Michael Norman: I've not seen a ghost up until today, so, uh, I suppose this is my, my scariest encounter, but it's been very benign, and a very nice encounter, uh, if, if I might say so.

Space Ghost: Of course you may, Mr. Expert!

Michael Norman: How long have you been a ghost?

Space Ghost: Me? (pause) Oh, thirty-odd years, give or take.

Michael Norman: What caused you to be a ghost?

Space Ghost: Um... an accident.

Michael Norman: Oh. I'm sorry.

Space Ghost: Oh, that's okay. It was a long time ago, I'm much better... since, the accident (voice echoes)

Michael Norman: Uh, what kind of an accident?

Space Ghost: Oh, you know. Farming.

Michael Norman: A farming accident. What happened in the farming accident?

Space Ghost: Mmmm, we were farming, things got out of hand... it all happened so fast. It was horrible.

Michael Norman: Okay. Uh, and, and, and now...

Space Ghost: (emotionally distraught) I'm sorry... it's difficult for me... I'm, I'm sure you understand

Michael Norman: And somehow that caused you to be... to become a ghost.

Space Ghost: (normal voice) You know what? It was fishing.

Michael Norman: It was fishing.

Space Ghost: A fishing accident.

Michael Norman: You're not sure how you became a ghost, are you really a ghost, are you sort of making this up as you go along?

Zorak: (stifles a laugh)

Space Ghost: I... uhh... what, you think I'm lying?

Michael Norman: Do you require oxygen?

Space Ghost: Um... no.

Michael Norman: Well, then, I suppose you're not a living thing.

Space Ghost: Um... Oh! I mean, yes! I do! I do require oxygen!

Michael Norman: (sighs)

Space Ghost: Um, I mean, no I don't?



Moltar: (in control room, watching a horse rearing up) Wilburrr...

Michael Norman: What, what kind of, of plane are you on?

Space Ghost: Uhhhmmm...

Michael Norman: What kind of, of level are you...

Space Ghost: I'm sorry, I don't understand the...

Michael Norman: Are you in the same dimension that I'm in, or are you in a different dimension?

Space Ghost: Um, both.

Michael Norman: You're in both, how, how do you manage that?

Space Ghost: Uh, I'm sorry, I meant the first one.

Michael Norman: Okay.

Space Ghost: That's it, yup, the first one. (aside) Hey, Moltar, this guy is trouble, why did you book him?

Moltar: Eh, you booked him yourself!

Space Ghost: I did?

Moltar: Yeah, you wanted him to write a book about you.

Space Ghost: Oh yeah.

Zorak: You could always just blast him.

Space Ghost: Oh, now Zorak...

Zorak: Blast him! Blast him!

Space Ghost: Michael, why all the probing questions? I hope you're not planning one of those silly "tell all" books that will make me look bad and...

Michael Norman: Uh, when, when you're a ghost, do you, um, did you scare, I mean, are people scared when they meet you?

Zorak: Blast him!

Space Ghost: Who, me?

Zorak: Blast him!

Space Ghost: Who wants to know?

Zorak: Blast him!

Space Ghost: You?

Zorak: Blast him!

Space Ghost: Uh, what was the question again?

Zorak: Blast him! Blast him!

Space Ghost: Do you mind, Zorak? I'm trying to do an interview here!

Zorak: Blast him! Blast him! Blast him! Blast him! Blast him!

Space Ghost: Now, Zorak, violence is not the answer...

Zorak: Blast him! Blast him! Blast him! Blast him! Blblbl... Aiieeegg!! (Space Ghost blasts Zorak)

Space Ghost: Hey Mike, when Zorak dies, will he become a ghost?

Michael Norman: Well, is he a "praying" mantis, first of all?

Space Ghost: Sometimes.

Michael Norman: Okay. Well, if he's a praying mantis, then perhaps he has prepared himself for death.

Zorak: (crisped) Bring it on!

Space Ghost: He's in his own little world, Mike. Not like you and me. You and me, Mike. Nice guys! That's what we are. The same good stock.

Michael Norman: I would, I would want to know, uh, what it's like being a ghost.

Space Ghost: Uh, what is what like?

Michael Norman: Is it lonely?

Space Ghost: Actually, I'm the only ghost on Ghost Planet.

Michael Norman: Oh, okay.

Space Ghost: (I think...)

Michael Norman: Would you like to go searching for ghosts, in, in other parts of the universe?

Space Ghost: Oh, I've tried, I've tried.

Michael Norman: Uh, how, how would you do that? Would you, uh, uh, advertise somehow, or talk to your friends?

Space Ghost: Well, I would probably take out an ad in the paper. (clears throat) "SMSG, 30, clean-shaven, seeks a like-minded SFSG who enjoys long walks underwater, Mexican fiestas, drives through hyperspace, and quiet evenings at home."

Michael Norman: Hmmm...

Space Ghost: And if that didn't work, I'd still have my sleek Phantom Cruiser.

Michael Norman: Okay, alright. And, and, how, how, how would the, the cruiser help? They would see that, and know that you're driving it, and then...

Space Ghost: And then they would associate me with the cool ride!

Michael Norman: So there are ghost babes out there?

Space Ghost: (laughs) Sure! For the pickin'. Beefy guy like me!

Michael Norman: Well, thirty years, when you're very masculine, you know, if you haven't found a space babe, can be, uh, can be a tough time.

Space Ghost: Well, I have my talk show, y'know. My hobbies.

Michael Norman: What does a ghost do to pass his time in, in the universe?

Space Ghost: Oh, not much. You know, interview people...

Michael Norman: Interview people, and so forth...

Space Ghost: Yeah, and interview people.

Michael Norman: You still consider yourself male, or...

Space Ghost: Or what?

Zorak: (laughs)

Space Ghost: Or what!?

Moltar: (laughs)

Space Ghost: Or what!?

Michael Norman: (laughs)

Space Ghost: Okay, Michael Norman, what's so funny?

Michael Norman: I'm sorry.

Space Ghost: Tell me what you said.

Michael Norman: Well, you said you were masculine, very masculine, so I'm sure thirty years has been a long time, I'm sure.

Space Ghost: Look, Mr. Expert, I don't need you comin' on my show and makin' me feel stupid! I get enough of that from my staff!

Zorak: Yeah! That's our job!

Moltar: Yeah, back off!

Michael Norman: I'm not scared of you.

Space Ghost: You're not, eh? Well, maybe this will scare you, Mr. Expert! Boo! Booooo!! Woooooooo!! (blasts Michael off screen)

Zorak: Alright!

Space Ghost: Moltar, find me another expert! One that likes me this time, okay?

Moltar: (throws lever four times, showing a blond-haired woman, a Bill Clinton impersonator, a long-haired youth, and finally, Bill Nye) I, uh, please welcome your next guest, science guy Bill Nye.

Space Ghost: Okay, please welcome my next guest, science guy Bill Nye.

Bill Nye: It's great to be here.

Space Ghost: It's great to have you here.

Bill Nye: Yeah!

Space Ghost: Yeah!

Bill Nye: Oh yeah. (takes a deep breath) Yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: Science guy, I'd like for you to explain to our young viewers why they should believe in ghosts...

Bill Nye: Okay...

Space Ghost: ... and that it's okay that I'm able to transcend all laws of physics, and appear on television.

Bill Nye: You must be part of science that we don't understand yet, that's what I figure...

Space Ghost: (with red flashing "AUDIO SCRATCH TRACK" at top of screen, counters at bottom of screen, and Bill Clinton voice) You hear that, Zorak? Keep talkin', Bill.

Bill Nye: You're from stuff that's too complicated for us at our level, right now, to get.

Space Ghost: You know what, Bill? Perhaps I am. (smile sparkles)

(Credits roll)

Space Ghost: (laughs) Ahhh...

Michael Norman
Bill Nye
Matt Harrigan
Dave Willis
Bill Wilner
(inverted) Tom Roche
Sonny Sharrock
Eddie Horst
Sonny Sharrock
Lance Carter
Eddie Horst
Alfrieda Gerald
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Bill Wilner
C. Martin Croker
Roy Clements
Kaili Rubin
Gus Jordan
Robin Agranoff
John Kukla
Tim Roche
Alex Toth
Dave Willis
Matt Harrigan
Keith Crofford
Michael Lazzo

© 1996 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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