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Original Air Date:March 7, 1996
Guest Stars:Bill Nye, Michael Norman

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed

(Opening theme & titles)
Space Ghost (SG): (invisos in to set) Greetings! It's me, Space Ghost! Please say hello to my band, Zorak and the Original Way Outs!
(Way Outs play Space Ghost to the desk)
SG: (invisos to desk) My first guest is both an author and an expert on the supernatural and hereafter! Ghost expert Michael Norman!
(Screen lowers with Michael)
SG: Greetings, Michael!
Michael Norman (MN): Well, thanks, nice, nice being here, I think.
SG: You think!?
MN: I hope.
SG: You hope?
MN: I'm sure.
SG: You're sure... Okay, Michael Norman, what make you a ghost expert?
MN: I'm a ghost writer. Written books, "Haunted America", "Historic Haunted America", maybe you can help me write "Haunted Universe".
SG: I'm probably too busy with my show, but thank you for the offer.
MN: You can be my research assistant.
SG: Too busy, I said.
MN: Okay.
SG: Hey Mike, why don't you write a book about me?
MN: Absolutely, absolutely. Uh, we'll have a whole chapter, on, on, on, on space ghosts.
SG: I don't want a chapter, son, I want a book!
MN: Okay.
SG: You can call it "Portrait of Space Ghost as a Young Man". (laughs) Ahhh!
MN: I'm looking for, uh, a good research assistant, somebody who could, you know, help me, and identify those places in the universe that, uh, might have some ghost stories.
SG: Look, Mike, I'm not going to be your assistant. I host my own talk show!
MN: I'll give you credit, you know, in the bibliography, I'll even put you on the...
SG: Mike, tell the universe what you know about ghosts.
MN: The, uh, the ghosts of Halloween are nothing like ghosts in real life.
SG: You don't say!
MN: Ghosts exist in a, in a plane or in a time, uh, that is, when they lived, in other words, they don't exist on the same level, on the same plane that we do.
SG: Meaning ghosts are wiser and more sophisticated than certain other beings, of course.
Zorak (Z): Geek!
Moltar (M): Loser!
MN: (laughs)
SG: So, uh... who are you again?
MN: Say the question again?
SG: So, you are...
MN: I'm Michael Norman...
SG: Okay, Michael Norman!
MN: (laughs)
SG: (laughs) Okay, Mr. Expert! Explain to the universe how it's okay that my existence defies all known laws of physics!
MN: I think you'd have to explain that to me, because you're the first ghost I've ever met.
SG: I'm the first ghost you've ever met? I thought you were the expert!
MN: I've not seen a ghost up until today, so, uh, I suppose this is my, my scariest encounter, but it's been very benign, and a very nice encounter, uh, if, if I might say so.
SG: Of course you may, Mr. Expert!
MN: How long have you been a ghost?
SG: Me? (pause) Oh, thirty-odd years, give or take.
MN: What caused you to be a ghost?
SG: Um... an accident.
MN: Oh. I'm sorry.
SG: Oh, that's okay. It was a long time ago, I'm much better... since, the accident (voice echoes)
MN: Uh, what kind of an accident?
SG: Oh, you know. Farming.
MN: A farming accident. What happened in the farming accident?
SG: Mmmm, we were farming, things got out of hand... it all happened so fast. It was horrible.
MN: Okay. Uh, and, and, and now...
SG: (emotionally distraught) I'm sorry... it's difficult for me... I'm, I'm sure you understand
MN: And somehow that caused you to be... to become a ghost.
SG: (normal voice) You know what? It was fishing.
MN: It was fishing.
SG: A fishing accident.
MN: You're not sure how you became a ghost, are you really a ghost, are you sort of making this up as you go along?
Z: (stifles a laugh)
SG: I... uhh... what, you think I'm lying?
MN: Do you require oxygen?
SG: Um... no.
MN: Well, then, I suppose you're not a living thing.
SG: Um... Oh! I mean, yes! I do! I do require oxygen!
MN: (sighs)
SG: Um, I mean, no I don't?
M: (in control room, watching a horse rearing up) Wilburrr...
MN: What, what kind of, of plane are you on?
SG: Uhhhmmm...
MN: What kind of, of level are you...
SG: I'm sorry, I don't understand the...
MN: Are you in the same dimension that I'm in, or are you in a different dimension?
SG: Um, both.
MN: You're in both, how, how do you manage that?
SG: Uh, I'm sorry, I meant the first one.
MN: Okay.
SG: That's it, yup, the first one. (aside) Hey, Moltar, this guy is trouble, why did you book him?
M: Eh, you booked him yourself!
SG: I did?
M: Yeah, you wanted him to write a book about you.
SG: Oh yeah.
Z: You could always just blast him.
SG: Oh, now Zorak...
Z: Blast him! Blast him!
SG: Michael, why all the probing questions? I hope you're not planning one of those silly "tell all" books that will make me look bad and...
MN: Uh, when, when you're a ghost, do you, um, did you scare, I mean, are people scared when they meet you?
Z: Blast him!
SG: Who, me?
Z: Blast him!
SG: Who wants to know?
Z: Blast him!
SG: You?
Z: Blast him!
SG: Uh, what was the question again?
Z: Blast him! Blast him!
SG: Do you mind, Zorak? I'm trying to do an interview here!
Z: Blast him! Blast him! Blast him! Blast him! Blast him!
SG: Now, Zorak, violence is not the answer...
Z: Blast him! Blast him! Blast him! Blast him! Blblbl... Aiieeegg!! (Space Ghost blasts Zorak)
SG: Hey Mike, when Zorak dies, will he become a ghost?
MN: Well, is he a "praying" mantis, first of all?
SG: Sometimes.
MN: Okay. Well, if he's a praying mantis, then perhaps he has prepared himself for death.
Z: (crisped) Bring it on!
SG: He's in his own little world, Mike. Not like you and me. You and me, Mike. Nice guys! That's what we are. The same good stock.
MN: I would, I would want to know, uh, what it's like being a ghost.
SG: Uh, what is what like?
MN: Is it lonely?
SG: Actually, I'm the only ghost on Ghost Planet.
MN: Oh, okay.
SG: (I think...)
MN: Would you like to go searching for ghosts, in, in other parts of the universe?
SG: Oh, I've tried, I've tried.
MN: Uh, how, how would you do that? Would you, uh, uh, advertise somehow, or talk to your friends?
SG: Well, I would probably take out an ad in the paper. (clears throat) "SMSG, 30, clean-shaven, seeks a like-minded SFSG who enjoys long walks underwater, Mexican fiestas, drives through hyperspace, and quiet evenings at home."
MN: Hmmm...
SG: And if that didn't work, I'd still have my sleek Phantom Cruiser.
MN: Okay, alright. And, and, how, how, how would the, the cruiser help? They would see that, and know that you're driving it, and then...
SG: And then they would associate me with the cool ride!
MN: So there are ghost babes out there?
SG: (laughs) Sure! For the pickin'. Beefy guy like me!
MN: Well, thirty years, when you're very masculine, you know, if you haven't found a space babe, can be, uh, can be a tough time.
SG: Well, I have my talk show, y'know. My hobbies.
MN: What does a ghost do to pass his time in, in the universe?
SG: Oh, not much. You know, interview people...
MN: Interview people, and so forth...
SG: Yeah, and interview people.
MN: You still consider yourself male, or...
SG: Or what?
Z: (laughs)
SG: Or what!?
M: (laughs)
SG: Or what!?
MN: (laughs)
SG: Okay, Michael Norman, what's so funny?
MN: I'm sorry.
SG: Tell me what you said.
MN: Well, you said you were masculine, very masculine, so I'm sure thirty years has been a long time, I'm sure.
SG: Look, Mr. Expert, I don't need you comin' on my show and makin' me feel stupid! I get enough of that from my staff!
Z: Yeah! That's our job!
M: Yeah, back off!
MN: I'm not scared of you.
SG: You're not, eh? Well, maybe this will scare you, Mr. Expert! Boo! Booooo!! Woooooooo!! (blasts Michael off screen)
Z: Alright!
SG: Moltar, find me another expert! One that likes me this time, okay?
M: (throws lever four times, showing a blond-haired woman, a Bill Clinton impersonator, a long-haired youth, and finally, Bill Nye) I, uh, please welcome your next guest, science guy Bill Nye.
SG: Okay, please welcome my next guest, science guy Bill Nye.
Bill Nye (BN): It's great to be here.
SG: It's great to have you here.
BN: Yeah!
SG: Yeah!
BN: Oh yeah. (takes a deep breath) Yeah, yeah.
SG: Science guy, I'd like for you to explain to our young viewers why they should believe in ghosts...
BN: Okay...
SG: ... and that it's okay that I'm able to transcend all laws of physics, and appear on television.
BN: You must be part of science that we don't understand yet, that's what I figure...
SG: (with red flashing "AUDIO SCRATCH TRACK" at top of screen, counters at bottom of screen, and Bill Clinton voice) You hear that, Zorak? Keep talkin', Bill.
BN: You're from stuff that's too complicated for us at our level, right now, to get.
SG: You know what, Bill? Perhaps I am. (smile sparkles)
(Credits roll)
SG: (laughs) Ahhh...

Michael Norman
Bill Nye
Matt Harrigan
Dave Willis
Bill Wilner
(inverted) Tom Roche
Sonny Sharrock
Eddie Horst
Sonny Sharrock
Lance Carter
Eddie Horst
Alfrieda Gerald
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Bill Wilner
C. Martin Croker
Roy Clements
Kaili Rubin
Gus Jordan
Robin Agranoff
John Kukla
Tim Roche
Alex Toth
Dave Willis
Matt Harrigan
Keith Crofford
Michael Lazzo

© 1996 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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