Home | Ghost Planet Central | Episode Guide | Previous | Next

Original Air Date:June 4, 1996
Guest Stars:Susan Olsen, Elvira
Synopsis:You'll need a scorecard to keep track of who's who when Space Ghost's evil twin brother Chad tries to take over the show! In between coup attempts, Space Ghost and Chad interview special guests Thuthan... Susan Olsen and Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.

(Synopsis by Lance Slacksless)

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed

Space Ghost:It seems that every time I use the men's room around here, there's no toilet tissue. Is it too much to ask that when you people use up the toilet tissue, you replace it? Is that so hard? It's not brain surgery, y'know.
Zorak:Don't look at me! I don't use the men's room! I use the little mantis's room, down the hall.
Moltar:I don't go to the bathroom.
Space Ghost:Get out! Everyone goes to the bathroom! Even Audrey Hepburn went to the bathroom!
Moltar:Well, I don't! My metabolism naturally processes all my body waste. No muss, no fuss.
Space Ghost:That's disgusting.
Moltar:Aaaah, you're just jealous.
(Opening theme & titles)
Space Ghost:(invisos in to set) Greetings, citizens! I'm Space Ghost! Joining us tonight, little miss Cindy Brady herself, Susan Olsen! And, that scary Halloween schtickster girl, Elvira.
Zorak:Yeah, yeah, get on with it! Space Ghost glares at Zorak and invisos over to desk.
(Space Ghost glares at Zorak and invisos over to desk)
Space Ghost:My first guest is that adorable little Brady moppet, the youngest one in curls, Susan Olsen.
(Monitor lowers with Susan)
Susan Olsen:Yes!
Space Ghost:Hey there, Susan.
Susan Olsen:Hello.
Space Ghost:"Susan, Susan, bo-busan, banana-fana-fo-fusan, me-mi-mo-musan..." (clears throat) hee hee hee... Susan, welcome to my show! How are you today?
Susan Olsen:I'm fine, how are you?
Space Ghost:De-lightful! I'm a big fan of you Brady kids. I have all your albums!
Zorak:It's true! I scratched them all myself!
Space Ghost:Susan, does it terrify you to be on a talk show with a host as mighty as me?
Susan Olsen:Ummm, well, no, because I actually hadn't heard of this show...
Space Ghost:Oh, I see.
Zorak:(evil laugh)
Space Ghost:Well...
Susan Olsen:(laughs)
Space Ghost:Susan, has being a Brady ever held you back? You know, professionally?
Susan Olsen:It was very difficult to get acting roles afterwards, because, y'know, I got very typecast...
Space Ghost:(laughs) Typecast, huh? (lisping) Hey, thay thomething "Thindy" to the audienthe, Thuthan.
Susan Olsen:(lisping) Theven thilver thwans twam thilently theaward.
Zorak:(lisping) Thacre bleu! I'm gonna be thick!
Chad Ghostal:(over PA system) Attention! Attention! Would the owner of a yellow Phantom Cruiser, license plate "S GHOST 1", please return to your ship, you're parked in an illegal towing zone.
Zorak:That's you, stupid!
Space Ghost:Mmmmm? Oh... (mutters) Hold the fort, guys, I'll be right back. (he flies off) ("whoosh!")
Zorak:Hi, Susan!
Susan Olsen:Hello!
Zorak:Look, every time I move my arm, it costs the Cartoon Network forty-two bucks! (evil laugh) Look, look! (moves his arm back and forth repeatedly) 42, 84, 126, ...
(Chad impersonates Space Ghost, looking identical except for his voice, a mustache and goatee)
Chad Ghostal:(bounds in to desk) Sorry to keep you waiting, but here I am, Spaaace Ghooost!
Zorak:(stares in shock)
Moltar:How's the car?
Chad Ghostal:What's it to ya, volcano breath?
Chad Ghostal:Alrighty! Now, what do we have here? Hmmm... So, you're one of those Brady kids, right?
Susan Olsen:(puzzled) Uhhh...
Chad Ghostal:Hmmm, you're not too bad looking. You must be the older, hotsy totsy one.
Susan Olsen:Say what? (laughs)
Chad Ghostal:Marsha, right? Oops, I meant Cindy! Crazy me! (laughs)
Susan Olsen:They, they, they always confuse us. (laughs)
Chad Ghostal:Yeah, sure they do. Maybe at the eye clinic, babe. You're the one who wore those bizarre little curls. How do you pull off a hair style like that anyway? Electroshock?
Susan Olsen:Yeah, yeah, and of course, I had to sleep with nine curlers on either side of my head every night, so I learned to sleep on my back.
Chad Ghostal:(yawns in boredom)
Susan Olsen:It was painful.
Chad Ghostal:Well, maybe you deserved it. Ever think of that?
Susan Olsen:Well, now, wait a minute...
Chad Ghostal:Hey, are you related to those Olsen twins?
Susan Olsen:Um, no...
Chad Ghostal:Because they're really freaky, y'know? They look like those awful troll dolls. I couldn't... (his communicator starts beeping) Oops, be right back (he flies off) ("whoosh!")
Space Ghost:(bounds back to his desk) Hi, Susan, sorry that took so long.
Susan Olsen:(amused) Uh huh...
Zorak:Eh... uh... Ah, skip it.
Space Ghost:So, Susan, I was wondering, how's that Melvin the meat guy doing?
Susan Olsen:Um, well I think you're referring to Sam the butcher...
Space Ghost:Whatever, meat's meat. Do you think you could get me a good beef deal with him? A manly physique like mine requires a lot of sirloin!
Susan Olsen:Oh boy, well, y'know, he's not in business anymore, he, y'know, since he went to rehab and, I, I think he's in jail.
Space Ghost:Egad! Well, that's the free marketplace for you.
Zorak:Get a grip, Space Ghost! It was a TV show! Sam the butcher wasn't real!
Susan Olsen:This is true! (laughs)
Space Ghost:Oh, just a TV show, eh? Not real, eh? Well, what does that make you, Mr. Doubting Mantis?
Zorak:Well, y'know, um, uh... aargh.. so sue me.
Space Ghost:(sniff sniff) I smell popcorn. Does anyone else smell popcorn?
(Monitor shows zoomed in picture of an eyeball, everybody screams)
Space Ghost:Aaagh! Get it off, get it off, get it off! (he blasts it with his destructo ray) Moltar, what in the wide world of extreme sports was that?
Moltar:Heck if I know! Weird!
(Phone starts ringing; everyone looks at each other.)
Moltar:(finally answers it after 7 rings) Hey, Space Ghost! Phone!
Space Ghost:Take a message.
Moltar:It's TV's Bonnie Franklin!
Space Ghost:TV's Bonnie Franklin?
Moltar:I think she's got a part for you.
Space Ghost:Really? Susan, don't move a muscle, I'll be right back! (he flies off) ("whoosh!")
Chad Ghostal:(invisos in to desk)
Zorak:What did TV's Bonnie Franklin have to say?
Chad Ghostal:Oh, well, none of your bee's wax. (looks at Susan) What's she still doing here? Who's next? (looks at his card) Whoa, mama! Moltar! Next guest!
Moltar:But, uh...
Chad Ghostal:Give me that walking, talking, hubba-hubba-looking dead chick, now!
Moltar:Oh, you mean Elvira!
Chad Ghostal:Of course I mean Elvira! What'cha got, rocks in your head?
Moltar:Well, actually...
Chad Ghostal:Shut up and give me Elvira.
Moltar:Yeah, yeah, yeah. (throws switch, sending her to the studio monitor)
Chad Ghostal:Heyyyy, baby, thanks for coming on my show!
Elvira:Hey, Space Ghost, thank you for having me... so to speak.
Chad Ghostal:Are you getting enough oxygen in there?
Elvira:(laughs) What, in my dress, or in this room?
Chad Ghostal:She's saucy! So, what have you been doin' with yourself, ya little minx?
Elvira:Well, gotta lot of things goin'...
Chad Ghostal:Really!
Elvira:Trying to get a new movie going.
Chad Ghostal:Mmm hmm, cinema, good!
Elvira:Uh, "Elvira vs. The Vampire Women".
Chad Ghostal:(makes "cat growl" sound)
Elvira:Working on a new book series, for young adults.
Chad Ghostal:You go, little vampire girl. I hope you've got a plush, satin-lined coffin, for all the beauty sleep you must take.
Elvira:Um, actually, I don't sleep in a coffin, I find a bed much more comfortable.
Zorak:Hey, Space Ghost! (while Chad is talking) Space Ghost! Space Ghost!
Chad Ghostal:(ignores Zorak) So do I. To me, beds are like graves, sweetie pie! 'Cause I dig 'em both!
Zorak:Space Ghost!
Chad Ghostal:What!?
Zorak:Eh... are you feeling alright, Space Ghost? Not that I care, it's just that there's, something different about you tonight. I can't quite put my pincer on it...
Chad Ghostal:(with a handlebar mustache and curlier beard now) Different? How so?
Zorak:You're a little more... uh... rico suave all of a sudden.
Chad Ghostal:(now sporting yet a different mustache and beard) (smiles, with bullfight music in background; his communicator beeps again) Oops! I'll be right back, gorgeous! And we'll get down to it!
Elvira:Ooooo, sounds interesting!
Chad Ghostal:(flies off) ("whoosh!")
Space Ghost:(bounds back in) Stupid prank call. Rotten kids!
Elvira:(smiles at him)
Space Ghost:Aaaagh! A vampire!
Moltar:It's not a vampire, Space Ghost, it's Elvira!
Space Ghost:(in low voice) What's she doing here? Where's Susan?
Moltar:You told me to get rid of her!
Space Ghost:I did not! Moltar, you get the scary hoochie-coochie girl off my monitor and get me Susan!
Moltar:Yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda... (throws switch, sends Elvira away and brings Susan back)
Space Ghost:So Susan, did you know I was on TV in the seventies too?
Susan Olsen:That's funny, 'cause...
(Doorbell rings, three times)
Offcamera Voice:Trick or treat!
Space Ghost:Just a minute! I'll be right back, Susie. (invisos out)
Chad Ghostal:(bounds back in)
Chad Ghostal:What's the matter, Zorak? You're acting like you've just seen a ghost! (laughs) Moltar, Elvira!
Chad Ghostal:I said Elvira! Now, now, now! (pounds fist)
Moltar:Ehh, here we go again!
Chad Ghostal:Nothin' personal, sister, you're a Mary Ann, and I need a Ginger!
Susan Olsen:Um, ...
Moltar:(throws switch again, sending Susan away again and bringing Elvira back)
Chad Ghostal:Hey, baby, have you ever.. dated a ghost?
Elvira:Well, uh, in my.. wildest dreams, I have.
Chad Ghostal:Well then how's about steppin' out with a ghost, like me?
Elvira:Would I go out with a ghost like you? Ask me again.
Chad Ghostal:(scoots closer) How about you and me cause some trouble tonight, hmmm, dark lady?
Elvira:Oh, excellent!
Zorak:Aaugh, thanks for that image!
Chad Ghostal:So, after the show?
Elvira:Sounds good to me!
Chad Ghostal:Just you and me, alone, in the cold dead emptiness... of space (dance music starts in background) (Chad and Elvira wink & blink at each other)
Space Ghost:(bounds back in, while Chad is still there)
Chad Ghostal:Ugh!
Space Ghost:Aaagh!
Moltar:(gibbers) What!
Space Ghost:What in the name of Jumanji is going on here? Who's this?
Chad Ghostal:Well, I'm Space Ghost, baby.
Space Ghost:Space Ghost baby? I'm Space Ghost!
Chad Ghostal:I am!
Space Ghost:I am!
Chad Ghostal:Me!
Space Ghost:Me!
Chad Ghostal:Me!
Space Ghost:Me!
Chad Ghostal:Me me me me me me...
Space Ghost:Me me me me me me... (in unison)
Chad Ghostal:Alright, I'll admit it! I'm not Space Ghost!
Space Ghost:You're not?
Chad Ghostal:No, I'm really... (dramatic sting music) Chad Ghostal, Tad's previously unseen evil twin escaped lunatic brother!
Space Ghost:Chad! What are you doing here?
Chad Ghostal:Well, I believe the TV Guide calls it a guest shot.
Space Ghost:No no no, I mean, what do you want?
Chad Ghostal:The usual. Pain, suffering, misery...
Space Ghost:But why, Chad? Why?
Chad Ghostal:It's how I get my kicks, Tad-ikins. 'Cause I'm Chad Ghostal, Evil Twin. Right, baby? (cat growl)
Chad Ghostal:Brace yourself for a sound butt-kicking, Tad. In 3D, and sensurround.
Space Ghost:Ha! Don't bet on it, Chad!
Zorak:Hey, Moltar! Fifty bucks on the evil twin! (Holds up sign saying "ROUND 1")
(Fight bell rings, and crowd noise begins. Tad and Chad faces off, then phone rings)
Moltar:Uh, guys, its... it's your mother.
Space Ghost:Mother?! (gasp)
Chad Ghostal:Mother?! (gasp)
Mom Ghostal:Tad! Chad! I want you both to stop this nonsense this minute! You hear me?
Space Ghost:He started it!
Chad Ghostal:Did not!
Space Ghost:Did too!
Mom Ghostal:Shut up, the both of you! Now Chad, I've spoken to you before about you trying to kill your brother, haven't I? Now you two stop fighting and be good, okay?
Chad Ghostal:Okay, love you, Mom, Mommy, please forgive me, I'm sorry, Mommy.
Space Ghost:Sorry, Mom, love you Mom.
Mom Ghostal:Well, I gotta go, my story's on. Bye bye, sugars!
Space Ghost:Bye, Mommy!
Chad Ghostal:Bye, Mommy! (phone hangs up) Well, Tad, it's been real! Real stupid! Hey Elvira, you rocket from the crypt, you! I am outta here!
Elvira:Alright! So am I! (laughs)
Chad Ghostal:See you in the green room, in five!
Elvira:Unpleasant dreams!
Chad Ghostal:(flies off) ("whoosh!")
Space Ghost:(invisos to desk) Well, you know what they say. (laughs) Any show you can walk away from is a good one.
Lokar:(bounds in, looking exactly like Space Ghost but smaller) Spaaaace Ghoooost! Ah!
Zorak:Oh, brother!
Space Ghost:(sighs) What is it now, Chad?
Lokar:Excuse me, I am Space Ghost, you duplicitous imposter! Beloved television r-r-r-raconteur and intergalactic do-gooder!
Zorak:(sighs) Give it up, Lokar, it's been done, to death!
Lokar:Ehh, Lokar? But I am Space Ghost!
Space Ghost:No, I'm Space Ghost!
Lokar:Alas and alack, I am scuttled! You've found me out! (pulls his mask off) You big lumpy lump!
Space Ghost:(blasts him with destructo ray)
(Credits roll)
Elvira:(laughs) Okay!

Susan Olsen
Evan Dorkin
Sarah Dyer
Eric Santacroce
Jay Edwards
(inverted) Tom Roche
Sonny Sharrock
Eddie Horst
Sonny Sharrock
Lance Carter
Eddie Horst
Alfrieda Gerald
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Brad Abelle
Mabel Isler
Andy Merrill
Joseph Dursun
C. Martin Croker
Roy Clements
Kaili Rubin
Gus Jordan
Isabel Gonzalez
Bill Chapman
Butch Seibert
Dave Sillman
Oliver Nichols
Harriet Lazzo
Sharon Willis
Mary Harrigan
Frances Crofford
(inverted) Mary Anna Roche
Phyllis McEwen
Alex Toth
Dave Willis
Matt Harrigan
Keith Crofford
Michael Lazzo

© 1996 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

Home | Ghost Planet Central | Episode Guide | Previous | Next