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Title:Glen Campbell
Original Air Date:October 8, 1996
Guest Star:Matt Groening
Synopsis:Glen Campbell never shows up. I kept waiting and waiting. And what's more, Moltar left. So then there was no Glen Campbell and no Moltar either.

(Synopsis by Hen Solo)

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed

(Space Ghost and Zorak are watching "The Simpsons" on the monitor)
Zorak (Z): (laughs)
Space Ghost (SG): I don't get it!
Z: (evil laugh)
SG: Where are all the giant saucer crabs?
Z: Shhh! Shush!
SG: Don't "shush" me!
Z: Shhh!
SG: Where's Moltar?
Z: Shhhhhh!
SG: Moltar! "The Simpsons" are on! (pause) Er, which one's Homer again? The baby?
(In control room)
Moltar (M): Okay, hmmm, let's see... page 7... (flips pages) okay, "The Joy of Escape". "It was Macciavelli that once said that escape is the primary joy of...", uh, blah blah blah blah blah... ah, here we go. "To win your freedom, you must only pull the inverse phase lever." Uh, okay. That must be this gizmo here, whatever that does. Down (pulls the lever) and da! All right! (laughs) what's it! Adios, Space Ghost! (evil laugh) (he walks away) Wait, where are my keys? Oh, I got 'em. (evil laugh again, fading as he walks off)
(Back in studio)
(Opening theme & titles)
SG: (invisos in) Greetings citizens! My guest tonight will be cartoonist and creator of the popular "Simpsons" TV franchise empire, Matt Groening.
Z: Groening.
SG: What?
Z: It's "Groening". Matt Groening.
SG: That's what I said.
Z: No, you didn't, you said "graining".
SG: I know I said... I said "Groening"!
Z: What?
SG: I said, I said "Groening".
Z: Oh. Well... you're adopted.
SG: Play me to the desk.
Z: What? Now?
SG: Yes, now.
(Zorak and Way Outs play Space Ghost to the desk)
SG: (invisos to desk) You need to be more attentive.
Z: (looking away from Space Ghost)
SG: Are you listening to me?
Z: Eh?
(Screen lowers with Matt Groening)
Matt Groening (MG): Space Ghost, I salute you.
SG: At ease, citizen!
MG: Okay.
SG: Welcome to my show, Matt! Have you seen it? Do you love it?
MG: Oh, yes! I make it a habit of watching all shows that rhyme. "Space Ghost Coast to Coast", of course. "Dennis the Menace", "I Spy"...
Z: "Mod Squad"!
MG: "Magilla Gorilla".
Z: "Care Bears".
MG: "Prime Time Live", sorta rhymes.
SG: "Wings"?
Z: "Rin Tin Tin"!
MG: "Hey There, It's Yogi Bear".
Z: "Pixie and Dixie"!
MG: "Yoo Hoo, it's John Sununu".
SG: (scoots chair closer)
MG: Uh....
SG: "Space Ghost, Coast to Coast"? (pause) Ho-kay.
MG: "Tinkle and Dinkle the Ha Ha Twins".
SG: There's no such show as "Tinkle and Dinkle", Matthew! (pause) Is there?
MG: (laughs)
Z: (laughs) You whig!
SG: Bull moose!
Z: Tory!
SG: Trotsky-ist!
Z: Rabble rouser!
SG: Dunker!
Z: Federalist!
SG: Hey! Love it or leave it, pal!
MG: What, eh, what are you anyway?
SG: I'm just a lineman for the county.
MG: (chuckles)
SG: I am, actually. (quietly) I am a lineman for the county.
MG: (chuckles) Hmmm...
SG: Ha! I'm a Space Ghost, you silly!
MG: You're a "Space Ghost"?
SG: Sure, why not? Is there a law?
MG: What are you a ghost of?
SG: I'm the ghost of Christmas past! (pause) Now you say, "Spirit, remove me from this place!"
MG: You remind me of Casper, the friendly ghost, sort of, except you're a space version, right? Who is Casper the ghost of, Casper the little dead boy?
SG: You wonder if I'm a little dead boy.
MG: Are you Casper grown up?
SG: Yes, Matt, all grown up!
MG: I think Casper was actually the ghost of Richie Rich. They look very similar.
SG: Quite wealthy, right?
MG: Mmm hmm.
SG: But dead.
MG: (chuckles) Right!
SG: Right.
Z: (in background, a la "Supertramp") You're bloody well right!
SG: Soooo, have you ever been to outer space?
MG: Uh, other than this particular show that we're doing right now, no, I have never been in outer space.
SG: Enjoying your first time?
MG: Well, you know, in outer space, no one can hear you sneeze! (laughs hysterically)
Z: (laughs)
MG: Oh!!!
(Shot of control room, on auto pilot)
(Back at Space Ghost's desk)
SG: Gesundheit!
MG: Thanks!
SG: So, Matt, are you beginning to feel my superhuman influence? It should feel tingly.
MG: Constantly, wherever I go. You know, I base my entire life on your teachings, Space Ghost.
SG: Now you're talkin'! (pause) Aren't you? Aren't you talkin' now?
MG: Let's go on, next question!
SG: Good question! Okay... (scoots chair closer) Did I mention I'm interviewing you from outer space?
MG: Yes you did.
SG: Good, because sometimes I repeat myself.
MG: The miracle of twenty-first century...
SG: I repeat myself. (laughs)
MG: What's your real name?
SG: What? My real name?
MG: Yeah.
SG: Who? Me? (pause) It's... not really all that important. (trailing off) (pause) Tad Ghostal.
MG: (laughs) I like that.
SG: I hate you, Mother.
MG: That's just what a Fox network executive said to me, uh, the other day.
SG: That's a joke. (pause) Idn't it? (short laugh) Ever eat sushi?
MG: 'S okay.
SG: Good eatin'.
MG: Mmm hmm.
SG: (scoots chair away) (clears throat) Okay, how's about some advice to the would-be cartoon animators out there?
MG: Uhhh... watch the Cartoon Network, aspire, aim for the stars. Space Ghost, listen to Space Ghost...
SG: (sings to himself) "By the time I get to Phoenix, she'll be rising..."
MG: ... I listen to Space Ghost, and look at me! I'm on the Space Ghost show!
SG: Yeah, me too.
MG: Y'know, really, it's a great show, I really like it. It's baffling, and yet confusing.
SG: Like a rhinestone cowboy, right? (scoots chair closer)
MG: Right.
Z: Wrong.
(Matt is doing a puppet show with really ugly Bart and Marge Simpson marionettes; strings are all tangled up)
SG: (laughs)
MG: (in "Marge" voice) Grrrr, Bart, you naughty brat!
SG: Make, make the one hit the other! Make him hit him.
MG: (in "Bart" voice) "Don't have a cow, Mom."
SG: No, move the other one! No, no, pull him back! (laughs) Make him hit him! (laughs)
MG: (in "Marge" voice) Oh, Bart, come on, I don't want... you never..." (puts the puppets down) What, what do you think?
SG: Don't put them up! This is the only fun we've had so far in this stupid show!
MG: I'm not very good at this, I've only been practicing for a few weeks.
SG: Do some more!
Z: Are you being sarcastic?
SG: Who's that?
Z: (pause) Nothin'.
SG: So, Matt, cartoon "Simpsons", funny puppet "Simpsons", how long before the live action "Simpsons"?
MG: Quite soon, as you know, animation is incredibly expensive...
SG: Oh, absolutely!
MG: ... just, I mean, the amount of money you put into this show yourself, you know what I'm talkin' about!
SG: (mouth doesn't move) Sure, I know what you mean.
MG: Exactly, and so, uh, we will definitely be doing a live action "Simpsons". Uh, and as far as Homer, I don't know, do you have any suggestions, to who should play Homer?
SG: Depends. Is Homer a superhero or an evil villain? Because I may know someone.
MG: Actually, it's good that you mention that, because, uh, we were calling him for a while "Super Homer", uh, but your people had words with my people, and, uh, it's all being, uh, y'know, it's up for litigation right now, we'll see who wins, pal! (pause) Did I say "Super Homer"? I meant to say "Space Homer". I, uh, what the... you get it! Want to do that again?
SG: We can't! We're live!
MG: Well, now you're getting silly, Space Ghost! You know...
SG: Bring back the puppets.
MG: (stares back)
SG: Please?
MG: (stares back)
SG: (sighs) Okay, talk some more about cartoons.
MG: Well, it wasn't what I always wanted to do. I was actually a philosophy major in college, but, uh, let me tell you, if you're a philosophy major in college, cartoonist is basically the only career open to you.
SG: I could have gone to college. But I didn't. And there's nothing wrong with that! Nothing!
MG: (laughs)
SG: Nothing!
MG: (chuckles)
SG: (clears his throat) Hey Matt... have you ever considered marketing the Simpsons' image on stuff? Y'know, t-shirts, coffee mugs...
Z: Sweater vests?
SG: Sweater vests, sure.
MG: Oh, marketing the Simpsons' on t-shirts and mugs, sure we could do that, but it would be wrong.
SG: Wrong, like, how wrong? Wrong wrong?
MG: I think "pandering" is one of the words that would come to mind.
SG: Well, Matt, we have a few marketing ideas of our own, up this little spandex sleeve of mine.
MG: Really?
SG: One word, my friend. Footstools.
Z: That's two.
SG: Any day now, you should be seeing official Space Ghost footstools, resting beneath ever foot in the known universe (pounds desk) We're starting out with footstools, you know, take it slow, and we'll probably branch out from there. And sell some other... non... footstool related... items.
Z: So, where do all those t-shirts come from?
MG: Those are all bootlegs, those things you see out there. We don't have anything to do with them.
SG: Huh. "Bootleg". Is that anything like a footstool? Well, is it?
MG: I, I don't know.
SG: Do they sell? The, uh, bootlegs, that is.
MG: You have no idea what I'm talking about. You know, I think...
SG: Moltar, put "bootlegs" on our list. Next to, uh, footstools.
(Shot of empty control room, still on autopilot)
SG: Moltar! Zorak, what's he doing in...
Z: Shhh! Listen! (pause) The wind!
SG: Okay. Well Matt, if Moltar was paying attention, he'd tell you that we're also marketing a line of exotic seasonings. Salt, pepper, ...
Z: Basil.
SG: Basil, ...
MG: Mmm hmm.
SG: We're calling it... "Spice Ghost".
Z: "We put the SG in MSG".
SG: Yeah, do you like that? Zorak came up with that!
MG: Oh, really?
SG: Anyways, we plan to package the spice rack with the footstool, and market it as the "Space Ghost Combo Pak". We spell the "pak" P-A-K. (teeth sparkle)
Z: Oooh! Fantastic!
MG: Mmm hmm.
SG: Citizen Groening, please issue some words of advice to the universe.
MG: Buy "Space Ghost" cereal, but don't eat the prizes.
SG: "Space Ghost" cereal... Hmm! Now, would that have flakes in it?
MG: Um, something like that.
SG: Good idea, Matt! I'll see if the footstool people can make it happen.
MG: Space Ghost, I salute you.
SG: Dismissed.
MG: Aloha.
SG: Melekaliki maha!
MG: Thank you. (zaps off of monitor).
SG: We need to be on top of that flake deal.
Z: Okey dokey.
SG: We're going to be bigger that "The Lion King".
Z: Uh, okay.
SG: Moltar, did you get all that stuff about the cereal, that part about the flakes?
(Another shot of empty control room)
SG: Moltar, are you listenin' to me? (pause) Where's Moltar?
Z: Um, he left about ten minutes ago. He was always a quiet child...
SG: What? What!?
Z: Just pretty much kept to himself...
SG: What are you talking about?
Z: I told you already, he left!
SG: (invisos out, then invisos back) I'm checkin'.
Z: Go ahead.
SG: (invisos to control room) Great Caesar's ghost! Moltar's... escaped! Oh, shoot!
(Scene of a bus going down a street. Moltar is sitting inside)
Passenger 12 (P1): (peeking up over seat behind Moltar) Pssst! Pssssst! Hey! How ya doin'?
M: Huh?
P1: You Buckeye fan?
M: (pause) No.
P1: What kinda hat is that? That's like the colors of the, uh, Buckeyes, ain't it?
M: Ehhh...
P1: 'M I diturbin' you?
M: (sighs) Yeah...
P1: Oh, sorry...
(dramatic sting music, and:)
To be continued...
(Credits roll)
Mr. Burns (MB): Good day. Smithers, release the hounds. (sound of dogs barking)

Matt Groening
Matt Harrigan
Dave Willis
Alan Laddie
Bill Wilner
Jay Edwards
(inverted) Tom Roche
Sonny Sharrock
Eddie Horst
Sonny Sharrock
Lance Carter
Eddie Horst
Alfrieda Gerald
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Dave Willis
Big Deal Cartoons
C. Martin Croker
Roy Clements
D.J. Roller
David Stevens
Kaili Rubin
Vishal Roney
Gus Jordan
Isabel Gonzalez
Khaki Jones
Andy Merrill
Antonia Coffman
Lanell's Motor Coach
Tim Garber
hey nineteen
Alex Toth
Dave Willis
Keith Crofford
Michael Lazzo

© 1996 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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