Home | Ghost Planet Central | Episode Guide | Previous | Next

Original Air Date:October 15, 1996
Guest Stars:James Hetfield, Kirk Hammett (of Metallica)

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed


Announcer: Last week, on a very special "Space Ghost Coast to Coast":

(Space Ghost and Zorak in an operating room, with heart monitors beeping in background)

Space Ghost: Get me 100 cc's of bolgerdrine, stat! Clear!

Zorak: Still no pulse.

Space Ghost: Clear!

(A blue Mustang is racing down the street, followed by a van. A truck collides with a parked car and rolls over)

(Two Moltars on the screen in front of Space Ghost)

Moltar 1: I'm Moltar.

Moltar 2: No, I'm Moltar.

Space Ghost: W-, wa-, wait a minute...

(Scene changes, now in a tropical setting)

Space Ghost: A stolen treasure map?

Zorak: A stolen treasure map?

(Another multi-car crash, in slow motion)

(In the Oval Office)

Zorak: The clock is ticking, Mr. President. You must make a choice!

Space Ghost: (as the President) A stolen treasure map?

(Green smoke seeps from a box in a van, which then explodes)

(Zorak and Space Ghost in a kitchen)

Zorak: I, I think I'm pregnant!

Space Ghost: (stares back, with dramatic sting music)

(Moltar riding in the bus)

Moltar: (laughs evilly)

Announcer: And now, the conclusion.

(Special opening titles and theme, a la "Charlie's Angels", with Zorak, Moltar and Space Ghost in the title screen, with subtitles: "Space Ghost Coast to Coast / © MCMLXXIII Martin Quin")

Announcer: Space Ghost Coast to Coast, a Martin Quin Production. With Space Ghost (Space Ghost), Zorak (Zorak), koochie-koochie girl Charo (Black Widow), Moltar (Moltar), Tansit (Tansit), Metallus (Metallus)

Adrienne Barbeau: Well, there we are...

Announcer: Adrienne Barbeau (handy man), and special guest stars Metallica (Metallica).

Space Ghost Coast to Coast will continue after these messages.



Announcer: (over dramatic music) Tonight's episode, "Hickory Dickory Dead". (screen subtitles: "Hickory Dickory Dead / Act I")

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost!

Announcer: Meanwhile, back at the set...

Space Ghost: I can take it from here.

Announcer: I'm sorry.

Zorak: Did'ja get Moltar?

Space Ghost: Nope. Got something better. Tansit! Y'okay in there, buddy? Think we're about to start in a minute.

Tansit: (in control room) Is this on?

Zorak: You got Tansit?

Space Ghost: Yeah, what's wrong with that?

Zorak: Nothin'...

Tansit: (click!) Is this on? (click!) (click!)

Zorak: ... if you like babies.

Tansit: (click!) Is this on?

Space Ghost: Yes, Tansit, go ahead.

Tansit: (click!) Space Gho- (click)

Space Ghost: Yes, go ahead.

Tansit: (click!) Hello? (tap tap tap) Is this on? (click!)

Space Ghost: Yes, Tansit, I can hear you!

Tansit: (click!) -at, you Space Gho- (click!)

Space Ghost: (clears throat and sighs)

Tansit: (click!) Hi M- (click!) (click!) (click!)

Space Ghost: Tansit!

Tansit: (click!) -ing is broken. I thi- (click!)

Space Ghost: No, it's, it's not broken, just keep the button pushed in.

Zorak: The red button!

Tansit: (long pause) (click!) broken! (click!)

Space Ghost: No, just keep the button pushed in!

Zorak: It's the big button, it's...

(Tansit presses the wrong button, screen changes to Japanese test pattern)

Tansit: Whoops! Hello...

Space Ghost: No, no, the other button, the other one. The other one!

Zorak: It's the button, it's right in front of ya!

Tansit: (throws lever, screen returns to normal) Okay, I think I got it.

Space Ghost: (sighs) Good. You're clear on how the feeds work, right?

Tansit: 10-4 on that, Space Ghost. Over and out!

Space Ghost: Send the musical guest.

Tansit: Now?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Tansit: Who? I-i-is, is it that time?

Space Ghost: Yes, it's that time.

Tansit: (throws lever) Uh, no... (throws another lever) let's see, uh... (throws another lever) Yeah, right...

Space Ghost: Please welcome heavy music makers, Metallica.

(Monitor lowers, showing another test pattern with a foreign language speaking)

Space Ghost: (in quiet voice) Okay, all right. Tansit...

Tansit: I can do that better. (throws another lever, screen shows a different test pattern)

Space Ghost: Uh, y'know, folks, I ran into Metallica just last year at a celebrity Pro Am down in Myrtle, Myrtle Beach last year. Myrtle Beach, right, Zorak?

Zorak: Pebble.

Space Ghost: Pebble Beach, right.

Tansit: Got it!

Space Ghost: Metallica! (another test pattern on the screen)

Tansit: I, I, I thought I got it.

Space Ghost: Tansit, what the heck's going on in there, buddy?

Tansit: (finally gets picture of Metallus) Guest coming up! Fresh off the griddle (throws lever)

Space Ghost: (under his breath) Well, it's about time.

Metallus: (drones on and on)

Space Ghost: This isn't Metallica.

Zorak: Yeah, I know.

Space Ghost: This is Metallus.

Zorak: Right.

Space Ghost: No, it's not right. It's wrong. Very wrong.

Zorak: So?

Space Ghost: I think we have a problem.

Zorak: Houston...

Space Ghost: Listen, Zorak, can you operate the feeds?

Zorak: Me?

Space Ghost: Yeah.

Zorak: Nnnno.

Space Ghost: Well, super!

Zorak: Problem?

Space Ghost: Oh, shut up!

(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act II")

(Scene of Space Ghost battling Creature King, with foreign language overdubs)

(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act III")

James Hetfield: (on control room monitor) [Burp!] Sorry, I just had, like, a tuna sandwich, uh, slimy eggs in it.

Tansit: Yeah, I could tell, would you like a mint?

Space Ghost: (invisos in to control room) Tansit, what are you doing? Is Metallica here?

Tansit: Yeah, he's out there.

Space Ghost: "He"? You gave me Metallus!

Tansit: Oh. Eh, no biggie.

Space Ghost: Yes, biggie! You screwed up the fe-... wait a minute. Who's this?

Kirk Hammett: (points to Jim) That's the mighty Hetfield. (laughs)

James Hetfield: (waves) Mighty Hetfield, of Earth.

Kirk Hammett: (waves) I'm Kirk of Earth.

Space Ghost: And you're... Metallica.

Kirk Hammett: Yes, sir, that is correct.

Tansit: We were just having a lovely conversation about tuna...

Space Ghost: Well, that's nice. Now, would you give me the right guests so I can do my job. You know, talk show host?

Tansit: Oh, sorry. (throws lever, sends Metallica to monitor on set)

Space Ghost: (invisos out)

Tansit: You think you're so hot. I can twist you and punch you and hurt you so badly, I can...

Space Ghost: (invisos back in) I heard that! (invisos out)

Tansit: I didn't say anything!

Space Ghost: (invisos to set)

Kirk Hammett: I, I tell you why you're so...

James Hetfield: Look at the pics, look at Space Ghost, man, when you talk.

Kirk Hammett: Oh, that.

Space Ghost: Well, looky there, Zorak, it's Metallica!

Zorak: Wow! Everybody limbo!

James Hetfield: Howdy, dude.

Kirk Hammett: Hey.

Space Ghost: Howdy, Metallica. Did Tansit treat you in a pleasant, courteous and professional manner?

James Hetfield: I, I hated him.

Space Ghost: Oh, you did?

James Hetfield: Yeah.

Space Ghost: What was the problem?

James Hetfield: He had an annoying little voice. I wanted to smash him, with my boots. (laughs)

Space Ghost: Well, uh, we're, we're in a transitional state...

Tansit: (over intercom) Hey, everybody, listen up!

Space Ghost: Tansit!

Tansit: Space Ghost, clean up on aisle eight. (laughs)

Space Ghost: Tansit!

James Hetfield: He is annoying.

Tansit: This intercom thing is a pip!

Space Ghost: Would you excuse me for a moment?

Kirk Hammett: Okay.

Space Ghost: (flies off)

Tansit: (still laughing) Aaah! You're squeezing my arm!

(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act IV")

(Brak and Space Ghost in a kitchen)

Brak: Space Ghost, I think I'm pregnant!

Space Ghost: (stares back, with dramatic sting music)

(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act V")

(Kirk is playing "air guitar" to toy guitar music)

Space Ghost: (laughs) That's pretty keen! You guys are quite the musicians!

James Hetfield: We're big fans of, uh, the musical part of your show.

Space Ghost: You like the Zorak, do you?

James Hetfield: Oh yeah, oh yeah.

Kirk Hammett: Love Zorak.

Space Ghost: Well, what do you know? Hey, Zorak, did you hear that, buddy?

Zorak: "Buddy"?

Space Ghost: Looks like you've got some fans.

Zorak: Bite me, Metallica!

(Kirk and Jim stare back at Zorak)

Zorak: I bet you think you're evil now!

Kirk Hammett: We love evil.

Zorak: Really! Well, aren't we the pretty ones!

Kirk Hammett: Yes.

Space Ghost: Zorak, they're fans of yours!

Zorak: Well, that's what they expect!

Space Ghost: You're twisted.

Zorak: Yep.

Space Ghost: Well boys, I'm going to give you a break. I'm going to let you play a song for Zorak! Ladies and gentlemen, Metallica!

James Hetfield: All right, ready?

Kirk Hammett: One, two, three...

James Hetfield: Mine's louder, though.

(Kirk and Jim start playing their toy guitars again)

James Hetfield: (singing) Space Ghost, you're like the dude...
You oughta like hang out and be in our band...
You're like the man...
And, uh, you are, 'cause you kick a lot of buttock...
(big finish)

Zorak: Well, that was stupid.

Space Ghost: Zorak!

Zorak: Well, it was.

(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act VI")

(Black screen for ten seconds)

(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act VII")

Kirk Hammett: Hey, could, (laughs) hey, could we smoke a cigar, or is it gonna mess with the oxygen in here?

Space Ghost: And just where pray tell did you get those grubby things? Did Tansit give them to you?

Kirk Hammett: (to Jim) You want a cigar?

James Hetfield: No, you go ahead, man.

Space Ghost: Mol- Er, Tansit!

Tansit: What?

Space Ghost: Did you give the boys cigars?

Tansit: Well... yes.

Space Ghost: And why did you do that?

Tansit: Well, my daddy always said, "There's nothing like a good stogie to clean the pipes." Y'know?

Space Ghost: No, I don't know. Here I am, on this anti-smoking campaign, doing telethons, dressing as a clown and visiting children's hospitals, donating time and money out of my own tights, and then here you come, (doing Tansit imitation) "Here, fellas, smoke up!"

Tansit: But... but I was just being hospitable.

Space Ghost: Hospitable? Hospitable? Tansit, you're fired!!

Tansit: Oh, pooh!

Space Ghost: (invisos to control room)

Tansit: St-st-stay away from me! I'm a villain!

Space Ghost: Tell me where Moltar is.

Tansit: I don't know what you're talking about.

Space Ghost: Don't play dumb.

Tansit: No! Please! Don't hit!

Space Ghost: Tell me where Moltar went, and I won't!

Tansit: But I can't! Zorak told me not to tell.

Zorak: I did not!

Tansit: He, he said he would get his swarm of angry henchmen...

Zorak: I did no such thing.

Tansit: He said he was going to...

Space Ghost: Zorak doesn't have a swarm of henchmen.

Tansit: He doesn't?!

Zorak: (evil laugh)

Tansit: Oh, you liar you!

Space Ghost: You give me no choice, Tansit. I'm going to count to three.

Tansit: But... but...

Space Ghost: One two three!

Tansit: (crying) Okay, okay! Moltar's on a bus!

Space Ghost: A bus!?

Tansit: To Jacksonville! That's all I know! (sobbing) Just, just don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! (sobs louder)

Space Ghost: Calm down, ya big baby!

Tansit: Don't touch me!

Space Ghost: Zorak, take over the show. Don't escape, okay?

Zorak: Oh, I won't.

Space Ghost: I've got some heat to seek.

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: Well, uh, you know what I'm talkin' about. (flies off)

Zorak: (to Tansit) Pansy!

(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act VIII")

(Lokar and Space Ghost in a kitchen)

Lokar: Space Ghost, it has come to my attention that I am pregnant!

Space Ghost: (stares back, with dramatic sting music)

(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act IX")

(Zorak is in Space Ghost's chair, talking to Metallica)

Zorak: Wanna go outside?

Kirk Hammett: (laughs) What would happen?

Zorak: You'd explode.

Kirk Hammett: Uh huh.

Zorak: Come on. It's fun.

(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Epilogue")

(Moltar riding in a bus)

Moltar: (singing) "Everybody's talkin' at me, I don't hear a word they're sayin', just..."

Space Ghost: (invisos in next to Moltar) Going somewhere, little Timmy?

Moltar: (surprised) Waaa!

Space Ghost: It was the perfect plan, wasn't it?

Moltar: Look, if you're trying to wear me down, so I'll confess something I didn't do, I won't do it.

Space Ghost: I just want the truth.

Moltar: Hey listen, the truth is, I know nothing about the plane crash, or the whereabouts of Umberto Malzone!

Space Ghost: You think he's gonna protect you? You fool. You're useless to him now! Men like him don't hang, Moltar! Men like him watch their own neck.

Moltar: You're kidding.

Space Ghost: I don't feel like kidding today, Moltar. I need to know. Are you going to leave me? (dramatic sting music)

Moltar: Nah.

Space Ghost: Okay.

(Dramatic "wrap-up" music, similar to "Dragnet")

Announcer: (Moltar still) After the Jacksonville incident, Moltar was returned to his post as director of the show, given a spanking, and told never to escape again. (Tansit still) Tansit was also swatted lightly across the fanny for his role in the Metallica debacle. (Space Ghost still) Space Ghost resumed his duties as host of the popular animated talk show, and was later to be spotted that very evening with gal pal Tori Spelling. (Passenger 12 still) Upon Space Ghost's arrival, Passenger 12 choked on a 'Cracklin Tatah'. Witnesses quoted him as saying, "Man, there's a 'Cracklin Tatah' choked in ma throat." (Zorak still) Zorak eventually led Metallica to the outer air lock, where members of the band were heard to say, "Shouldn't we put on a suit or something?" (Metallica still) Metallica exploded in deep space. (Metallus still) Mwam mwam mwam, mwam mwam mwam...

(Credits roll)

(Closing music and narrative)

Announcer: The story you have just heard is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Speaking of names, I have a kitty named Fluffy. Sometimes Fluffy scratches the sofa, and I say, "Down, Fluffy, down, or Fluffy get no din-din." Sometimes Fluffy urp in the corner. Fluffy knows better than that. Cats are fun. I like them.

(Dramatic theme music)

James Hetfield
Kirk Hammett
of Metallica
Andy Merrill
Dave Willis
Jay Edwards
Ken Brady
(inverted) Tom Roche
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Don Kennedy
Andy Merrill
Ken Osborne
Big Deal Cartoons
C. Martin Croker
Bill Chapman
Roy Clements
D.J. Roller
David Stevens
Kaili Rubin
Vishal Roney
Sean Gooden
Gus Jordan
Isabel Gonzalez
Gill Austin
Nathan Cook
Heather Davis
Stefan Lanfer
Terrence Liddell
Maya McClure
David Pava
Lisa Yamanishi
Lanell's Motor Coach
Joe Buck
Enrico Salvatore Rizzo
Sean Akins
Johnny Reaves
Alex Toth
Dave Willis
Keith Crofford
Michael Lazzo

© 1996 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

Home | Ghost Planet Central | Episode Guide | Previous | Next