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WAITING (hand-scrawled over cheesy swirly background)

(Opening theme with titles and homemade-looking effects)

Announcer (A):

It's Space Ghost Coast to Coast! Tonight, a word-for-word re-enactment of some old stuff performed by some people you don't know, like Andy Merrill, Dave Willis, and Gus Jordan. Plus, Sean Gooden, Isabel Gonzalez, Scott Lipe, and Rex Bullion. And now, in case you haven't already changed the channel, James Kirkconnell!

(James is sitting behind a desk, with a Space Ghost coffee mug. Subtitle box appears and fades [and during subsequent appearances])
James Kirkconnell
Space Ghost Expert

James Kirkconnell (JK):

Welcome to the amazing tales of the classic superhero, Space Ghost, who has entertained young and old for generations. I'm James Kirkconnell, and I'll be your host. Tonight our tales from the Ghost Planet will be re-enacted by the Ghost Planet Dinner Theatre Ensemble, of Doraville, Georgia. Presented for you, the viewer, are a selection of famous moments, from Space Ghost's talk show, "Space Ghost Coast to Coast." Let's look in as our players interpret a scene from the show's fifth episode, entitled "Bobcat," starring funnyman Bobcat Goldthwait. In the following amazing exchange, it is easy to see why Mr. Goldthwait is remembered as one of Space Ghost's favorite guests. And now, our word-for-word re-enactment, of a conversation that took place at a certain time, in a certain dimension, somewhere deep in space. (eerie sound effect)

(Superimposed titles appear and fade)

May 27, 1994

Re-enactment
Space Ghost engages in conversation with funnyman Bobcat Goldthwait.

(Zorak and Way Outs play theme music)

Bobcat Goldthwait (BG):

Barney's going to make more kids snap than Bugs Bunny.

Space Ghost (SG):

Uh huh.

BG:

A kid knows Bugs Bunny's joking around, kids think Barney's for real!

SG:

Uh huh.

BG:

"I love you", you don't love us, Barney, you don't even know us!

SG:

Okay! We're back with Bobcat Goldthwait! I understand that you have special powers.

BG:

Yes. I'm able to, uh, bend forks.

SG:

Wow!

BG:

But only at Denny's. Any other kind of forks I don't seem to be able to bend.

SG:

Wow, now, is this physically or mentally?

BG:

Um, I do it with my mind... but you gotta look away, really, for a little while.

SG:

When I said you were pretty, I meant you remind me of Judy Collins.

BG:

Judy Collins? (laughs) Wow, Space Ghost, man, crack a window, will ya?

SG:

I'd be violently sucked into space.

Moltar (M):

Then maybe people would tune in.

BG:

Well, I think Moltar's giving us the signal to wrap it up, huh, Space Ghost?

SG:

No, Bobcat, that's just his way of telling us to finish the interview. Join us for dinner after the show?

BG:

Thanks, I'd love to join you for dinner, but I don't know about eating with no gigantic locust. Don't they spit on their food first and then mulch it up and spit it back out?

Zorak (Z):

That's regurgitational ingestion, flies do it, not locusts.

BG:

Yeah, well, but you know, that's exactly how I eat, so, perhaps I will dine with you.

SG:

Alrighty! We'll meet you in the chamber after the show. Any parting words?

BG:

Space Ghost, I want to party with you.

SG:

You mean with a party cake and lemonade and paper hats?

BG:

Perhaps, perhaps.

SG:

Alrighty then! (taps his cue cards)

(Back at the desk)

JK:

(claps) And so our classic superhero Space Ghost went on to talk with The Ramones, with typically illuminating results. Next, our actors take on a particularly challenging moment, in the lexicon of Space Ghost's material. Our superhero, stalwart, manly, single, becomes smitten with his guest television superstar turned author, Fran Drescher. We join our troupe just as the blush of love begins to color Space Ghost's superheroic perception for the first time. Once again, I invite you to witness our word-for-word re-enactment, of an amazing scene from the episode "Girlie Show". It took place at a certain time, in a certain dimension, somewhere deep in space. (eerie sound effect)

(Superimposed titles appear and fade)

March 24, 1995

Re-enactment
Space Ghost is charmed by the feminine wiles of television's Fran Drescher. Zorak attempts to disrupt the proceedings.

Z:

Hey hey, ho ho, Space Ghost has got to go. (sign says "DESTROY ALL TALK SHOWS") (repeats chant in background while others talk)

SG:

(to himself) After lunch, we'll marry, in a simple ceremony. She'll grow to love the Ghost Planet after a while...

Z:

(still chanting in background)

SG:

(to Fran) Don't mind him, dearest. Labor dispute.

Fran Drescher (FD):

Well, you can fire him, you're the star.

Z:

Hey hey, ... He can't fire me! I'm the hardest working mantis in show business! Hi-yo!

SG:

Forget him, my fair Nanny! He's but a lowly proletariat.

Z:

Actually, I'm Episcopalian.

SG:

(lounge music in background) You know, I've never met a woman guest quite like you before, Nanny.

FD:

Thank you, I know.

SG:

Oh yeah, I can sense quality in a female of the species when I scan for it.

Z:

(belches)

SG:

Zorak! There's a Nanny present! Watch your mouth!

Z:

I can't. It's... it's too underneathy.

SG:

(laughs)

FD:

(laughs) My husband says that...

SG:

Husband?

FD:

Right.

SG:

I'm sorry Nanny, but... good-bye.

FD:

(looking puzzled)

(Back at the desk)

JK:

(claps) One wonders if valiant super-crusader Space Ghost is still haunted, by the melodious laughter of television's "The Nanny". We hope you enjoyed our word-for-word interpretation of their meeting. Next, Space Ghost comes face to face with the disturbing antics of Bill Manspeaker, of the schlock rock group "Green Jelly". We take you now to the re-enactment of a scene from the episode "Freak Show", in which Mr. Manspeaker appears before Space Ghost, in a fearsome and elaborate costume. Our hero expresses his frustration, at Moltar's apparent inability to produce a guest who is not, as Space Ghost says, "a freak." And now, our word-for-word re-enactment, of an amazing conversation, that took place at a certain time, in a certain dimension, somewhere deep in space. (eerie sound effect)

(Superimposed titles appear and fade)

May 22, 1996

Re-enactment
Space Ghost is visibly angered by the freakish antics of Green Jelly's Bill Manspeaker.

Bill Manspeaker (BM):

Hello there, Mr. Space Ghost, where are you?

SG:

And just who are you supposed to be?

BM:

I'm 100% stupid.

SG:

(pause) Moltar, do you have any non-freaks to put in my monitor?

M:

Well... no.

SG:

Oh, well that's just great!

BM:

Whe- where's Space Ghost?

SG:

Oh, shut up!

BM:

I, I want Space Ghost now! Where is he?

SG:

(stares back)

BM:

Are, are you like Jeannie or Bewitched?

SG:

(stares back)

BM:

First we start it off with a little guitar (plays air guitar chord) And then I go, "Yeaaaaaah!" And then the girls go, "Woooooo!" And then I go, "Hot mamas!" And then they go, "Here's a whole bunch o' money!" I take the money; then I go out and I try to buy Apple Jacks, but you know, then the secret service is comin', and got hittin' me, and I'd say, "Stop hittin' me, who's hittin' you, stop it!"

SG:

(stares back)

BM:

You look like a woman on TV.

SG:

Okay, that's it. I can't take this anymore.

BM:

Space Ghost, no, don't leave me!

SG:

(zaps the monitor with his destructo ray) Anybody have any idea who that was?

Z:

Some lost soul, cowering behind some cheap costume, afraid to reveal his true identity.

(Back at the desk)

JK:

(claps) And so we conclude this amazing re-enactment of a scene from the classic superhero Space Ghost and his show, "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". This is James Kirkconnell saying, we'll be back in a minute with more re-enactments.

INTERRUPT FEED (hand-scrawled over cheesy swirly background)

START FEED (hand-scrawled over cheesy swirly background)

JK:

Welcome back to our presentation of famous scenes from "Space Ghost Coast to Coast", interpreted by the Ghost Planet Dinner Theatre Ensemble, of Doraville, Georgia. I'm James Kirkconnell, your host. On March 31st, 1995, superhero Space Ghost welcomed as his guest Michael Stipe, from the acclaimed and popular rock combo, "R.E.M." In this re-enactment of a scene from the episode entitled "Hungry", Space Ghost and his band leader Zorak are joined by Raymond, Zorak's small nephew. And now, relax and enjoy our word-for-word re-enactment, of an amazing conversation that took place at a certain time, in a certain dimension, somewhere deep in space. (eerie sound effect)

(Superimposed titles appear and fade)

March 31, 1995

Re-enactment
Space Ghost and Michael Stipe discuss a possible dinner engagement with Zorak and his young nephew, Raymond.

SG:

Okay, Mike, I'm going to send you a high-pitched message that only you can hear!

Z:

(to himself) Why me?

SG:

(opens mouth, extremely high pitch sound)

Michael Stipe (MS):

(tilts head to one side) No message, Space Ghost.

SG:

Okay then, sing that song, sing that, "Shiny Shiny People" song.

MS:

No.

SG:

I'll get you started. (sings) "Shiny shiny people, shiny shiny people..."

MS:

I hate that song, Space Ghost.

SG:

Oh, me too, Michael, me too. Say, Mike, do think I'm a shiny shiny person?

MS:

I would say yes.

SG:

Yes?

MS:

Yes.

SG:

You're sure?

MS:

Yes, absolutely.

SG:

You don't see some dark, horrible corner inside of me somewhere?

MS:

No, none.

SG:

Okay. You're sure?

MS:

Yep.

Z:

I have a question. Is that you in the corner?

MS:

(looks down under glasses)

Z:

(points) That way, in the corner! (picture of Zorak's band, with Michael Stipe's face in lower right corner of screen, rubbing front teeth)

MS:

Yeah, that's me in the corner, yeah.

Z:

Freaky!

SG:

So what's next for you? What's on your plate? (stomach growls) Oooh!

MS:

Uh, I'm, I'm going to drive to dinner.

Z:

Take us!

MS:

No.

Raymond (R):

I wanna go!

Z:

Take us, please!

MS:

No.

Z:

C'mon, Stipe! Give us a break! Buy us some dinner!

R:

I wanna sit down.

Z:

Shut up!

SG:

Well, how about him, will he take us?

MS:

(in the corner) Yes, absolutely!

SG:

Great! See you! (zaps Michael off screen of main monitor)

M:

(to Michael in control room) Just me, Moltar, outta lines, hangin' out.

(Back at the desk)

JK:

(claps) Space Ghost, Zorak, and his nephew Raymond, never made the proposed dinner with Mr. Stipe, as Raymond was tragically devoured by Zorak, as an off-camera snack. Those hungry for high drama will relish our final re-enactment, a legendary scene from the episode entitled "Banjo", in which Space Ghost nurtures a small sea monkey into a horrific aberration intent on destroying his talk show set. Joining Space Ghost is comic performer Weird Al Yankovic. And now behold our final word-for-word re-enactment of the evening, which begins with an amazing conversation: one that took place at a certain time, in a certain dimension, somewhere deep in space. (eerie sound effect)

(Superimposed titles appear and fade)

September 10, 1994

Re-enactment
Zorak uses his hypnotic powers to seize the mind of Weird Al Yankovic. Space Ghost rescues his guest from the clutches of Zorak's incantation. He then introduces Banjo, his pet sea monkey.

SG:

Zorak's wacky. Ain't he?

Weird Al Yankovic (WAY):

Uh, sure, um. Hey, Zorak, you evil locust!

Z:

Mantis!

WAY:

My powers are beyond your comprehension.

Z:

(eyes spinning) Do a B flat.

WAY:

Baaaaaaaaa! (does a really high B flat).

SG:

(joins in, slightly off key, trying several times) Baaaaaaaaaaaa! Aaaaaaaaaa! Aaaaaaaaaaa!

Z:

Now, contort your body.

WAY:

Okay. (contorts his body.)

SG:

Baaaaaaaa.. what does that feel like?

WAY:

Well, it's kinda painful and it kinda feels good at the same time.

SG:

You mean like when your enemy is shaving your back and...

M:

(shivering) Oh-h-h-h-h-h!

WAY:

(still contorted) Can you help me here, Space Ghost?

SG:

What?

WAY:

Can you help me?

SG:

Oh, yeah, yeah. (says "spell"; Al un-contorts) You know, that reminds me of a story... a story about a little pellet who, with a little grit and a lot of sheer will, became a Sea Monkey...

WAY:

He also shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

SG:

(laughs) And you know, Al, that little Sea Monkey is named... Banjo.

Z:

Here, Banjo! (Banjo appears on the set, looking like a Chinese New Year dragon)

SG:

Banjo!

Z:

Here, shrimp.

SG:

Aren't you plucky! Finding your way to the set...

(Banjo shoots a ray out of his mouth at Zorak)

Z:

Uh oh. (gets blasted)

SG:

Jumpin' jujubes!

M:

Man, that's a big shrimp!

WAY:

Well, I gotta go now! (waves, ducks out of his chair and leaves)

SG:

No, Banjo! Why are you doing this? I gave you life!

Z:

No!! (gets blasted again by Banjo)

SG:

What have I unleashed! (in a low voice) That's it boy. Come get some.

(Space Ghost fires a destructo-ray and blows up Banjo.)

(Back at the desk)

JK:

At this moment in the episode entitled "Banjo", explosions rock the set, causing our brave host to plummet from the sky, falling on his superheroic behind. We pick up the episode in time for Space Ghost's closing soliloquy.

(Superimposed title appears and fades)

Moments later

SG:

Why do we always hurt the ones we love? Why, Banjo? Why?! Banjo! Banjo! Banjooooo!

(Back at the desk)

JK:

(claps) And so we have a very grieve Space Ghost, to the end of Banjo, not to mention a lesson learned about the danger of sea monkey kits in space. We hope you have enjoyed our re-enactments, assisted by the Ghost Planet Dinner Theatre Ensemble, of Doraville, Georgia.

(Cast members take a bow; superimposed subtitle appears and fades)

Ghost Planet Dinner Theatre Ensemble
Doraville, Georgia

JK:

(claps) Tonight, you have witnessed re-enactments of fantastic adventures, both amazing and profound. This is James Kirkconnell for Space Ghost Coast to Coast, in a certain time, in a certain dimension, bidding you farewell.

(Credits roll)

BM:

Stop hittin' me, who's hittin' you, stop it!

JK:

(a single clap)

© 1996 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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