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Original Air Date:July 17, 1997
Guest Star:Fred Schneider

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed

April 13, 1994
Somewhere deep in space...
(Set construction noises in background)
Space Ghost:Instead of over to the desk, theme music, cold open, opening remarks. I get it...
Bob:You got it.
Space Ghost:So, you're saying, cold open first, then the theme music...
Bob:Mmm hmm.
Space Ghost:... then we hit them with opening remarks...
Space Ghost:... then, then I go to the desk.
Space Ghost:That's different.
Bob:(pause) Yeah.
Space Ghost:(pause) So, you're saying, cold open -
Bob:Uh, it's, it's a continuity thing, y'see, you can't have a cold open after the theme.
Space Ghost:Mmm hmm, gotcha.
Bob:Okay. Places, everybody. Zorak? Ready to go with the theme music?
Zorak:Eh, hang on a minute. (plays the keys, the opening vocals of "Hit Single" play.) 'Ere we go.
Bob:Okay, people, less than two days before the big premier. Today we're rollin' tape on this stand-in guest, this guy, uh, Fred... Schneider? Um, before the real deal on Friday, okay?
Zorak:Is this thing on? (eyes spin, with Indian chanting in background)
Bob:Whoa, Zorak! Save some for Friday night, huh?
Zorak:Y'know, this sound effect isn't working for me, it's, too wacky.
Bob:Eh, you're right, y'know what, I'll pull some stuff tonight. Okay, everybody, look alive, cue music and title page, we're rolling tape this time.
Space Ghost:(practicing power band moves) And destroy, two, three, four, and fry, two, three...
Bob:Hey, let's try to look like some cartoon characters that are about to make TV history, alright?
Zorak:Hi mom!
(Opening theme & titles)
(Inviso sound, but no Space Ghost)
Bob:Um... where's Space Ghost?
Space Ghost:(in control room with Moltar) Hiya! I'm Space Ghost!
Moltar:Hiya! I'm Moltar!
Bob:Hold it! You missed your mark.
Space Ghost:Shoot. Sorry.
Bob:Still rollin'. Go, go again.
Space Ghost:(invisos to stage) Hiya, I'm -
Space Ghost:Yeah?
Bob:Looks good, you look good comin' out, but, uh, Space Ghost...
Space Ghost:Yeah?
Bob:Um, let's see if you can come up with some better words, you know? Uh, you're a superhero, feel that.
Space Ghost:(quietly) Okay, okay.
Bob:"Hiya", it just doesn't cut it.
Space Ghost:Gotcha, I'm feelin' it. We're ready?
Bob:Alright, go.
Space Ghost:(starts to inviso out)
Bob:Skip the inviso. (invisos back in quickly) Salutations, citizens of Earth! Space Ghost of the cosmos here, and I am commanding you to...
Bob:Cut! Cut!
Space Ghost:I went off, didn't I?
Bob:It's a little strong. Almost there, but, not so... overbearing, y'know? Take a deep breath, and...
Space Ghost:(takes a couple deep breaths)
Space Ghost:Greetings! I'm Space Ghost! Tonight on Space Ghost Coast to Coast, we have (monitor starts to lower early) Fred Schneider of the B-52's...
Bob:Not yet, Moltar. (monitor raises again)
Bob:Cut! You don't have a line, Zorak. You're just playing off Space Ghost.
Zorak:Um, I'm challenging him, to, give me a line.
Bob:Okay, but, uh, for our first show, let's try something, a little less oblique.
Zorak:Easy. You caught me off guard. Sorry. (clears his throat) Um, now what's my motivation?
Bob:Okay. You're a space villain, Space Ghost has enslaved you to work on his show, just like in '68 only, more angry.
Zorak:Um... okay. Ready?
Bob:You betcha. Let him have it. And, action.
Zorak:Space Ghost!
Space Ghost:Say hello to Zorak, ladies and gentlemen. My green with evil sidekick.
Zorak:Fear me, O people of Earth! Memorize my grim viságe -
Bob:Cut! "Visage", Zorak. Why, why don't you try "countenance" instead?
Zorak:Countenance, huh? Alright. Fear me, O people of Earth! Memorize my grim coun - (explosion from out of nowhere blasts Zorak) (coughs)
Bob:Cut! Hang on, everybody.
Zorak:Crimony! (coughs)
Bob:Uh, Joe, get in here, will you? And, uh, get some makeup on Zorak.
Zorak:What's the deal here?
Space Ghost:Say, I didn't even fire.
Bob:Right. Techies, in here. This is just a glitch, people.
Moltar:Hey, uh, Bob? I gotta go.
Bob:Uh, everyone? Moltar has to go. Can someone come escort him, please.
Moltar:Oh, uh, and I'd like another coffee. And some of those biscuits, if there's any left.
Zorak:Bring me some of those, uh, orange crackers with peanut butter.
Space Ghost:(daydreaming to himself) (Space Ghost is the Cinderella story in this year's tournament, one well-placed blast and he'll take the championship. And we'll return to Augusta after these messages.)
Bob:Space Ghost? Space Ghost? Space Ghost!!
Space Ghost:Huh? What? Hey! Hey, alrighty!
Bob:I'm sorry, man. I, I don't mean to yell like that, I just, I, I wanna try that remote segment, okay? I'm gonna have Zorak improv a little intro thing.
Space Ghost:Ehh, yeah. Wwell, okay.
Bob:And, uh, Bill, could we get Space Ghost in the banana suit, eh?
Zorak:I'm ready when you are.
Bob:Okay, Space Ghost is going to inviso down to his mark in Atlanta.
Zorak:Gotcha. Eh, where do I look? (turns to one side)
Bob:Uh, straight ahead.
Zorak:(faces front again)
Bob:And, we're ready? Okay. And, action.
Zorak:(with title logo, steel drum music starts) Ask the Big Banana. (music stops) Eh, was that okay?
Bob:Uh, give me a little more, Zorak. C'mon, stretch a little. Uh, we're still rollin', right? Okay, here we go.
Zorak:(clears his throat; music starts again) Hey, kids, it's time for, time to ask the questions, time for your wacky questions to the Big Banana in, outer space. (music stops) Eh, how'm I doin'?
Space Ghost:(on location in downtown Atlanta, in banana suit, his face not showing) I'm not real comfortable here, Bob.
Bob:(aside) The suit's on backwards, this is great. (to Space Ghost) Uh, the suit's on backwards.
Space Ghost:Is that what it is?
Bob:Mostly. Um, just try to go with it, would you, please?
Space Ghost:I... okay. Hey, you, come here.
Kaili Rubin:Hi.
Space Ghost:They call me the Big Banana. Got any questions for me?
Kaili Rubin:Uh... where's your face?
Space Ghost:(laughs) Where my face... Er, well, I'm a banana, see? Bananas don't have faces. (steel drum music)
Kaili Rubin:Whatever. (walks off)
Zorak:I've never even seen a banana in space.
Moltar:Yeah, uh, it's a high concept piece.
Space Ghost:Okay. That was fun. Can we try something else, Bob?
Bob:Just one more, please.
Space Ghost:I'm starting to sweat, Bob.
Bob:Okay, okay. Come, come on,
Space Ghost:Um... Bob? I, I can't reach my inviso belt. Bob? You better send a -
Bob:Okay, Zorak, I need you to run through the, uh, over to the desk music, okay?
Zorak:Alright. I had a new idea that I wanna tr- (BLAM!) (Zorak is blasted again for no reason) (coughs repeatedly)
Moltar:Ho ho, that's not right.
Zorak:What in Andromeda's name is going on?
Space Ghost:(bounds back to his desk) Where are we? Did I miss something?
Zorak:I'd just like to see it coming, is that too much to ask?
Bob:We're sorry, Zorak, but it's rehearsal, right, I mean, that's why we're here. Now Fran, get some makeup on Zorak again...
Space Ghost:I'm not sure that banana segment is working.
Bob:Ah, we'll, we'll deal with that later. You, you up on all your questions?
Space Ghost:Eh, definitely. What are your superpowers, oxygen, got it.
Bob:Okay, we're gonna take it from the intro of our guest. Zorak, you're back, right?
Zorak:Yes, I'm fine.
Space Ghost:Say, who's up on Friday night?
Bob:Um, it's, uh, it's not firmed up yet, but, um, we're, um, uh, we've got calls in to Johnny Carson and Barbra Streisand...
Space Ghost:I like Streisand.
Bob:Um, and Susan Powter's on standby if anything falls through.
Space Ghost:Hmmm...
Zorak:And Birdman waiting in the wings if you keep flubbing your intro.
Birdman:Oh, please please, please please please please please pleeeease!
Bob:Okay, let's go. And... action.
Space Ghost:Let's welcome tonight's guest, he's one of those zany B-52's, ladies and gentlemen, let's give it up for Fred Schneider!
Fred Schneider:(as monitor lowers) Hello hello hello!
Bob:(in background) Good... good...
Space Ghost:Greetings, citizen Fred! Welcome to my show!
Fred Schneider:(mechanically) Thank you very much.
Space Ghost:Are you getting enough carbohydrates?
Bob:Cut! Oxygen, SG, are you getting enough oxygen.
Space Ghost:Don't use it myself.
Bob:Your, your line, Space Ghost.
Space Ghost:Just funnin' ya.
Zorak:Birdman, Coast to Coast.
Bob:And... action.
Space Ghost:(subdued) So... Fred Schneider. Singer. Activist. Performer. Are you getting enough oxygen?
Bob:(sarcastic) Riviting.
Fred Schneider:Um, no, because of hay fever, I am suffering.
Space Ghost:Sorry to hear that. And, eh, superpowers, got any?
Fred Schneider:Well, besides super-B.O., um...
Space Ghost:Super-B.O.?
Fred Schneider:Yeah.
Space Ghost:(more animated) Well, then, get ready for a blast from my aerosol deodorant ray, mister! (aims power bands at monitor)
Fred Schneider:What?
Bob:Whoa! Wha, cut! (Space Ghost's teeth are clenched) Whoa! Put that, hey, put that down! Do not threaten the guest!
Space Ghost:Uh...
Bob:Hang on, people!
Moltar:(to Fred) Hey man, you, uh, need anything right now?
Fred Schneider:Stay where you are, because you don't wanna be here.
Moltar:Yeah, I heard that!
Bob:Mr. Schneider, we apologize, SG's a little nervous tonight.
Fred Schneider:No, not at-
Space Ghost:Fred...
Fred Schneider:Huh?
Space Ghost:Look at me. Do you have any advice for me as I take on the late night talk show wars?
Fred Schneider:Let it happen, let it all hang out.
Space Ghost:Just sort of relax and go with it, you mean.
Fred Schneider:Yes.
Space Ghost:So, do you think I should be a serious talk show host, or just plain wacky?
Fred Schneider:Just do anything, who cares, just shake it. Shake it loose.
Space Ghost:Gotcha. I'm shakin' it. So, what's this "Love Shack" all the kids are talkin' about?
Bob:Cut! Um, we're outta time. Fred, thanks for comin' in for the run-through. Would, um, would you consider doin' an actual guest spot?
Fred Schneider:I will if you pay me enough money.
Bob:Of course. Well, um, thank you. (Fred fades from monitor, and is replaced by static) Good job, SG, eh, that feel good for you?
Space Ghost:I was horrible, I spent so much time worrying about which question to ask next, I wasn't even hearing his responses.
Bob:Well, you'll, you'll, you'll grow with it. Listen, I gotta, I gotta take this call, every-, everybody take five.
Space Ghost:You know, this is somethin'. Guys like us with our own talk show, it's a testament to our continued popularity.
Moltar:Yeah, well... I hear it's a cost-saving method.
Space Ghost:How do you mean?
Moltar:It's the 90's, Space Ghost. Network brass is openly referring to us as the "B" characters in their cartoon library. Something about "building equity".
Space Ghost:I can't believe that! They told me -
Zorak:Ah, don't get your nylons in a wad, it's just a business. I'm under no delusions about this particular gig.
Moltar:Yeah, but come on! "B" characters? Maybe you and me, but Space Ghost here had his own jigsaw puzzle.
Space Ghost:(sighs) Thanks, Moltar, but Zorak's right. The only thing to do right now is put out the best darn talk show we can. (set is broken down as he speaks) Arsenio, Dave, Leno... You know, maybe it's time you fellas took a step back from the fleet lights of adulation, and took a good look around. There's a distant thunder drawing near, rolling in across the vast wasteland of popular entertainment. Maybe you can't see it coming because your view is blocked by cheap façades of skylines and cityscapes. But you'd better make ready, my friends, because this thunder is preparing to rain down fear and terror on your gilded houses of complacency! Mark my words, big shot late night gab-fest mavens, you're about to tangle with a one-dimensional caricature, and his long-forgotten arch-nemesis pals, a bug, and a... what are you anyway, Moltar?
Moltar:I'm a poorly drawn lava kind of a molten man.
Space Ghost:... and a poorly drawn lava kind of a molten man! There's a new player in this late night talk show war, and his name is -
Bob:Space Ghost?
Space Ghost:(pause) Yeah, Bob?
Bob:Uh, we, we need to book, man, the Snorks are in here for a promo or somethin' at 4, okay?
Space Ghost:Oh, uh, right, right.
(Credits roll)
Moltar:Hey, uh, who played the part of the director, anyway?
Space Ghost:I don't know, some union guy.

Fred Schneider
Chip Duffey
Key Brady
(inverted) Tom Roche
Sonny Sharrock
Eddie Horst
Sonny Sharrock
Lance Carter
Eddie Horst
Alfrieda Gerald
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Tom Arcuragi
Scott Finnell
Big Deal Cartoons
C. Martin Croker
C. Martin Croker
Matthew I Jenkins
Derald Hunt
Randall Lane
Roy Clements
Tim Schnack
Michael Padgett
Butch Seibert
Dave Sillman
Tim Garber
John Walsh
Mardy Beeson
Kaili Rubin
Vishal Roney
Gus Jordan
Gill Austin
Maya McClure
Isabel Gonzalez
Nathan Cook
Hanna Barbera
Kaili Rubin
Alex Toth
Jim Fortier
Pete Smith
Andy Merrill
Chip Duffey
Dave Willis
Keith Crofford
Michael Lazzo

© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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