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BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut (T):

Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcome to Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight's guest is Beck. That's it, just Beck. My work is done here, I'm going home. (remains silent during rest of theme & titles) Oh yeah, here's, uh, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost (SG):

(invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost. Joining me tonight is guitarist/musician Beck. Also, I will blast Zorak repeatedly for busting up my apartment earlier this afternoon.

Zorak (Z):

I'm back.

SG:

Well, thanks for joining us, Zorak!

Z:

No problem.

SG:

You're a little late.

Z:

Well, I've been breaking your stuff.

SG:

Yes, I know.

Z:

(sighs and rolls his eyes) I got tired near the end, so I lit a big fire. That's why I'm late.

SG:

Did the flames consume all my posessions?

Z:

Everything but your hand-painted Presidents of the United States ceramic figurines collection.

SG:

Oh, really?

Z:

Yeah, I had to crush that with a hammer.

SG:

(long pause) (in low voice) You know I'm going to have to do something about this, don't you?

Z:

Go ahead, I'll just regenerate.

SG:

(blasts Zorak)

Z:

(crisped) See? Fried now, (cut to Space Ghost, still aiming) cut away, (cut back to normal looking Zorak) back to normal! (evil laugh)

SG:

(blasts him again)

Z:

(crisped) Oh, you can do better than that! Think of the figurines! (evil laugh)

SG:

This is for tiny Abraham Lincoln! (blasts him again)

Z:

Now, wait...

SG:

And this is for tiny George Washington! (blasts him again)

SG:

And this is for tiny Millard Fillmore (blasts him again)

Moltar (M):

Wait, you're not giving him time to regenerate! (control room monitor: ONE TURNTABLE AND TWO MICROPHONES)

SG:

And this is for tiny Jimmy Carter! (blasts him again)

M:

Stop! Stop!

SG:

And this is for tiny Rutherford B. Hayes! (blasts him again)

Z:

(looking especially crisped, eyes closed)

M:

Are ya done yet? (control room monitor: SWORD OR MATADOR?)

SG:

(panting) No! Did I do Chester Allan Arthur?

M:

Yeah.

SG:

What about Grover Cleveland?

M:

Twice.

SG:

How about I give him one to grow on?

M:

IIIII think he's learned his lesson.

SG:

(blasts him one last time; smoke rises from empty keyboard pod)

M:

Well, that's just super! Zorak's dead!

SG:

Really?

M:

Yes, Space Ghost, he is.

SG:

You say that like it's my fault.

M:

It is your fault, you blasted him too many times.

SG:

No, I didn't.

M:

Yes, you did.

SG:

No, I didn't!

M:

Yes, you did! (control room monitor: PAPA'S GOT A BRAND NEW BAG)

SG:

(with anguish) Heaven help me! What have I done?!? (normal voice) Oh, well...

M:

Should I... call the morgue or somethin'? (control room monitor: HUGHES ???? KU 77TH)

SG:

Nope, play me to the desk.

M:

What!? How am I supposed to do that?

SG:

I've prepared for this inevitability. To your left you will find a songbook. Open that songbook.

M:

(looking at book) This, is this it? "Don Hester's Flip and Learn Song Book for the Wee Piano Player, Volume One"?

SG:

Exactly. Now start singing.

M:

Y'know, I'm a little shy.

SG:

Get over it. Page 12, Moltar.

M:

(groans) (sings, all one note) This is the note called mid-dle C, this is how it sounds to me.

SG:

(invisos to desk) Please welcome my first guest)

Beck (B):

(on monitor, as it lowers from ceiling) Oh, thank you.

SG:

Identify yourself.

B:

My name is Beck Hansen, a musician, a human being, um, et cetera.

SG:

Space Ghost would like to speak with Beck in the third person. Would Beck like that?

B:

Yeah, that would be nice, yeah.

SG:

Space Ghost is glad that Beck feels this way.

B:

Third person is always a good way to, to approach the second and first persons...

SG:

Oh, Space Ghost couldn't agree more.

B:

The kind of menage thing is good, too.

SG:

Citizen Beck, expound on your freak-like manner.

B:

Well... (pauses)

SG:

Well, what?

B:

I like to plug things in, and then I like to unplug them, and then I go to sleep. What do you think about that, Moltar? Looks like you're plugged in all the time. (laughs)

SG:

Moltar is unplugged tonight, Beck.

B:

Oh, yeah?

SG:

Allow me to demonstrate. Moltar, turn to page 23.

M:

(groans) Oh, man! I hate this one!

SG:

Take us to the bridge, Moltar. The London bridge.

M:

Alright, alright... (control room monitor: DESTRY RIDES AGAIN)
London bridge is falling down,
Falling down, falling down,
London bridge is falling down,
My fair lady.

(Control room monitor: ?? THE TRANSPONDER HOTLINES)

B:

(while Moltar is singing) You like that?

SG:

Who doesn't?

B:

It's a good tune.

SG:

Taco?

B:

Oh, if you, if you have one, that would be nice.

SG:

Moltar, release the taco.

M:

(pulls LUNCH lever) (Pop!)

B:

(catches Taco Bell wrapped taco) Of course, Space Ghost would always have a taco. Oh, thanks for the extra cheese there. (smells it) That doesn't look too friendly, actually.

M:

Yeah, it's been sitting on my dashboard for a few days.

B:

Yeah, I can smell it.

M:

(sighs) Man, Zorak used to love tacos.

B:

Here, maybe Zorak would like that. Here you go!

SG:

Zorak is dead, Beck.

B:

(looks back silently)

SG:

I exterminated him.

B:

(looks back uncomfortably)

SG:

Of course I found an excellent replacement. Haven't I, Moltar?

M:

Uh, I gotta go, fix the deal. (starts to walks away) (control room monitor: ?? THREAT OR MENACE?)

SG:

Do another one, do a German one.

M:

(groans) "Deutschland Mein Deutschland"?

SG:

Oh, I know, "Du, Du, Liegst Mir im Herzen".

B:

Should I get my helmet on first?

SG:

Vaßever floatzen das boot.

B:

(puts on his "helmet", which is actually a lampshade) Alright, let me have it.

SG:

Moltar, commence.

B:

(while Moltar sings) You don't mind if I take a nap, do you? It's been a long tour. I'm just gonna stretch out for a while. (leans back & closes his eyes)

M:

(sings) Du, du liegst mir im Herzen; du, du liegst mir im Sinn.
Du, du machst mir viel Schmerzen, weißt nicht wie gut ich dir bin.
Ja, ja, ja, ja, ...

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

M:

Ja, ja, ja, ja, weißt nicht wie gut ich dir bin.

SG:

That was beautiful, Moltar, where'd you learn to sing like that?

M:

Juilliard.

SG:

Shhh shhh, look, he's still asleep. (Beck is snoring on the monitor)

M:

Doesn't he look cute with his little hat on?

SG:

(quietly) Shhh, quiet, you're gonna wake him up.

M:

Let's put a pillow over his face.

SG:

No!!

B:

(wakes up, takes off his "helmet") Mmmm, that was, ahhh, thanks.

SG:

How does Beck feel?

B:

I feel so refreshed. That was very rejuventating.

SG:

Now, you're a musician, right?

B:

Yeah, yeah.

SG:

And, you have a band, correct?

B:

Yeah, I'm, I got a band. We got, we got Stagecoach on the drums...

SG:

(scoots chair forward, then scoots back & forth as Beck talks)

B:

We have Smokestack on guitar. Uh, Hound Dog is playin' the keyboards. And, uh, we have Showboat playin' the bass.

SG:

Brainwave: what if you guys were to come up here, and be my new house band?

B:

(long pause) (sighs)

SG:

(sings) I got two turntables and my mommy's home.

B:

Uh, well, we don't have turntables right now.

SG:

Space Ghost would be down with Beck being his new band leader.

B:

I am down with that. Me too.

SG:

You don't bust up people's stuff for no apparent reason, do you?

B:

No, I don't, I don't, I don't do that.

SG:

Good.

B:

I don't play that.

SG:

Because I think that would be very old school of you.

B:

It's old school.

SG:

And Space Ghost would not play that.

B:

Yeah, yeah, you don't play, play that.

SG:

No, I don't. Space Ghost is not down with that.

B:

That's old school. I'm not, I'm not down with that.

SG:

And Space Ghost would have to dispose of you.

B:

Right, right, right.

SG:

Right.

B:

Right.

(In control room)

Z:

Hello, Moltar!

M:

Yeeaaah! Zorak! Where did you come from?

Z:

Downstairs.

M:

Man, I thought you were dead!

Z:

Nah, I regenerated and went downstairs.

M:

You know, Space Ghost thinks he killed ya.

Z:

Really! (evil laugh) Well, I'm gonna go out there and mess with his head!

(In the studio)

SG:

Uh, Beck, you have a tag.

B:

How's that?

SG:

You got a tag on your pants.

B:

Oh, thanks. There we go. (cuts off tag with a pair of scissors) Thanks for bringing that to my attention there.

SG:

You must be quite embarrassed.

B:

Yeah.

SG:

'Cause you know, you had a tag.

B:

Yeah, yeah.

SG:

It just sorta made you look foolish.

(Lights start to flash on and off, with eerie music)

SG:

What's goin' on?

Z:

(eerie voice) Ooooooooh!

SG:

(fearfully) Zorak! You're dead! I vaporized you!

B:

Zorak, how ya doin'?

Z:

(eerie voice) Fiiiine! (laughs)

SG:

What do you want of me, O spectre?

Z:

Toniiiight, you will be visited by threeee spirits! The first will.. mess with the lights! (flickflickflickflick) The next will screw with your monitor! (Beck disappears from monitor, Zorak takes his place) Hi, how's it goin'?

SG:

Aaaaah! (Beck returns to monitor) Wh-wh-what about the third?

Z:

Uh, the third, uh... He will also mess with the lights! (flickflickflickflickflickflickflickflick)

SG:

Stop it, vile apparition! You're going to break the switch!

Z:

Ooooooh! (flickflickflick--poof! click) Oops! (click...click) Must have blown a fuse.

SG:

See?? Look what ya done now!

(Credits roll)

B:

(snores)

(Pop!)

The following is a paid advertisement for Ghost Planet Industries and does not reflect the views and opinions of this station. Consult your physician before using this or any other diet plan.

(Infomercial music begins)

B:

(subtitle: BECK HANSEN / POPULAR MUSICIAN) The past is a cancelled check. Your maximum point of power is now.

Brak (B):

(subtitle: BRAK / TV'S "BRAK") Stop stumblin' around in the dark, and stubbin' your toe on financial ruin! Turn the light on!

SG:

Wonder what these people are talking about? Listen to another testimonial.

David Lander (DL):

(subtitle: DAVID LANDER / TV's "SQUIGGY") Hello.

SG:

Yes, you too will be saying (subtitle: "HELLO, MONEY!") hello to money, and (subtitle: "HELLO, LIFE!") hello to life, with my (subtitle: NOT SOLD IN ANY STORE!) new twelve week program. (subtitle: LIFETIME GUARANTEE!) But don't take my word for it!

B:

(subtitle: STAY TUNED FOR FREE TRIAL OFFER!) And in the twelve week plan, you know, I broke through, it all happened like that.

SG:

(subtitle: GERMAN CRAFTSMAN AWARD FOR EXCELLENCE!) That was triple Grammy award winning rock musician Beck. (subtitle: FITS ANY 8-TRACK TAPE PLAYER!) Here's some more testimonials.

T:

(subtitle: TANSUT / TV's "THE FALL GUY") Now, I finally have enough money to live my dream... (subtitle: MAKE A CHANGE!) as a woman!

B:

(on studio monitor, subtitle: COMES WITH 7-PAGE PAMPHLET!) I bought about thirty-five thousand acres, and (subtitle: SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED!) uh, for, you know, sixty cents an acre, (subtitle: ALL TAPES ARE SHINY AND NEW! [words sparkle]) and in about twelve minutes.

SG:

(subtitle: SPACE GHOST NODS KNOWINGLY!) Mmm hmm.

B:

(subtitle: MR. HANSEN'S RESULTS ARE TYPICAL!) My profits have gone up six thousand percent, (subtitle: YOUR RESULTS MAY VARY.) and it was all because of the tapes.

B:

(subtitle: "I SAW THE TAPES! BOY, OH BOY!!" - TV's "BRAK") I saw the tapes! Boy, oh boy!!

SG:

Need I say more? What are you waiting for? With just three easy payments of $79.95 (superimposed, in a flashing star: A $22000 VALUE) you too can have my twelve week program. (subtitle: CALL NOW!) Just pick up the phone and call! It's that easy!

DL:

(subtitle: DAVID LANDER / TV's "SQUIGGY") I'll see it when I believe it.

SG:

Believe it, Squiggy! And believe in your cash ability!

B:

(subtitle: TAPES ENCASED IN DELUXE PLASTIC!) See, I didn't have a tape machine, I just had the tapes. So, (subtitle: AS SEEN ON TV!) I mean, if I got to listen to the tapes, I would really be makin' some, some headway.

SG:

(subtitle: SORRY, NO C.O.D.s!) I order you to order now! (aims his power band)

© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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