Home | Ghost Planet Central | Episode Guide | Previous | Next

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut (T):

Greetings, this is Tansut, welcoming you to the first ever Space Ghost Coast to Coast 37th show anniversary celebration spectacular-mathon. Tonight, funny man Bobcat Goldthwait, and funny woman Judy Tenuta. And now, your friend and mine, that ghost host with the most, Spaaace Ghooost!

Space Ghost (SG):

(invisos in, coughing) Greetings, TV-watching citizens! I am Space Ghost, and I'm tickled pink to be here!

Zorak (Z):

Tickled stupid, you mean.

SG:

(stares at Zorak, sniffs) Before we begin, let me introduce you to the director of tonight's festivities, that fabulous hot rock himself, Moltar!

Audience (A):

(applause)

Moltar (M):

Hey, don't get up, really.

SG:

And, over here, we have my band leader, and indentured mantis-servant, Zorak, and the Original Way Outs! (Way Outs play a synthesized excerpt from "William Tell Overature") And we'd like to welcome you to... (takes deep breath) The first ever Space Ghost anniversary spectacular-mathon, uh, show.

Z:

Whoop de doodle do!

SG:

You know, kids, tonight is a special notch in the belt that is the Space Ghost saga.

Z:

Ehhh, Space Ghost, what anniversary is this, anyway?

SG:

Weren't you listening, Zorak? It's my 37th show anniversary! (smile sparkles)

Z:

I never heard of anybody celebrating their 37th anniversary before! It's dopey.

SG:

It's not dopey! It's our 37th show! That's an anniversary, right? Darn tootin' it is! So, hap-hap-happy anniversary it is, and shut up Zorak, because you're not gonna rain on my charade.

T:

Well, I don't know what I'm doing here, either.

Z:

(looks around)

SG:

(looks around)

T:

(in recording booth, behind a window) They called me twenty minutes ago, shoved these notes in my hand, what do they expect? (microphone feedback increases in volume) Buncha morons!

M:

Uh, Tansut?

T:

Let 'em fire me, I don't care.

M:

Tansut?

T:

What?

M:

Uh, your mike's on, man.

T:

Ohhhhh, fluff! Nobody showed me how to do this! (feedback increases again) (finally turns microphone off)

SG:

Oh-kay! Let's get on with it, shall we? (invisos to desk, with new music) (Ding dong!) Say, I wonder who that could be?

M:

It's your first anniversary guest, Space Ghost, funny lady Judy Tenuta (she appears on control room monitor)

Judy Tenuta (JT):

I'm ready, honey!

SG:

Judy! Welcome back to the show!

JT:

Oh-h-h-h-h-h! Space Ghost! I'm so excited!

SG:

Me too!

Z:

Oooh! Me too!

SG:

So, Judy gal, what have you been doing since I last saw you?

JT:

Oh! Space Ghost, as you know, I rule the western hemisphere!

SG:

That's nice, must keep you busy.

JT:

(plays accordion and sings) I rule, I rule, I rule.

SG:

Uh, Judy...

JT:

Yeah!?

SG:

Stuff a sock in it, Tenuta.

JT:

(dances with accordion, to weird background sound)

SG:

Judy, I've asked you to come back to celebrate my anniversary with me! Now, celebrate!

JT:

Ohhh...

SG:

Don't sing, Judy.

JT:

(plays accordion and sings) Happy anniversary, happy anniversary, happy anniversary, Spaaaace Ghost! Oh-h-h-h-h-h! (spins around)

SG:

(grimaces)

JT:

Look at this! (swings her accordion up with her chest, then sits down)

Z:

Must I?

JT:

I can make myself invisible. You cannot see me now! (puts her hands in front of her face)

SG:

Uh, yes I can.

JT:

No-o-o-o-o! You cannot...

SG:

Yes I can! (aims his power bands at monitor)

JT:

No! His rays cannot harm me, no-o-o!

SG:

(lowers his power bands, sighs)

JT:

(shaking her head back and forth, singing) Hair dance, hair dance, don't be a square, dance! Hair dance!

SG:

(stares back silently)

JT:

(full face on monitor, puckering for Space Ghost) (Smoooooch!)

SG:

Hmmm. Okay, I think it's time for Judy Jetson here to blast off.

M:

Gotcha. (throws lever to send her away)

JT:

(still on studio monitor) Oh, you pig!

SG:

Aaah! Moltar!

M:

I know, I know. (throws more levers, control room monitor changes several times, finally shows Tansut's booth)

T:

Uh, excuse me. Are we going to commercial now?

SG:

No!

T:

Oh, sorry, don't mind me. (Moltar throws lever, control room monitor shows static)

SG:

(Ding dong!) Aha! Our next guest! (sniff sniff sniff sniff) Hey! I smell evil!

M:

Space Ghost...

Chad Ghostal (CG):

(evil laugh)

M:

... It's your evil twin brother.

SG:

Aaaaah! Can't talk, Chad, I have a hernia!

CG:

Hey hey, relax, baby, like, I'm not here to spread terror.

Z:

Rats!

CG:

I just wanted to swing by and check out the old Ghost Pad. You know, I had a real blast the last time I saw you, Taddles. A real blast. (evil laugh)

SG:

Yeah, I bet you did. You and that creepy Elvira woman, pawwing each other. Yuck!

CG:

Oh, forget that chick, Taddy Bear, I already did. I'm looking for some new action, you dig? Some new kicks, know what I mean, butterbean?

SG:

Not a whiff, Chad.

CG:

Then let me clue ya, Tadville. I want to host the show again. (evil laugh)

SG:

Oh no, no no no no no!

CG:

Okay Tad, be that way. Now I'm glad I left that surprise for you in your futon this morning. (evil laugh) B'da b'da! (evil laugh)

SG:

Oh, that was you, huh?

CG:

Well, I'll be in touch. Later, cats 'n kittens! (purrs) (barks)

Moltar & Zorak (M&Z):

(in unison) Bye, Chad!

Z:

I like your brother.

SG:

You do not!

JT:

(reappears on monitor) Look at my cheekbones!

SG:

Aaaaah! Moltar, break!

T:

(groans) Ten pounds of sausage in a five pound sack!

M:

Tansut!

T:

Oh, uh, coming up next, more stuff!

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

T:

(sings) Welcome back! (normal voice) Oooh! Hey! I nailed that one!

SG:

(Ding dong!) What now, Birdman?

M:

Relax, man, it's Bobcat. He's cool. (Bobcat is on control room monitor, waves at Moltar)

SG:

Ladies and gentlemen, it's special anniversary guest Bobcat Goldthwait.

Bobcat Goldthwait (BG):

I tell ya, it's really been great here, to be back here, Space Ghost.

SG:

It's great to have you. So, it's my 37th show anniversary, Bobcat.

BG:

You should slap yourself on the back.

Z:

He should slap himself in the face.

SG:

(slaps himself in the face)

BG:

(laugh, then shrieking laugh, then starts to cry)

SG:

So, Bob-a-rella, did ya bring me anything special for my anniversary?

BG:

Oh, I brought you many things. (pause)

SG:

(smiles at camera)

BG:

I'm lyin', man, what can I get ya, you don't even wear slacks or trousers or pants, you know...

SG:

Oh, that's okay, just as long as you don't sing me a stupid song or anything.

BG:

(starts making gibbering noises, shaking his head back and forth)

M:

Look out, I think he's gonna sing!

SG:

He's not gonna sing, Moltar. You're.. not gonna sing, are you, Bobcat?

BG:

Yes I am.

SG:

Ohhh brother.

Z:

Sing! Sing, you fool! Sing like a maniac! (shakes his arm)

BG:

Okay. (takes a deep breath, then shouts) SPACE GHOST COAST TO COAST, SPACE GHOST COAST TO COAST, SPACE GHOST COAST TO COAST, AGH AGH AGH AGH AGH!

SG:

(sighs)

BG:

Could you buy the sincerity of that? Yeah, I, it really worked for me.

Z:

Hmmmm, it had a good beat, and I could kill you to it. I give it a 75. (holding a sign with "75")

BG:

I'm tellin' ya, I'm gonna get up, and I'm gonna dope-slap that bug.

M:

Fine! Fine!

SG:

Be my guest, Bobcat! Dope-slap away!

BG:

Zorak, I'm gonna dope-slap ya!

Z:

(mocking) O-o-o-o-h, I'm so frightened!

BG:

(makes face at Zorak) (to Space Ghost) How did you get a show with a cricket?

Z:

I'm a loc-, er, mantis!

BG:

Apparently, in, somewhere in show business, you shoulda went paper instead of scissors.

Z:

Yeah, look who's talking, the talk show arsonist!

BG:

I'm serious, I will, I will clean that bug's clock so fast!

SG:

Zorak!

BG:

You just tell him that, I, I, I personally put two of the Bugaloos in the hospital.

SG:

I think he heard you.

BG:

(exaggerated wink)

SG:

Um, look, Bobby-cat, I apologize about the bug.

BG:

Alright. Yah-yah-yah-yah-yah-yah-yah!

SG:

I try to make him behave, but...

BG:

(looks to his right) Am I done, is that enough community service? (looks front and nods)

SG:

(sighs) Any last words of anniversary wisdom for the little people at home?

BG:

Yeah. (pounds fist into his palm) You gotta make your own fun, Space Ghost.

SG:

Great.

BG:

You gotta make your own fun.

SG:

I tried to make my own fun, look what it got me! Happy anniversary to me!

BG:

(sticks his tongue out at Space Ghost)

SG:

Whoop de doo. Moltar, are we done?

M:

Uh, we still got that cheap clip thing.

SG:

That's right! This should be great, folks. It's a sparkling career retrospective to me! Space Ghost! Roll 'em!

M:

(throws lever, countdown begins)

(Title screen shows: "OUR MAN SPACE GHOST / THE DIRECTOR'S CUT", followed by numerous "Space Ghost" cartoon clips of him getting blasted, pounded, frozen, slammed, by numerous enemies)

M:

(laughs)

Z:

(laughs)

SG:

That was no sparkling tribute! That was terrible! That was... yuck! What in the name of Vic Tayback was that?

M:

A montage.

SG:

(French voice) Montage! French, hah? Well, that explains that, no, Moltar? (normal voice) Those French, they ruin everything! I mean, you give them an entire Disneyland, and they can't even make a dime off it. Even purple-butted baboons couldn't screw up a Disneyland! Hmmm! I tell ya, one day I oughta do somethin' about them French.

Z:

(French voice) I dare you! I double dare you!

SG:

Okay, I will! See if I don't! (flies off)

BG:

(still making faces on the monitor)

(Phantom Cruiser flying in space)

SG:

(in cockpit) Ruin my anniversary, will ya?

(Night scene of Paris, Eiffel Tower in center)

Voice (V):

(with French accent) Look out! It is zee Space Ghost! (Phantom Cruiser ray blasts city)

SG:

Take that, you cheese eaters!

(Blasts city again, crisps Eiffel tower; blast city around Arc de Triomphe, city is in flames, people are screaming)

Z:

(French voice) Well, zat ees zat! Au reservoir, mon-sewers!

M:

Bon soir! (throws lever, clip of Space Ghost being pounded into the ground reappears on monitor; title: Fin)

(Credits roll)

(French accordion music in background)

T:

(in French voice) You've been watching the Space Ghost Anniversary Spectacular-mathon, celebrating thirty-seven or so episodes of talk show whatchamacallit. From all of us here, to all of you, bon oui, what you say, a good night.

BG:

(shrieking laugh)

© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

Home | Ghost Planet Central | Episode Guide | Previous | Next