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| Episode: | 39 |
|---|---|
| Title: | Pilot |
| Original Air Date: | August 21, 1997 |
| Guest Stars: | Lori Fetrick, Steve Henneberry |
Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed
| BEGIN TRANSMISSION | |
| (Classical music plays in background) | |
| (Lokar sits in a comfy chair) | |
| Lokar: | Good evening, I am Lokar, potentate of thug locusts, bringing you a very special glimpse at an historic episode of Space Ghost, Coast to Coast. Not many people know that in the early stages of this programme, there was a contract dispute, in which the outcome was the last-minute hiring of sub-standard Earth hero Birdman. I will be showing you many clips and out-takes from this fiasco tonight. I present to you now, the r-r-remains of Birdman, Coast to Coast. Enjoy! |
| (Film count-down, with projector sounds) | |
| (Opening Birdman Coast to Coast them & titles) | |
| Birdman, finest in transmission, Birdman, in the middle of the night, Waiting all day for Birdman, Diggin' Uncle Birdman! | |
| Birdman: | What if I have to go to the bathroom during the interview? |
| Bob: | Relax, Harv, you'll be fine. Hey, stop worryin'. Now, I'd like you to meet the show's director, Moltar. |
| Birdman: | Hey, Moltar, good to have ya aboard. |
| Moltar: | Yeah, well it's this, or back to solitary. |
| Bob: | Harvey, this is Lokar, he'll be your band leader. |
| Lokar: | I prefer "musical ar-r-r-ranger", if you don't mind? Any upright anthropomorph with an appendage or two can "tickle the ivories". (plays a classical piano excerpt) Anywho, it's a delight to meet you, Birdman, charmed, I'm sure. |
| Birdman: | What's with this guy, is he gonna do this on the show? |
| Moltar: | Uhhh, I gotta question. |
| Bob: | Yeah, babe, shoot. |
| Moltar: | Um, just exactly, um... What do I do? |
| Bob: | I told you, you just push the lever up and down, okay? |
| Moltar: | Up, down... (pushes lever up and down, control room monitor shows off-screen shot of Avenger) Up, down... (pushes lever up and down, monitor shows Lokar in keyboard pod) Down... (pushes lever) Wait a minute! |
| (Beep!) | |
| (Shot of empty set; Birdman crashes through ceiling, feet dangling) | |
| Birdman: | Uh, a little help up here. |
| (Beep!) | |
| Birdman: | (flies down from above, lands on stage; speaks nervously) Um, good evening, um, welcome to the show, I'm, er, your host, uh.. (echo effect) Biiiiiiird Maaaaaaan! (camera lens cracks, woman screams) Do I have to pay for that? |
| (Beep!) | |
| Birdman: | Good evening everyone, um, I'm your show, Birdman... hey, I'm sorry, sorry. |
| (Beep!) | |
| Birdman: | I just flew in from the coast, and, and, and boy, are my arms... oh, wings, you wanted wings there? I mean, wings.. |
| (Beep!) | |
| Birdman: | Okay, okay, okay, okay. Eh, we do it again? |
| (Beep!) | |
| Birdman: | Um, well... Hey, have you heard about this, grunge rock music the kids are into? It's, um, pretty weird... |
| Lokar: | Yippity yappity yappity! My good man, what are you going on about? |
| Birdman: | Um, I'm trying to do my opening monologue. |
| Lokar: | Opening monologue? It sounded more like you were delivering a eulogy! (laughs) |
| (Beep!) | |
| Avenger: | (squawks) |
| Birdman: | (whispers) Should I start now? |
| Bob: | Yeah. |
| Birdman: | Howdy, folks, let's say hello to our director, uh... |
| Moltar: | Moltar! |
| Birdman: | My faithful sidekick, Avenger. |
| Avenger: | (bows, then squawks) |
| Birdman: | And our band leader... |
| Lokar: | Musical di-r-r-rector, Lokar! Observe! (plays something classical on keyboard) |
| Birdman: | (sighs) |
| Zorak: | (off camera) You're pathetic, Lokar. |
| Birdman: | What was that? |
| Lokar: | What was that? |
| Bob: | Well, that's Zorak... |
| Zorak: | Hello. |
| Bob: | He's our backup bug, you know, in case somethin' happens to Liberace here? |
| Lokar: | I wish my br-r-r-other George was here! |
| (Beep!) | |
| Birdman: | Oh, I'm stupid! |
| Bob: | Yeah, just pick up where you left off, Harv, it'll work, just fine. |
| Birdman: | Um, tonight's guests are, um... Who are the guests, anyway? |
| Moltar: | Ice and Tower, American Gladiators. |
| Birdman: | Is that it? Oh well, ladies and gentlemen, tonight's guests, Tower and Ice. |
| (Monitor lowers with Tower and Ice, followed by dead silence) | |
| Bob: | Harvey? |
| Lokar: | Well, what are you waiting for, say something. |
| Birdman: | I will, just gimme a second. (pause) What should I say? |
| Bob: | Anything you like, just, uh, just wing it. okay, Harv? |
| Birdman: | (pause) Ohhhhh, the pressure! |
| (Beep!) | |
| Birdman: | Um, welcome, Ice and Tower, it's, it's great to have you here. |
| Ice: | (laughs) |
| Birdman: | Ummmm... |
| Tower: | How are you doin'? I mean, are you... |
| Birdman: | Well, not so great, actually, I've got my entire life riding on this show, and if it doesn't work out, it probably means the end of my marriage and my career. |
| Lokar: | Oh, my, gape at me, I'm the pitiful tr-ragic Birdman. I flit about in total depression! Oh, poor pitiful me! My world is an irventine pile! |
| Birdman: | Okay, that's enough. I can't work with this bug. He's getting on my nerves, and I don't understand a thing he says anyways. |
| Bob: | Harvey, Harvey, calm down. Just do the show, okay? |
| Birdman: | Yeah, okay. |
| Lokar: | My hatred for you... is delicious. |
| (Beep!) | |
| Avenger: | (squawks and squawks, in background) |
| Birdman: | So, what's your position, uh, on this grunge music? |
| Tower: | I'd have to say my favorite event is the joust, um, it's a great feeling... |
| Lokar: | I say, can't you do anything to squelch the cacophonous squawking of your mite-ridden cohort? |
| Birdman: | Speak English, sissy. |
| Lokar: | Might I suggest that the beast may provide more entertainment value if I lop its shrieking head off! |
| Birdman: | That's it! Avenger, ho! |
| Avenger: | (streaks across stage toward Lokar, beats the living bejeebers out of him) |
| (film trailer, end of movie reel noise) | |
| Lokar: | I'm sorry... But seeing that again... Oh, please! Oh, please, go away! |
| INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION | |
| RESUME TRANSMISSION | |
| Lokar: | And now, the conclusion of Birdman Coast to Coast. And Mother, stop the VCR, your Sonny Boy's not in this part. |
| (Film count-down, with projector sounds) | |
| Zorak: | (in keyboard pod, plays "Chopsticks") (to Moltar) Lokar's in the hospital. (evil laugh) |
| (Beep!) | |
| Birdman: | So, what's it like being a Gladiator? |
| Ice: | It's, uh, it's a lifestyle that's a lot of fun, being Gladiator and superhero among kids. |
| Birdman: | You actually consider yourselves superheroes? |
| Tower: | Yeah. |
| Birdman: | Hah! You fight mere mortals. Superheroes fight villains, evil villains. |
| Ice: | Actually, I do think we fight evil villains, don't we? |
| Tower: | Well, we got some people, yeah, they're pretty doggone evil, I'll tell you that. |
| Birdman: | Yeah, right. Look out for Ted, the volunteer fireman. Woooo! |
| Tower: | Are you challenging us? |
| Zorak: | Sounds like a challenge to me! |
| Birdman: | Listen, Zorak, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. |
| Zorak: | I don't like you now. |
| Tower & Ice: | (laugh) |
| Moltar: | (laughs) |
| Birdman: | Can't I get any respect around here? On my own show? |
| Tower & Ice: | No, probably not |
| Moltar: | No. |
| Birdman: | I demand respect, I'm Birdman! (echo effect) Biiiiiird Maaaaaan! |
| Zorak: | Yeah, whatever. |
| Birdman: | Ooooh, I hate you, I hate you all! (flies off) |
| Tower: | Now, if he was a Gladiator, what would we call him? Like, Creampuff or something? (laughs) |
| Moltar: | (laughs) |
| Zorak: | (laughs) That's rich! |
| Birdman: | (flies back) I heard that! |
| (Beep!) | |
| Bob: | Harvey! Harvey, pull yourself together! It's gettin' late here, man. |
| Birdman: | Okay, okay, get off my back! (Holy Ra! Sun's going down! Must finish interview before my secret is revealed!) |
| Bob: | Harvey, while we're young, alright? |
| Birdman: | Um, okay. Y'know, my wife always wants me to do things around the house, like move stuff, y'know, open the pickle jar. |
| Tower: | The pickle jar? (laughs) |
| Ice: | The pickle jar. |
| Birdman: | Do you have that problem? |
| Ice: | You know, this is what I tell people, a lot of people want me to open jars, help them move. These muscles are for show. (laughs) |
| Birdman: | (dozes off for a second) |
| Tower: | Later, not! (laughs) |
| Ice: | These things really don't work! (laughs) |
| Birdman: | Actually, my wife is thinking of leaving me. |
| Tower & Ice: | (laugh) |
| Birdman: | I'm serious. |
| (Beep!) | |
| Ice: | Imagine about twenty thousand people watching you... |
| Birdman: | (nodding off as she speaks) |
| Ice: | And it's very dark on the floor, and you can't see anything in front of you, and I tripped on a mat! (laughs) |
| Birdman: | (asleep at his desk) |
| Moltar: | Birdman! |
| Birdman: | (wakes up) Uh, here, here. |
| Bob: | Harvey, you all right? |
| Birdman: | Uh, wha? Oh, um, sorry, uh, low blood sugar. |
| Bob: | Hey, can, can we get a peon to bring this loser some coffee? |
| Moltar: | Creeeeam Puff! |
| (Beep!) | |
| Bob: | What do you mean you can't do this show at night? |
| Birdman: | (struggling to stay away) Without.. sun's.. rays.. Birdman.. loses.. energy. |
| Bob: | You gotta be kiddin' me! Falcon 7 didn't say anything about this! |
| Birdman: | Wait.. 'til.. morning.. Birdman.. be.. fine. (drops head on desk, falls asleep) |
| Zorak: | Well, thanks for coming, guys. Say good night, Birdman. |
| Birdman: | (mumbles in his sleep) Uh, goodnight, Bird... man. |
| Ice: | Thank you. |
| Birdman: | Goodnight... |
| Tower: | Cream puff. (both laugh) |
| Moltar: | I guess it's past his bedtime. |
| Zorak: | Let's cook him. I bet he tastes like chicken. (laughs) |
| Birdman: | (talking in his sleep) I'll be good... |
| Bob: | Harvey! |
| Birdman: | (wakes up) Uh, oh, uh, are we done? |
| Bob: | No, Harvey, but you are. |
| Birdman: | What? |
| Bob: | Birdman, YOU'RE FIRED! |
| Moltar: | (laughs) |
| Zorak: | (laughs) Yeah! |
| Birdman: | Look, you can't do this to me. I need this job! I'll do anything! I'll get a sunlamp, you don't understand, you can't fire me, I'm the Birdman! |
| Zorak: | The Birdman? |
| Birdman: | The Birdman's alright, he's okay! Don't you know who you're dealing with here? The Birdman, the Birdman! Biiiiird Maan! (collapses on his desk, sobs, then falls asleep again) |
| Moltar: | So, I guess we're cancelled, right? |
| Zorak: | Hey, good news, everyone! I just got off the phone with Tad Ghostal's agent, and everything's copacetic. Tomorrow, we start shooting "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". How about that, gang? |
| Moltar: | (screams) |
| Zorak: | (screams) |
| (Film trailer, end of movie reel noise) | |
| Lokar: | And so, Birdman's tears flowed on and on. A little birdie told me he's now selling tent campers in Indiana. 'Tis true! I hear that if you say that Avenger sent you, the propane tanks are free! Good night, all! Kiss kiss! |
| (Credits roll) | |
| Birdman: | (very tired voice) Biiiiird Maaaaan.... (head hits the desk) |
| GUEST STARS Lori Fetrick Steve Henneberry |
| WRITERS Evan Dorkin Sarah Dyer |
| EDITORS Ken Brady PJ Neely Jay Bellissimo (inverted) Tom Roche |
| BIRDMAN'S THEME "Diggin' Uncle Birdman" |
| MUSIC Terry Adams |
| LYRICS David Greenberger |
| VOCALS Joey Spampinato Dorothy Sands |
| PERFORMED BY NRBQ |
| NRBQ IS Terry Adams Tom Ardolino Joey Spampinato Johnny Spampinato |
| VOICES C. Martin Croker Scott Finnell Andy Merrill Tom Arcuragi |
| DESIGN COMPANY Big Deal Cartoons |
| ANIMATION DIRECTOR C. Martin Croker |
| ANIMATORS C. Martin Croker David M. Strandquist Matthew I. Jenkins Les Harper Stephanie Gladden |
| ART DIRECTOR Randall Lane |
| AUDIO EDITOR Michael Kohler |
| RE-RECORDING MIXER Roy Clements |
| DIGITAL COMPOSITORS Butch Seibert Dave Sillman |
| INK & PAINT Ken Clarke Maury Ingram Paul Markowski Bob Pettitt |
| EDIT ASSISTS Michael Padgett Paul Wilson Don Bowens |
| PRODUCTION MANAGER Kaili Rubin |
| PRODUCTION COORDINATOR Vishal Roney |
| PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS Gus Jordan Maya McClure |
| TALENT COORDINATOR Isabel Gonzalez |
| INTERN Jason Daffner |
| SPACE GHOST'S MALE SECRETARY Nathan Cook |
| SPECIAL THANKS Hanna Barbera Gwen Montgomery Jay Edwards John Miller Man...or Astro-man? |
| ORIGINAL SPACE GHOST DESIGN Alex Toth |
| LINE PRODUCER Jim Fortier |
| PRODUCERS Pete Smith Andy Merrill Chip Duffey |
| SUPERVISING PRODUCER Dave Willis |
| EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Keith Crofford |
| GLOVES Michael Lazzo |
© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.
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