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BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Space Ghost and Zorak fly in Phantom Cruiser)

Space Ghost (SG):

(hums the opening guitar riff from "Sweet Home Alabama" over and over and over and...)

(Opening theme & titles, with voiceover)

Tansut (T):

Greetings, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another edition of "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". Tonight, Space Ghost yuks it up with reggae roustabout Jimmy Cliff, and musician Jack Logan. Did I read that right? "Yuk"? What does that mean? Maybe I should just amend it right here. No? Oh, keep on going? And now, a grown man in leotards, and I think he feels pretty sassy about it, Spaaaace Ghoooost!

SG:

(invisos in) Greetings, citizens! I'm Space Ghost! On my show tonight, I'll be probing (winks) a couple of top notch musicians to find out what makes them tick.

Zorak (Z):

Tick?

SG:

Yes, tick.

Z:

Tick, you say?

SG:

Yes, Zorak, tick.

Z:

I got it.

SG:

Good.

(Way Outs play Space Ghost to his desk)

SG:

(invisos in to desk, his seat is much lower than normal) (That's strange; the desk seems much higher tonight. Unless...) Hey, who's been messing with my chair?

Z:

(evil laugh)

SG:

The seat is still warm! Zorak, were you sitting in my chair?

Z:

It's not sticky, is it?

SG:

Uh... no.

Z:

Nnno then.

SG:

I don't believe you.

Z:

I'm Egyptian!

SG:

Oh, no you're not!

Z:

Baaah!

SG:

Listen, Zorak, the chair's still warm, so I know it had to be you or Moltar.

Z:

Wasn't me, friend.

SG:

Oh yeah?

Z:

Eh, I don't know, whatever.

SG:

(operates pneumatic control, raising chair) Moltar, were you sitting in my chair?

Z:

I'm Egyptian!

SG:

Oh, hush! (pause) Moltar!

Moltar (M):

Space Ghost!

SG:

Were you sitting in my chair?

M:

I was?

SG:

Were you?

M:

What are you talkin' about?

SG:

I'm not talkin' about anything, I'm asking you if you were sitting here!

M:

Oh, okay.

SG:

So, were you or not?

M:

In your chair, right?

SG:

Right.

M:

That's what I thought.

SG:

(stares in silence)

Z:

"Tick", you say?

SG:

That's right, Zorak, tick.

Z:

Mmmm, like a time bomb tick?

SG:

No, more like my Mickey Mouse watch. A nice tick!

Z:

Time bombs are nice. Tick tick tick... Boom! Tick tick tick... Boom!

M:

Hey, Space Ghost!

SG:

What is it, Moltar?

M:

You know, there's also an insect called a tick. It's small, but can cause a very grave illness.

SG:

(Illness is bad.)

M:

It's actually a parasite, which, uh, means it receives nourishment from its host...

SG:

(interrupting) Yes, thank you Moltar. Anyway, on tonight's program, singer / songwriter / swimming pool motor repairman Jack Logan is here. Along with bongo man / something else probably, reggae legend Jimmy Cliff. Now, that's a lot of s's. S... s... Moltar, I think there's something wrong with my sibilance. Ssssibilance... Sssibilance... Ssssssssssssibilance.

M:

Hi Jimmy.

Jimmy Cliff (JC):

Hi.

M:

I'm so tired. I haven't slept a wink.

JC:

Oh. Um, wonderful.

(Moltar throws lever, sends Jimmy to studio monitor)

JC:

(sings as monitor lowers)

SG:

Ladies and gentlemen, reggae legend Jimmy Cliff. Welcome to my show, o Bongo Man.

JC:

Alright. Thank you.

SG:

You're welcome. So, what do you think of the big show? Pretty fancy, eh?

JC:

Very interesting.

SG:

Hmm. "Interesting" good, or "interesting" bad?

JC:

So far, so good. Still enjoying myself.

SG:

"Enjoying yourself" good, or "enjoying yourself" bad?

JC:

Yes. (laughs)

SG:

(laughs) I see. Now Jimmy, my belly is full, but I'm hungry.

JC:

Uh huh.

SG:

And a hungry mon is an angry mon.

JC:

Good. Alright, I'll remember that.

SG:

So James, tell me everything you've been doing lately.

JC:

I've been recording...

SG:

Okay.

JC:

... for my new album.

SG:

Okay.

JC:

I've been writing...

SG:

Oh-kay.

JC:

... and I've been doing a few shows...

SG:

Mmm-kay.

JC:

... particularly in South America.

SG:

No kidding? South America?

JC:

Uh huh.

SG:

I love South America! Y'know, Jimmy, that's the land of the great Delta Blues men. You know, Muddy Rivers, Crew Cut Johnson, Blind Orange Julius. All the great blues men are from South America.

JC:

(pause) My new album is called "Higher and Higher".

SG:

Alright.

JC:

It's a mixture of some of my...

SG:

(interrupts) Carryin' me home to my kin? Singing songs about the South land... I miss Alabamy once again. Turn it up!

JC:

(looks back in silence)

SG:

Jimmy, can I ask you something?

JC:

Uh huh.

SG:

It's a question, is that okay?

JC:

Yes.

SG:

Do you think I'm Irish?

JC:

Give, give the what?

SG:

Do you think I'm Irish?

Z:

Irie.

SG:

Irie, yes. Do you think I'm irie.

JC:

(laughs) You're very well on your way, yes.

SG:

Is that good? I don't actually know what 'irie' means. All I know is that it has something to do with St. Patrick's Day, in that I'm supposed to wear my green cape that day.

JC:

Irie... is to rule... one's internal.

SG:

I'm in touch with the beat of the Caribbean.

JC:

So irie means "I rule, I internally".

SG:

Hey, Zorak, guess what? I'm irie.

Z:

Guess what? You're an idiot.

SG:

(stares at Zorak) How about Zorak, Jimmy? I figure with that green shell, he's gotta have some irie blood in him.

Z:

Forward and Fiaca, menacle and den gosaca.

(Reggae music begin playing in background)

JC:

(sings; fades from the monitor)

SG:

(sings poorly)

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

M:

(talking to Jack on control room monitor) Well, let's see; my calculator collection; my autographed copy of "The Celestine Prophecy"; a sleeve or two of Oreos, and a box of Kleenex.

Jack Logan (JL):

(laughs)

M:

Well, how about you? What do you keep underneath your bed?

JL:

Uh, magazines wrapped in plastic, of dead people.

M:

That's awesome! Dead people crack me up! Hey, Jack, you know what?

JL:

What's that?

M:

(quietly) Sometimes I like to wrap myself up in plastic.

JL:

(laughs) Oh, I gotta be going.

SG:

My next guess sings songs about motors and sprockets, and we couldn't be happier to have him here. Identify yourself, please.

JL:

(lowering on studio monitor) Jack Logan, uh, motor repairman, singer.

SG:

Welcome, Jack.

JL:

Great to be here, Space Ghost.

SG:

Let me begin with a serious question, Jackie boy.

JL:

Okay, yeah, sure.

SG:

How about this pantsuit I'm sporting? Rather smart looking, is it not?

JL:

Is that the same one, or do you have like a big closet full of 'em, or... how does that work?

SG:

I have several, and I rotate.

JL:

(laughs) I though so, I, you know, I didn't know if there was some special material that deflects dirt...

SG:

Oh, but it is. It's a space-age material called spandex.

JL:

(laughs) Okay. And, the shape of your head is amazing.

SG:

Like a bullet.

JL:

Yeah. (laughs)

SG:

It intimidates.

JL:

I could see why, it's very, it's intimidating, but very attractive.

SG:

You find my jaw attractive?

JL:

Yeah, yeah, very strong, you know, I've got, like, clay, you know, it just looks like, you know, very weak chin. I saw it, I'm a little jealous.

SG:

You like my cut, do you?

JL:

Your cut?

SG:

Yes, I'm cut like a rock.

JL:

You are, you're very solid.

SG:

Dense, like a loaf of turkey roll.

JL:

All muscle too, I bet.

Z:

I'll take that bet.

SG:

Aw, go tune yourself, Zorak.

Z:

I'm Egyptian!

SG:

Pay no attention to him, Jack. He's evil.

JL:

(laughs) Well, he's kinda here against his will, right?

SG:

Yes he is. He and Moltar were very bad, and I locked them up. Have you met Moltar?

JL:

Yeah, I've, I've seen him. (laughs) He's very quiet, isn't he?

SG:

(laughs) A little slow upstairs.

M:

Hey!

SG:

But enough about them. We were talking about my chin.

JL:

Do you have a ray that can tighten up my chin, and take some off the nose...

SG:

Silly citizen, rays are for superheroes!

JL:

Okay, well, yeah, have me back on the show when you get...

SG:

Silly citizen, raysss... raysss... are for superheroesss sss sss... Hey Moltar, nice work on the sibilance, buddy. I don't know what you did, but it's much better.

M:

Yeah, I turned the, uh... thing.

SG:

So, Jack-a-roo, let's take a few seconds to talk about your new album. Are you ready? (':00.0' appears at bottom of screen) Begin.

JL:

(time starts counting up, with clock ticking sound) Uh, that's our latest record, it's been out for about five or six months...

SG:

(interrupts) Hey, Jack Logan, look what I can do! (blasts Zorak)

JL:

Wow, cool.

SG:

Yeah, it's quite a rush.

JL:

He's a very funny bug.

SG:

You think Zorak's funny?

JL:

Yeah, I, I think he is. And the little guy too, or is he dead now?

SG:

The little dead guy?

JL:

Oh, the... his little buddy.

SG:

Raymond?

JL:

Raymond, yes. (laughs)

SG:

Zorak's nephew.

JL:

His nephew, yeah.

SG:

History.

JL:

(laughs) Well, I shouldn't have brought that up, I'm sorry.

Z:

I'm not.

Raymond (R):

(muffled voice, from within Zorak) Somebody save me! I'm still alive! Somebody save me!

Z:

(talking over Raymond's yelling) Oh, uh, la la la la, la la la, nobody can hear, la la la la la...

SG:

Oh-kay, Jack Logan. Now, do I understand correctly that in addition to being a musician, you're also a mechanic?

JL:

Right, uh, yeah.

SG:

Have you ever worked on a Phantom Cruiser?

JL:

No, no, I'd be interested to take a crack at one.

SG:

Yeah, been havin' some trouble with the helix compressor. I think there may be a short in the binomal oxidation tank, but I can't seem to get around the nancor valve.

JL:

Oh, okay, okay, yeah. I think you can bypass that.

SG:

Bypass the nancor valve? How are we gonna bypass the nancor valve?

JL:

It's, it's illegal, but... you know, you can get away with it.

SG:

Illegal?

JL:

Yeah, yeah.

SG:

Excuse me, son, why would I want to "get away with" something that is illegal?

JL:

(looks back silently)

SG:

(starts blinking his left eye) Uh oh. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I've got something in my eye. Stop the show.

(Credits roll)

SG:

What's goin' on with you, Moltar? What, you hit your head or somethin'?

M:

I was, uh, out dancing last night. (pause) Dancing.

SG:

(blink)

© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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