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Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

Space Ghost (SG):

Say, what was that noise last night?

Zorak (Z):

Oh, that was my hive. It exploded.

SG:

Uh huh.

Z:

I was microwavin' this big freakin'...

Moltar (M):

(laughs)

SG:

My horse?!

Z:

No!

SG:

Better not be!

Z:

So... can I sleep on your couch?

SG:

Sure you can! We'll be roomies! (spraying sound in background) I've got a case of Bosco and some milk, we'll make cheese dogs. Hey, I just picked up the Godfather trilogy. Finally, company! Alri- (sniffs)

M:

Oh!

SG:

What's that stench?

Z:

I'm markin' my territory! Get used to it!

(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut (T):

Hello everybody, la de da! This is Tansut, tonight...

SG:

Tansut, you're fired.

T:

Oh, really?

SG:

Have your locker cleaned out by five.

T:

(quavering voice) I won't cry. If you're wanting to see me cry, you can save your breath, because I'm not going to cry. (starts crying) Oh, what will become of me? (cries some more)

SG:

(invisos in) (stares at Zorak)

Z:

What?!

SG:

You know what, mister. I found my toothbrush marinating in the toilet this morning.

Z:

Yeah, I rinsed it.

SG:

I'm not runnin' a flophouse for degenerate bugs.

Z:

Never judge a bug by its shell.

SG:

What you see is what you get.

Z:

Act in haste, repent in leisure.

SG:

He who hesitates is lost.

Z:

Help me, Obi-wan, you're my only hope.

SG:

A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.

Z:

Ih... I don't know...

SG:

What did I say, now, wait a minute...

Z:

Moltar?

M:

(looking at a book) Uhhh, sorry, Space Ghost, no good.

Z:

Ka-ching! I am the quote-master!

SG:

I'm the quotemaster!

Z:

I am!

SG:

I am!

Z:

Eggs and ham!

SG:

Waffle!

M:

(as Space Ghost and Zorak argue in the background) Stand by, McKean, roommate quarrel.

Michael McKean (MM):

Oh, okay.

M:

Yeah, I had a roommate once. Until I boiled him in his own juices. It's a side of me nobody understands.

Z:

Grits!

SG:

Bacon and grits!

Z:

Cheese toast!

SG:

Fortified milk!

Z:

Donkey Kong!

SG:

Nope, I win.

M:

(looking at book again) Wait a minute...

SG:

Overruled. I am the undisputed breakfast-master. Okay! So let's welcome Michael McKean, because he's my first guest.

MM:

(monitor lowers from ceiling) Thank you, Space Ghost, this is a great honor.

SG:

Blather on about yourself.

MM:

Oh, my name is Michael McKean, I, I'm an Earth actor, um, specifically a United States Earth actor, and more specifically, uh, I'm in the Comedy Ghetto.

SG:

(to Zorak) Which is about where you're headed, Banjo Brown.

Z:

(stares back silently)

SG:

(quietly) I don't even know what that means. Do you, Michael?

MM:

No, it's, it's just wonderful to be here, I've never...

SG:

That's nice. Do you know that living with Zorak is like living in a living nightmare?

(Screen morphs to Space Ghost's apartment, with harp music)

Z:

Paint my toenails! Get me a milk and Pepsi! Fetch my ointment!

SG:

Living with you is like living in a living nightmare!

(Screen morphs back to studio, with harp music)

SG:

See that?

MM:

(looks back silently)

SG:

McKean?

MM:

(sticks tongue out at Zorak)

SG:

Hey, what are you doin'?

MM:

You'll have to excuse me, I'm feeling waves of pure evil coming from Zarak, is that me?

Z:

"Zarak"?

SG:

Eh, hold on. Is it Zorak or Zerak or Zorak? Moltar?

M:

(looking through a book again) Uhhh..... yeah. Sure.

MM:

(laughs) Thank you, Moltar. (monitor shows McKean and text:)

SAT 13
120o

ONE LOUDER
Incoming [numbers]

Z:

Space Ghost, look! (dramatic sting music)

SG:

Aaaah!

MM:

Ooooh! (bites his palm)

SG:

What?

Z:

Nothin'. I just wanted you to look at me.

SG:

Just ignore him. Zorak was just born for fun, loyal to none.

MM:

He doesn't look happy.

MM:

Yeah, see what I mean?

SG:

Tell me about it!

(Screen morphs to Space Ghost's apartment again, with harp music)

SG:

Have you seen my BooBooKitty?

Z:

Yeah, I saw her when I let her out.

SG:

You let her out?! When?!?

Z:

Um... yesterday. Now fix me a sandwich! I'm drying my skull.

SG:

Living with you is like living in a living nightmare!

Z:

And do my other foot!

(Screen morphs back to studio, with harp music)

M:

(laughs)

Z:

(laughs)

SG:

Where is she?

Z:

You'll never know! (evil laugh)

SG:

Who knows where my BooBooKitty is? Do you know, McKean?

MM:

I'd go right to the girl's locker room.

M:

Hey! (monitor shows text:)

SAT 39
76o W


SHLAMEAL SHLAM
HOPPS AND PEPPER

MM:

Did I let something slip?

Z:

(perturbed) Great! Thanks a lot, McKean!

MM:

Oh boy! (puts hand over his mouth) Me and my big mouth!

SG:

So! BooBooKitty's in the girl's locker room, huh?

Z:

Yeah. Go get it.

SG:

(looks at Zorak) I'm coming, BooBooKitty! (flies off)

Z:

(laughs) Good one, McKean!

MM:

Thank you.

M:

(laughs) Yeah!

SG:

(bounds back to desk) We don't have girls up here! Where's my BooBooKitty, you villainous headborne claphole?

Z:

(laughing) She's gone! Gone for good!

SG:

But why? I gave her everything she ever needed.

Z:

Everything but love! She hated you! And that's why I set her free.

SG:

Nooooooooooooooooo!!! (distraught, puts hand over face) BooBoo! BooBooKitty! I didn't love you enough! I must now lash out at everyone around me! Feel my anger! (blasts Zorak with powerbands) (blasts Moltar) (blasts Michael) (blasts Zorak again) (blasts Moltar again) (blasts Zorak again)

David Lander (DL):

(appears on monitor, talks in Squiggy voice) Hello, I just wanna say that I really like being here, out in the outer... in outer space areas of this place. And, uh, it's like, it's like so, it's so real it's like bein' in a movie.

SG:

(stares back silently)

Z:

(stares back silently)

M:

(lies on his back silently)

SG:

(laughs)

Z:

(laughs)

M:

(laughs)

(Shot of Ghost Planet Industries building from outside; an ominous shadow approaches the building, with cat ears on top, dramatic music plays)

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

SG:

(still laughing)

Z:

(still laughing)

M:

(still laughing)

DL:

(still in Squiggy voice) I feel like everything here is trick photograpy

SG:

Hey, that sounds like, uh, like that guy, that guy, with the show, the show where, where the guy talked like, it's...

Z:

Like, um, that guy, from, uh, it's... it's Balki, from TV's "Perfect Strangers".

M:

No, it's not, it's Angie Dickinson. You know, Pepper, TV's "Police Woman". (monitor shows text:)

ONE LOUDER. 11 ALWAYS 11.

SG:

Boy, Angie, you've really let yourself go. (Wait a minute! Angie Dickinson was a statuesque blonde!) Who are you!?

DL:

Hello, I'm Freddy Herbie. You know me, "I thought they was prunes!"

SG:

They weren't prunes? What the heck were they? (pause) And now I'm having a new thought. One. One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do. (sings quietly) BooBoo, you're a fine cat, what a good wife you would be. Ohhh!! (puts hand over face)

(Shot of Ghost Planet Industries building from outside, with dramatic music. BooBooKitty floats by)

Z:

Hey, you're outta toilet paper!

SG:

Oh, Zorak, that reminds me, you're no longer my new roommate.

Z:

That's fine. You're outta Tang anyway. (sprays again)

SG:

Ugghh!

DL:

Ooof, goodness! Tacos, huh?

M:

Hey, Space Ghost! Your beef logs are here. (monitor shows text:)

CAM 02
INCOMING SHIPMENT
400 BEEF LOGS

SG:

Just stack them on the dock, Moltar. Lincoln log style, like I showed ya.

M:

(sighs) Let me get my lumbar harness. (walks off)

SG:

I love beef logs, don't you?

DL:

Oh boy, do I. I'll tell ya, I really do.

SG:

Didja ever weigh yourself, then eat a whole beef log, then weigh yourself again?

DL:

Mmm, oh please, I'm hungry, and you're tellin' me beef log, oh, that's great.

SG:

(quietly) BooBooKitty and I used to do that.

DL:

You ever throw one on the fire just to keep warm?

SG:

Didja ever make a baby with one? A beef log baby? You ever take 'em and make a little village full of beef log babies, and then they all rise up against you and try to kill your head?

DL:

(long pause) Um, no.

SG:

That's when I have to lie down. That reminds me of a joke!

DL:

Okay, go ahead and tell me one.

SG:

There's this guy, see, he's from Alabama. And he gets busted for tryin' to smuggle books, into Kentucky!

DL:

(pauses, then nods) That's good, it has some... I guess it loses something in the, the translation, you know.

SG:

Did I mention that the guy from Alabama was my mother-in-law? (laughs) Hey, good night, everybody.

DL:

You might wanna, the next time you tell a joke, you might wanna say "And now the joke is over," and then the person can laugh, 'cause I think that's, that helps so much.

Z:

I know a guy who had two noses.

M:

How does he smell?

Z:

Awful! (laughs)

M:

(laughs) That's right, he smells awful! (laughs)

Z:

And now the joke's over. (Moltar keeps laughing)

SG:

I like those glasses you have.

DL:

Yeah?

SG:

Yeah, there's really nothing that I don't like about you. Freddy, will you be my new roommate?

DL:

That's the main reason I'm on the show.

SG:

Really? Oh boy! Hey, you wanna put on some pressure suits and go outside and see my interplanetary monument to the safety pin? (dramatic music, BooBooKitty floats by outside the studio window, Space Ghost doesn't notice) I just erected it.

(BooBooKitty floats toward giant open safety pin outside, dramatic music)

M:

Hey, Space Ghost, look out the window.

SG:

(sees BooBooKitty floating by) Well, BooBooKitty! Come crawlin' back to Daddy, huh?

M:

Isn't she drifting precariously close to your big pin?

SG:

(gasps) Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

(BooBooKitty drifts closer to pin)

SG:

...ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... (takes a breath) Nooooooooooooooooooooo...

(BooBooKitty drifts closer and closer, finally connects with business end of safety pin, punctures & spins off out of control)

SG:

I warned Christo, I told him we needed a rubber safety tip! (as BooBooKitty jets by outside the window)

Z:

(stares at Space Ghost)

SG:

What, you guys saw me, there's nothin' I could have done.

Z:

You could have gone out there and saved her.

M:

Yeah, I mean, it would only have taken a second to move her out of the way.

Z:

Yeah, it's not like she was heavy or anything.

M:

I think you wanted her to die.

SG:

Well, I guess we'll never know, 'cause now I have a new pet! And he's the best and most favorite pet I've ever had! Billy the porpoise! See you back at the ranch, roomie! It's pizza night! (flies off)

DL:

Yeah, where do you guys go to eat?

Z:

Rock 'n Bowl, pizza in a cup. It's good.

(Cowboy music in background, Space Ghost rides a porpoise on a stick)

SG:

Yippee ki yi yay! Merrrry Christmas, everybody!

Billy (B):

(chirps)

(Credits roll)

DL:

I feel like everything here is trick photography.

(Boing!) (pop!) (hisssssss!)

© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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