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BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Space Ghost and Zorak are dining, classical music plays in the background)

Zorak: Mmm! These watercress sandwiches are splendid!

Space Ghost: Do you like them? I made them with extra water.

Zorak: So that's the secret!

Space Ghost: I've composed some light verse to accompany our reverie. Shall I recite it?

Zorak: That would be divine.

Space Ghost: A bug on a rug
Drank from a mug.
I felt a tug.
(pause, squeaks mug)
Give me a hug.

Zorak: I adore the rhyme scheme.

Space Ghost: Let us engage in a spirited philosophical debate. Is morality an absolute or a relative societal construct?

Zorak: It's absolute. You're either good, or evil.

Space Ghost: There are no absolutes, the cold hand of science has shown us that. (sips from his mug) My friend, it appears we disagree.

Zorak: Then let us agree to disagree. (laughs)

Space Ghost: Well stated. A toast, to civility and restraint.

Moltar: More tea, m'lady?

Zorak: Why, yes, how lovely. (sips from his mug)

Space Ghost: Moltar, where are the cakes? The dainty cakes.

Moltar: Dainty cakes?

Space Ghost: Where are they?

Moltar: I bought 'em! I had 'em in the car! I, I swear! Sh- she handed 'em right to me. I, I had the dainty cakes right in the car! Nooooo!!!!

(Screen morphs back to Moltar in control room)

Moltar: (wakes up, panting) Ooooh, what a nightmare!

(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost. Here's the deal. I've got a behind, it's super-heroic, and I'm about to shake it.

Zorak: I'd rather you didn't.

Moltar: Why are we even doing this?

Space Ghost: Evil villains, stand down from the funk. Tonight, I'm gonna tear it up, and break it down, with my favorite extended dance mixes.

Moltar: That still doesn't answer the question.

Space Ghost: Come on, Moltar, all the kids are dancin'! (high funky voice, with echo) It's electrifyin'! (end echo) Now put the needle on the record.

Moltar: (grumbles to himself, throws lever; needle drops to record, dance music plays)

Space Ghost: It's time for my (high voice) Soooooo-looo Dance Party. (neon-style titles superimposed on screen: SOLO DANCE PARTY) Y'all ready for this? (dances at his desk) Come on, come on!

Zorak: (glares at Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: Come on, Zorak, this is outta sight, man!

Zorak: You dance like a woman.

Space Ghost: (record scratch sound, music stops) I dance like a woman, if she were a man.

Zorak: Well, you got me there.

Space Ghost: I command all viewers to welcome my first guests, Mr.Ice-T and Mr. Ernie-C. Together, they're my first guests.

(Monitor lowers with Ice-T and Ernie-C)

Ice-T: Greetings!

Ernie-C: Hello, how are you?

Ice-T: What's up, Space?

Space Ghost: Space is up, T, way up! And, way out! Observe my outer space jig! Moltar?

Moltar: (grumbles again, throws lever, needle drops again, more dance music)

Space Ghost: (doing funky hand moves) E-lec-tronic, au-to-matic. How d'ya like this action, Ice-T?

Ice-T: It's all good, Space baby.

Space Ghost: (dancing again) Yeah, they never let me do this in the action show.

(Screen morph flashback to original Space Ghost cartoon)

Space Ghost: I have vanquished you, lizard slavers. And now, behold the pelvic gyrations of my victory boogie. (dance music starts, Space Ghost boogies)

Lizard Slaver 1: No, please, not the victory boogie!

Lizard Slaver 2: The cosmic gyrations will destroy the ship!

(Rest of lizard slavers hold their hands to their heads and scream)

Space Ghost: Doin' the butt! Heyyy... pret-tay, pret-tay!

(Screen morphs back to Space Ghost at his desk)

Space Ghost: Oh, Iced Tea, you are a sweet and refreshing beverage.

Ice-T: I am very sweet and refreshin'. (laughs)

Space Ghost: I'm not talkin' about you, I'm speaking in general.

Ice-T: That's right.

Ernie-C: Very cool, very cool.

Ice-T: What's up, Zorak? My man.

Zorak: (eyes swirling, with eerie sound effects; tries to control Ice-T's mind) (Ice-T! You will hook up Zorak with some fly honeys!)

Ice-T: (appears to be in a trance)

Space Ghost: Ice-T. Ice-T. Wake up!

Ice-T: That was cool, Zorak, that was cool, hit me 'gain, that was cool.

Zorak: Just remember what I said.

Space Ghost: Want me to blast the little pit spawn?

Ice-T: That's how you do, Space Ghost, you just go around killin' and blastin' ...

Ernie-C: (laughs)

Ice-T: Space Ghost, just don't blast us!

Space Ghost: Why not? It's electrifyin'.

Ice-T: Do Ernie.

Space Ghost: Oh, okay. (aims power bands)

Ernie-C: Ho-, ho-, hold...

Space Ghost: I'm only playing, I'm only playing. What are you, you're mad at me now.

Ernie-C: No, no, I don't even like the word "destructo". (laughs)

Space Ghost: Free-style for me, Ice Ice baby.

Ice-T: You see my name's SG, and the place to be, representin' with Ice-T and Ernie-C.

Space Ghost: (raps badly) Why I'm SG, and it's plain to see, that I'm SG, and my name is SG.

Ice-T: (laughs) That was cool.

Ernie-C: That was interestin'.

Zorak: (eyes swirling again, with sound effects, etc.) (Just a little mental note...)

Ice-T: Hmm?

Zorak: (Reminding you about those fly honeys.)

Ice-T: Zorak was messin' with my brain again, what're you do...

Space Ghost: Hey, Ice-T, check it, buddy. (dances again, panting, humming to himself. Ice-T, Ernie-C and Zorak stare at him)

Ice-T: Come on, Ghost, come on, man, you gotta, you gotta do better'n that.

Space Ghost: Don't take that tone of voice with me, young man!

Ice-T: Yes, sir.

Ernie-C: Yes.

Space Ghost: Hey, Moltar! Kick it!

Moltar: (throws lever, rock music plays)

Ernie-C: I hear somethin'.

Zorak: Oooh, this rocks!

Space Ghost: Hold on, I can't dance to this.

Zorak: Play it backwards!

Space Ghost: No, don't! Something scary could happen!

Moltar: (throws lever, music starts playing backwards; a ghost flies out of his monitor) Eaaaaah! A ghost! (runs away)

Space Ghost: Moltar, what's goin' on?

(Ghost flies out of control room)

Space Ghost: (talking to Moltar, who is standing next to his desk) What's wrong?

Moltar: I wanna be out here with you.

Zorak: He's frightened of ghosts!

Moltar: (whimpering) Moltar fears nothing! Nothing!

Zorak: He fears what he cannot understand.

Space Ghost: That ghost isn't gonna hurt you.

Ice-T: Bring him in here so I can smack 'em.

Moltar: But... but...

Ernie-C: One time.

Space Ghost: See, Mr. T and his friend Ernie aren't afraid of the ghost.

Zorak: Yeah, Moltar, it just wants to possess your soul!

Moltar: (as ghost flies by) No!!

Ice-T: (to ghost) Peace, ghost. (waves)

Space Ghost: Get outta here!

Moltar: No! Wha!!

Zorak: (evil laugh)

Space Ghost: You don't have to be crazy to work here... (punchline intro music) But it helps! (punchline outro music) Stop it!

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

Space Ghost: (to Moltar, in control room) But I keep telling you, I'm a ghost, you're not afraid of me, are you?

Moltar: Arggh, no! I hate you, hate and fear are two different things.

Space Ghost: (floating, makes "scary" sound) Aaaaaaaaaaaaa! Are you frightened?

Moltar: Uh, no. I think I just told you, I hate you?

Zorak: (on control room monitor) Hey, what, are you guys slow dancin' in there? I wanna go home. (monitor shows text:)

CAM 02
ICE-MAN. PLEASE.

RAPPIN DAZ-
DANCIN MACHINE

Space Ghost: (invisos back to desk, lounge music is playing) Yes, as a matter of fact, we were. And speaking of were, please welcome funny man Fred Willard.

Fred Willard: (appears on monitor) My name is Fred Willard, and in earth terms, I am an actor, and, uh, I've been in some movies and television series...

Space Ghost: Let's talk about your days at "Real People." Now, there's a show!

Fred Willard: Oh, yeah, now, now that was fun.

Space Ghost: How did you determine if a person was real or an android?

Moltar: Yeah, did you rip their face off and check their circuitry?

Fred Willard: Uh, this is getting a little technical for me...

Space Ghost: Then let's change the subject to me. You know, I'm a superhero...

Fred Willard: That's right, and I, I, you are a hero, and I always wanted to play a, a hero. And I think, I think I played a hero once, I think I played Batman in a stage revue in Chicago...

Space Ghost: I won't have that man's name mentioned on my show! He still owes me for that dinner I bought him at R. J. McGoodtimes. (quietly) I oughta tell everybody he's Bruce Wayne.

Fred Willard: Oh dear, okay.

Moltar: Tansut, you hear that? Batman's Bruce Wayne!

Tansut: Wow! You think you know a guy.

Zorak: (eyes swirling yet again, with sound effects, etc.) (Fred Willard, you will hook Zorak up with some fly...) Ih... Never mind.

Space Ghost: Fred, I got a notion to put my butt in motion. Moltar!! (monitor shows text:)

SEARCHING WHAT'S MINE

Moltar: (pulls lever, disco music plays)

Space Ghost: (dances again) Come on, Fred, sing along!

Fred Willard: I'm game, I'm up for it. (music stops)

Moltar: (rustling noise) Whaa!!

Space Ghost: Moltar! What's happening now?

Moltar: The ghost is back! (Ghost flies to Zorak's keyboard pod)

Zorak: Stop scrunchin' me! This is my work area! (Ghost flies through Zorak & flies off) Hey! You got my soul! Gimme back my soul! (bounces off after ghost)

Space Ghost: Say, I'll bet Zorak doesn't have a "ghost" of a chance (punch line music). Get it, Fred?

Fred Willard: Sure, sure. Now, we're not gonna be, beamed back to earth without mentioning my movie, are we?

Space Ghost: It's all about you, isn't it, Fred?

Fred Willard: Uh... (smiles)

Space Ghost: Well...

Fred Willard: Well, it takes place in this small, uh, midwestern town, and we're a small time amateur theatrical group that puts on... (Zorak walks in front of the camera; Fred continues to talk in the background, but is drowned out by Space Ghost and Zorak)

Space Ghost: Back already, Zorak? Did you get your soul back?

Zorak: (mocking) No, I didn't. Did you get your brain back?

Space Ghost: That's your worst line ever.

Zorak: Thanks.

Fred Willard: ... and we find out this gentleman called Guffman may come to see us from uh, Broadway producers, I think it comes out in January, and I think you'll enjoy it.

Space Ghost: (pause) Ah ha!! Now that's an anecdote!

Fred Willard: Uh, which one?

Zorak: (spooky sounds) He's baaaack!

Space Ghost: Away with you, spirit! Hang on a minute, Fred.

Fred Willard: That's fine, that's fine. I'm in no hurry.

Space Ghost: There's only room for one ghost in this studio, and it's not the ghost that's not me!

Fred Willard: Alright.

Space Ghost: (blasts ghost with destructo ray; a note flutters to the ground at Space Ghost's feet) Holy Schnikes! That ghost was carrying a note! (picks up note) It says: (sniff) I just wanted to shake it. One time. (sniff) Sincerely, A Ghost.

Fred Willard: Oh!

Moltar: (mock sincerity) If I'd known that, maybe I wouldn't have been so scared.

Zorak: (distraught) I never got my fly honeys! (gets big anime eyes & cries; his tear sizzles when it hits the ground)

Space Ghost: Fred Willard, this is all your fault! I order you to give the ghost a touching eulogy.

Fred Willard: Ah! And, um, yes, he's done a lot of wonderful... stuff, am I saying the right thing?

Space Ghost: Eh, who cares? Let's dance! Moltar! Hit me with another one of those block rockin' beats!

Moltar: (pulls lever, disco music plays, monitor shows text:)

SHOE BEGIN
FEET END

Space Ghost: (dances again; Fred looks disgusted, then credits roll) Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho! (over and over and over)

(Credits roll)

Moltar: The only thing that scares me more than ghosts is coming to terms with my grief.

Tansut: Oh, suck it up, fatty!

Space Ghost: (groan)

© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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