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BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Space Ghost and Zorak are dining, classical music plays in the background)

Zorak (Z):

Mmm! These watercress sandwiches are splendid!

Space Ghost (SG):

Do you like them? I made them with extra water.

Z:

So that's the secret!

SG:

I've composed some light verse to accompany our reverie. Shall I recite it?

Z:

That would be divine.

SG:

A bug on a rug
Drank from a mug.
I felt a tug.
(pause, squeaks mug)
Give me a hug.

Z:

I adore the rhyme scheme.

SG:

Let us engage in a spirited philosophical debate. Is morality an absolute or a relative societal construct?

Z:

It's absolute. You're either good, or evil.

SG:

There are no absolutes, the cold hand of science has shown us that. (sips from his mug) My friend, it appears we disagree.

Z:

Then let us agree to disagree. (laughs)

SG:

Well stated. A toast, to civility and restraint.

Moltar (M):

More tea, m'lady?

Z:

Why, yes, how lovely. (sips from his mug)

SG:

Moltar, where are the cakes? The dainty cakes.

M:

Dainty cakes?

SG:

Where are they?

M:

I bought 'em! I had 'em in the car! I, I swear! Sh- she handed 'em right to me. I, I had the dainty cakes right in the car! Nooooo!!!!

(Screen morphs back to Moltar in control room)

M:

(wakes up, panting) Ooooh, what a nightmare!

(Opening theme & titles)

SG:

(invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost. Here's the deal. I've got a behind, it's super-heroic, and I'm about to shake it.

Z:

I'd rather you didn't.

M:

Why are we even doing this?

SG:

Evil villains, stand down from the funk. Tonight, I'm gonna tear it up, and break it down, with my favorite extended dance mixes.

M:

That still doesn't answer the question.

SG:

Come on, Moltar, all the kids are dancin'! (high funky voice, with echo) It's electrifyin'! (end echo) Now put the needle on the record.

M:

(grumbles to himself, throws lever; needle drops to record, dance music plays)

SG:

It's time for my (high voice) Soooooo-looo Dance Party. (neon-style titles superimposed on screen: SOLO DANCE PARTY) Y'all ready for this? (dances at his desk) Come on, come on!

Z:

(glares at Space Ghost)

SG:

Come on, Zorak, this is outta sight, man!

Z:

You dance like a woman.

SG:

(record scratch sound, music stops) I dance like a woman, if she were a man.

Z:

Well, you got me there.

SG:

I command all viewers to welcome my first guests, Mr.Ice-T and Mr. Ernie-C. Together, they're my first guests.

(Monitor lowers with Ice-T and Ernie-C)

Ice-T (I):

Greetings!

Ernie-C (E):

Hello, how are you?

I:

What's up, Space?

SG:

Space is up, T, way up! And, way out! Observe my outer space jig! Moltar?

M:

(grumbles again, throws lever, needle drops again, more dance music)

SG:

(doing funky hand moves) E-lec-tronic, au-to-matic. How d'ya like this action, Ice-T?

I:

It's all good, Space baby.

SG:

(dancing again) Yeah, they never let me do this in the action show.

(Screen morph flashback to original Space Ghost cartoon)

SG:

I have vanquished you, lizard slavers. And now, behold the pelvic gyrations of my victory boogie. (dance music starts, Space Ghost boogies)

Lizard Slaver 1 (LS1):

No, please, not the victory boogie!

Lizard Slaver 2 (LS2):

The cosmic gyrations will destroy the ship!

(Rest of lizard slavers hold their hands to their heads and scream)

SG:

Doin' the butt! Heyyy... pret-tay, pret-tay!

(Screen morphs back to Space Ghost at his desk)

SG:

Oh, Iced Tea, you are a sweet and refreshing beverage.

I:

I am very sweet and refreshin'. (laughs)

SG:

I'm not talkin' about you, I'm speaking in general.

I:

That's right.

E:

Very cool, very cool.

I:

What's up, Zorak? My man.

Z:

(eyes swirling, with eerie sound effects; tries to control Ice-T's mind) (Ice-T! You will hook up Zorak with some fly honeys!)

I:

(appears to be in a trance)

SG:

Ice-T. Ice-T. Wake up!

I:

That was cool, Zorak, that was cool, hit me 'gain, that was cool.

Z:

Just remember what I said.

SG:

Want me to blast the little pit spawn?

I:

That's how you do, Space Ghost, you just go around killin' and blastin' ...

E:

(laughs)

I:

Space Ghost, just don't blast us!

SG:

Why not? It's electrifyin'.

I:

Do Ernie.

SG:

Oh, okay. (aims power bands)

E:

Ho-, ho-, hold...

SG:

I'm only playing, I'm only playing. What are you, you're mad at me now.

E:

No, no, I don't even like the word "destructo". (laughs)

SG:

Free-style for me, Ice Ice baby.

I:

You see my name's SG, and the place to be, representin' with Ice-T and Ernie-C.

SG:

(raps badly) Why I'm SG, and it's plain to see, that I'm SG, and my name is SG.

I:

(laughs) That was cool.

E:

That was interestin'.

Z:

(eyes swirling again, with sound effects, etc.) (Just a little mental note...)

I:

Hmm?

Z:

(Reminding you about those fly honeys.)

I:

Zorak was messin' with my brain again, what're you do...

SG:

Hey, Ice-T, check it, buddy. (dances again, panting, humming to himself. Ice-T, Ernie-C and Zorak stare at him)

I:

Come on, Ghost, come on, man, you gotta, you gotta do better'n that.

SG:

Don't take that tone of voice with me, young man!

I:

Yes, sir.

E:

Yes.

SG:

Hey, Moltar! Kick it!

M:

(throws lever, rock music plays)

E:

I hear somethin'.

Z:

Oooh, this rocks!

SG:

Hold on, I can't dance to this.

Z:

Play it backwards!

SG:

No, don't! Something scary could happen!

M:

(throws lever, music starts playing backwards; a ghost flies out of his monitor) Eaaaaah! A ghost! (runs away)

SG:

Moltar, what's goin' on?

(Ghost flies out of control room)

SG:

(talking to Moltar, who is standing next to his desk) What's wrong?

M:

I wanna be out here with you.

Z:

He's frightened of ghosts!

M:

(whimpering) Moltar fears nothing! Nothing!

Z:

He fears what he cannot understand.

SG:

That ghost isn't gonna hurt you.

I:

Bring him in here so I can smack 'em.

M:

But... but...

E:

One time.

SG:

See, Mr. T and his friend Ernie aren't afraid of the ghost.

Z:

Yeah, Moltar, it just wants to possess your soul!

M:

(as ghost flies by) No!!

I:

(to ghost) Peace, ghost. (waves)

SG:

Get outta here!

M:

No! Wha!!

Z:

(evil laugh)

SG:

You don't have to be crazy to work here... (punchline intro music) But it helps! (punchline outro music) Stop it!

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

SG:

(to Moltar, in control room) But I keep telling you, I'm a ghost, you're not afraid of me, are you?

M:

Arggh, no! I hate you, hate and fear are two different things.

SG:

(floating, makes "scary" sound) Aaaaaaaaaaaaa! Are you frightened?

M:

Uh, no. I think I just told you, I hate you?

Z:

(on control room monitor) Hey, what, are you guys slow dancin' in there? I wanna go home. (monitor shows text:)

CAM 02
ICE-MAN. PLEASE.

RAPPIN DAZ-
DANCIN MACHINE

SG:

(invisos back to desk, lounge music is playing) Yes, as a matter of fact, we were. And speaking of were, please welcome funny man Fred Willard.

Fred Willard (FW):

(appears on monitor) My name is Fred Willard, and in earth terms, I am an actor, and, uh, I've been in some movies and television series...

SG:

Let's talk about your days at "Real People." Now, there's a show!

FW:

Oh, yeah, now, now that was fun.

SG:

How did you determine if a person was real or an android?

M:

Yeah, did you rip their face off and check their circuitry?

FW:

Uh, this is getting a little technical for me...

SG:

Then let's change the subject to me. You know, I'm a superhero...

FW:

That's right, and I, I, you are a hero, and I always wanted to play a, a hero. And I think, I think I played a hero once, I think I played Batman in a stage revue in Chicago...

SG:

I won't have that man's name mentioned on my show! He still owes me for that dinner I bought him at R. J. McGoodtimes. (quietly) I oughta tell everybody he's Bruce Wayne.

FW:

Oh dear, okay.

M:

Tansut, you hear that? Batman's Bruce Wayne!

Tansut (T):

Wow! You think you know a guy.

Z:

(eyes swirling yet again, with sound effects, etc.) (Fred Willard, you will hook Zorak up with some fly...) Ih... Never mind.

SG:

Fred, I got a notion to put my butt in motion. Moltar!! (monitor shows text:)

SEARCHING WHAT'S MINE

M:

(pulls lever, disco music plays)

SG:

(dances again) Come on, Fred, sing along!

FW:

I'm game, I'm up for it. (music stops)

M:

(rustling noise) Whaa!!

SG:

Moltar! What's happening now?

M:

The ghost is back! (Ghost flies to Zorak's keyboard pod)

Z:

Stop scrunchin' me! This is my work area! (Ghost flies through Zorak & flies off) Hey! You got my soul! Gimme back my soul! (bounces off after ghost)

SG:

Say, I'll bet Zorak doesn't have a "ghost" of a chance (punch line music). Get it, Fred?

FW:

Sure, sure. Now, we're not gonna be, beamed back to earth without mentioning my movie, are we?

SG:

It's all about you, isn't it, Fred?

FW:

Uh... (smiles)

SG:

Well...

FW:

Well, it takes place in this small, uh, midwestern town, and we're a small time amateur theatrical group that puts on... (Zorak walks in front of the camera; Fred continues to talk in the background, but is drowned out by Space Ghost and Zorak)

SG:

Back already, Zorak? Did you get your soul back?

Z:

(mocking) No, I didn't. Did you get your brain back?

SG:

That's your worst line ever.

Z:

Thanks.

FW:

... and we find out this gentleman called Guffman may come to see us from uh, Broadway producers, I think it comes out in January, and I think you'll enjoy it.

SG:

(pause) Ah ha!! Now that's an anecdote!

FW:

Uh, which one?

Z:

(spooky sounds) He's baaaack!

SG:

Away with you, spirit! Hang on a minute, Fred.

FW:

That's fine, that's fine. I'm in no hurry.

SG:

There's only room for one ghost in this studio, and it's not the ghost that's not me!

FW:

Alright.

SG:

(blasts ghost with destructo ray; a note flutters to the ground at Space Ghost's feet) Holy Schnikes! That ghost was carrying a note! (picks up note) It says: (sniff) I just wanted to shake it. One time. (sniff) Sincerely, A Ghost.

FW:

Oh!

M:

(mock sincerity) If I'd known that, maybe I wouldn't have been so scared.

Z:

(distraught) I never got my fly honeys! (gets big anime eyes & cries; his tear sizzles when it hits the ground)

SG:

Fred Willard, this is all your fault! I order you to give the ghost a touching eulogy.

FW:

Ah! And, um, yes, he's done a lot of wonderful... stuff, am I saying the right thing?

SG:

Eh, who cares? Let's dance! Moltar! Hit me with another one of those block rockin' beats!

M:

(pulls lever, disco music plays, monitor shows text:)

SHOE BEGIN
FEET END

SG:

(dances again; Fred looks disgusted, then credits roll) Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho! (over and over and over)

(Credits roll)

M:

The only thing that scares me more than ghosts is coming to terms with my grief.

T:

Oh, suck it up, fatty!

SG:

(groan)

© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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