Home | Ghost Planet Central | Episode Guide | Previous | Next

Original Air Date:October 9, 1997
Guest Stars:Ice-T, Ernie-C, Fred Willard

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed

(Space Ghost and Zorak are dining, classical music plays in the background)
Zorak (Z): Mmm! These watercress sandwiches are splendid!
Space Ghost (SG): Do you like them? I made them with extra water.
Z: So that's the secret!
SG: I've composed some light verse to accompany our reverie. Shall I recite it?
Z: That would be divine.
SG: A bug on a rug
Drank from a mug.
I felt a tug.
(pause, squeaks mug)
Give me a hug.
Z: I adore the rhyme scheme.
SG: Let us engage in a spirited philosophical debate. Is morality an absolute or a relative societal construct?
Z: It's absolute. You're either good, or evil.
SG: There are no absolutes, the cold hand of science has shown us that. (sips from his mug) My friend, it appears we disagree.
Z: Then let us agree to disagree. (laughs)
SG: Well stated. A toast, to civility and restraint.
Moltar (M): More tea, m'lady?
Z: Why, yes, how lovely. (sips from his mug)
SG: Moltar, where are the cakes? The dainty cakes.
M: Dainty cakes?
SG: Where are they?
M: I bought 'em! I had 'em in the car! I, I swear! Sh- she handed 'em right to me. I, I had the dainty cakes right in the car! Nooooo!!!!
(Screen morphs back to Moltar in control room)
M: (wakes up, panting) Ooooh, what a nightmare!
(Opening theme & titles)
SG: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost. Here's the deal. I've got a behind, it's super-heroic, and I'm about to shake it.
Z: I'd rather you didn't.
M: Why are we even doing this?
SG: Evil villains, stand down from the funk. Tonight, I'm gonna tear it up, and break it down, with my favorite extended dance mixes.
M: That still doesn't answer the question.
SG: Come on, Moltar, all the kids are dancin'! (high funky voice, with echo) It's electrifyin'! (end echo) Now put the needle on the record.
M: (grumbles to himself, throws lever; needle drops to record, dance music plays)
SG: It's time for my (high voice) Soooooo-looo Dance Party. (neon-style titles superimposed on screen: SOLO DANCE PARTY) Y'all ready for this? (dances at his desk) Come on, come on!
Z: (glares at Space Ghost)
SG: Come on, Zorak, this is outta sight, man!
Z: You dance like a woman.
SG: (record scratch sound, music stops) I dance like a woman, if she were a man.
Z: Well, you got me there.
SG: I command all viewers to welcome my first guests, Mr.Ice-T and Mr. Ernie-C. Together, they're my first guests.
(Monitor lowers with Ice-T and Ernie-C)
Ice-T (I): Greetings!
Ernie-C (E): Hello, how are you?
I: What's up, Space?
SG: Space is up, T, way up! And, way out! Observe my outer space jig! Moltar?
M: (grumbles again, throws lever, needle drops again, more dance music)
SG: (doing funky hand moves) E-lec-tronic, au-to-matic. How d'ya like this action, Ice-T?
I: It's all good, Space baby.
SG: (dancing again) Yeah, they never let me do this in the action show.
(Screen morph flashback to original Space Ghost cartoon)
SG: I have vanquished you, lizard slavers. And now, behold the pelvic gyrations of my victory boogie. (dance music starts, Space Ghost boogies)
Lizard Slaver 1 (LS1): No, please, not the victory boogie!
Lizard Slaver 2 (LS2): The cosmic gyrations will destroy the ship!
(Rest of lizard slavers hold their hands to their heads and scream)
SG: Doin' the butt! Heyyy... pret-tay, pret-tay!
(Screen morphs back to Space Ghost at his desk)
SG: Oh, Iced Tea, you are a sweet and refreshing beverage.
I: I am very sweet and refreshin'. (laughs)
SG: I'm not talkin' about you, I'm speaking in general.
I: That's right.
E: Very cool, very cool.
I: What's up, Zorak? My man.
Z: (eyes swirling, with eerie sound effects; tries to control Ice-T's mind) (Ice-T! You will hook up Zorak with some fly honeys!)
I: (appears to be in a trance)
SG: Ice-T. Ice-T. Wake up!
I: That was cool, Zorak, that was cool, hit me 'gain, that was cool.
Z: Just remember what I said.
SG: Want me to blast the little pit spawn?
I: That's how you do, Space Ghost, you just go around killin' and blastin' ...
E: (laughs)
I: Space Ghost, just don't blast us!
SG: Why not? It's electrifyin'.
I: Do Ernie.
SG: Oh, okay. (aims power bands)
E: Ho-, ho-, hold...
SG: I'm only playing, I'm only playing. What are you, you're mad at me now.
E: No, no, I don't even like the word "destructo". (laughs)
SG: Free-style for me, Ice Ice baby.
I: You see my name's SG, and the place to be, representin' with Ice-T and Ernie-C.
SG: (raps badly) Why I'm SG, and it's plain to see, that I'm SG, and my name is SG.
I: (laughs) That was cool.
E: That was interestin'.
Z: (eyes swirling again, with sound effects, etc.) (Just a little mental note...)
I: Hmm?
Z: (Reminding you about those fly honeys.)
I: Zorak was messin' with my brain again, what're you do...
SG: Hey, Ice-T, check it, buddy. (dances again, panting, humming to himself. Ice-T, Ernie-C and Zorak stare at him)
I: Come on, Ghost, come on, man, you gotta, you gotta do better'n that.
SG: Don't take that tone of voice with me, young man!
I: Yes, sir.
E: Yes.
SG: Hey, Moltar! Kick it!
M: (throws lever, rock music plays)
E: I hear somethin'.
Z: Oooh, this rocks!
SG: Hold on, I can't dance to this.
Z: Play it backwards!
SG: No, don't! Something scary could happen!
M: (throws lever, music starts playing backwards; a ghost flies out of his monitor) Eaaaaah! A ghost! (runs away)
SG: Moltar, what's goin' on?
(Ghost flies out of control room)
SG: (talking to Moltar, who is standing next to his desk) What's wrong?
M: I wanna be out here with you.
Z: He's frightened of ghosts!
M: (whimpering) Moltar fears nothing! Nothing!
Z: He fears what he cannot understand.
SG: That ghost isn't gonna hurt you.
I: Bring him in here so I can smack 'em.
M: But... but...
E: One time.
SG: See, Mr. T and his friend Ernie aren't afraid of the ghost.
Z: Yeah, Moltar, it just wants to possess your soul!
M: (as ghost flies by) No!!
I: (to ghost) Peace, ghost. (waves)
SG: Get outta here!
M: No! Wha!!
Z: (evil laugh)
SG: You don't have to be crazy to work here... (punchline intro music) But it helps! (punchline outro music) Stop it!
SG: (to Moltar, in control room) But I keep telling you, I'm a ghost, you're not afraid of me, are you?
M: Arggh, no! I hate you, hate and fear are two different things.
SG: (floating, makes "scary" sound) Aaaaaaaaaaaaa! Are you frightened?
M: Uh, no. I think I just told you, I hate you?
Z: (on control room monitor) Hey, what, are you guys slow dancin' in there? I wanna go home. (monitor shows text:)
CAM 02


SG: (invisos back to desk, lounge music is playing) Yes, as a matter of fact, we were. And speaking of were, please welcome funny man Fred Willard.
Fred Willard (FW): (appears on monitor) My name is Fred Willard, and in earth terms, I am an actor, and, uh, I've been in some movies and television series...
SG: Let's talk about your days at "Real People." Now, there's a show!
FW: Oh, yeah, now, now that was fun.
SG: How did you determine if a person was real or an android?
M: Yeah, did you rip their face off and check their circuitry?
FW: Uh, this is getting a little technical for me...
SG: Then let's change the subject to me. You know, I'm a superhero...
FW: That's right, and I, I, you are a hero, and I always wanted to play a, a hero. And I think, I think I played a hero once, I think I played Batman in a stage revue in Chicago...
SG: I won't have that man's name mentioned on my show! He still owes me for that dinner I bought him at R. J. McGoodtimes. (quietly) I oughta tell everybody he's Bruce Wayne.
FW: Oh dear, okay.
M: Tansut, you hear that? Batman's Bruce Wayne!
Tansut (T): Wow! You think you know a guy.
Z: (eyes swirling yet again, with sound effects, etc.) (Fred Willard, you will hook Zorak up with some fly...) Ih... Never mind.
SG: Fred, I got a notion to put my butt in motion. Moltar!! (monitor shows text:)
M: (pulls lever, disco music plays)
SG: (dances again) Come on, Fred, sing along!
FW: I'm game, I'm up for it. (music stops)
M: (rustling noise) Whaa!!
SG: Moltar! What's happening now?
M: The ghost is back! (Ghost flies to Zorak's keyboard pod)
Z: Stop scrunchin' me! This is my work area! (Ghost flies through Zorak & flies off) Hey! You got my soul! Gimme back my soul! (bounces off after ghost)
SG: Say, I'll bet Zorak doesn't have a "ghost" of a chance (punch line music). Get it, Fred?
FW: Sure, sure. Now, we're not gonna be, beamed back to earth without mentioning my movie, are we?
SG: It's all about you, isn't it, Fred?
FW: Uh... (smiles)
SG: Well...
FW: Well, it takes place in this small, uh, midwestern town, and we're a small time amateur theatrical group that puts on... (Zorak walks in front of the camera; Fred continues to talk in the background, but is drowned out by Space Ghost and Zorak)
SG: Back already, Zorak? Did you get your soul back?
Z: (mocking) No, I didn't. Did you get your brain back?
SG: That's your worst line ever.
Z: Thanks.
FW: ... and we find out this gentleman called Guffman may come to see us from uh, Broadway producers, I think it comes out in January, and I think you'll enjoy it.
SG: (pause) Ah ha!! Now that's an anecdote!
FW: Uh, which one?
Z: (spooky sounds) He's baaaack!
SG: Away with you, spirit! Hang on a minute, Fred.
FW: That's fine, that's fine. I'm in no hurry.
SG: There's only room for one ghost in this studio, and it's not the ghost that's not me!
FW: Alright.
SG: (blasts ghost with destructo ray; a note flutters to the ground at Space Ghost's feet) Holy Schnikes! That ghost was carrying a note! (picks up note) It says: (sniff) I just wanted to shake it. One time. (sniff) Sincerely, A Ghost.
FW: Oh!
M: (mock sincerity) If I'd known that, maybe I wouldn't have been so scared.
Z: (distraught) I never got my fly honeys! (gets big anime eyes & cries; his tear sizzles when it hits the ground)
SG: Fred Willard, this is all your fault! I order you to give the ghost a touching eulogy.
FW: Ah! And, um, yes, he's done a lot of wonderful... stuff, am I saying the right thing?
SG: Eh, who cares? Let's dance! Moltar! Hit me with another one of those block rockin' beats!
M: (pulls lever, disco music plays, monitor shows text:)

SG: (dances again; Fred looks disgusted, then credits roll) Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho! (over and over and over)
(Credits roll)
M: The only thing that scares me more than ghosts is coming to terms with my grief.
T: Oh, suck it up, fatty!
SG: (groan)

Fred Willard
Dan Vebber
Sean LaFleur
Alan Laddie
Ken Brady
Jon Schnepp
Jay Bellissimo
(inverted) Tom Roche
Sonny Sharrock
Eddie Horst
Man...or Astroman?
Sonny Sharrock
Lance Carter
Eddie Horst
Alfrieda Gerald
Man...or Astroman?
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Don Kennedy
Big Deal Cartoons
C. Martin Croker
C. Martin Croker
David M. Strandquest
Les Harper
Derald Hunt
Randall Lane
Roy Clements
Dave Sillman
Maury Ingram
Kaili Rubin
Vishal Roney
Gus Jordan
Maya McClure
Ben Morgan
Isabel Gonzalez
Nathan Cook
Hanna Barbera
Marc Francis
Steve Tseckares
Deney Terrio
Alex Toth
Greg Harrison
Jim Fortier
Pete Smith
Andy Merrill
Chip Duffey
Dave Willis
Keith Crofford
Michael Lazzo

© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

Home | Ghost Planet Central | Episode Guide | Previous | Next