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BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Moltar in the control room, with Mike Judge on the monitor)

Moltar (M):

Okay, recording, and... now!

Mike Judge (MJ):

(in Butthead voice) Space Ghost isn't home right now, (laughs). (changes to Beavis voice) (laughs) Is there something I can help you with? (laughs some more) (normal voice) Okay, there you go.

M:

It's not for Space Ghost, it's for me.

MJ:

Did you want, I thought you...

M:

No, I want one for me.

MJ:

(in Beavis voice) Voltar isn't home right now. Leave a message. Beep!

M:

No.

MJ:

Okay.

M:

My name's Moltar.

MJ:

(winces) Moltar.

M:

Yeah, and, and say some stuff about fire this time.

MJ:

(in Beavis voice) Moltar isn't home right now, fire, fire, leave a message.

M:

Wait, wait, I, I wanted one with Butthead.

MJ:

(sighs) Another one?

M:

Yeah.

Zorak (Z):

Hey, do one for me!

MJ:

Okay, who's it for?

Z:

(pokes his head into control room) Zorak!

M:

Do him and me!

Z:

Me and him.

M:

And make it funny this time.

MJ:

(in Beavis voice) Zorak isn't here, Moltar isn't here, leave a message. (does the finger & lips thing)

M:

No, make it funny!

MJ:

(in Hank Hill voice) Zo-, Zorak and Noltar...

M:

Moltar.

MJ:

(disgusted) Ah! Forget it.

M:

No, no, no, no, no!

MJ:

Get what's-his-name to do a message for ya. (starts to walk off)

M:

Sit down, you gore belly rump dead foot licker! We're not done yet!

(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost (SG):

(invisos in) Greetings, all. Space Ghost is my name, and animated comedy-style interview programs based in outer space are my game. Joining me tonight are craven fat kidneyed flirt gill Harland Williams, and unmuscled sheep biting mold warp Mike Judge.

Z:

Have you seen my tail?

SG:

Your what?

Z:

My tail. Some joker cut it off!

SG:

You don't have a tail!

Z:

I know, because some joker cut it off!

SG:

Calm down, Zorak.

Z:

You calm down! Did you eat it?

SG:

Why would I eat your stupid tail, I didn't even know ya had one!

Z:

Moltar?

M:

I didn't eat it. I don't even like tail.

Z:

Oh, wait, here it is. (pause) It's not a tail after all...

SG:

Play me to the desk.

Z:

It's a wacky fun slippery slide!

(MoA music plays Space Ghost to the desk. Space Ghost invisos to his desk; Moltar and Zorak whoop it up in the background)

M:

Whoa, whoa!

Z:

Wooo hoo hoo!

M:

Hey, check this out! (slides by)

SG:

All right, put the wacky fun slippery slide away.

Z:

Whee-eeeeee! (slides by)

M:

(crash!) My knee!

SG:

Please welcome my first guest, citizen Harland Williams

Harland Williams (HW):

(monitor lowers from ceiling) (yodels)

SG:

Greetings, Harland!

HW:

Hello there... Billy.

SG:

My name is not...

M:

Wheeeeeeeee! (slides by)

SG:

... Billy.

HW:

Oh. (winks)

SG:

It's Space Ghost.

HW:

'kay, Billy. Gotcha. (winks again)

SG:

Hey, hey, don't call me Billy.I do not care for the name Billy.

HW:

Space Ghost, you... you're a little, uh, rambunctious today.

SG:

How would you like it if I pulled down your pants and spanked your bare bottom right here in front of Zorak, Moltar and everybody!

HW:

I'll say one word about y- that: naughty.

SG:

Naughty?

HW:

Naughty. (points) Naughty Space Ghost.

SG:

What do you mean?

HW:

There's naughty stuff goin' on in your head, you probably have, like, daydreams about pomegranates, and ...

SG:

(hears "pomegranates" with echo effect)

HW:

Sea fleece.

SG:

(hears "sea fleece" with same echo effect)

HW:

Timber.

SG:

(hears "chocolate chip cookie dough" with same echo effect)

HW:

You like wood, don't you?

SG:

Well, sure I do. Who doesn't like wood? Cedar, mahogany, rustic pine. Yes, wood is good food. (smile sparkles)

HW:

Naughty-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y (image & sound get stuck in a loop; continues in the background)

SG:

(laughs) (pause) What's the matter?

Z:

That's some wacky stuff.

SG:

Moltar!

M:

Alright. Uhhhh... hang on. (Harland keeps looping) Uh, is this on the same tape, or...

SG:

Stop! (blasts Harland with his destructo ray)

HW:

(stops looping) God bless you, O black capped whitey legs. D'you have varicose veins?

SG:

No, I don't.

HW:

Y'got big puffy veins, (makes pulsing sounds and motions with his hands) pulsing away like organ grinder monkeys on cheese twists.

Z:

Yeah, he's got legs like his greasy grannie! (evil laugh)

SG:

That extra grease tacked two years onto her life, thank you very much.

HW:

You ever, uh, rubbed a bar of soap on your grandmother's forehead?

SG:

I... don't think I'll have occasion to, being that she's no longer with us.

Z:

Why, what would happen?

HW:

Well, you'd have yourself one heck of a sparkling clean grand-mamá.

SG:

Maybe you didn't hear me. My grandmother bought a farm!

Z:

Really?

M:

Cattle or crops?

SG:

She's dead, all right?! I don't want to talk about it!

Z:

Oops. Back to the veins.

HW:

Tell me about your veins. See, I'm turnin' the questioning around, now tell us about your big, greasy space veins... white legs!

SG:

Harland Williams, I will not hold court to your mischief!

M:

Space Ghost! The completion backward principle!

SG:

Uh, completion backwards principle?

HW:

Tell us about the veins! (slurps)

M:

Remember? Zorak creates a diversion, while you circumnavigate Ghost Planet at the speed of light...

HW:

That's right, Space Ghost.

Z:

Causing the planet to reverse its rotation.

M:

Which in turn opens a multidimensional chasm. (monitor shows Space Ghost with three screens completely full of text flashing over him, reading, in part:)

Keith Crofford-Tad Ghostal:Temp
Crofford-Tad Ghostal:Temporary Items:W
Crofford-Tad Ghostal:Temporary Items:W
Crofford-Tad Ghostal:Temporary Items:W

(next screen:)

Crofford-Tad Ghostal:Temporary Items:W
Crofford-Tad Ghostal:Temporary Items:W
CHANGE OR DELETE THE FOLLOWI
>OTHER REASONS FOR HIS ABSENC
>(available in stores September 2 - EX

(next screen:)

Unknown LDI TBS Tur
>WITS-TECHWOOD Turner Broad
>Entertainment Sandi Reid
>Hanna-Barbera

SG:

Thusly causing time to go backwards so that I can redo and/or cancel the interview before the secret of my hideous and spidery varicose veins becomes common knowledge to the general public!

HW:

You see now, Space Ghost?

SG:

Yes! Why didn't I think of it before?

M:

You did! You called it the completion backwards principle!

HW:

All hail Space Ghost! And his giant pulsing veiny legs!

SG:

Zorak! Create a diversion!

Z:

Hey, everybody! Look at me! Do doodley do do, do do da do do...

SG:

(flies off)

HW:

Wh-, where is he?

Z:

(laughs) Ever see Superman 1?

HW:

Yes.

Z:

He'll be back in a sec.

HW:

(laughs)

Z:

(laughs)

M:

(laughs)

SG:

(flies back to desk)

Z:

He's back!

SG:

(out of breath) Greetings! (pants) I (pants) am (pants) Space Ghost.

HW:

What, you wake up with a Winnie the Pooh video in your shorts?

M:

Idiot! You went the wrong direction! (screen shows text:)

VELOCITY[?]=SPACE(?)/DONUTS

SG:

Are you sure?

M:

We've been on for three hours now!

Z:

Yeah! I want time and a half!

SG:

Ohhhhh... (falls down onto floor, everybody laughs) I think I pulled too many G's.

HW:

That a boy, Jerry.

M:

Jerry! (laughs)

HW:

(waves)

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

MJ:

(on Moltar's monitor, in Hank Hill voice) Oh, I tell ya what, that Space Ghost has a nice little patootie on him, don't he? (monitor shows text:)

BED[obscured by M's hand]BROOMSTICKS

M:

No!! (throws lever, sends Mike to studio monitor) You make me sick!

(Monitor screen flips through several test patterns, a picture of Adrienne Barbeau from "Jacksonville", and finally shows Mike Judge)

MJ:

(in Butthead voice) That was cool! (laughs)

SG:

Identify yourself to the universe.

MJ:

I am Mike Judge. I am the creator of B-

SG:

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I know what you do.

MJ:

Oh. (laughs)

SG:

Maybe I can help you with your little cartoon deal.

MJ:

Uh, yeah, I, I would like to know what I can do to make what I do funnier.

SG:

You should make your show like "Die Hard". Only put it on a bus! And then you should make the guys talk funny and hit each other in the head. And have explosions!

MJ:

I, I'm gonna write that down.

SG:

And you should give all the guys in the thing a destructo ray and a freeze ray. And you should make them talk funny and hit each other.

Z:

(in background) In the head.

SG:

Yeah! In the head!

MJ:

Yeah, yeah, destructo ray, freeze ray, that could probably, like, that could put us over the top.

SG:

Then I would come in and save the day! (hums superhero-type theme music)

MJ:

Well, um, you know how to get a hold of me.

SG:

Oh, wait, I just remembered! Draw everyone with large muscular lantern-like jaws. Like mine! (jaw sparkles)

MJ:

Think if I'd drawn Butthead and Beavis with stronger jaws, and, uh...

SG:

White booties!

MJ:

Yeah, white boots, they, they might be funnier and they might score.

SG:

Well, you know what they say, Mike, dames are like mustard. They taste great on a sandwich. But when you're not eating a sandwich, they just sit there in your refrigerator... on a shelf... in a jar... labeled... mustard.

MJ:

Oh yeah.

SG:

Okay then. Citizen Mike, give me an infectious laugh that millions will aspire to imitate.

MJ:

Well, you know, I actually found a tape of myself trying out different laughs. There was like (does Butthead laugh) and there was like (does monkey-like laugh) and, uh, you know, then, of course (does Beavis laugh). And, uh, if you wanted to have the (does monkey-like laugh) you could probably have that one.

SG:

(Does monkey-like laugh) Will this (does monkey-like laugh) give me the approval of the much sought after 18 to 34 year old demographic?

MJ:

No, not really. (laughs) But it's free, though.

SG:

Then I'll take it! Citizen Mike, what are your favorite programs?

MJ:

I really like this, I like Space Ghost, man.

SG:

Thank you!

MJ:

I like, uh, Space Ghost... And, uh...

SG:

Space Ghost?

MJ:

Uh, Space Ghost.

SG:

Thank you once again! How can I repay you for your undying devotion?

MJ:

You could go into the cartoon "Rug Rats", and just sorta clean house.

SG:

Yyyou want me to whack the Rug Rats?

MJ:

I'll give you a list of some people in the industry that need to be, uh, that need to have this done to 'em.

(Blasts Zorak with his own destructo ray)

Z:

Aaaaaa!!!

MJ:

Sorry.

Z:

Don't be.

SG:

That was quite a display of superior firepower.

MJ:

Can you put a sound effect into this... (blasts Zorak again)

Z:

Noooo!!!

MJ:

... to make us equal?

SG:

Sure thing...

Z:

Wait a minute...

SG:

Moltar?

M:

(throws lever)

MJ:

(in superhero/Hank Hill voice) What special powers do you have to help fight the insanity? (blasts Zorak again)

Z:

No, wait... Aaaaaaa!

SG:

No, listen: What special powers do you have to help stop the insanity? (blasts Zorak)

Z:

Nooooooo!!

MJ:

You're right, let me try that again.

Z:

Hold it, gimme just a sec.

MJ:

(Blasts Zorak again) What special powers do you have to help stop the insanity?

Z:

All right, stop it!!! It hurts, okay?!

SG:

Hmmm, I dunno.

MJ:

Well, let's hear you do Butthead.

SG:

(completely straight voice) Ha ha ha, ha, ha ha. My name is Butthead, my head is a giant human butt. Ha, ha ha.

MJ:

And how about Beavis?

SG:

(also in straight voice) Shut up, Butt land, my name is Beavis. How was that?

Z:

(in background) Fab-oh!

MJ:

Yyyeah, yeah, that was... well, that was great.

SG:

Oh, I'm good, baby.

MJ:

I'd like to hear Zorak do Beavis.

Z:

I'd like to hear Mike Judge shut up!

MJ:

(looks shocked)

SG:

Ooooh, did you hear that, Mike.

MJ:

Well, tell him I'd like to tie the long hair on his head to the short hair on his nose and kick him down the street, okay?

Z:

Bring it on, you son of a carpenter.

SG:

Knock it off, guys. Come on.

MJ:

(In Skeletor, from He-Man, voice) The power scepter is mine now, Beast Man!

Z:

That's my tail!

MJ:

You betcha.

Z:

Gimme back my tail!

M:

Wheeeeee! (slides by)

MJ:

(in Beavis' Cornholio voice) Are you threatening me?

Z:

You've got my tail!

SG:

All right, everybody. Just stop!

MJ:

(stares back)

Z:

(stares back)

M:

(slides by) Wo wo wo wo...

SG:

Thanks for stopping by, Mike.

MJ:

(in Hank Hill voice) Boy, I tell ya what, it don't get any better'n this.

SG:

Nope! It sure doesn't.

MJ:

(in Beavis voice) (laughs) Boy! (laughs) It doesn't get any better than this! (laughs) Yeah!

SG:

You hit the nose on the head, compadre! It just doesn't get any better than this!

MJ:

(in Butthead voice) Uh, it doesn't get any better than this? (laughs)

SG:

No, it doesn't. And there you have it, folks.

MJ:

(in Buzzcut voice) Boy, it doesn't get any better than this!

SG:

Mike...

MJ:

(in Mr. Van Driesen voice) You know, it really doesn't get any better than this, mm-kay?

SG:

Mmm-kay! Thanks for being on the...

MJ:

(in Principal McVickers voice) (wheezes) It doesn't get any better than this. (wheezes)

SG:

Mike... Mike!!

MJ:

(in Butthead voice) Uh... (in normal voice) What's that?

SG:

I have to go home now.

(Credits roll)

MJ:

Here's Tom Anderson: "Boy, I tell ya what." Here's Hank Hill: "Boy, I tell ya what." It's a big difference.

© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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