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Episode:47
Title:Sphinx
Original Air Date:October 16, 1997
Guest Stars:Mike Judge, Harland Williams

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed

BEGIN TRANSMISSION
(Moltar in the control room, with Mike Judge on the monitor)
Moltar (M): Okay, recording, and... now!
Mike Judge (MJ): (in Butthead voice) Space Ghost isn't home right now, (laughs). (changes to Beavis voice) (laughs) Is there something I can help you with? (laughs some more) (normal voice) Okay, there you go.
M: It's not for Space Ghost, it's for me.
MJ: Did you want, I thought you...
M: No, I want one for me.
MJ: (in Beavis voice) Voltar isn't home right now. Leave a message. Beep!
M: No.
MJ: Okay.
M: My name's Moltar.
MJ: (winces) Moltar.
M: Yeah, and, and say some stuff about fire this time.
MJ: (in Beavis voice) Moltar isn't home right now, fire, fire, leave a message.
M: Wait, wait, I, I wanted one with Butthead.
MJ: (sighs) Another one?
M: Yeah.
Zorak (Z): Hey, do one for me!
MJ: Okay, who's it for?
Z: (pokes his head into control room) Zorak!
M: Do him and me!
Z: Me and him.
M: And make it funny this time.
MJ: (in Beavis voice) Zorak isn't here, Moltar isn't here, leave a message. (does the finger & lips thing)
M: No, make it funny!
MJ: (in Hank Hill voice) Zo-, Zorak and Noltar...
M: Moltar.
MJ: (disgusted) Ah! Forget it.
M: No, no, no, no, no!
MJ: Get what's-his-name to do a message for ya. (starts to walk off)
M: Sit down, you gore belly rump dead foot licker! We're not done yet!
(Opening theme & titles)
Space Ghost (SG): (invisos in) Greetings, all. Space Ghost is my name, and animated comedy-style interview programs based in outer space are my game. Joining me tonight are craven fat kidneyed flirt gill Harland Williams, and unmuscled sheep biting mold warp Mike Judge.
Z: Have you seen my tail?
SG: Your what?
Z: My tail. Some joker cut it off!
SG: You don't have a tail!
Z: I know, because some joker cut it off!
SG: Calm down, Zorak.
Z: You calm down! Did you eat it?
SG: Why would I eat your stupid tail, I didn't even know ya had one!
Z: Moltar?
M: I didn't eat it. I don't even like tail.
Z: Oh, wait, here it is. (pause) It's not a tail after all...
SG: Play me to the desk.
Z: It's a wacky fun slippery slide!
(MoA music plays Space Ghost to the desk. Space Ghost invisos to his desk; Moltar and Zorak whoop it up in the background)
M: Whoa, whoa!
Z: Wooo hoo hoo!
M: Hey, check this out! (slides by)
SG: All right, put the wacky fun slippery slide away.
Z: Whee-eeeeee! (slides by)
M: (crash!) My knee!
SG: Please welcome my first guest, citizen Harland Williams
Harland Williams (HW): (monitor lowers from ceiling) (yodels)
SG: Greetings, Harland!
HW: Hello there... Billy.
SG: My name is not...
M: Wheeeeeeeee! (slides by)
SG: ... Billy.
HW: Oh. (winks)
SG: It's Space Ghost.
HW: 'kay, Billy. Gotcha. (winks again)
SG: Hey, hey, don't call me Billy.I do not care for the name Billy.
HW: Space Ghost, you... you're a little, uh, rambunctious today.
SG: How would you like it if I pulled down your pants and spanked your bare bottom right here in front of Zorak, Moltar and everybody!
HW: I'll say one word about y- that: naughty.
SG: Naughty?
HW: Naughty. (points) Naughty Space Ghost.
SG: What do you mean?
HW: There's naughty stuff goin' on in your head, you probably have, like, daydreams about pomegranates, and ...
SG: (hears "pomegranates" with echo effect)
HW: Sea fleece.
SG: (hears "sea fleece" with same echo effect)
HW: Timber.
SG: (hears "chocolate chip cookie dough" with same echo effect)
HW: You like wood, don't you?
SG: Well, sure I do. Who doesn't like wood? Cedar, mahogany, rustic pine. Yes, wood is good food. (smile sparkles)
HW: Naughty-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y (image & sound get stuck in a loop; continues in the background)
SG: (laughs) (pause) What's the matter?
Z: That's some wacky stuff.
SG: Moltar!
M: Alright. Uhhhh... hang on. (Harland keeps looping) Uh, is this on the same tape, or...
SG: Stop! (blasts Harland with his destructo ray)
HW: (stops looping) God bless you, O black capped whitey legs. D'you have varicose veins?
SG: No, I don't.
HW: Y'got big puffy veins, (makes pulsing sounds and motions with his hands) pulsing away like organ grinder monkeys on cheese twists.
Z: Yeah, he's got legs like his greasy grannie! (evil laugh)
SG: That extra grease tacked two years onto her life, thank you very much.
HW: You ever, uh, rubbed a bar of soap on your grandmother's forehead?
SG: I... don't think I'll have occasion to, being that she's no longer with us.
Z: Why, what would happen?
HW: Well, you'd have yourself one heck of a sparkling clean grand-mamá.
SG: Maybe you didn't hear me. My grandmother bought a farm!
Z: Really?
M: Cattle or crops?
SG: She's dead, all right?! I don't want to talk about it!
Z: Oops. Back to the veins.
HW: Tell me about your veins. See, I'm turnin' the questioning around, now tell us about your big, greasy space veins... white legs!
SG: Harland Williams, I will not hold court to your mischief!
M: Space Ghost! The completion backward principle!
SG: Uh, completion backwards principle?
HW: Tell us about the veins! (slurps)
M: Remember? Zorak creates a diversion, while you circumnavigate Ghost Planet at the speed of light...
HW: That's right, Space Ghost.
Z: Causing the planet to reverse its rotation.
M: Which in turn opens a multidimensional chasm. (monitor shows Space Ghost with three screens completely full of text flashing over him, reading, in part:)
Keith Crofford-Tad Ghostal:Temp
Crofford-Tad Ghostal:Temporary Items:W
Crofford-Tad Ghostal:Temporary Items:W
Crofford-Tad Ghostal:Temporary Items:W

(next screen:)
Crofford-Tad Ghostal:Temporary Items:W
Crofford-Tad Ghostal:Temporary Items:W
CHANGE OR DELETE THE FOLLOWI
>OTHER REASONS FOR HIS ABSENC
>(available in stores September 2 - EX
(next screen:)
Unknown LDI TBS Tur
>WITS-TECHWOOD Turner Broad
>Entertainment Sandi Reid
>Hanna-Barbera
SG: Thusly causing time to go backwards so that I can redo and/or cancel the interview before the secret of my hideous and spidery varicose veins becomes common knowledge to the general public!
HW: You see now, Space Ghost?
SG: Yes! Why didn't I think of it before?
M: You did! You called it the completion backwards principle!
HW: All hail Space Ghost! And his giant pulsing veiny legs!
SG: Zorak! Create a diversion!
Z: Hey, everybody! Look at me! Do doodley do do, do do da do do...
SG: (flies off)
HW: Wh-, where is he?
Z: (laughs) Ever see Superman 1?
HW: Yes.
Z: He'll be back in a sec.
HW: (laughs)
Z: (laughs)
M: (laughs)
SG: (flies back to desk)
Z: He's back!
SG: (out of breath) Greetings! (pants) I (pants) am (pants) Space Ghost.
HW: What, you wake up with a Winnie the Pooh video in your shorts?
M: Idiot! You went the wrong direction! (screen shows text:)
VELOCITY[?]=SPACE(?)/DONUTS
SG: Are you sure?
M: We've been on for three hours now!
Z: Yeah! I want time and a half!
SG: Ohhhhh... (falls down onto floor, everybody laughs) I think I pulled too many G's.
HW: That a boy, Jerry.
M: Jerry! (laughs)
HW: (waves)
INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION
RESUME TRANSMISSION
MJ: (on Moltar's monitor, in Hank Hill voice) Oh, I tell ya what, that Space Ghost has a nice little patootie on him, don't he? (monitor shows text:)
BED[obscured by M's hand]BROOMSTICKS
M: No!! (throws lever, sends Mike to studio monitor) You make me sick!
(Monitor screen flips through several test patterns, a picture of Adrienne Barbeau from "Jacksonville", and finally shows Mike Judge)
MJ: (in Butthead voice) That was cool! (laughs)
SG: Identify yourself to the universe.
MJ: I am Mike Judge. I am the creator of B-
SG: I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I know what you do.
MJ: Oh. (laughs)
SG: Maybe I can help you with your little cartoon deal.
MJ: Uh, yeah, I, I would like to know what I can do to make what I do funnier.
SG: You should make your show like "Die Hard". Only put it on a bus! And then you should make the guys talk funny and hit each other in the head. And have explosions!
MJ: I, I'm gonna write that down.
SG: And you should give all the guys in the thing a destructo ray and a freeze ray. And you should make them talk funny and hit each other.
Z: (in background) In the head.
SG: Yeah! In the head!
MJ: Yeah, yeah, destructo ray, freeze ray, that could probably, like, that could put us over the top.
SG: Then I would come in and save the day! (hums superhero-type theme music)
MJ: Well, um, you know how to get a hold of me.
SG: Oh, wait, I just remembered! Draw everyone with large muscular lantern-like jaws. Like mine! (jaw sparkles)
MJ: Think if I'd drawn Butthead and Beavis with stronger jaws, and, uh...
SG: White booties!
MJ: Yeah, white boots, they, they might be funnier and they might score.
SG: Well, you know what they say, Mike, dames are like mustard. They taste great on a sandwich. But when you're not eating a sandwich, they just sit there in your refrigerator... on a shelf... in a jar... labeled... mustard.
MJ: Oh yeah.
SG: Okay then. Citizen Mike, give me an infectious laugh that millions will aspire to imitate.
MJ: Well, you know, I actually found a tape of myself trying out different laughs. There was like (does Butthead laugh) and there was like (does monkey-like laugh) and, uh, you know, then, of course (does Beavis laugh). And, uh, if you wanted to have the (does monkey-like laugh) you could probably have that one.
SG: (Does monkey-like laugh) Will this (does monkey-like laugh) give me the approval of the much sought after 18 to 34 year old demographic?
MJ: No, not really. (laughs) But it's free, though.
SG: Then I'll take it! Citizen Mike, what are your favorite programs?
MJ: I really like this, I like Space Ghost, man.
SG: Thank you!
MJ: I like, uh, Space Ghost... And, uh...
SG: Space Ghost?
MJ: Uh, Space Ghost.
SG: Thank you once again! How can I repay you for your undying devotion?
MJ: You could go into the cartoon "Rug Rats", and just sorta clean house.
SG: Yyyou want me to whack the Rug Rats?
MJ: I'll give you a list of some people in the industry that need to be, uh, that need to have this done to 'em.
(Blasts Zorak with his own destructo ray)
Z: Aaaaaa!!!
MJ: Sorry.
Z: Don't be.
SG: That was quite a display of superior firepower.
MJ: Can you put a sound effect into this... (blasts Zorak again)
Z: Noooo!!!
MJ: ... to make us equal?
SG: Sure thing...
Z: Wait a minute...
SG: Moltar?
M: (throws lever)
MJ: (in superhero/Hank Hill voice) What special powers do you have to help fight the insanity? (blasts Zorak again)
Z: No, wait... Aaaaaaa!
SG: No, listen: What special powers do you have to help stop the insanity? (blasts Zorak)
Z: Nooooooo!!
MJ: You're right, let me try that again.
Z: Hold it, gimme just a sec.
MJ: (Blasts Zorak again) What special powers do you have to help stop the insanity?
Z: All right, stop it!!! It hurts, okay?!
SG: Hmmm, I dunno.
MJ: Well, let's hear you do Butthead.
SG: (completely straight voice) Ha ha ha, ha, ha ha. My name is Butthead, my head is a giant human butt. Ha, ha ha.
MJ: And how about Beavis?
SG: (also in straight voice) Shut up, Butt land, my name is Beavis. How was that?
Z: (in background) Fab-oh!
MJ: Yyyeah, yeah, that was... well, that was great.
SG: Oh, I'm good, baby.
MJ: I'd like to hear Zorak do Beavis.
Z: I'd like to hear Mike Judge shut up!
MJ: (looks shocked)
SG: Ooooh, did you hear that, Mike.
MJ: Well, tell him I'd like to tie the long hair on his head to the short hair on his nose and kick him down the street, okay?
Z: Bring it on, you son of a carpenter.
SG: Knock it off, guys. Come on.
MJ: (In Skeletor, from He-Man, voice) The power scepter is mine now, Beast Man!
Z: That's my tail!
MJ: You betcha.
Z: Gimme back my tail!
M: Wheeeeee! (slides by)
MJ: (in Beavis' Cornholio voice) Are you threatening me?
Z: You've got my tail!
SG: All right, everybody. Just stop!
MJ: (stares back)
Z: (stares back)
M: (slides by) Wo wo wo wo...
SG: Thanks for stopping by, Mike.
MJ: (in Hank Hill voice) Boy, I tell ya what, it don't get any better'n this.
SG: Nope! It sure doesn't.
MJ: (in Beavis voice) (laughs) Boy! (laughs) It doesn't get any better than this! (laughs) Yeah!
SG: You hit the nose on the head, compadre! It just doesn't get any better than this!
MJ: (in Butthead voice) Uh, it doesn't get any better than this? (laughs)
SG: No, it doesn't. And there you have it, folks.
MJ: (in Buzzcut voice) Boy, it doesn't get any better than this!
SG: Mike...
MJ: (in Mr. Van Driesen voice) You know, it really doesn't get any better than this, mm-kay?
SG: Mmm-kay! Thanks for being on the...
MJ: (in Principal McVickers voice) (wheezes) It doesn't get any better than this. (wheezes)
SG: Mike... Mike!!
MJ: (in Butthead voice) Uh... (in normal voice) What's that?
SG: I have to go home now.
(Credits roll)
MJ: Here's Tom Anderson: "Boy, I tell ya what." Here's Hank Hill: "Boy, I tell ya what." It's a big difference.
GUEST STARS
Mike Judge
Harland Williams
WRITER
Dave Willis
EDITORS
Jon Schnepp
(inverted) Tom Roche
MUSIC
Sonny Sharrock
Eddie Horst
Man...or Astroman?
MUSICIANS
Sonny Sharrock
Lance Carter
Eddie Horst
Alfrieda Gerald
Man...or Astroman?
VOICES
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
DESIGN COMPANY
Big Deal Cartoons
ANIMATION DIRECTOR
C. Martin Croker
3D ANIMATOR
Derald Hunt
ART DIRECTOR
Randall Lane
ON-LINE CONFORM
Jay Bellissimo
AUDIO CONFORM
Mark Coddington
EDIT ASSIST
Paul Wilson
RE-RECORDING MIXER
Roy Clements
PRODUCTION MANAGER
Kaili Rubin
PRODUCTION COORDINATOR
Vishal Roney
TALENT COORDINATOR
Isabel Gonzalez
PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS
Gus Jordan
Maya McClure
Ben Morgan
SPACE GHOST'S MALE SECRETARY
Nathan Cook
SPECIAL THANKS
Carolina Pictures
Steve Tseckares
ORIGINAL SPACE GHOST DESIGN
Alex Toth
LINE PRODUCER
Greg Harrison
LINE PRODUCER
Jim Fortier
PRODUCER
Pete Smith
PRODUCER
Andy Merrill
PRODUCER
Chip Duffey
SUPERVISING PRODUCER
Dave Willis
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Keith Crofford
SHOES
Michael Lazzo

© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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