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Original Air Date:October 23, 1997
Guest Stars:Colin Quinn, Pavement, Red Green, Goldie Hawn, Tommy Davidson

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Space Ghost (SG): (sips coffee) Guess who write tonight's show? (no response) Come on, guess!
Zorak (Z): (sighs) Who write it?
SG: Me! I writed!
(Opening theme & titles)
SG: (invisos in) Greetings, everyone! I am Space Ghost, the most powerful being that have ever existed in the world of the universe! You know it. I know it. Moltar know it. Zorak know it. Tansut know it. Brak know it. Lokar know it. And those other people know it, too.
Moltar (M): (speaking lines badly) It is a pleasure to work for someone (disgusted sigh) so good. (monitor shows text:)

SG: Thank you, Moltar! Zorak?
Z: (reading from script, sighs) I am a foul and degenerate creature, I will now play the music.
(Way outs play screechy violin recital music)
SG: (invisos to desk) Zorak, that was very bad. That song you played; you go to prison.
Z: Nuts to that action!
SG: Stick with the script! (aims his power bands)
Z: Awright, awright, I'm goin' to prison! Geez!
SG: Moltar, get me the Beatles to replace Zorak.
M: A-okay, chief. (quietly) Uh, Space Ghost, I, I'm not gonna be able to get the Beatles.
SG: (quietly) Shhh, just get anybody, the audience won't know. They're all stupid. (monitor shows text:)
Z: Hey, um, am I really going to prison?
SG: (quietly) No, just go stand over there. (aloud) Moltar, get me a guest.
M: You just told me to get the Beatles.
SG: Moltar, you go to prison! (monitor shows text:)
M: (walking off) I'm confused by this whole deal...
Z: (standing off-stage with Moltar, holding script) Hey, welcome to prison...
SG: Wait a second...
Z: ... whattya in for?
SG: Alright, everyone freeze. Don't move! Moltar, go back to your post. You are no longer a prisoner; that was a flashback.
M: Oh. (walks back to control room)
SG: Alright, now we're back in the present, where I am a superhero talk show host, who is also a successful defense attorney, up against the fight of his life, but that hasn't been revealed yet, and Moltar is getting the guest, aaaaand... action!
M: (pause) Me? (monitor shows text:)
S.E.C. 7

SG: Yeah.
M: (speaking lines badly) Master, master I offer unto thee, TV's Colin Quinn. (aside) Choke on it. (throws lever, sends Colin to studio monitor)
SG: (as monitor lowers) TV's Colin Quinn! Prepare to bask in my greatness!
Colin Quinn (CQ): Thanks, Space Ghost, it's a pleasure to be here.
SG: It is I who is administering the pleasure on this show.
CQ: Is this posture too effeminate, is this okay...
SG: It really doesn't matter, because even though I've just made you a big star, you're no longer a guest on my show.
CQ: (looks surprised) Okay.
SG: Next guest, Moltar!
M: Oh, um, TV's Red Green. (throws lever, monitor cuts from Colin Colin to a quick shot of Boris Yeltsin dancing to Red)
Red Green (RG): You are, uh, you are, uh, you're a big fella.
SG: That's sweet!
RG: You are a big, big fella.
SG: No! I'm a big big star! From this point on, no one talk to me!
RG: (stares back silently, puzzled)
SG: I would like my chocolate ice cream now.
M: (walks up to desk) (sighs) Here's your chocolate ice cream, my lord. (slams bowl down on desk)
SG: Thank you, stupid idiot.
M: (muffles a scream) You're welcome. (walks off)
RG: Gosh sakes...
SG: Silence!!
RG: (smiles) Alright.
SG: (eats his ice cream)
RG: I have a couple poems, would you like one?
SG: (stops eating) Hold that thought, Red, it's time for me to read a poem now:
When your life's a chain of troubles,
And your dreams all broken bubbles,
While your woes recur in doubles,
Simply pause, and smile a while.
(sobs, puts hand in front of his face) (sniff) I'm crying! Because I wanted you to see the full range (sniff) of my emotions!
(following text scrolls by on screen:)
All Hollywood producers are ordered to contact Space Ghost as soon as possible.
SG: I might stop by your lodge someday, Red!
RG: Give us lots of warning, huh?
SG: And remember, (belches)
RG: Yikes! Don't come on Mexican night, you'll regret it.
SG: Thank you, Red. Now, go away from my monitor screen.
RG: (holds up two videos he is plugging) That's it... (fades from monitor)
(Trumpet fanfare, as band members take their places on the Way Outs' bandstand)
M: The Beatles have arrived, my lege.
SG: Colin, the Beatles are here!
CQ: (back on monitor, chants/sings:) Space Ghost, Space Ghost, he's a ... (mumbles something) (laughs)
SG: (laughs) Laughing at me with your big star mouth. Let us see how Zorak is doing in prison.
Z: (stares back from the wings, silently)
SG: Let us see how Zorak is doing in prison.
CQ: Is that where you say somethin'?
Z: Oh! Um... (scans script, then recites lines badly) Oh, I am in my cell. Oh, how I wished I would have played that song good, and that I was back in my keyboard.
SG: Justice has been deserved. (sound of prison cell door closing) (back at his desk) Don't go away, we'll be right back with "Meet the Beatles". (pause) We're back, now's the time for a special segment of my show called "Space Ghost of the Cosmos Calling".
M: (looking at his script book) Hey, wait a minute! This isn't in the script!
SG: Hello, Timmy, is that you?
Timmy (T): (actually Space Ghost talking in high voice with his hand over his face) Hello, hello! Hi Timmy, I, I mean, hi Space Ghost!
SG: Hi, Timmy, Space Ghost of the Cosmos calling!
T: Oh, boy, I can't believe it! Is it really you?
SG: You better believe it, Timmy!
T: Your show is the bestest...
SG: Thanks, Timmy, keep pluggin' away!
T: But Space-
SG: And keep on truckin'!
T: I've been sick, I've been so very sick!
SG: Oh! Well, uh, come on, get better, why don't you?
T: Thank you, Space Ghost, I'm starting -
SG: That's right, Timmy. And tell your doctor that Space Ghost of the Cosmos made a house call! (to camera) This is the best show ever.
SG: Welcome back, stupid viewers. You'll watch anything! Go ahead, change the channel, you'll be back! And now, right here on our stage tonight, the Beatles!
(Pavement plays their song, "Space Ghost")
SG: (as they play) Aaaah! What?! (band keeps playing in background, Space Ghost shouts over their playing) Now, ladies and gentlemen, the delightful Goldie Hawn!
Goldie Hawn (GH): (monitor lowers with Goldie) Thank you very much, Space Ghost.
SG: You look great, Goldie, how do you stay in such great shape?
GH: Uh, Tony ????
SG: What?
GH: He, um...
SG: What?
GH: He is a very special...
SG: What?
(Pavement keeps playing their song)
SG: (sticks head in corner of screen, "sings":) Space Ghost, living the high life!
(Pavement plays big finish)
SG: That was jolly good! Jolly good!
Steve West (SW): Time to go! Bye bye.
SG: Now it appears that it's time for our next guest to appear. Moltar, send out my next guest. I will be back shortly, so don't worry about sending the guest out now, just do it now. That way the guest will be ready when my questioning begins upon my return.
M: As you wish, O mighty mighty one. (throws lever, sends Tommy to studio monitor) (to himself) This just bites, is all.
SG: What did you say?
M: I said, This. Just. Bites. Is all.
SG: What page are you on?
M: This is the worst show! You know it, I know it, Zorak know it...
Z: (reading script) I, Zorak, have decided to dig a tunnel to escape...
M: Shut up, Zorak!
Z: ... prison.
SG: On we go! Greet me, Tommy Davidson!
Tommy Davidson (TD): (impersonating Sammy Davis Jr., sings) Spa-a-ace Ghost!
SG: (laughs and laughs)
TD: (impersonating Al Jarreau, sings) Space Ghost, ???? out in the u-u-universe.
SG: (finishes laughing) Woo, lord.
TD: OK, I hear ya.
SG: What did I just say?
TD: Woo, lord!
SG: You are an attentive listener! I like the shape of your head!
TD: (bats his eyelashes) I like you.
SG: I like you too, Dan.
Z: (clears his throat) This tunnel that I am digging out of the prison is much longer and much more difficult than I had anticipated.
Great Gazoo (GG): (zaps in) I am here to help you in your time of trouble.
SG: Ladies and gentlemen, the Great Gazoo!
GG: Toodle-loo, dum dums! (zaps out)
SG: The Great Gazoo, ladies and gentlemen.
Z: Hey, I thought he was supposed to help me with my tunnel!
SG: No, that was a cameo. Hel-looo!
TD: (impersonating Al Jarreau, sings) Zo-rak! We-e-e are here wai-ting, me-e-e and Space Ghost!
SG: (sounding like Nelson Eddy, sings) That's right, Tommy! We-e-e are here wai-ting, me-e-e and Tommy!
Z: Hey, Space Ghost, about this finale. How you gonna do all this stuff with Jupiter, and... who's Fidor?
M: Yeah, where are you gonna get all the money for that?
Z: I don't think it's feasible.
SG: Just read your line.
Z: (reads script) Space Ghost, Fidor is trying to eat Jupiter.
M: Someone must stop him.
SG: Sounds like Fidor needs to go out for a walk, Space Ghost style! (flies off)
TD: Good one.
(Action insert: Space Ghost vs. Fidor, with dramatic background music)
Fidor (F): (eating Jupiter, which looks amazingly like the Ghost Planet's moon; Space Ghost "flies in" and hits him) Ruff! Space Ghost! Ruff!
SG: Looks like your bark is worse than your bite, Fidor! (punches Fidor several more times) (standing on top of "Jupiter", as Fidor eats out of his dog dish) Once again, I have saved the universe!
(Fidor bumps Jupiter, Space Ghost hits the deck, then "flies off". Dramatic music concludes)
SG: (bounds back to desk) (exhales) All evil everywhere is vanquished, just like I write it to happen.
M: (reading script) Hail the returing hero.
SG: Yes, yes. And also, Moltar, from this point on, I write all the world shows, because everyone watching turns out to like them so much. Tommy Davidson, you may now return safely to your planet.
TD: Thanks for having me. (fades from monitor)
SG: Zorak, I am freeing you from prison at this very moment.
Z: Oh, how I...
SG: There! All is well, all over the place. You may now be left with the Beatles.
(Pavement sings again, during closing credits)
(Credits roll)
SG: This show's so good, I'm thinking about not even airing it.

Colin Quinn
Red Green
Goldie Hawn
Tommy Davidson
Tad Ghostal
Jay Edwards
(inverted) Tom Roche
Sonny Sharrock
Eddie Horst
Sonny Sharrock
Lance Carter
Eddie Horst
Alfrieda Gerald
Mark Ibold
Spiral Stairs
Bob Nastanovich
Steve West
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Chip Duffey
Big Deal Cartoons
C. Martin Croker
C. Martin Croker
David M. Strandquest
Matthew I. Jenkins
Derald Hunt
Randall Lane
Bill Chapman
Bryan Smythe
Mike Robertson
Andy Ransom
Bruce Greenhut
Karin Weitzman
Jim Reeves
Thomas Branch
Greg Liptak
Peter Amato
Sadler Evans
Roy Clements
Dave Sillman
Ken Horstman
Ron Sutton
Rob Mason
Jay Bellissimo
Maury Ingram
Ken Clarke
Paul Wilson
Kaili Rubin
Vishal Roney
Isabel Gonzalez
Gill Austin
Gus Jordan
Maya McClure
Ben Morgan
Nathan Cook
Matador Records
Daryl Bascom
Remco Shoutin
The Point
Spencer Gates
Nasty Little Man
Neil Strauss
Jan Jennings
Alex Toth
Jim Fortier
Pete Smith
Andy Merrill
Chip Duffey
Dave Willis
Keith Crofford
Michael Lazzo

© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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