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BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Erik Estrada is on control room monitor, putting on make-up. As Moltar speaks, monitor shows text:)

02.09.80
TOW TRUCK LADY

(followed by:)

09.21.80
GO CART TERROR

Moltar (M):

Um, uh, Erik, um, Hi, um, I'm, I'm Moltar, and, um, I, I really like your show, you know, that, that "CHiPs" show? Where, where you guys, like, wreck all that stuff, all the cars...

Erik Estrada (EE):

(to make-up person) Got any rouge?

M:

Connie! Get in there and get that man some rouge! This is Erik Estrada, fer cryin' out loud! (monitor shows text:)

01.10.82
TIGER IN THE STREETS

M:

I've gotta do it all around here. Yup, I'm the captain of this show. That's enough, Connie, he's not a clown! (monitor shows text:)

04.18.82
ICE CREAM MAN

EE:

Thank you. Hi, Moltar. (winks)

M:

(laughs) You're the man, Erik! You and me, we got a thing goin'. We like each other!

EE:

Uh, thanks. (laughs)

M:

(laughs)(monitor shows text:)

10.17.82
TIGHT FIT

(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost (SG):

(invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space G-

M:

Go to the desk!

SG:

(surprised) Okay. (invisos to desk) Uh, what now?

M:

Erik Estrada, Poncharello, the CHiPs-master! (monitor shows text:)

10.07.78
DISASTER SQUAD

M:

Here he is, now! (sends Erik to studio monitor) Aw-riiiiight!Woo hoo hoo hoo...

SG:

(blasts monitor with his power bands, George Clinton takes Erik's place) Cut it out, Moltar, that music guy is first.

M:

Aaaa! (throws lever, Erik returns) Ponch is first!

SG:

(blasts monitor again) Music guy!

M:

(throws lever again) Erik!

SG:

(blasts monitor again) Music guy!

M:

(throws lever again) Erik! (monitor shows text:)

02.03.79
RALLY 'ROUND THE BANK

SG:

Hey! Where's Zorak?

Zorak (Z):

(rises from center of keyboard pod, on an elevator platform) I was, just doing something. Down there. Without you.

SG:

(stares at Zorak, then blasts monitor again and again) Music guy, music guy, music guy, music guy!

M:

(throws lever again and again, monitor shows text:)

12.14.80
SATAN'S ANGELS

M:

Erik, Erik, Erik, Erik, Erik, Erik, Erik!

SG:

Hey, my show, my show!

M:

(grumbles, sends George to studio monitor)

SG:

Now just settle down, we'll get to Erik. (quietly to himself) When the earth cools. (normal voice) Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Funkenstien himself, Mr. George Clinton!

George Clinton (GC):

Roof, roof, roof, how ya doin?

M:

(sends Erik back to monitor) That was great, bring on Erik.

SG:

Hey! I just started here.

M:

I thought you were done!(monitor shows text:)

10.24.82
THE SPACEMAN MADE ME DO IT

SG:

Gimme back George Clinton!

M:

No, I dropped him.

Z:

(laughs) Good move!

M:

And he broke. So there.

SG:

(stares at Zorak) Aren't you busy with something?

Z:

Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me. (lowers on elevator platform in his keyboard pod) See ya later.

SG:

What's he doin'?

Z:

(shadows flicker, sounds of flames in background) (Oooooh, look at all that human hair! Cool!)

SG:

(listens to wolf howling, changing to dog barking, while monitor shows text:)

11.10.77
GREEEN THUMB BURGLAR

(followed by:)

03.01.81
PONCH'S ANGELS, PART II

SG:

Who owns that dog? (more barking) And where's that music guy!?

M:

(makes "I dunno" noise)

SG:

Send him out, Moltar! (monitor shows text:)

01.11.81
FORTY TONS OF TROUBLE

M:

No.

SG:

Send him out, Moltar!

M:

No.

SG:

Send him out, Moltar!

M:

No.

SG:

Send him out, Moltar!

M:

No.

SG:

Send him out, Moltar!

M:

No.

SG:

I'm not gonna tell you again!

M:

Uh-uh

SG:

I'm telling you, I'm not gonna tell you again! I am telling you, I am not gonna tell you again!!! (While Space Ghost talks, monitor shows text:)

02.09.78
HITCH-HIKING HITCH

M:

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no...

SG:

Tiiiiime ouuuuut!

M:

Aw man! (walks off)

SG:

And you will stay in 'time out' until I am done with the funkmaster. I'm really sorry, George, Moltar's got this Estrada problem.

Z:

(wearing a Howard Cosell-like toupee) Yeah, he wants to shake his hand, and then pull it up to his mouth real quick, so he can kiss it.

SG:

(to George) That's Zorak.

GC:

Oh, I was wonderin' who was that guy...

SG:

Look at him, he's got a full head of hair.

GC:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that toupee look funny.

Z:

What toupee? This is my natural hair.

GC:

Oh, that, that figures, that was fake.

Z:

This is the ancient hair from a young king's tomb. It gives me... the power...

SG:

The power to do what?

Z:

Oh... stuff.

SG:

What kind of stuff?

Z:

Powerful stuff! (evil laugh)

GC:

Oh, he has a good ??? on top of his head, that's a nice trick.

SG:

No trick Zorak plays is ever nice. Watch as I destroy him!

GC:

I kinda figured you would do that.

SG:

(blasts Zorak)

Z:

(coughs) I paid forty dollars for that rug!

SG:

And look what it got you.

Z:

The king will be very disappointed.

SG:

King like that don't need hair. Speaking of hair, what's up with your 'do?

GC:

Oh, my 'do. Well, what comes around, went that way. And I can get around, you know what I'm sayin'?

SG:

No. I wear a hood.

GC:

You wear a 'hood? I, I live in a 'hood. You have a 'hood, yeah, but how would I wear a 'hood?

SG:

It's not hard. I take an entire neighborhood, put it on my head and dance around where the neighborhood used to be. The people who live in the neighborhood are terrified by my hopping, and some of them fall off my head and are trampled. It is then that the dance becomes a dance of sadness.

GC:

Why are you tellin' me this?

SG:

Because I care about the innocent victims of my ill-advised dance of joy.

GC:

Oh...

SG:

Fries don't come with that deadly shake.

GC:

(laughing) Shake like that don't need fries.

(Light and eerie music emanate from Zorak's pod; he stares at the flames)

M:

(off-screen) Can I come out now? I've been very good!

SG:

Have you learned your lesson? (monitor shows text:)

01.02.83
DAY OF THE ROBOT

M:

You mean, don't go strippin' in the woods?

SG:

That's a good lesson, Moltar, albeit not exactly the lesson I had... (monitor shows text:)

01.05.78
ONE TWO MANY

M:

I'm comin' out.

SG:

Oh, all right.

M:

(walks up to control room monitor) What's this joker still doin' here? (monitor shows text:)

09.16.78
PEAKS AND VALLEYS

GC:

Go forth and funk, my child.

M:

Funk this, you wookie! (throws lever, replaces George with Erik)

SG:

This is nuts. (invisos to control room, monitor shows text:)

02.23.78
CRASH DIET

SG:

Bring him back, Moltar!

M:

Let go of the lever.

SG:

You let go of the lever!

M:

I'm serious. Let go.

SG:

No, you let go!

M:

Let go.

SG:

I said, let go! (As Space Ghost and Moltar throw the lever back and forth, the monitor switches between Estrada and Clinton, along with various other pictures, including a full screen of mirrored text, which includes the line "imagining Zorak Deck")

M:

I said, let go! (Amongst the images on the monitor are the hallway from the show opening, and the Cartoon Network Productions Jack-in-the-box logo from the end.)

SG:

I said, let go!

M:

I said it, too!

SG:

Gimme that lever, I'm gonna...

Z:

(in his subterranean cavern) (The breach of peace, fueled by a sprinkle of pandemonium. The vultures have come.)

SG:

If you don't let go of that lever right now, I'm going to punch you in the nose!

M:

I don't have a nose!

SG:

Ooooh, you don't?

M:

I have a cadmium alloy inhalant receptacle.

SG:

Oh... uh, well, then I'll... kick you in the hands!

M:

No, please, not the hands!

SG:

Here I go, kicking you in the hands!

M:

Ow.

(Space Ghost and Moltar go at it, rock 'em sock 'em style)

SG:

Put your hands down here! (a hit to Moltar's face: "BLONNG!")

M:

Come on, pretty boy! How's that feel? (a hit to Space Ghost's face: "THOKK!") You like that? You like that?

Z:

(in cavern, over continued fighting from Space Ghost and Moltar) (To the death, you toads! Spread the hatred far and wide! [evil laugh])

(Space Ghost and Moltar continue punching each other ,under the grunts and groans and punches they continue arguing)

SG:

You're hurting me.

M:

??? that's my hand.

SG:

Not fair, let go of my cape.

M:

??? the mask.

SG:

Not the mask! Not the mask!

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

(In the control room, Space Ghost and Moltar are no longer fighting)

SG:

Well, Moltar, I... guess I lost the fight.

M:

No, Space Ghost, I lost... the fight.

SG:

We both lost, therefore we both won. I apologize.

M:

Aaaa, ya big lug. I love you too.

SG:

Give me a big old hug. (off camera) Ohhhh yeah!

Z:

Frak!

SG:

(invisos to desk) Hello everybody! And now, back to the show.

Z:

Pinhead.

SG:

What?

Z:

Nothin'. Moltworm.

SG:

What did you say, just then?

Z:

Nothin'!

SG:

I don't remember where...

Z:

Snapdragon.

SG:

... I heard that, you said 'snapdragon'.

Z:

Did not!

SG:

Did too!

Z:

(in Exorcist voice) Did Not!

SG:

That's creepy, idn't it?

Z:

(in same voice) Yes. (evil laugh)

SG:

And now, let's welcome Erik Estrada. (appears on monitor)

M:

Hang on a second, I, I wrote some questions for him.

SG:

Well, hurry up!

M:

(walks out, plops down questions on Space Ghost's desk) Here! (walks off)

SG:

Welcome to the show, citizen!

EE:

Thank you! Hi, Moltar! (winks)

M:

(still next to Space Ghost's desk) You're the man! Woo hoo!! Yeah!!

SG:

Gonna stand there all day?

M:

I'm not hurtin' anything. Just talk.

SG:

Don't worry, I'll read your stupid questions.

M:

You better. (walks off)

SG:

Moltar's first question... well, it's not really a question, it just says "Moltar is your number one fan."

EE:

Yeah, I know, we're buds.

M:

You are the man!

SG:

Question t-

M:

Wooooo!

SG:

(pause) Question two says: How do you handle the pressures of being an international sex symbol?

EE:

Ohhhhh, how do I handle it? Well, you just have to, just, you say, "Okay, thank you, I take that as a compliment."

SG:

Okay, thank you, I take that as a compliment.

EE:

And don't, don't get offended by it, or don't think that it gives you a license to... practice sex, with just anybody.

SG:

(pause) Okay.

(Erik's and Space Ghost's smiles sparkle, to the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star")

Z:

(in cavern) (Oh, the sounds of happiness fester in my brain!)

M:

Let me ask a question!

EE:

Sure! Go on, Molt. We know each other, I can call him Molt. (monitor shows text:)

10.07.78
DISASTER SQUAD

M:

Woo doggie!

Z:

(in Exorcist voice) Shut Up!

M:

You and me, Zorak, after the show!

Z:

(in same voice) You name the time, scab!

M:

I thought I just did!

Z:

(in normal voice) Oh, right. After the show. (screen goes dark, except for his eyes) (What am I becoming?)

SG:

Ask your question!

M:

Okay! (monitor shows text:)

10.21.78
TRICK OR TREAT

M:

(throws lever, Erik reappears on control room monitor) Erik, why was Sergeant Katrare always so mean? (monitor shows text:)

10.31.82
ROCK DEVIL ROCK

EE:

Well, the sergeant never got out of the station much. And he didn't get to ride and meet the people, meet all the children...

M:

Or maybe your pants were too tight. Or maybe... (monitor shows text:)

03.03.79
CHP BMX

EE:

Oh...

M:

(clears throat) Hey, remember the episode where you save Heather Locklear from the biker gang? (monitor shows text:)

02.03.79
RALLY 'ROUND THE BANK

EE:

Yes.

M:

Oh, and, and remember the time when the skateboarder grabbed onto the back of that Chevy Malibu?

EE:

Right, right. (monitor shows text:)

09.22.79
ROLLER DISCO (PART 1)

M:

And kept on skating? That was so cool! (monitor shows text:)

02.06.83
JOURNEY TO A SPACECRAFT

EE:

That wasn't very smart, that wasn't really cool.

M:

Well, that's what I meant. That was totally uncool!

Z:

Let the power of Ponch compel you! (repeats over and over) (monitor shows text:)

10.27.79
THE RETURN OF THE SUPERCYCLE

M:

Shut up, Zorak!

EE:

Zorak? Who's Zorak?

SG:

That thing, over there!

EE:

That's pretty mean, huh?

Z:

... Let the power of Ponch compel you! ... (monitor shows text:)

10.21.78
TRICK OR TREAT

M:

I said, shut up! You're wrecking my interview!

Z:

... Let the power of Ponch compel you! ...

M:

Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up! (monitor shows text:)

10.06.77
DOG GONE

SG:

Stop yelling! (silence on the set)

EE:

Okay.

Z:

Let the power of Ponch compel you! ...

M:

Shut up! ??? you idiots anymore!

EE:

(pretending to talk into walkie-talkie) Hey, Baker, this is Seven Mary Three, we've got a 9-11 in progress, I need your audible, drop that burrito and get over here. (laughs)

SG:

A 9-1-1 in progress? Up, up and away! (flies off)

Z:

... Let the power of Ponch compel you! ...

M:

You ruined my chance of a lifetime!

Z:

... Let the power of Ponch compel you! ...

M:

Shut. Up. Shut up!

Z:

(blows up)

M:

Erik? Just gimme a second, I can fix it. (pulls lever, Erik blows up) Noooooo!!!! Oh no. (Moltar blows up)

(Phantom Cruiser flies in space, with mellow music playing)

SG:

(mocking voice) "911, better hurry! 911!" Hate this job! Hey, it's hot in here. (sighs) Wonder if the air conditioner's broken... (turns knob) (Space Ghost blows up)

(Credits roll)

SG:

I'm here for you, to make children smile, to make profits rise. I am the subservient of the network. (Pause) Did we get all that on tape?

© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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