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BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Opening theme & titles)

(Space Ghost starts to inviso in)

Moltar: Game on, here's the ghost.

Chad Ghostal: (inviso image now has a beard; inviso in completes) Not exactly, Daddy-O! (evil laugh)

Zorak: Space Ghost's evil twin brother Chad?!

Moltar: But we thought you were...(monitor shows text:)

THE SOPHISTICATED SAVAGE

Chad Ghostal: The asylum? Don't you wish! I blew that popsicle stand to make the scene here, baby. So dig it, kids, Chad Ghostal's takin' over!

Zorak: But why take this show over, it stinks!

Chad Ghostal: Not when I'm on it! TV is power, baby, sexy power! Hi, girls! (cat growl)

Zorak: But, what about Space Ghost?

Chad Ghostal: Oh, don't worry about the Tadpole, he's gone, man. Real gone!

Zorak: You mean... you destroyed Space Ghost?

Chad Ghostal: Let's just say my brother Tad won't be with us tonight.Ya dig? (dramatic sting music) (evil laugh)

Zorak: I dig! (evil laugh)

Moltar: I dig! (evil laugh)

Chad Ghostal: Tonight we do things my way, cats. No 70's sitcom rejects, no MTV snot-noses, we're gonna wig out and get evil tonight, baby. (big band music in background) My guests tonight are The Millionaire from the sharp music combo Combustible Edison. And direct from Vegas, legendary band leader hepcat Sam Butera. (applause in background) Pow pow pow, go cats, go!

Audience: (applause)

Chad Ghostal: (invisos to desk) Okay, cats and kittens, simmer down. I want you all to meet the real hepcat, the man, the myth...

The Millionaire: (on monitor as it lowers) I am The Millionaire, from the pop combo Combustible Edison.

Chad Ghostal: Hmmm, Millionaire...

The Millionaire: (winks, with cash register sound)

Zorak: He looks like a Batman villain.

Chad Ghostal: Man, your dry goods are murder! Clue me in on the threads.

The Millionaire: Well, this is a European cut three button...

Zorak: Louie the Lilac!

Moltar: The Joker.

Zorak: Louie the Lilac!

Moltar: Joker!

Zorak: Ten bucks says Louie the Lilac.

Moltar: You're on.

The Millionaire: ... and matching pocket square. I don't like anything in my outfit to be square, you know what I'm saying. (laughs)

Chad Ghostal: Ow! I'm wise! So, who inspires The Millionaire's style?

The Millionaire: My sense of style is kinda influenced by Gomez Addams and the Joker. (buzz!)

Zorak: (in Batmantis costume) What's this? Has Batmantis been gypped out of ten bucks?

Chad Ghostal: Zorak?

Zorak: What?

Chad Ghostal: Don't be a bore.

Zorak: Sorry. Uh, Taddy-O?

Moltar: (chuckles)

Chad Ghostal: So, Millionaire, for the benefit of my brother's ickie sidekicks, what is 'hip'?

The Millionaire: Don't ask me, I'm only a mere mortal.

Chad Ghostal: Deaf lip, my man. Well then, what's not hip?

The Millionaire: Uh, Dockers. That's one thing.

Zorak: And Space Ghost!

The Millionaire: (laughs) Really, you don't say.

Chad Ghostal: My brother's a total Clyde, baby. Uptight!

The Millionaire: That's unfortunate.

Chad Ghostal: He's a drag. But I took care of him, in style!

Zorak: Show us the body!

Moltar: Is he.. still in one piece?

Chad Ghostal: (evil laugh)

Zorak: (stares wide-eyed)

The Millionaire: So, do the buttons on your gauntlet do something entirely different than his, I've always wondered about that.

Chad Ghostal: Oh, you know it, Dad.

The Millionaire: What do yours do?

Chad Ghostal: Well, let me clue ya. I've got an atomic drink mixer... (presses power band button, makes a blender sound) An ultra-deluxe chick magnet (presses another button, makes sound of girls sighing)

The Millionaire: One of them must dim the lights on your chamber.

Chad Ghostal: Oh, yeah, make-out party tonight! (presses another button, lights dim except for spot on Chad)

The Millionaire: That's a good one.

Chad Ghostal: You know it, baby. (does cat growl sound) (sound of girls sighing again) (lights return to normal) So, any last words of advice for our lowly little viewers?

The Millionaire: Stay fabulous, beautiful people. Have faith, don't let the man beat you down.

Chad Ghostal: Awright! Listen, my main queen Elvira's throwin' a blast tonight, wanna swing by?

The Millionaire: Beautiful.

Chad Ghostal: Thanks for droppin' by, Millionaire. See you tonight.

The Millionaire: Thank you, Chad. (fades from monitor)

Chad Ghostal: Swanky fool! Tonight your millions shall be mine! (evil laugh, sound of slot machine paying off)

Zorak: Now will you tell us what you did with Space Ghost?

Chad Ghostal: You know, Zorak, curiosity killed the uncool cat. You dig?

Zorak: Hey, don't blame me! Blame it, on the bossa nova! (starts playing bossa nova music on his keyboard)

Moltar: (dances) Da da da da daaa, da!

Chad Ghostal: (dances) (does wolf howl), baby!! Take five, kids. Catch you on the flip side!

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

Chad Ghostal: And now, Jacks and Jills, welcome the king of the real gone cats himself, Mr. Sam Butera!

Audience: (applause)

Chad Ghostal: Sam, the man, the myth, the legend. Hug me, I suffer!

Sam Butera: Chad, how are ya, baby?

Chad Ghostal: In the groove, man. Evil, and lovin' it.

Sam Butera: Groovy.

Chad Ghostal: So, Sam, I gotta ask you, man, you still dig those crazy chicks?

Sam Butera: Oh, that's, that's where it's at.

Chad Ghostal: Tell me, Sam, what do you do to make a chick crazy? You know, like a fox? (does cat growl)

Sam Butera: Uh, the right kind of music, a little jive talk.

Chad Ghostal: Get in there! (does a wolf howl)

Moltar: This is totally demeaning to women.

Zorak: Can't we talk about Space Ghost's untimely demise?

Chad Ghostal: And just how do you jive talk a chick of choice?

Sam Butera: Well, you know, gotta call her "baby," "sweetheart," "darling," "I love you," and all the phrases that go along with love.

Chad Ghostal: Like, "Hey, duchess, I'm a homicidal maniac?" (music stops)

Sam Butera: (looks doubtful) That's right. (music starts again)

Chad Ghostal: Say, Sam?

Sam Butera: Yeah, man?

Chad Ghostal: You got a sister?

Sam Butera: Well, uh...

Chad Ghostal: I'm, like, out of jail. Loose, is what I'm sayin'. Like a loose meat sandwich.

Zorak: Uh, I get really uncomfortable when he talks like that.

Moltar: Oooh, me too. Sounds like a gross sandwich.

Chad Ghostal: Do you know my brother?

Sam Butera: I've seen him, sure.

Chad Ghostal: He's a total square, isn't he?

Sam Butera: (laughs) Now, don't put me in the middle now.

Chad Ghostal: It's okay, we can talk. He's.. not a problem.

Moltar: Come on, Chad, what did you do with Space Ghost?

Zorak: Did you at least, you know, rough him up?

Chad Ghostal: Oh, just a "tad". (rim shot) (laughs)

Sam Butera: But I tell ya what, he's sharp, he knows where it's at. He's a little square, but that's okay.

Chad Ghostal: He ain't just a little square, Sam, he's cubic. He's a blockhead, strictly bizarro.

Sam Butera: Well, I'm glad you're sayin' it and not me, you know, Chad.

Chad Ghostal: Wanna see my impression of my brother?

Sam Butera: Sure, man.

Chad Ghostal: Are you getting enough oxygen? I worry about such things, because I'm bor-r-ring!

Zorak: (laughs)

Moltar: (laughs)

Chad Ghostal: See the walls in my house, I've been with the governor!

Moltar: (laughs)

Chad Ghostal: Chad! Your agent sending you out a lot, you doing any network spots? What have I heard you on lately? Listen, I'm really insecure, so I don't want you to take my job, okay?

Zorak: (laughs)

Moltar: (laughs) That's him!

Sam Butera: (laughs) That's cute.

Chad Ghostal: Of course, you're like the opposite of square, Daddy-O. You swing!

Sam Butera: Well, anybody can swing, if you put your mind to it.

Chad Ghostal: Swing, Daddy-O, swing like a meat hook.

Sam Butera: (sings:)
I'm just a gigolo,
Everywhere I go,
People know the part I'm playin'.

Zorak: Hey, I know that one!

Sam Butera: Pay for every dance,
Selling each romance,
Hey, baby, what they're sayin'.
'Cause I, ain't got nobo-o-ody.

Zorak: Hey, I know that one!

Sam Butera: Well, I wrote that arrangement 34 years ago, the one that David Lee Roth stole from me.

Chad Ghostal: He, he stole it?

Sam Butera: You bet me he stole it.

Zorak: Make him pay, Chaddy-buffs!

Moltar: Space Ghost too! Uh, if, if he hasn't paid already.

Chad Ghostal: David Lee Roth?

Sam Butera: He came here one night to see me, you know, and after the show he walked up to me and said, "Hey, Sam!" I said, "Who are you?" He said, "I'm David Lee Roth." You know what I told him? I said, "Gimme my money!"

Chad Ghostal: (between clenched teeth) David Lee Roth!

Sam Butera: And he turned around and walked right out.

Chad Ghostal: (snorts) David Lee Roth! You watch your back, you hear me? You hear me?!

Zorak: You know what happened was, they brought in Hagar to replace Roth...

Moltar: Then, then they kicked Hagar out and brought Roth back...

Zorak: But he hassled Eddie at the MTV awards...

Moltar: And Eddie was just, like...

Zorak: I am so over this!

Moltar: And then Mike Anthony was, like... oh, whatever! (monitor shows text:)

VIVA LAS VEGAS

Chad Ghostal: (staring at Zorak) So, anyway, wwwhere were we? (police sirens in background) Oh, say, Sam, you got a sister?

Zorak: (laughs)

Moltar: (laughs)

(Squad car red and blue lights flash around studio)

Zorak: What?

Chad Ghostal: Yowsah! It's the heat!

Police Officer: (through bullhorn) Chad Ghostal! This is the police!

Zorak: Sting's here?

Moltar: You ever hear my Stewart Copeland story?

Police Officer: Come out with your power bands up. We have you surrounded.

Chad Ghostal: Zorak, you fink! You ratted me out!

Zorak: Ratt? I remember those guys!

Moltar: They're reuniting at Red Rocks this summer.

Chad Ghostal: Okay, flatfoot, you may have found me, you may have ruined my twisted dreams of sweaty fame and fortune, but you won't take swingin' Chad Ghostal without a massacre.

Zorak: No, Chad, don't leave me here!

Chad Ghostal: Sorry, babe, I'm splittin' this scene.

Zorak: Take me with you!

Moltar: Take me too!

Zorak: He can't carry us both, you're too fat!

Moltar: But you never leave a man behind!

Chad Ghostal: Well, it's been real, folks, but before I split, let me just say...

Police Officer: Oh no, he's gonna sing!

Chad Ghostal: (swing music starts, studio darkens with a spot on Chad; he sings:)
It's been real,
It's been fun,

Sam Butera: Groovy.

Chad Ghostal: Hey, I even got to hurt someone.

Brak: (whimpering moan)

Chad Ghostal: It's been a blast,

Sam Butera: Hey, baby.

Chad Ghostal: But our time has past.
Don't cry, b-baby.
You knew it couldn't last.
It's been a blast,

Zorak: Yeah!

Chad Ghostal: A total blast,

Zorak: Yeah! Yeah!

Chad Ghostal: Another blast! (aims power bands at Zorak & fires them)

Zorak: Hey! (BLAM!)

Chad Ghostal: Ooo yeah, baby, what a crazy blast! (scats) (singing ends) Oh yeah! Thank you! (flies off)

Moltar: Que sera sera. Now what?

Zorak: I don't know. All I can think about is the mysterious fate of Space Ghost. (pause) That, and.. cheese steaks. Philadelphia cheese steaks (big band music starts again)

Zorak & Moltar: (in unison) Road trap! (both laugh, monitor shows text:)

WHEN THE FEELING HITS YOU

(Credits roll)

Brak: (whimpering moan)

(Cash register sound)

© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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