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BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Opening theme & titles)

(Space Ghost starts to inviso in)

Moltar (M):

Game on, here's the ghost.

Chad Ghostal (CG):

(inviso image now has a beard; inviso in completes) Not exactly, Daddy-O! (evil laugh)

Zorak (Z):

Space Ghost's evil twin brother Chad?!

M:

But we thought you were...(monitor shows text:)

THE SOPHISTICATED SAVAGE

CG:

The asylum? Don't you wish! I blew that popsicle stand to make the scene here, baby. So dig it, kids, Chad Ghostal's takin' over!

Z:

But why take this show over, it stinks!

CG:

Not when I'm on it! TV is power, baby, sexy power! Hi, girls! (cat growl)

Z:

But, what about Space Ghost?

CG:

Oh, don't worry about the Tadpole, he's gone, man. Real gone!

Z:

You mean... you destroyed Space Ghost?

CG:

Let's just say my brother Tad won't be with us tonight.Ya dig? (dramatic sting music) (evil laugh)

Z:

I dig! (evil laugh)

M:

I dig! (evil laugh)

CG:

Tonight we do things my way, cats. No 70's sitcom rejects, no MTV snot-noses, we're gonna wig out and get evil tonight, baby. (big band music in background) My guests tonight are The Millionaire from the sharp music combo Combustible Edison. And direct from Vegas, legendary band leader hepcat Sam Butera. (applause in background) Pow pow pow, go cats, go!

Audience (A):

(applause)

CG:

(invisos to desk) Okay, cats and kittens, simmer down. I want you all to meet the real hepcat, the man, the myth...

The Millionaire (TM):

(on monitor as it lowers) I am The Millionaire, from the pop combo Combustible Edison.

CG:

Hmmm, Millionaire...

TM:

(winks, with cash register sound)

Z:

He looks like a Batman villain.

CG:

Man, your dry goods are murder! Clue me in on the threads.

TM:

Well, this is a European cut three button...

Z:

Louie the Lilac!

M:

The Joker.

Z:

Louie the Lilac!

M:

Joker!

Z:

Ten bucks says Louie the Lilac.

M:

You're on.

TM:

... and matching pocket square. I don't like anything in my outfit to be square, you know what I'm saying. (laughs)

CG:

Ow! I'm wise! So, who inspires The Millionaire's style?

TM:

My sense of style is kinda influenced by Gomez Addams and the Joker. (buzz!)

Z:

(in Batmantis costume) What's this? Has Batmantis been gypped out of ten bucks?

CG:

Zorak?

Z:

What?

CG:

Don't be a bore.

Z:

Sorry. Uh, Taddy-O?

M:

(chuckles)

CG:

So, Millionaire, for the benefit of my brother's ickie sidekicks, what is 'hip'?

TM:

Don't ask me, I'm only a mere mortal.

CG:

Deaf lip, my man. Well then, what's not hip?

TM:

Uh, Dockers. That's one thing.

Z:

And Space Ghost!

TM:

(laughs) Really, you don't say.

CG:

My brother's a total Clyde, baby. Uptight!

TM:

That's unfortunate.

CG:

He's a drag. But I took care of him, in style!

Z:

Show us the body!

M:

Is he.. still in one piece?

CG:

(evil laugh)

Z:

(stares wide-eyed)

TM:

So, do the buttons on your gauntlet do something entirely different than his, I've always wondered about that.

CG:

Oh, you know it, Dad.

TM:

What do yours do?

CG:

Well, let me clue ya. I've got an atomic drink mixer... (presses power band button, makes a blender sound) An ultra-deluxe chick magnet (presses another button, makes sound of girls sighing)

TM:

One of them must dim the lights on your chamber.

CG:

Oh, yeah, make-out party tonight! (presses another button, lights dim except for spot on Chad)

TM:

That's a good one.

CG:

You know it, baby. (does cat growl sound) (sound of girls sighing again) (lights return to normal) So, any last words of advice for our lowly little viewers?

TM:

Stay fabulous, beautiful people. Have faith, don't let the man beat you down.

CG:

Awright! Listen, my main queen Elvira's throwin' a blast tonight, wanna swing by?

TM:

Beautiful.

CG:

Thanks for droppin' by, Millionaire. See you tonight.

TM:

Thank you, Chad. (fades from monitor)

CG:

Swanky fool! Tonight your millions shall be mine! (evil laugh, sound of slot machine paying off)

Z:

Now will you tell us what you did with Space Ghost?

CG:

You know, Zorak, curiosity killed the uncool cat. You dig?

Z:

Hey, don't blame me! Blame it, on the bossa nova! (starts playing bossa nova music on his keyboard)

M:

(dances) Da da da da daaa, da!

CG:

(dances) (does wolf howl), baby!! Take five, kids. Catch you on the flip side!

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

CG:

And now, Jacks and Jills, welcome the king of the real gone cats himself, Mr. Sam Butera!

A:

(applause)

CG:

Sam, the man, the myth, the legend. Hug me, I suffer!

Sam Butera (SB):

Chad, how are ya, baby?

CG:

In the groove, man. Evil, and lovin' it.

SB:

Groovy.

CG:

So, Sam, I gotta ask you, man, you still dig those crazy chicks?

SB:

Oh, that's, that's where it's at.

CG:

Tell me, Sam, what do you do to make a chick crazy? You know, like a fox? (does cat growl)

SB:

Uh, the right kind of music, a little jive talk.

CG:

Get in there! (does a wolf howl)

M:

This is totally demeaning to women.

Z:

Can't we talk about Space Ghost's untimely demise?

CG:

And just how do you jive talk a chick of choice?

SB:

Well, you know, gotta call her "baby," "sweetheart," "darling," "I love you," and all the phrases that go along with love.

CG:

Like, "Hey, duchess, I'm a homicidal maniac?" (music stops)

SB:

(looks doubtful) That's right. (music starts again)

CG:

Say, Sam?

SB:

Yeah, man?

CG:

You got a sister?

SB:

Well, uh...

CG:

I'm, like, out of jail. Loose, is what I'm sayin'. Like a loose meat sandwich.

Z:

Uh, I get really uncomfortable when he talks like that.

M:

Oooh, me too. Sounds like a gross sandwich.

CG:

Do you know my brother?

SB:

I've seen him, sure.

CG:

He's a total square, isn't he?

SB:

(laughs) Now, don't put me in the middle now.

CG:

It's okay, we can talk. He's.. not a problem.

M:

Come on, Chad, what did you do with Space Ghost?

Z:

Did you at least, you know, rough him up?

CG:

Oh, just a "tad". (rim shot) (laughs)

SB:

But I tell ya what, he's sharp, he knows where it's at. He's a little square, but that's okay.

CG:

He ain't just a little square, Sam, he's cubic. He's a blockhead, strictly bizarro.

SB:

Well, I'm glad you're sayin' it and not me, you know, Chad.

CG:

Wanna see my impression of my brother?

SB:

Sure, man.

CG:

Are you getting enough oxygen? I worry about such things, because I'm bor-r-ring!

Z:

(laughs)

M:

(laughs)

CG:

See the walls in my house, I've been with the governor!

M:

(laughs)

CG:

Chad! Your agent sending you out a lot, you doing any network spots? What have I heard you on lately? Listen, I'm really insecure, so I don't want you to take my job, okay?

Z:

(laughs)

M:

(laughs) That's him!

SB:

(laughs) That's cute.

CG:

Of course, you're like the opposite of square, Daddy-O. You swing!

SB:

Well, anybody can swing, if you put your mind to it.

CG:

Swing, Daddy-O, swing like a meat hook.

SB:

(sings:)
I'm just a gigolo,
Everywhere I go,
People know the part I'm playin'.

Z:

Hey, I know that one!

SB:

Pay for every dance,
Selling each romance,
Hey, baby, what they're sayin'.
'Cause I, ain't got nobo-o-ody.

Z:

Hey, I know that one!

SB:

Well, I wrote that arrangement 34 years ago, the one that David Lee Roth stole from me.

CG:

He, he stole it?

SB:

You bet me he stole it.

Z:

Make him pay, Chaddy-buffs!

M:

Space Ghost too! Uh, if, if he hasn't paid already.

CG:

David Lee Roth?

SB:

He came here one night to see me, you know, and after the show he walked up to me and said, "Hey, Sam!" I said, "Who are you?" He said, "I'm David Lee Roth." You know what I told him? I said, "Gimme my money!"

CG:

(between clenched teeth) David Lee Roth!

SB:

And he turned around and walked right out.

CG:

(snorts) David Lee Roth! You watch your back, you hear me? You hear me?!

Z:

You know what happened was, they brought in Hagar to replace Roth...

M:

Then, then they kicked Hagar out and brought Roth back...

Z:

But he hassled Eddie at the MTV awards...

M:

And Eddie was just, like...

Z:

I am so over this!

M:

And then Mike Anthony was, like... oh, whatever! (monitor shows text:)

VIVA LAS VEGAS

CG:

(staring at Zorak) So, anyway, wwwhere were we? (police sirens in background) Oh, say, Sam, you got a sister?

Z:

(laughs)

M:

(laughs)

(Squad car red and blue lights flash around studio)

Z:

What?

CG:

Yowsah! It's the heat!

Police Officer (PO):

(through bullhorn) Chad Ghostal! This is the police!

Z:

Sting's here?

M:

You ever hear my Stewart Copeland story?

PO:

Come out with your power bands up. We have you surrounded.

CG:

Zorak, you fink! You ratted me out!

Z:

Ratt? I remember those guys!

M:

They're reuniting at Red Rocks this summer.

CG:

Okay, flatfoot, you may have found me, you may have ruined my twisted dreams of sweaty fame and fortune, but you won't take swingin' Chad Ghostal without a massacre.

Z:

No, Chad, don't leave me here!

CG:

Sorry, babe, I'm splittin' this scene.

Z:

Take me with you!

M:

Take me too!

Z:

He can't carry us both, you're too fat!

M:

But you never leave a man behind!

CG:

Well, it's been real, folks, but before I split, let me just say...

PO:

Oh no, he's gonna sing!

CG:

(swing music starts, studio darkens with a spot on Chad; he sings:)
It's been real,
It's been fun,

SB:

Groovy.

CG:

Hey, I even got to hurt someone.

Brak (B):

(whimpering moan)

CG:

It's been a blast,

SB:

Hey, baby.

CG:

But our time has past.
Don't cry, b-baby.
You knew it couldn't last.
It's been a blast,

Z:

Yeah!

CG:

A total blast,

Z:

Yeah! Yeah!

CG:

Another blast! (aims power bands at Zorak & fires them)

Z:

Hey! (BLAM!)

CG:

Ooo yeah, baby, what a crazy blast! (scats) (singing ends) Oh yeah! Thank you! (flies off)

M:

Que sera sera. Now what?

Z:

I don't know. All I can think about is the mysterious fate of Space Ghost. (pause) That, and.. cheese steaks. Philadelphia cheese steaks (big band music starts again)

Zorak & Moltar (Z&M):

(in unison) Road trap! (both laugh, monitor shows text:)

WHEN THE FEELING HITS YOU

(Credits roll)

B:

(whimpering moan)

(Cash register sound)

© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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