Home | Ghost Planet Central | Episode Guide | Previous | Next

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(In the commissary)

Space Ghost (SG):

I'm putting you idiots on notice. I want tonight's show to go off like clockwork, or else.

Zorak (Z):

Or else what?

SG:

I'll heave you into the moat.

Z:

We have a moat?

Moltar (M):

Is it one of those above-ground redwood jobs?

SG:

Nope, it's eight foot deep, steel reinforced concrete, with a smooth gunnite surface.

M:

D'ya have that installed with a permaflex?

Z:

You got the polyurethane coat?

M:

If you didn't, you got robbed.

SG:

Listen, we have two of TV's movers and shakers on the show tonight. If we play our cards right, we'll all be frolicking on the dock as we drink from the sweet gravy boat of success.

M:

Mmmm, gravy! I can almost taste it.

SG:

Oh, why don't you go on up and order a big bowl of it?

Z:

Hey, uh, get me one too.

SG:

Yes! Get us all one.

(Opening theme & titles)

SG:

(invisos in, with gravy mustache) Greetings, I'm Space Ghost. We've all been drinking gravy, and preparing to suck up mightily to tonight's guests, (reads with great difficulty) Talk show Soup person John host Henson, and Goen Bob Entertainment person Tonight.

Brak (B):

(off stage) I heard Hanson was here.

SG:

Not Hanson, Henson. John Henson

B:

Ohhh. Oh. Hey, Space Ghost, you got somethin' on your face.

Z:

It's gravy.

B:

Where'd ya get gravy?!

SG:

In the commissary.

B:

What is it, giblet?!

M:

No, it's brown.

B:

Brown?! I'm goin' down there now! (scats to himself)

SG:

Zorak, play something funky, I need to go get a Wet Wipe.

(Way Outs play some schmaltzy TV theme music)

SG:

(invisos to desk, with a clean lip) Alrighty then! Please say hello to our first guest, Mr. John Henson.

John Henson (JH):

(lowers from ceiling on monitor) Hey, how are ya?

SG:

No, Mr. Henson, the question is, how are you? You comfy? You know, you look quite beautiful tonight.

JH:

Hm? Sorry?

SG:

I said, you look very handsome tonight. You know, I know this girl, she'd be perfect for you.

JH:

Do ya.

SG:

She's really nice. Actually, she's my sister Judy. You'd like her a lot.

JH:

Right.

Z:

(whispering) Hey!

M:

(whispering) Hey! Hey, Space Ghost!

SG:

She's so nice.

JH:

Right!

M:

(whispering) Hey, Space Ghost, not Judy. No, no no, pass.

Z:

(whispering) Ya tryin' to scare him away?

SG:

(low voice) Sssh, we'll find somebody else to play my sister.

M:

(whispering) You're gonna screw up this whole deal!

SG:

(low voice) Don't worry, I know what I'm doing. (normal voice) Because we want you to have a pleasant time on the show.

JH:

Okay.

SG:

And after the show.

JH:

(long pause) Oh.

SG:

Alrighty then. It's a date! Now, back to your stunning good looks. Do you use a conditioner or a creme rinse for your defect? I mean hair, hair hair is what I said.

JH:

Uh, well, I have a skunk spot (points to side of his head)

SG:

(gasps) You're kidding! We wouldn't have even noticed if you hadn't pointed it out.

M:

Really? Uh, which si-, ooh, yeah, right there.

Z:

Looks like a third eye to me.

SG:

Zorak!

M:

(low voice) Shhhh! Hey, hey hey hey, ix-nay on the ot-spay.

SG:

(low voice) You idiot!

Z:

I, I mean, I like it. I like the third eye. It's neat.

SG:

That's the nicest third eye I've ever seen.

JH:

You like that, don't you?

SG:

Love it.

JH:

Big with the chicks!

M:

Oh, your money, baby!

JH:

Am I?

Z:

(sings) Let's hear it for the spo-o-o-ot!

JH:

Zorak, please.

SG:

You know, Mr. Henson, around these parts, we often refer to your show as the greatest program ever in the history of television. You have any pet names for my show?

JH:

Uh, that freaky cartoon thing, and, um, sometimes we just call it, uh, The Zorak Hour.

SG:

What?

Z:

Oh yeah!

(Scene dissolves with harp music, to Zorak's imagination sequence)

Z:

And so I crushed it in my bare hands! (evil laugh)

Audience (A):

(laughter)

SG:

(in the keyboard pod) (laughs)

Z:

Hey, shut up, fat boy!

SG:

As you wish, my green lord.

Z:

Now, play me some music, and it better be good!

A:

(laughter)

SG:

Don't hurt me, master.

Z:

I'm comin' to get you! (evil laugh)

SG:

No! Put that down! Not that! No! No!!

(Screen dissolves with harp music, back to original set)

Z:

(evil laugh)

SG:

The Zorak Hour?

JH:

I shouldn't have said that. I...

SG:

(aims power bands at John) How do you feel about The Zorak Hour now?

JH:

Oh, um... I'd, I'd feel fear.

M:

(whispering) Space Ghost, don't do this.

Z:

(whispering) You're blowin' it!

SG:

(I'm blowing it!) John! Buddy! (stops aiming) Hold on, I wasn't gonna shoot ya! Just kidding! We do that with everybody here. We're still friends, right?

JH:

Yeah, I would consider you and I to be very good friends, very close friends, in fact, I, I don't know if I'm movin' too quickly for you, but I, I think you might be my best friend at this point.

SG:

Really??

JH:

Yeah.

SG:

So, you'll let me host your show sometime.

JH:

Yeah.

SG:

Which will, of course, lead to a lucrative picture deal.

JH:

(nods) Absolutely.

SG:

Can we go to the fun place?

JH:

The fun time place, sure, sure!

SG:

I'm gonna drop your name at parties!

JH:

(laughs) Drop it, man. (sound of glass breaking) Let it fall, drop that name and see where it gets ya.

SG:

We're a team now, Johnny. Let's go kick some butt.

JH:

Okay, deal.

SG:

(low voice) Starting with Oprah.

JH:

I don't think anyone's beaten Oprah, man.

SG:

Wait 'til she tastes my vanilla thunder!

JH:

I'd like to see you dunk over Oprah. You think you could post her up?

SG:

Oh, I'd post her up all right. You don't have to worry about that, my man.

JH:

(laughs) Take Oprah to the hole, I dare ya!

SG:

I'm off to take Oprah to the hole. (flies off) (floating in space) I'll never be able to take Oprah to the hole. I'll just fly around a while and lie about it later.

JH:

Um, I've often thought that deep inside me there's a big Slavic nurse, just waiting to get out.

M:

Whoa! Where did that come from?

Z:

Is that true?

JH:

No, I just made that up.

M:

Oh. 'Cause, I was gonna ask you to release her, if you could.

Z:

Release her! Release the big Slavic nurse!

JH:

Yeah, I bet you'd like me to, wouldn't ya?

M:

Well... sure.

Z:

Of course.

JH:

You and everybody else, pal. Sorry, you don't have the money.

SG:

(bounds back to his desk) Oprah's outside game was a shambles. I exploited her weaknesses time and again.

Z:

You just flew around for a while, didn't you?

SG:

Um, Oprah and I... dribbled the ball.

M:

Didn't ya?!

SG:

Yes. Mr. Henson, does your tongue ever get sore?

JH:

I'm sorry?

SG:

From talkin'. 'Cause mine sure does. After fifteen minutes of this, man, the ol' lickin' strip swells up like a big meatball.

JH:

My tongue ever get sore?

SG:

Yeah, you know, when you...

JH:

What kind of question is that? What kind of a person do you think I am? "Does my tongue get sore?"

SG:

Uh, did I say something wrong?

JH:

Yeah.

SG:

(Backpeddle, rephrase question.) Hey, John, wanna see my tongue?

JH:

No!

SG:

(Oh no, I've lost it.)

JH:

(to Zorak) Is it me?

Z:

It's not you, John, you're great. It's him!

SG:

(hesitant) John, I thought we were friends.

JH:

You know that I promote you, right?

SG:

Yes, sir.

JH:

Right, so careful. I made you, and I can break you.

SG:

Yeah, but I still get to host your show, right?

JH:

I don't know if you could carry one off.

SG:

Hey, no fair, you said I could... (sound of bee buzzing) Aaah! A bee! A bee! There's a bee in the studio! Aaaah!

JH:

Oh no!

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

SG:

This is fun, are you ready for this? Mr. Henson and I were actually co-presenters at the Dallas Local Ace awards. Real good guy, yep, real good guy.

Z:

It's, um...

SG:

(belches) Oh, thank heavens, I thought he'd never leave.

M:

(throws lever) Uh, Bob, can you hear me? (monitor shows text:)

RECEIVING
VAYA CON

Bob Goen (BG):

(on control room monitor) ... you either.

M:

Bob!

BG:

Hey, how you doin'? This David?

M:

No, Bob, it's Moltar. Are you...

BG:

How you doin', Space Ghost?

M:

Eh, no no Bob, Moltar. I'm gonna patch you through to Space Ghost.

BG:

Okay, I'll refer to him as...

M:

Space Ghost.

BG:

Space Ghost?

M:

Space Ghost!

BG:

'Kay, great.

M:

Ten seconds, Bob.

BG:

Uh, you know, I enjoy the work you do, and...

M:

Bob?

BG:

You know, interviewing celebrities is not...

M:

Bob?

BG:

... easy, and watching you do it...

M:

Bob!

BG:

Pardon?

M:

I'm Moltar.

SG:

Ladies and gentlemen, host of Entertainment Tonight, Bob Goen!

BG:

(lowers from ceiling on monitor) Uh...

SG:

Hey, Bob, how's it Goen? (laughs) Get it?

BG:

Yeah, yeah, life's pretty cool.

SG:

Know what I think, Bob? I think you're pretty cool.

BG:

Wh-, why is that?

SG:

Oh, you know. A lot of different reasons.

BG:

(nods)

SG:

You are one pretty man.

BG:

Yeah. Aren't you envious?

SG:

(laughs forcefully)

BG:

Really? That's an interesting response.

SG:

Interesting is my middle name, Bob. That's why you should have me on your show as soon as possible.

BG:

You know, see, you're thinkin', you, you have a big, uh, a grand career plan, don't you?

SG:

I'm only thinking of you, Bob.

BG:

You are?

SG:

(quietly) And me, being on Entertainment Tonight.

BG:

You know, we get a lotta letters, asking about, uh, when we're gonna have a, a animated talk show from outer space on the show.

SG:

And?

BG:

And, so now that you're here...

Z:

Hey! What about us?

SG:

Yeah, you guys too.

M:

You were gonna leave us out, weren't ya?

Z:

Yeah, and take all the glory for yourself!

SG:

No, no, we're a team! (to Bob, quietly) They mean nothing to me, Bob.

BG:

Yeah, I can understand.

SG:

Dead.. weight.

BG:

Is your, your, uh, schedule is pretty open?

SG:

Well, let me tell ya, Bob. I'm busy for about fifteen minutes a week, but outside of that, I'm all yours.

BG:

Oh. Wow. Okay.

SG:

All I ask in return is a couple of tickets to see your predecessor, my man Tesh.

BG:

I can get you there. I can get you in the door.

SG:

Bob, you're the best. I'll have my people call your people.

BG:

Really?

SG:

Actually, I'll probably just call you myself from a payphone.

BG:

I see.

SG:

Hey, I have an idea! Why don't you practice interviewing me now, then it will be more spontaneous when we do it for real later.

BG:

That's right, yeah. Uh, so, uh, Space Ghost, if you could be any animal in the world, what would it be, and why?

SG:

Um... I would think... an eel.

BG:

Why would you say an eel?

SG:

Just because they're so neat.

BG:

(nods) 'Kay, great. Uh...

M:

Space Ghost! (monitor shows text:)

COMMISARY SECTOR
A L E R T

COMMISARY SECTOR
DANGER.

SG:

What is it, Moltar?

M:

There's a flood in the commissary!

SG:

What!?

M:

Brak left the gravy faucet on!

SG:

(gasps) The gravy!

M:

It's a brown onion-flavored nightmare down there!

B:

Give me some biscuits, quick! (keeps jabbering)

SG:

Moltar, seal the bulkhead!

M:

(throws lever) It's too late for that!

SG:

Bilge out the bow and port thrusters! (monitor shows text:)

DANGER

M:

(throws lever) It's just too much gravy! The pumps can't take it!

B:

It's flooding like you wouldn't blblblblbl....

SG:

Bob, I need to get down there before Brak drowns in rich creamy coagulated meat juices! (flies off)

BG:

Oh. (back to control room monitor) Thanks, Space Ghost, I've really enjoyed myself.

M:

(sighs) No, Bob, it's Moltar.

BG:

Exactly, yeah. Um...

Z:

Save your breath, chief.

M:

Space Ghost is gone.

BG:

Oh, really?

Z:

He blew you off!

BG:

You know what?

M:

Uh...

BG:

That Tesh concert, forget it. He's not goin'.

(Credits roll)

B:

I need to sop up the juicy flavor of the blblblblblbl....

© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

Home | Ghost Planet Central | Episode Guide | Previous | Next