Home | Ghost Planet Central | Episode Guide | Previous | Next

Original Air Date:December 4, 1997
Guest Star:Charlton Heston

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed

(Space Ghost is flying in the Phantom Cruiser, listening to a self-help tape)
Voice (V): And so it's easy to see why superheroes are at a crossroads. Driven to succeed, yet encumbered by images of the traditional superhero icon, increasingly at odds with today's societal structure.
Space Ghost (SG): Tell me about it.
V: Following are my seven superhero salvos for success. Repeat these at will.
SG: Alright.
V: Number one: I am in charge.
SG: I am in charge.
V: Number two: Mine is an energy that I choose to share.
SG: Mine is an energy that I choose to share.
V: Number three: Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
(Phantom Cruiser starts making strange noises)
SG: Oh, what's that?
V: Number four: There's no telling when your time will come.
SG: ????. come on. Come on, baby, don't do this to me today. I can't handle it.
V: Number five: love the moment...
SG: Shut up, you stupid tape!
(Opening theme & titles)
SG: (invisos in) Greetings, citizens! I'm Space Ghost. Joining me tonight is Acadamy Award winning actor, Charlton Heston.
Zorak (Z): (in background) I'm coppin' an attitude!
SG: What?
Z: Tonight! I'm coppin' an attitude!
SG: Fine, go ahead.
Moltar (M): I'm coppin' one too!
SG: Oh, really.
M: You bet! I am coppin' an attitude! (monitor shows text:)

SG: That's good.
M: I've had enough, and I'm not takin' anymore!
Z: That's right! We're layin' it down!
M: And ain't no way, no how are you gonna tell me different!
SG: Okay.
Z: We're settin' the tone, baby!
M: That's right! That is the way it's gonna be, friend! And if you don't like it...
Z: You know what you can do!
M: (evil laugh) I heard that!
Z: Oh yeah!
SG: I'm gonna go to the desk, okay?
Z: Go on, try, see what you get!
SG: (invisos to desk) Here I am now, at the desk.
M: You got lucky, pal! (monitor shows text:)

Z: You try it next time, you see what you get!
SG: Villains, listen to me.
Z: No.
SG: Try as you may, you will not knock my moon out of orbit and upset my tides of well-being-ness.
M: What are you talking about?
SG: Space Ghost of the Cosmos is now perfect... serene... (monitor shows text:)

Z: Stupid!
SG: ... and centered. Let's all synchronize our hearts.
Z: No!
SG: Moltar? I am ready to receive my guest.
M: (mutters) All right. (throws lever, sends Charlton to studio monitor)
SG: Greetings, citizen.
Charlton Heston (CH): (lowering from ceiling) Greetings, Space Ghost.
SG: Go on, tell everyone who you are.
CH: (silent)
SG: Come on.
CH: I am Charlton Heston.
SG: Yes! Our first Academy Award winner.
CH: Really?
SG: Really.
CH: Wow.
SG: You think the Academy would honor me for my talk show work?
CH: Um... let me be honest with you. I don't think so.
SG: I want one of those trophies, Carlton.
CH: Okay, you do?
SG: I want your trophy. Get it!
CH: Okay, okay.
SG: Wooooo!! All right! Look at me! Oscar winner Space Ghost! Woo Hoo!
V: (The vain man glorfies himself, while the self-actualized individual glorifies others.)
SG: Oh, okay. Chuck, you too are pretty good. I... can call you Chuck, can't I?
CH: You bet, you bet.
SG: How about Chuckles?
CH: If you insist.
SG: Oh, oh oh, wait wait wait, how about Cheston? See, it's a cross between your first name, which is Charlton, and your second name...
CH: Um, no. I don't think so.
SG: (pause) Never say "no, I don't think so". Try saying "yes, I think so".
CH: Oh, I see.
SG: The word "impossible" is a mistake, Chuck. It's really "I'm possible". (smile sparkles)
CH: You're all by yourself?
SG: I've got my enemies here. But... you know... no friends.
M: That's right!
Z: I ain't his friend! (monitor shows text:)
M: If you were to ask me if I were his friend, I would say "No!" to you.
Z: I heard that!
CH: Doesn't it get lonely?
SG: I go to parties.
CH: Oh, you go to parties?
SG: In my head.
CH: Yeah, I sense there's a hidden identity there.
SG: There's a party all the time there. Sometimes the neighbors up there complain, so I try to turn down the music. Only I can't. Because there are no knobs there.
CH: No, no, I understand, I'm, that's, that's fine. That.. let's let it pass.
SG: What's wrong? What's that? We're out of punch? I'll be right back.
M: Uh, who're you talkin' to?
SG: I'm back. It turns out I have an unlimited supply of punch.
M: I want some punch.
SG: For the parties.
CH: Okay.
SG: In my head.
Z: (sighs) Get on with the show!
SG: Are you gettin' enough oxygen, Chuck?
CH: Absolutely, I breathe very well in many atmospheres.
SG: Including the Planet of the Apes? They say there's nothing more fragrant than a hot ape.
CH: The odd thing about that movie, was all the gorillas sat at lunch...
SG: (starts laughing)
CH: This is no kidding, this is honest truth.
SG: Oh, really?
CH: All the gorillas sat at one table at lunch, and all the chimpanzees sat at another, and all the orangutans sat at another.
Z: (while Charlton is talking) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
SG: (to Zorak) Hey, cut it out!
CH: And, uh, the humans were ????...
M: (while Charlton is talking) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
SG: Stop it!! I'm afraid my sidekicks are copping an attitude, Chuck.
CH: Oh, I see.
Z: (continues making noise)
M: (does the same)
(continue to make noises as they talk)
SG: Been doin' this all day in here.
CH: Yeah, that's clear, that's clear.
SG: Breathe with me, Charlton.
CH: Okay.
SG: (takes deep breath, then exhales) Weather the storm.
CH: Okay.
V: (Away with confusion.)
SG: Aaaaaaa! (aims his power band at Zorak)
Z: Aa aa aa aa! Remember, vengeance is the refuge of the weak.
V: (He's right, Space Ghost.)
SG: Let me just give him one.
V: (No, rise above the fray.)
Z: Listen to her.
V: (You're not trying.)
SG: Can I just...
V: (No.)
SG: Just one?
V: (No.)
SG: (sighs) Fine.
CH: (gets zapped by Zorak) Oh, oh! Don't do that, don't do...
SG: Little green freak! (blasts Zorak)
Z: Hey, what, no... Aaaah!! (Blam!)
V: (Vengeance is the refuge of the weak.)
SG: (puts his hand over his face) I know.
Z: (crisped) (coughs) Idiot! (coughs)
SG: All existence is chaos, Chuck. The self-empowered man realizes this...
CH: Uh huh.
SG: ... and rises like an eagle above the tangled teaming masses.
CH: Wow.
SG: Talons out, ready to swoop.
CH: You're very perceptive, Space Ghost, I wouldn't have...
SG: ... thought that I had a new age spirituality? Well, surprise, Chuck, I'm a 90's guy.
CH: Did you have any, uh...
Z: Talent?
CH: ... how can I put it...
Z: Class? Intelligence?
CH: Formal education?
SG: Define "formal"
CH: I don't want to...
M: (throws lever, Charlton starts talking at double speed, monitor shows text:)
SAT 12

Z: (laughs)
M: (laughs)
SG: Oh, that's mature!
Z: Slow him down! Make him sound creepy!
M: (throws lever again, monitor text changes to
SAT 12

and Charlton starts talking at half speed)
Z: (continues laughing)
M: (continues laughing)
SG: (as Charlton moves his mouth in slow motion) Man, look at those teeth! Hey, wait a minute, is that...
Z: Spinach!
SG: (zaps Charlton on monitor, returning him to normal speed) Ya don't floss, do you, Chuck?
CH: You caught me. Not regularly.
SG: Busted! I can spot an unflossed mouth from two miles away! That's one of my powers.
CH: I suppose, yeah, okay, okay, no, I don't floss as regularly as I should.
SG: I don't talk about that power much. Not really one of my good powers, but still a power all the same.
CH: Uh, you're, you seem perfectly fluent in English, can you read?
Z: No.
SG: I like books on tape.
CH: Oh, no no no no, we can do better than that, what about Shakespeare?
SG: What about books on tape?
Z: No.
CH: No, nope. Shakespeare, that's the best of them all. You know Shakespeare.
Z: Nope.
SG: Not personally.
CH: No... (puts his hand to his face) You know the writings of Shakespeare.
SG: We didn't have the theatre when I grew up, Chuck. We had hard work. Long days, mending the nets. Scaling the fish. No part of the fish was wasted, Chuck. We used the entire fish.
CH: You sure, really, no kidding?
SG: (laughs) Of course I'm kidding!
CH: Oh.
SG: (laughs) Fishing in space! Tell me, Chuck, ever thought of starring in a sequel to "The Ten Commandmants"?
Z: No.
CH: Uh, I don't think so.
SG: Not a sequel man, eh?
Z: No.
CH: What other commandments are we gonna write?
Z: Thou that smelled it thine own self dealt it.
SG: (laughs) Thou that smelled it thine own self dealt it.
Z: (fake laugh) Jerk.
CH: Yeah, well...
M: Thou shalt not... hesistate.
CH: I'm kinda committed to the first ten.
Z: Thou shalt not be committed to old commandments!
SG: Zorak, one more commandment out of you, and thou shalt be blasted.
M: Thou shalt not mess with Zorak, or thou shalt have to mess with me!
SG: All right, everybody, just calm down!
M: Thou shalt not calm down!
CH: I hesitate...
M: Thou shalt not hesitate!!
SG: (blasts Moltar with his power bands)
M: (laying on his back) Ohhhhh boy...
Z: Uh oh, now you've done it!
M: We're now going to initiate the silent treatment. (monitor shows text:)

Z: I ain't saying jack!
SG: Fine. Good.
M: As of right now, my friend... silence. (monitor shows text:)

SG: (waits for them to say something)
Z: (silence)
SG: You guys aren't really gonna do this? (total silence) Come on, guys!
Z: (silence)
SG: Hey, come on!
M: (silence)
SG: Chuck, you're not doin' this too, are ya?
CH: (nods)
SG: Oh, man! (pause) Anybody want ice cream? Zorak? Ice cream?
Z: (silence)
SG: My treat. Moltar?
M: (silence)
SG: Pistachio. Butter pecan. (as he speaks, monitor shows text:)
M: (silence)
SG: Want some gum?
Z: Gu-- (wide eyed, then looks away)
V: (What are you doing?)
SG: (quietly) Silent treatment.
V: (You don't have time for this. You must destroy the Hoover Dam. It is your destiny.)
SG: What if I get caught?
V: (You're Space Ghost, superhero to millions. Who would suspect you?)
SG: Yeah, I am Space Ghost. It's my destiny.
V: (You better hurry up!)
SG: What about my pants?
V: (What?!)
SG: My, my, my pants.
V: (Your pants are fine. Hurry!)
SG: Let me just say goodbye to Charlton, okay?
V: (Uh uh! Someone's going to beat you to it!)
SG: All right, all right! (aloud) Uh, Charlton, I gotta go. Pick up the kids. Who are, nnnot in Nevada.
CH: Okay, Space Ghost. (waves) Absolutely.
SG: (flies off)
(Aerial shot, closing in on Hoover Dam, accompanied by dramatic sting music)
(Shots of extreme flood damage, police sirens in background)
SG: (bounds back to his desk; test pattern is on studio monitor) Well, goodnight, everybody, I, I, I gotta split. (flies off again)
(Credits roll)
(Police car screechs up, door opens)
Police Officer (PO): (through bull horn) Hey you!
SG: No!
PO: Hey, get over here. All right, we're gonna put ya...
SG: (struggling sounds) Ow!
PO: Take your hands away from your sides.
SG: It was my destiny, can't you see?
PO: I will not ask you again, sir, please take your hands away from your sides, please.
SG: This is my inviso belt.
PO: Yeah, right, buddy.
SG: You're all blind!
PO: Don't struggle with me! You understand?
SG: Blind pawns, blinded by government and the mass media.
PO: Do not struggle with me, sir.
SG: You're so blind.
PO: Spread your legs and put your hands on the side of the vehicle, away from the belt.
SG: (starts crying)
PO: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. Take the cape from over your face, please.

Charlton Heston
Randolph Heard
Alan Laddie
Jay Edwards
Baco Bryles
(inverted) Tom Roche
Sonny Sharrock
Eddie Horst
Sonny Sharrock
Lance Carter
Eddie Horst
Alfrieda Gerald
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Cheryl Barbour
Dave Willis
Big Deal Cartoons
C. Martin Croker
Derald Hunt
Randall Lane
Dave Sillman
Jay Bellissimo
Mark Coddington
James Dansereau
Roy Clements
Kaili Rubin
Vishal Roney
Isabel Gonzalez
Gus Jordan
Maya McClure
James Huffman
John Schimansky
Nathan Cook
Mark Francis
Ben Edlund
Townsend Coleman
Pat Coddington
Ashley Manos
Renee King
Steve Tseckares
Alex Toth
Jim Fortier
Pete Smith
Andy Merrill
Chip Duffey
Dave Willis
Keith Crofford
Michael Lazzo

© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

Home | Ghost Planet Central | Episode Guide | Previous | Next