Home | Ghost Planet Central | Episode Guide | Previous | Next

Original Air Date:December 11, 1997
Guest Stars:Steve Allen, Andy Dick

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed


(Orchestra version of "Hit Single" theme, with snappy new graphics, and following titles:)

Ghost Planet Industries





Special Guests


Space Ghost: (fade in) Greetings! I am Space Ghost! My first guest tonight is the incredible, the incomparable Steve Allen! (pause) Steve Allen? Is that right, Moltar?

Moltar: (piano intro plays in background) Yep, that's right. We got Steve Allen.

Space Ghost: (sings:)
Oh my, I can't believe my ears,
I have waited for this moment for years.
How can this be?
Steve Allen's gonna talk to me?
Steve Allen!

Zorak: Steve Allen?

Space Ghost: Yes, Zorak, Steve Allen!
Why, he's the greatest talk show host,
From Atlantic to Pacific coast,
I really do not mean to boast,
That we've got Steve Allen.

Moltar: Hey, I got Steve Allen!
I twisted arms, I threatened harm,
In galaxies, I caused alarm,
Made many agents buy the farm,
Just to get you Steve Allen!

(Moltar's monitor says:)


Zorak: He's got you, SG, give him credit,
He doesn't just direct and edit,
Moltar needs to have some credi-i-i-it!

Space Ghost: Okay Moltar, Zorak's right,
I do not want to start a fight,
But if you cross me I just might
Pull Steve Allen!

Zorak & Moltar: Steve Allen?!

Space Ghost: I can't believe we got Steve Allen!

All: Steve Allen! (music ends)

Audience: (applause)

Space Ghost: Wow, Moltar, how'd you score Steve Allen anyway?

Moltar: (reading a book) I threatened to give his manager a third degree burn.

Zorak: Bonus!

Space Ghost: Zorak, play me to the desk. Something.. snappy!

Zorak: (sighs, then sings:)
Oh, I am but a mantis,
So evil and so mean,
Forced into this position,
Is it because I'm green?

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk, then sings)

Oh, I did not imprison you
For the color of your skin.
You see, Zorak, I'm colorblind,
What's outside doesn't count,
True evil's from withi-i-i-i-i-in!

Zorak: Oh, I can see so clearly now,
You've taught me quite a lesson.
Oh, thank you, thank you, Space Gho-o-o-ost,
You truly are a blessin'.

Space Ghost: (spoken) Aw, Zorak, that's sweet.

Moltar: Uh, I'm gonna vomit! (music ends)

Audience: (applause)

Zorak: Thank you! Thank you! Thanks so much! Thank you!

Steve Allen: (on control room monitor) (hums and bops) I was just talkin' to some of my friends on the street. (Moltar's monitor says:)

144 NW


Moltar: Uh huh. Uh, hey, hey there.

Steve Allen: Is that Space Ghost?

Moltar: Uh, yes, it is I, Space Ghost. (snickers) It, it's an honor to have you on the show. (Moltar's monitor says:)

SAT 3.14
144 NW


Moltar: (snickers) Steve. (laughs)

Steve Allen: I'm very honored to, uh, permit you to be honored by talking to me, Spacey. There, Ghostie, whoever you are. (Moltar's monitor says:)

SAT 3.141
144 NW


Moltar: (laughs) Yeah, yeah. Do that noise with your armpits!

Steve Allen: (puts his hand in his armpit and flaps his arm, making bird noises with his mouth. As he does so, digits are added to the SAT number on the monitor until it says:)

SAT 3.1415926

Steve Allen: Is that what you mean?

Moltar: (laughs)

Space Ghost: Moltar, what's the holdup? What are you doing?

Moltar: (music begins, sings:)
"Moltar, what are you doing?"
It's a question I've heard all my life.
My parents don't understand me,
And neither does my wife.

Space Ghost: Moltar?

Moltar: She's a sweet and simple girl, my Linda.

Space Ghost: Moltar? Moltar!

Moltar: A lovely lava lass, you see...

Space Ghost: Moltar! Send out the guest! (music stops abruptly)

Moltar: Alright, alright! (throws lever, quick cuts of the following images: a test pattern from Brussles, an image of a satelite, a disclaimer of some sort from a news show, a test pattern from CNN London, as the images flash by, the number increases to 3.141592653; sends Steve to the studio monitor)

Space Ghost: (as monitor lowers from ceiling with Steve) Ladies and gentlemen, you've seen him, ya know him, ya love him, you go through a phase where you don't love him so much, yet you don't want to hurt him, so you don't dare tell him of your feelings, so you marry him, you bear his children, and you live out the rest of your days suffering from his cold and silent indifference, say hello to Steve Allen!

Steve Allen: Thank you.

Space Ghost: The pleasure's mine, Steverino. Have you met my arch-enemy Zorak?

Steve Allen: Zorak? No, but I would be honored to meet any fellow musician. What does he play, by the way?

Space Ghost: He's our mantis king of the keyboards!

Steve Allen: Ah, good.

Zorak: Hi, Steve. Mind if I snack on your head?

Space Ghost: Who-a-a-a-a! Hey, Steve, ya hear that?

Steve Allen: (laughs) Well, it makes me laugh, as you just saw, I found it amusing that someone would want to snack on my head. There's an old song, "Snack on my head", no, no, I'm sorry, that's "Time on my hands"...

Space Ghost: No, no no no no no no no, that's right, Steve. Show him, Zorak.

Zorak: (music starts, sings:)
There are heads just right for some snackin',
And I mean to snack on a few.
Come on, Steve, it's time to get crackin',
I got a lot o' snackin' to do!

Space Ghost: Oh, there are villains just right for some whackin',
And I mean to whack me a few.
Come on, Zorak, it's about to happen,
I got a lot o' whackin' to do!

Moltar: There are fires just right for some settin',
And I aim to set a few fires.
When those fires get set they'll be burnin'.

Space Ghost: Shut up, Moltar!

Zorak: We hate you!

Moltar: And.. um, er... (music ends abruptly)

Space Ghost: You're dumb!

Moltar: But... I was just... (Moltar's monitor says:)


Space Ghost: No! You're stupid! So just shut up, stupid!

Moltar: ... tryin' to...

Space Ghost: No!

Moltar: ... fit in.

Space Ghost: Stupid!

Moltar: Ugh!

Space Ghost: So, what do you think of my show, Steve?

Steve Allen: Well, it's the first of its kind, and, and so you're just as good as I am, I did the first of my kind, you've done the first of your kind.

Space Ghost: (music starts, sings:)
Then let the record so reflect,
'Twas I that got there first.

Steve Allen: Alright, then let the record so reflect.

Space Ghost: Even thought I never get
The credit I deserve.

Steve Allen: You raise a very sore point.

Space Ghost: Lah di dah di dah di dah.

Zorak: You forgot the words, you jerk!

Steve Allen: How you like that for a snappy comeback?

Space Ghost: Come and get it!
Come and get it!

Moltar: You're really really really gonna get it!

Space Ghost: You'll regret it
When you get it,
Because it isn't something that you want.

Zorak: What are you talking about?

Space Ghost: Shut up, Zorak,
I'm sick of your beak.
I'm gonna blast you
Into next week.
(aims his powerband and blasts Zorak)

Zorak: (crisped) (coughs, then sings:)
Oh, I get it,
Now, this pain is very dear to me.
You see, when I get blasted,
It makes your intentions clear to me-e-e-e-e.

Moltar: Sittin' in the control room,
Waitin' for the break,
Waitin' for the bre-a-a-ak,
Waitin' for the break to co-o-o-o-ome.

Space Ghost: Shut up!

Audience: (applause)



Moltar: (music starts, sings:)
Sittin' in the control room,
Waitin' for the break,
Waitin' for the bre-a-a-ak,
Waitin' for the break to en-n-n-n-n-n-nd!. (music ends)
Uh, isn't anyone gonna tell me to shut up?

Zorak: You don't deserve it.

Space Ghost: Yeah, and we're setting up the next bit, so shut up, stupid! (Moltar's monitor says:)


Moltar: Thank you.

Zorak: You just told him to shut up!

Space Ghost: I did?

Zorak: Yes, you did!

Space Ghost: Ah well... Now it's time for Steve Allen to do a little bit of his "Man on the Street" schtick.

Steve Allen: Yes, of course, I need a street, and I need at least one man. You have a sample man for me?

Space Ghost: Only the samplest. Brak? (music begins)

Steve Allen: Hello, Brak, can you hear me?

Brak: (appearing in many different background scenes, sings:)
On the street,
On the street,
I think there's something stuck on my feet!
Life is great,
I feel grand,
I could eat a whole pound o' ham!
Hello, Mr. Sidewalk,
How'd you get so long?
Do you mind bein' under me
As I sing this happy song?
On the street,
On the street,
Whe-e-ere I a-a-am, I'm on-n-n the-e-e stre-e-e-e-e-eet!
On the street!

Steve Allen: (laughs) Well, I guess that constitutes a yes. Brak!

Brak: What?

Steve Allen: (says something in Brakese), eh?

Brak: Oh boy! (laughs) Ah, boy, I get it! (laughs)

Steve Allen: You got it, good, well, go tell your mother.

Brak: Oh, I won't.

Space Ghost: Wow, do you know Brak's language?

Steve Allen: Are you surprised to learn that I actually speak Brakese?

Brak: Hit me again, Steverino.

Steve Allen: (says something else in Brakese)

Brak: Oh, that's what she said! (laughs)

Steve Allen: (laughs) I'm hip, but it was supposed to be just between you and me.

Brak: You're funny, Steve Allen.

Steve Allen: Okay, Brak, and, and Spacie and Ghostie, and all the dwarfs who are out there today around the old campfire.

Space Ghost: Thank you, Steve Allen. And from all of us here around the old campfire...

Brak: (music starts, sings:)
It's.. been.. great!
It's been fun!

Space Ghost: But your interview is done.
So get out of the chair,
And get out of my hair!

Brak: 'Cause it's almost like bein' in
Lo-o-o-o-o-ove! (music ends)

Audience: (applause)

Moltar: (with Andy Dick on control room monitor, which now shows SAT 3.14159265358; throws lever, creating a burst of feedback) Whoa, did you hear that? (digits are added until the next song begins, at which point it is up to SAT 3.141592653589793

Andy Dick: Yeah, I heard it really loud.

Moltar: I hit the wrong switch.

Andy Dick: Oh, man.

Moltar: I'm gonna do it again. (throws lever, creating another burst of feedback)

Andy Dick: (yells)

Moltar: (laughs)

Space Ghost: Moltar, what's going on in there?

Moltar: Uh, Andy Dick, comin' right up.

Space Ghost: (music starts) Andy Dick? Is that right, Moltar?

Moltar: Yep, that's right. We got Andy Dick.

Space Ghost: (sings:)
Oh my! I can't believe my ears!
I've waited for this moment for years!
How can this be?
Andy Dick's gonna talk to me?
Andy Dick!

Zorak: Andy Dick? Why did we get Andy Dick?

Moltar: Because Linda loves Andy Di-i-i-i-ick.
And as you know,
She's a sweet and simple girl, my Linda,
A lovely lava lass, you see. (Moltar's monitor says:)


Zorak: Shut up!

Space Ghost: (music stops abruptly) Shut up! Stupid!

Zorak: We hate you!

Space Ghost: Wait a minute. Steve Allen... Andy Dick... they both have first names for last names! It's a "theme" show! Good work, stupid! (Moltar's monitor says:)


Moltar: Uh, yeah, well, sure. That's.. what I had in mind.

Andy Dick: (breathes on glasses) Oh, Space Ghost. Hello!

Space Ghost: So, Andy, did you like our little Andy Dick song?

Andy Dick: That is sweet, that is sweet.

Space Ghost: It's a reprise of the song, "I Can't Believe We Got Steve Allen."

Andy Dick: Oh, so it's not, uh... (takes a deep breath) it's not that special.

Space Ghost: No no no, it's very special!

Andy Dick: Yeah, but you wrote it for Steve Allen, and then you just inserted my, no, it's fine, though, it's fine, I, I...

Space Ghost: Anyway, Steve Allen ate up a lot of time, so I don't reallly have a lot of...

Andy Dick: You don't have any!

Space Ghost: No, we don't have a ton of...

Andy Dick: You. Don't. Have. Any.

Zorak: (holding his blast rifle) Woo hoo! (cocks rifle) Looks like a feudin's on the way!

Moltar: (music starts, sings:)
Down in the holler,
Amongst the filth and squalor,
Looks like a feud there's gonna be.

Space Ghost: The number's been cut! (music stops abruptly) Look, Red, I don't really have a lot of time to be confrontational about this, so...

Andy Dick: You're right, I don't want to, either, actually, because I don't have superpowers.

Space Ghost: That's right, Andy, you wouldn't stand a chance against my destructo ray or my heat ray or my freeze ray or my...

Andy Dick: I know what you have. I know.

Space Ghost: (aiming at Andy) Andy...

Andy Dick: I know.

Space Ghost: That's better.

Andy Dick: I have an inviso belt, that I can, I can turn invisible. (looks down at his belt) Oh, I'm not wearing it.

Space Ghost: Hoo, you're not wearing it? Well, maybe it's at home in the magic closet!

Andy Dick: (laughs)

Space Ghost: You know, thinking about it, you don't have an inviso belt. (angry) Because only my colleagues and I wear them!

Andy Dick: Okay, um, you're right, I don't... I don't have one.

Space Ghost: Alright, now tell everyone at home!

Andy Dick: No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Space Ghost: Do it!

Andy Dick: I don't have an inviso belt. (sighs)

Space Ghost: Andy, sing your song.

Andy Dick: Oh, I have to sing it?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Andy Dick: Will you sing it with me?

Space Ghost: Sing! Sing like Judy Collins!

Andy Dick: (guitar accompaniment, sings:)
Space Ghost, Space Ghost, put down that stick.
Please don't beat up Andy Dick.

Space Ghost: (orchestra accompaniment, sings:)
Andy, Andy, you're getting me ticked!
Think I'm pummel Andy Dick!

Andy Dick: Space Ghost, Space Ghost, clickety click,
Space Ghost, don't be a space -

Space Ghost: Andy, Andy, clickety click,
Andy, don't be a -

Andy Dick: Space Ghost, don't be a -

Space Ghost: Andy, don't be a space -

Andy Dick: (together with Space Ghost's last line, so the guitar and orchestra are also together) Space Ghost don't be a -

Zorak: Hey, everybody, it's time for the big finale! (Moltar's monitor says:)


Space Ghost: It's time for the finale,

Zorak: It's time to end the show.

Moltar: The fun we've had is over now,

Space Ghost: That's right, it's time to go.

Lokar: I didn't have any lines today,

Zorak: That made some people glad!

Brak: (dances into view) I'm really very sad!

Space Ghost: That's all the time we have today,
We finally get a chance,
To see while Moltar rolls the credits,
Andy Dick will dance.

Zorak: Goodbye!

Moltar: Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye!

Space Ghost: Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye!
Good night, everybody!
(to Andy) Now, dance!

Andy Dick: A five, six, seven, eight... (tap dances to schmaltzy piano music while the credits roll) How much do you want, I can go on all day.

Space Ghost: Do it all day.

Andy Dick: Yeah, I can do anything, I can shuffle off to Buffalo.

Zorak: Hey, why don't you shuffle off to Mars?

Andy Dick: I can't, I can't shuffle off too far, though.

Zorak: Wuss. (piano ends)

Steve Allen: (hums and bops)

Space Ghost: This has been a Ghost Planet Industries production. Oh! (raspberry sound) That's what I did in rehearsal, and everybody laughed. (sings:) Oh, my! I can't believe my ears!

Steve Allen
Andy Dick
Andy Merrill
Ken Brady
(inverted) Tom Roche
Eddie Horst
The Ghost Planet
Sonny Sharrock
Eddie Horst
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Andy Merrill
Michael Black
Mark Hyett
Chris Kounelis
Greg Crawford
Arno Barrs
Big Deal Cartoons
C. Martin Croker
Derald Hunt
Chris Dinardo
Randall Lane
Dave Sillman
Jay Bellissimo
Mark Coddington
James Dansereau
Reid Jacobson
Roy Clements
Kaili Rubin
Vishal Roney
Isabel Gonzalez
Gus Jordan
Maya McClure
James Huffman
John Schimansky
Tyreese Burnett
Ben Applebaum
Nathan Cook
Jay Edwards
Marc Francis
Rodgers & Hart
Rodgers & Hammerstein
Bacharach & David
Lerner & Loewe
Stephen Sondheim
Leonard Bernstein
Cole Porter
Alex Toth
Jim Fortier
Pete Smith
Dave Willis
Chip Duffey
Andy Merrill
Keith Crofford
Michael Lazzo

© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

Home | Ghost Planet Central | Episode Guide | Previous | Next