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BEGIN TRANSMISSION

The video you are about to watch is for internal use only. It is NOT for public broadcast.

(Action scenes from original "Space Ghost" cartoons)

Announcer (A):

He's brash. He's bold. And, he takes no prisoners, except for Moltar and Zorak.

Zorak (Z):

Hey, how ya doin'?

SPACE GHOST 2000 ROCKETING INTO THE FUTURE!

Space Ghost (SG):

(aiming his power bands) This ray has your name on it, but only if your name is Destructo. Peter Destructo.

A:

His name?

SG:

Space Ghost!

A:

Yes, he's Space Ghost, and he's your new world-wide marketing tool 2000. When it comes to your product or business, he's your space age pack horse.

SG:

(at his desk) Saddle me up, and ride me into the future.

A:

Hi, I'm David Caldwell, get ready for the adventure of a lifetime. Space Ghost 2000, rocketing into the future!

SPACE GHOST 2000 ROCKETING INTO THE FUTURE!

A:

Welcome to Ghost Planet Industries, gateway to humor for literally hundreds of television viewers. It all starts with the Space Ghost from Coast to Coast writers. Here they are, hard at work, fine-tuning a script for an upcoming episode. We'd better leave them to their work, they've got more comedy to write. Each of the jokes written by the comedy writing team are factory tested in a GPI research laboratory, using randomly selected focus group viewers.

Z:

That's not my hand, it's my pincer.

(No reaction from focus group)

A:

Oh, that line needs a little reworking. ("pincer" is erased on chalk board; then, Andy gets an idea)

Z:

That's not my hand, it's my butt.

(One person in focus group laughs)

A:

Looks like we've got a winner! We'll take a closer look at closer look at the making of Space Ghost from Coast to Coast in a moment. But first...

SPACE GHOST 2000 THE BRAND CALLED ME

A:

It's a brand new world, everything you wear.

(Camera zooms in on a row of sneakers on the floor)

A:

The sneakers on your feet: branded

(Camera zooms in on a row of sneakers on the floor)

A:

The hat on your head: branded.

(Camera zooms in on a row of sneakers on the floor)

A:

How about the coffee you drink? All branded.

SG:

It's time for me, and you, to learn a little bit about branding.

Moltar (M):

Space Ghost, do you mean "branding" with a hot iron?

SG:

Ha ha ha heh. No, Moltar, not that type of branding.

(Moltar's monitor says:)

HA HA HA HEH. NO MOLTAR

Z:

Then tell us, Space Ghost, what's "branding"?

SG:

Here, let me explain. Let's say you have a rowboat, a cow, and the big man.

Z:

You mean Clarence Clemmons?

SG:

Of course. Now, the cow wants to transport Clarence across the river. But remember, the cow is on fire, and Clarence has no hands or bucket, so he has to untilize his hooks, and the mighty power of his saxophone!

A:

Space Ghost is talking about the three R's: Reliability, Ratings, and (Relivery, replaced by) Delivery. Let's start with R number one:

RELIABILITY

A:

(multicolor text "RESEARCH" flies across screen, followed by various film clips) Based on our analysis of relative price value factors, subjective hosted product placement decisions versus generic yield acceptibility, our directly linked network programming identity and the investment in demographic icon synergisticality.

SG:

(pops his head in) It's that simple, and that hard.

A:

Let's look at R number two: (multicolor text "POWER" flies across screen)

SG:

What's the real power of me?

A:

Space Ghost is talking about the Feature Benefit Model (subtitle: FEATURE BENEFIT MODEL)

SG:

Remember, 'power' is not a dirty word.

A:

In a moment, we'll take a closer look at Space Ghost as a Feature Benefit Model (subtitle: FEATURE BENEFIT MODEL)

SG:

(looking at his image in the studio monitor) I'm starting with the man in the mirror.

A:

First, this:

SPACE GHOST 2000 OPERATION STAR POWER

A:

An integral element of the success that is Space Ghost from Coast to Coast is the remarkable celebrity interviews.

(Moltar's monitor says:)

AN INTEGRAL ELEMENT OF THE SUCCESS

(followed by)

THE REMARKABLE CELEBRITY INTERVIEWS

A:

Here's a sneak peek at an upcoming interview with the one and only Tony Bennett.

(Tony lowers from ceiling on studio monitor)

SG:

Greetings!

SPACE GHOST 2000 SUPERSTAR TOM ARNOLD

A:

Let's join Space Ghost and the star of "Car Pool" and "Big Bully", Tom Arnold.

Tom Arnold (TA):

Actually, that second show was called "Tom". This show is called "The Tom Show", which is different. And that, because I think it's easier to find in the TV Guide.

SG:

You should call it "Tommy".

TA:

Yeah, I thought of that, my grandma would like that. Um, but, you know, I'm not sure...

SG:

How about "Tom Tom the Tom"?

TA:

What was that again? "Tom Tom the Tom"?

SG:

No, "Tom Tom the Tom Tom." Tom.

TA:

That's, that's, that's good. I mean, that's, that's okay...

M:

(walks away from control room monitor)

SG:

Hey! Moltar, put your pants on and direct the show!

M:

Get lost, man!

A:

Let's stop here. We don't want to give too much away. Now let's listen as Space Ghost tells us about some of his upcoming guests.

SG:

Rap group Afro-Plane. Female Kathy Kinney. Ginny, The Dog Who Saves Cats. "Dinner and A Movie" hosts Paul and Annabelle.

Paul Gilmartin (PG):

How ya doin', Space Ghost?

Annabelle Gurwitch (AG):

Oh, hey there!

SG:

From the pop group "They Might Be Giants", John Flansburgh. And special surprise guest, William, the King of Imagination!

William (W):

My name is William, I am the King of Imagination. I am a modern wizard in training.

REALIZE YOUR MARKETABILITY

BY UTILIZING A

LEVERAGED STRATEGIC SYNERGY

A:

Sporting goods.

(Space Ghost is wearing a tennis outfit, standing in front of the bandstand)

SG:

Tennis, anyone?

A:

Psychic advisor.

(Space Ghost is wearing a "Karnac the Great" turban)

SG:

Only I can see your future. I've been there!

A:

Dermatological creams and jellies.

(Space Ghost's face is covered with zits)

SG:

(his zits disappear with a flash) Wow! Look out, girls!

A:

Who can turn the world on with a smile?

(Moltar's monitor says:)

WHO CAN TURN THE WORLD ON WITH A SMILE?

M:

(pulls lever) Space Ghost! (monitor shows Space Ghost, his smile sparkles)

A:

Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile? (Space Ghost dances at his desk)

SG:

You know who!

A:

That's right! And you too can take advantage of this manly lantern-like jaw. I mean, look at it!

SG:

(closeup of his jaw) Eh? There you go.

A:

Just think of how exciting your next corporate retreat will be with a special appearance by the man himself. (monitor shows Space Ghost dancing with a group of people at a corporate retreat)

(Moltar's monitor says:)

APPEARANCE BY THE MAN HIMSELF

M:

(pulls lever) Space Ghost!

(Moltar's monitor says:)

SPACE GHOST!

(Monitor shows Space Ghost, his smile sparkles)

A:

Here's a sample:

SG:

(at his desk) Greetings, heating and cooling fixtures executives of America! Climate control! Am I right? (taps his card)

A:

But that's not all. Space Ghost can also take care of all your landscaping needs, home or office.

SG:

(riding a lawn tractor) Dyin' out here! Can I get a glass of water?

A:

Imagine the envy of your business competitors when they see Space Ghost bush-hogging your shrubbery.

SG:

(as his cape gets caught in the mower) Oh! My cape! My cape! Aaaaaaa!

STILL NOT CONVINCED?

A:

Still not convinced? For a limited time only, if you take advantage of the power of the Space Ghost, you'll receive this deluxe cannister set! Think of it, a dashing superhero, and a deluxe cannister set, available this calendar year. And also, this shiny object! You heard right, a dashing superhero, a deluxe cannister set, and a shiny object, all in one out-of-this-world package! Oooh, and hey, look at this! (the old "disconnected thumb trick) (rim shot) Ow! How does he do that? I wonder... Now, look over here.

SPACE GHOST 2000 BEHIND THE SCENES

A:

Zorak's in the recording studio, about to record those funny lines that the writers were writing earlier. Let's listen:

Z:

That's not my hand; it's your butt.

M:

No no no, my butt.

Z:

Well, that's what I'm sayin'. It's your butt.

M:

No, it's not your butt: my butt.

Z:

That's what I just said: your butt.

M:

My butt!

Z:

So... your butt.

M:

Just do the line!

A:

From there, the tapes are put in a magic closet where they will sit for three magical days. After this magical waiting period, the tapes are then put.. somewhere. But, that's not important. What's important is that Space Ghost is your ticket to a solid financial future. (big $ appears, with cash register sound)

SG:

Your opportunity is unlimited!

Z:

Fermez la bouche!

A:

(laughs) What does that mean?

Z:

It means "shut your mouth"!

A:

But I'm not even on your planet!

Z:

(pause) Who are you?

M:

(laughs)

A:

As you can plainly see, life on the Ghost Planet is really fun! And you can be a part of that fun! Let's take a closer look.

(Moltar's monitor says:)

LET'S TAKE A CLOSER LOOK

M:

Ho ho, yeah!

SPACE GHOST 2000 PRODUCT PLACEMENT

SG:

(behind a huge can of Mendoza's Tomato Juice) Drink this juice! It's goooood stuff!

SPACE GHOST 2000 WHAT'S THE FUTURE OF YOU?

SG:

When it comes time to allocate your advertising dollars, and/or to make your endorsement selections, please let the Space Ghost be a part of the future of you!

A:

Why? Because Space Ghost from Coast to Coast is a solution with real value.

A SOLUTION WITH REAL VALUE

SG:

(sputters) That makes sense even to a brash superhero such as me!

M:

That's right, SG.

SG:

That's right, Moltar.

Z:

That's right, Space Ghost.

SG:

That's right, Zorak.

Brak (B):

That's right, Space Ghost, Zorak, and Moltar.

A:

That's right, guys. I guess that's why we call Space Ghost from Coast to Coast a valuable solution with real.

A VALUABLE SOLUTION WITH REAL

A:

(a high-speed montage of past episode clips, plus a few surprises) So, what have we learned? (laughs) Heck, I don't know. That this is one crazy show! And, I'm Dick Dickenbach. Bye now!

(Opening theme & titles)

SG:

(invisos in) Hello, I'm Space Ghost. My guests are the winners of the "Haikuin' for Space Ghost" contest, Ryah Rosenberg and Sean Medlock. Zorak, play me to the desk and let's get this over with.

Z:

(plays some wailing Sharrock guitar on his keyboard)

SG:

(invisos to desk) Now, let's meet our first winner, Ryah Rosenberg.

Ryah Rosenberg (RR):

(lowers from ceiling on monitor) Hey, great to be here.

SG:

Tell us a bit about yourself.

RR:

I am from Phoenix, Arizona...

SG:

Okay, read your thing.

RR:

All right, my winning haiku went something like this:
I'll level with you:
Let me on your show, I want
A day off from school.

SG:

(pause) (blasts her from the monitor) Moltar, send out the other one.

M:

(Monitor text alternates between:)

CAUTION HIGH VOLTAGE

(and)

DANGER HIGH VOLTAGE

(Moltar throws lever, and Sean's image become a photo-negative.)

Sean Medlock (SM):

(makes faces and funny noises)

M:

Oops! (laughs) (throws lever) Oops! (throws lever again and again, making Sean contort) Oops! (laughs)

SG:

Moltar! Send out the other one!

M:

Awright, awright. (throws lever, sending Sean to studio monitor)

SG:

Okay, Medlock, read your deal.

SM:

I hope I don't win,
The rules say to bring a friend,
I don't have any.

SG:

You won for that?

SM:

Mmm hmm, kind of surprising, isn't it?

SG:

Yup. Goodnight, everybody.

(Credits roll)

SG:

This is the end of the show.

(Funny sound effect)

© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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