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Waiting

(Space Ghost, Zorak and Moltar in the commissary)

Space Ghost (SG):

(puts his head down momentarily) Storm's a-comin'.

Moltar (M):

(sighs) Mmm, time to go to the commissary. Got to eat me some Jell-O. I like green! (laughs)

(Opening theme & titles)

SG:

(during theme) I got a monkey.

(Theme & titles continue, Space Ghost is being zapped as he attempts to inviso in)

SG:

Aaah! Aaaah! Aaaaah!

M:

(laughs)

Zorak (Z):

(in high voice, to Moltar) Are you doin' that?

SG:

Pain... pain... pain hurts! It burns!

M:

Um... no. (laughs with Zorak)

SG:

Look, President Taft! (high voice) Ba-ba-loo!

Z:

(zaps to negative image)

SG:

(groans, sniffs) Is someone fryin' bacon?

M:

Um... no.

SG:

Who said that?

(Everyone screams)

Z:

Ehhh, whose donuts are these?

M:

(paging through book) It seems that the static electricity from the oncoming storm is triggering a.. microinductor.. dylfilabro...

SG:

What's this now?

M:

Dyloptiloid.

SG:

What is it?

M:

Microinductor dyloptiloid.

SG:

Oh, oh oh oh oh. Yeah.

M:

Not a word I use every day.

SG:

So, what is that? Like, lightning?

M:

Uh huh.

SG:

Man, I hate lightning.

Z:

You mean you're scared of it.

SG:

What?

Z:

Fraidy cat!

SG:

Wrong!

Z:

Scaredy puss!

SG:

Wrong!

Z:

(laughs)

SG:

Stop lying, Zorak! We're all so very sick of your lies!

Z:

(continues to laugh)

SG:

Moltar! Get me a meteorologist now!

M:

It's just a little space storm!

SG:

Do it! Zorak, play me to the desk.

Z:

(plays Space Ghost to the desk with ragtime piano, and continues to play in background; Space Ghost walks to his desk) Space Ghost!

SG:

Yes?

Z:

Did you just walk to the desk?

SG:

Yes, yes I did.

Z:

What's the matter, you scared?

SG:

(scribbling) I don't talk to big fat liars whose lies we're all so - (thunder sounds; Space Ghost makes gibbering noises)

Z:

Riiight.

SG:

Moltar!

Mark McEwen (MM):

(to Moltar) Ah. The answer, O talk dark handsome stranger...

SG:

Moltar!

MM:

... what time?

SG:

Moltar!

M:

(to Mark) Hang on, big boy. (throws lever, puts Space Ghost on his monitor) What!?

SG:

Where's my first guest?

M:

Thought you wanted a meteorologist.

SG:

Well... guest first, then meteorologist.

M:

You sure?

SG:

Yup.

M:

Okay.

SG:

Hurry!

M:

Ehhh... (throws lever, Garrett appears on his monitor)

Garrett Morris (GM):

I got some questions I wanna ask this sucker.

M:

Alright, let me get a level from you.

GM:

Sound check, yeah. (sings) "Sound check!"

M:

Alright.

GM:

(sings again, louder) "Sound check! Sound check!!"

M:

Alright, I got it!

GM:

(sings quietly) "Sound check." (scats briefly)

M:

Garrett!

GM:

Huh?

M:

Now, if you have any problems, like if you're not getting enough oxygen...

GM:

I need some cash.

M:

What?

GM:

Y'see, I thought you were real, but you said if I had any problems, so you know what I mean, I just came with the problem, I need some cash.

M:

Uh... no Inglés. (throws lever)

GM:

Okay, bro.

SG:

Ladies and gentlemen... (thunder clap) Aaaah! (hides under his desk)

GM:

Don't disappear! Don't disappear! Where are you going?

M:

(to Mark McEwen) Hey.

Z:

(finally stops playing ragtime piano)

SG:

(still hiding under his desk, peeks up over edge) Dropped my pen.

Z:

Riiiight.

GM:

Vamanos ale titi.

SG:

What was that?

GM:

That's Creole for "let's go", you know.

SG:

Wow.

GM:

Yeah, it means "little one, let's go."

SG:

May I say that?

GM:

Yeah.

SG:

Okay, here we go.

GM:

Vamanos ale titi.

SG:

Vamanos ale titi. (thunder clap) Aaay! (hides under his desk again)

GM:

(laughs)

Z:

(laughs) What's the matter? You scared?

SG:

I'm not afraid of lightning.

Z:

(evil laughter)

SG:

(talking to Garrett from under his desk) Well, look what we have here. Greetings citizen, welcome to the big show.

GM:

(laughs) Greetings, uh, citizen, uh, I'm glad to be on the show.

SG:

Identify yourself.

GM:

Uh, I am, uh, Garrett, uh, Morris, uh, 101.

SG:

I am Fantasmo.

MM:

And stop blamin' me. When there's bad news, they don't blame Dan Rather, do they?

M:

No, not really.

MM:

But when it's bad weather, they blame me.

M:

I would never blame you.

MM:

(in Elvis voice) Thank you very much, big guy.

M:

I'm totally serious.

GM:

Do they, like, believe in cash out there in the universe?

SG:

(still under his desk) What's this now?

GM:

Money money money money money.

SG:

I don't have any money.

GM:

(sings) Money!

SG:

(sings) I don't have any!

GM:

(sings) Some people, got to have it.

SG:

I don't have any money (stands up)

GM:

(sings) Some people, really need it.

SG:

Hellooo! (sits down)

GM:

(sings) Do things, do things, do things, good things with it.

SG:

I'm talkin' to myself.

MM:

(laughs) If I could control the weather, I would own the Space Ghost talk show, because if people, if I could control it, it would be Mark McEwen's Weather Controlling.

M:

(laughs) There you go.

MM:

And, I'd live in Hawaii, I'd be a lot fatter, and I'd have a hula hoop, one of those skirt things on. I'd be topless, sittin' around, just kinda drinkin', y'know, ice teas and eatin', like, chocolate chip cookies. Rich.

M:

I like the way you jiggle, weather man.

MM:

(laughs)

M:

(laughs) Yeah!

GM:

Hey, man, I be listenin' to jazz all the time. That was Ebonics, I just said, "I be".

SG:

Right. (thunder clap) (goes back under his desk)

Z:

Hey, that ain't the Queen's English!

GM:

I know that. "I am listening to jazz all the time."

Z:

Now you're talkin'.

GM:

Well, see, I knew he had broken the code, so I said "I be listenin'", so he understands what I'm sayin'. Some other guy might say "What's he saying, what, huh?"

SG:

(back in his seat) Is there anything more funny than somebody just drastically white trying to speak colloquial hood?

GM:

I'm, you're the first person I've heard admit that, I've been wantin' to say that, but I say, they'd probably say I'm... (knocks microphone off, feedback)

SG:

I didn't do that.

M:

(to Mark) So, what's your forecast? Any black holes?

MM:

Uh, aren't black holes those things you wanna stay away from?

M:

Yeah... if you're yella. (laughs)

MM:

So, I mean, you'd predict them, then, like, you'd run away from 'em.

M:

Um...

MM:

... because they'd suck your, the rocket right into the black hole thing. See, I've done a little bit of research on this.

M:

Uh...

MM:

If you have a black hole, and you got a rocket ship, it just kinda goes in, and then you never see 'em again, so you run from those things.

M:

That makes sense. If you're yella. (laughs)

MM:

We tend not to make fun of stuff like that.

M:

Oh. Okay. (long pause)

GM:

Hey, you know about the ??, you know about that ngupa dust?

SG:

Uh huh.

GM:

You know about that?

SG:

Oh, you bet.

GM:

You don't know about that, huh, man? You notice I'm talkin', now I know the language, I'm takin' me over, y'see, the metaphysical is takin' me over.

SG:

Faster.

GM:

But anyway, I don't wanna say "voodoo" or "voudoun" or nothin' like that, because I know that when you people see this thing (pointing at his ring) you always think (very low voice) "voodoo, voudoun" (sky turns dark, with lightning & thunder) You know, I talk about African medicine. Yes, that's where my powers lie. Many many people have, have denied that and found growths, comin' out of their necks.

SG:

(from under his desk again) Yeah, thanks to you, buddy.

GM:

Well, I just refer back metaphysically to Marie Laveau. You remember the great queen Marie Laveau? Marie Laveau, she was the first, you know...

SG:

Am I supposed to be hearing like telephones dialing in here?

GM:

Way back, yeah, there's a story about Marie Laveau, you know, she was so powerful 'til this man, one time, was involved in a case against a friend of hers.

Z:

(hiding in his keyboard pod) Where's Zorak? (pops up) Here's Zorak! (continues popping up and down as he talks) Where's Zorak? Here's Zorak! Where's Zorak? Here's Zorak! Here! Gone! I'm here! I'm gone! Here! Gone! Here! Gone!

GM:

In court, and Marie didn't like that, she goes in with a little piece of paper like this, you know, and the man is arguing, and she sticks the piece of paper, and it touches him, and the man starts stuttering, and lost the case. (shot of Zorak's empty keyboard pod) You think I'm lying?

SG:

Uh huh, Garrett, can I stop you for a sec?

GM:

Oh, okay, okay.

SG:

Zorak? (keyboard pod is still empty) Zoooraaak! (keyboard pod is still empty) Garrett, did you happen to see where Zorak went?

GM:

Um, him and the garbage person?

SG:

Green guy, with the vest. He was just there.

GM:

He's green?

SG:

Yeah, remember? Tall guy, bald...

GM:

Kermit the Frog?

Z:

(FROM WITHIN KEYBOARD POD) No pants...

GM:

Oh, that guy, Zorak, yeah, praying mantis type guy.

SG:

Yeah.

GM:

Yeah, y'know, that makes me feel sick. Ick! Creepy crawly, you know, ick!

Z:

(pokes his head up) You've got a fat rump!

GM:

Okay...

SG:

Zorak!!

Z:

Rumpty! (lowers his head again)

SG:

Zorak Robert, you show yourself this instant!!

Z:

Hey, my bobo paddle!

SG:

All right, little man, I'm counting to three! One! Two! Three! (lightning flash)

GM:

Four? (Space Ghost falls) Oh my God, he's gone! Shucks!

M:

You're not a real meteorologist, are ya?

MM:

(stares back)

M:

Well, are ya?

MM:

(stares back)

M:

You're freakin' me out here, Mark. Okay?

MM:

(stares back)

M:

This is uncool. Most uncool.

SG:

(hiding under his desk) Eighteen... nineteen... twenty!

GM:

Well, I still wanna say somethin'.

SG:

Yeah?

GM:

I think it's shameful, that you are supposed to be a crimefighter...

SG:

What?

GM:

Supposedly so concerned about crime...

SG:

(risen from beneath his desk) What are you getting at?

GM:

And believe me, crime is out there in the street.

SG:

Oh, big surprise!

GM:

And here we have a hero, with all these powers, who decides to come in and be a talk show host.

SG:

Exactly.

GM:

Well, what about all the crime that's goin' on out there, ghost?

SG:

You, sir, are thinking about Earth crime. That's galaxies away from me.

GM:

I'm thinking of responsibility.

SG:

Oh, man.

GM:

A sense of responsibility.

SG:

Whatever.

GM:

Of using your powers for positive contribution to society.

SG:

Garrett... I... don't... get you.

GM:

I don't understand what I'm saying either. (laughs)

SG:

Let's just call it a day, shall we, Garrett? I can finish my show, and you can just... go... someplace.

GM:

(starts humming)

SG:

Aaagh!! (gets zapped by Zorak's rifle)

Z:

I'm back!

(More lightning in background; Space Ghost and Zorak zap each other in slow motion)

GM:

I guess I don't understand something about this sort of thing.

(Zorak blasts Garrett off the monitor)

(Lightning and thunder have stopped)

SG:

Zorak!

Z:

Well, you said somebody's gonna get hurt!

SG:

I never said that!

Z:

Oh. Where did I hear that? I musta read it.

M:

Space Ghost! Zorak!

SG:

What?

Z:

What?

M:

All this bedlam around us... it's not a storm at all! It's a fair!

SG:

All right! (pounds desk)

(Credits roll with carnival music)

SG:

Is this the one that they've added the weather man to? Yeah, that'll be funnier.

© 1998 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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