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Title:Warren (short version)
Original Air Date:September 5, 1998
Guest Star:Gary Owens
Synopsis:The gang takes a road--er, space trip to visit Warren, a hateful hedge who plots to take over Space Ghost's show. This show features Gary Owens, who originally voiced Space Ghost in the action series.

(Synopsis by Hen Solo)

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(Television set, with "The Warren Show" title screen)

Announcer: (intro music) And now back to "The Warren Show".

(Shot of Space Ghost's apartment, with Moltar and Zorak)

Space Ghost: Ooh, I love Warren!

Warren: Tell us, Space, what are your superpowers?

Gary Owens: (as Space Ghost) I developed a few of my own, I, for example, can leap tall buildings in a single bound, I jump over buildings, I also have x-ray vision, and I can make change for a dollar.

Moltar: (laughs)

Zorak: (laughs)

Gary Owens: Thank you.

Space Ghost: Wait a minute! I don't remember...

Gary Owens: I can also bend my thumb, by the way.

Space Ghost: I've never been on "Warren"! That guy's a replicant!

Gary Owens: I can bend a spoon with my mind, but it has to be a plastic spoon. (TV laughter)

Moltar: Whoa!

Moltar: (laughs)

Zorak: (laughs)

Gary Owens: I can't do the real spoon. (TV applause)

Space Ghost: This is such bull! (blasts TV set) I am super-unsatisfied to be replicated in this way! Super-unsatisfied! I need to get to the bottom of this. Come on, boys! Let's take a ride!

Zorak: Pick me up a hitch-hiker, would'ya?

Space Ghost: You're coming with us, Zorak. We'll go see Warren, then we'll swing by the department store and get you some new slacks.

Zorak: And a hitch-hiker?

Space Ghost: We'll see.

Moltar: Shotgun!

Zorak: (slightly behind Moltar) Shotgun!

Moltar: Yes!

(Phantom Cruiser flies through space)

Zorak: (hitting Moltar's seat from behind) (clank!)

Moltar: Stop it!

Zorak: (clank!)

Moltar: Stop it!

Space Ghost: (mocking) "I have x-ray vision and I can make change for a dollar!"

Zorak: (clank!)

Moltar: Stop it!

Zorak: (clank!)

Moltar: Stop it!

Space Ghost: I could make change for five dollars if I had to.

Zorak: (clank!)

Moltar: Stop it!

Zorak: (clank!)

Moltar: Quit it!

(Cruiser approaches planetoid)

Moltar: Is this it?

Zorak: (clank!)

Moltar: QUIT IT!

Space Ghost: Yup, it's just like I remember it. Oh, look, they put in a Mr. Winters over there. You see, boys, Warren was my mentor. He was the wind beneath my cape. I learned so much that summer. Perhaps... too much. (sound of brakes) L-let's go back. (shifts into reverse, Phantom Cruiser backs up) What am I doing? (brakes) I love Warren! I need to see him. (shifts gears, goes forward again) But he hurts me. (brakes) But I've been replicated. (goes forward again) But he hurts me. (brakes) But, I have been replicated. (grinds gears) (goes forward again)

(The Cruiser finally lands; the hatch opens, Space Ghost emerges, to dramatic music)

Space Ghost: (goes back inside) They were closed.

Zorak: I wanna see!

Space Ghost: There's nothing to see. Now, who wants new slacks?

Zorak: I don't wear pants, and I don't know anyone who does!

Moltar: Yeah! We wanna see Warren!

Space Ghost: (sighs) All right.

(Space Ghost, Zorak and Moltar leave the ship and enter a cave)

Monitor: Welcome Space Ghost. Warren is expecting you.

(Dramatic sting music - Space Ghost's power bands disappear)

Space Ghost: My power bands!

Monitor: You know the rules. No weapons.

Zorak: Hey. You live here?

Monitor: Oh, I see you brought your mantis.

Moltar: (clears throat)

Monitor: And the fireman. How lucky.

Zorak: Where's the tub? Can I have this? (sound of glass breaking) Uh, that was broke already.

Space Ghost: Zorak...

Zorak: Someone boiling vinegar?

Space Ghost: Zorak!

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: Shut your beak.

Zorak: Before you... close it with medical sutures?

Space Ghost: No, before I seal it using a powerful space-age adhesive, which I keep in my fanny pack.

Monitor: You know the rules. No fanny packs.

(Dramatic sting music - Space Ghost's fanny pack disappears)

Space Ghost: My breakfast bars!

Monitor: Ladies and gentlemen of the arena, I give you... Warren.

(Warren rolls out, looking very much like a potted plant)

Space Ghost: Well, it's been a long time.

Warren: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Warren, I've been replicated, man!

Warren: Hmph. Do I know you?

Space Ghost: You tell me, pal.

Warren: No, I don't know you.

Space Ghost: Warren, you had me on your show last night. But I wasn't on your show last night! I was right there in my living room, watching you having me on your show.

Zorak: Nice bush.

Warren: Ah, that's funny, mantis. Funny bugs like you, talkin' like that in my castle, end up, lookin' for their teeth, two blocks away, on Quinn Street.

Space Ghost: Zorak, let me handle this, please.

Zorak: Nice... bush.

Warren: Listen! I can burn you, like the crazy world of Arthur Brown.

Space Ghost: Zorak!

Zorak: Nice... bush.

(Warren zaps Zorak with a destructo ray)

Warren: We're both green, aren't we, Zorak? But I got rays, don't I!? Don't I? Don't I?

Moltar: You better answer him.

Warren: Don't I, Zorak?

Zorak: Ah, go fertilize yourself.

Warren: (zaps Zorak again several times)

Space Ghost: Warren, I've come many miles...

Warren: (zaps Zorak again)

Space Ghost: ... to set myself before you today to find out why you've betrayed our sacred covenant.

Warren: Do what now?

Space Ghost: Who was that you had on your show, because it wasn't me.

Warren: Aw, yeah. (chuckles) That was just Gary.

Space Ghost: Gary, huh?

Warren: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Ga-ry.

Warren: Yeah. (chuckles)

Space Ghost: Garrrrrrry.

Warren: Yep.

Space Ghost: Are you tryin' to shuck me?

Warren: Listen to me! Over there in the corner, you'll find a mystical cauldron. Conjure up Gary and he will appear before you. He knows the answers, to the questions that vex you so. Now I must adjourn, to my sunny spot, ah! (starts to roll away)

Space Ghost: Wait, you didn't answer my question! I didn't come here to talk to a cauldron! Warren, wait!

Moltar: He seemed like a good enough guy.

Zorak: Yeah, very personable.

Space Ghost: Come on, let's hold hands and conjure up this joker.

(Zorak, Space Ghost and Moltar are holding hands in front of a steaming cauldron)

Space Ghost: Gary... Om... (wolf howls in background) Hey, you guys have to do it too, or it won't work.

Zorak: Oh.

Space Ghost: Om...

Zorak: Om...

Moltar: Gary... Gary...

Zorak: Om...

Space Ghost: Om... Om...

Zorak: Gary... Gary...

Moltar: Gary...

Space Ghost: Gary...

Zorak: Gary...

Space Ghost: Om...

Moltar: Gary...

Zorak: Om...

Space Ghost: Gary...

Zorak: Om...

Moltar: Om... Gary...

Space Ghost: Okay.

Zorak: Om...

Space Ghost: Got it.

Zorak: Om...

Space Ghost: We're good. We got it.

Gary Owens: (in cauldron, as Space Ghost) (laughs) Thank you.

Space Ghost: It's him!

Moltar: Whoa!

Zorak: It's Space Ghost!

Gary Owens: It is indeed.

Space Ghost: It is not indeed! Do you know who I am? Gary? Take a good look. I'm Space Ghost!

Gary Owens: (coughs) You're what?

Space Ghost: That's right, Gary. I'm the real Space Ghost.

Gary Owens: So am I.

Space Ghost: No, see, I'm the one who flew around the galaxy saving planets, not you! Where do you get off being me?

Gary Owens: Uh, in the early days, back when, uh, when Space Ghost was first born, they let me play Space Ghost. And that was what, what a thrill.

Space Ghost: Uh, who's "they"?

Gary Owens: Mr. Joe Barbera, and Mr. Fred Silverman, gentlemen who chose me to play you.

Space Ghost: Nobody plays me, Jack! I play me.

Moltar: Hey Gary, who played me?

Gary Owens: Moltar? Moltar, I have a picture of you. I have a picture of Zorak over there, when he was just a mild mutant.

Zorak: Hey! Remember when I smashed your camera with that rock?

Gary Owens: Oh, yes. It was, what wonder days.

Moltar: Gary? Can you come home with us, and... be our new dad?

Space Ghost: Now, wait just a second! Can't you see? Are ya all blind? Moltar! Zorak! This is all just some demented mind trick brought on by Warren!

Gary Owens: I still have got the inviso-belt, I've got that in the trunk of the car right now.

Space Ghost: Listen up, you deluded old freak. Don't make me use my power bands on you.

Moltar: Space Ghost, uh... you don't have your power bands.

Space Ghost: Stay out of this, Moltar. The time has come for me to put a lid on this cosmic crackpot.

Gary Owens: This looks like real trouble. Hand me that veeblefetzer.

Zorak: Here ya go, buddy. (hands Gary a blast rifle)

Space Ghost: You're counting on hitting me with that veeblefetzer, aren't you?

Gary Owens: Oh, yes, yes.

Space Ghost: Because then you will become me, right.

Gary Owens: Oh, yes, yes.

Space Ghost: That's just what I thought. Well, here's something you hadn't counted on, Gary. This set of auxiliary power bands, that I had hidden in my space cavity. Prepare for one of my harmful rays. (adjusts his power bands) Hold on a second. (bands make electronic noises; Space Ghost adjusts bands again) (quietly) You're gonna regret having messed with me. (presses button, but no ray, just a clunking sound) Turning it on. (makes sound like electronic flash charging) (quietly) Prepare... for one of my... harmful rays.

Gary Owens: (as Gary) Hey, sock it to me!

Space Ghost: Pucker up, Gary! (blasts Gary, whose hand is over his ear a la "Laugh-In") (smoke clears) Moltar, haul that to the Phantom Cruiser.

Warren: (slides into view) No!! You've destroyed my creation!

Space Ghost: Warren, you used that greasy replicant to lure me back here, didn't you?

Warren: Yeah, you know it.

Space Ghost: But why, Warren?

Warren: Well... (laughs) (dramatic sting music) Never mind why. The past is just the future that already happened. Now come on over here and I'll cradle you.

Moltar: (walks toward Warren)

Warren: (to Moltar) Not you! (to Space Ghost) You!

Space Ghost: I don't understand, Warren.

Warren: Often we fear what we don't understand, Space Ghost. Come closer to me!

Space Ghost: (steps closer to Warren)

Warren: (sniffs) Closer!

Space Ghost: (to himself: I must be out of my nut! What am I doing here? And why is Warren smelling me?)

Warren: How're ya folks and all them? (edges closer to Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: They're... all... kind of... uh... uh...

Warren: Why don't you take your cape off? Ha!

Space Ghost: No... please...

Warren: Listen to me! Love and fear are often... the same thing. (sniffs)

Space Ghost: Oh, okay. Well, thank you.

Warren: Don't thank me. Just... (sniffs) hold me.

Space Ghost: (touches Warren; smiles)

Warren: Mmmmm! Prime rib!

Space Ghost: Wait, wait a second...

(TV shows static and "Space Ghost Coast to Coast" theme music; static gives way to Warren at Space Ghost's desk)

Warren: (on TV) Greetings citizens!

Space Ghost: Hey, what the...

Warren: I'm Warren! Is everybody gettin' enough carbon dioxide?

(Dramatic sting music, zoom in to Space Ghost's face)

Space Ghost: Aha! That's why you brought me here! So you could steal my show! But you already have a show! Why, Warren, why?

Warren: Well, you know, uh... (laughs) I just felt like it.

Space Ghost: Well, you greedy manipulating yard shrub. I'm not going to let your Warren impostinator steal my show right out from under me (reaches for his power bands)

Warren: But Space Ghost... How do you know that I'm not the impostinator?

Space Ghost: Well... you've lost me there, Warren. And now you must pay, you hateful hedge. (blasts Warren)

Monitor: You've destroyed Warren. I'm tellin'. You've destroyed Warren. I'm tellin'.

Space Ghost: Tell 'em this. (blasts monitor)

Monitor: You've destroyed Warren. I'm tell- (Blam!)

Space Ghost: When you see 'em in Poland.

(Black screen with title: "The End")

(TV in Space Ghost's living room shows "The End" title)

Space Ghost: That was good. What else is on?

(Credits roll)

Warren: Ha!

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Melinda Nichols
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Jim Reeves
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© 1998 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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