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Title:Warren (short version)
Original Air Date:September 5, 1998
Guest Star:Gary Owens
Synopsis:The gang takes a road--er, space trip to visit Warren, a hateful hedge who plots to take over Space Ghost's show. This show features Gary Owens, who originally voiced Space Ghost in the action series.

(Synopsis by Hen Solo)

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed

(Television set, with "The Warren Show" title screen)
Announcer (A): (intro music) And now back to "The Warren Show".
(Shot of Space Ghost's apartment, with Moltar and Zorak)
Space Ghost (SG): Ooh, I love Warren!
Warren (W): Tell us, Space, what are your superpowers?
Gary Owens (GO): (as Space Ghost) I developed a few of my own, I, for example, can leap tall buildings in a single bound, I jump over buildings, I also have x-ray vision, and I can make change for a dollar.
Moltar (M): (laughs)
Zorak (Z): (laughs)
GO: Thank you.
SG: Wait a minute! I don't remember...
GO: I can also bend my thumb, by the way.
SG: I've never been on "Warren"! That guy's a replicant!
GO: I can bend a spoon with my mind, but it has to be a plastic spoon. (TV laughter)
M: Whoa!
M: (laughs)
Z: (laughs)
GO: I can't do the real spoon. (TV applause)
SG: This is such bull! (blasts TV set) I am super-unsatisfied to be replicated in this way! Super-unsatisfied! I need to get to the bottom of this. Come on, boys! Let's take a ride!
Z: Pick me up a hitch-hiker, would'ya?
SG: You're coming with us, Zorak. We'll go see Warren, then we'll swing by the department store and get you some new slacks.
Z: And a hitch-hiker?
SG: We'll see.
M: Shotgun!
Z: (slightly behind Moltar) Shotgun!
M: Yes!
(Phantom Cruiser flies through space)
Z: (hitting Moltar's seat from behind) (clank!)
M: Stop it!
Z: (clank!)
M: Stop it!
SG: (mocking) "I have x-ray vision and I can make change for a dollar!"
Z: (clank!)
M: Stop it!
Z: (clank!)
M: Stop it!
SG: I could make change for five dollars if I had to.
Z: (clank!)
M: Stop it!
Z: (clank!)
M: Quit it!
(Cruiser approaches planetoid)
M: Is this it?
Z: (clank!)
SG: Yup, it's just like I remember it. Oh, look, they put in a Mr. Winters over there. You see, boys, Warren was my mentor. He was the wind beneath my cape. I learned so much that summer. Perhaps... too much. (sound of brakes) L-let's go back. (shifts into reverse, Phantom Cruiser backs up) What am I doing? (brakes) I love Warren! I need to see him. (shifts gears, goes forward again) But he hurts me. (brakes) But I've been replicated. (goes forward again) But he hurts me. (brakes) But, I have been replicated. (grinds gears) (goes forward again)
(The Cruiser finally lands; the hatch opens, Space Ghost emerges, to dramatic music)
SG: (goes back inside) They were closed.
Z: I wanna see!
SG: There's nothing to see. Now, who wants new slacks?
Z: I don't wear pants, and I don't know anyone who does!
M: Yeah! We wanna see Warren!
SG: (sighs) All right.
(Space Ghost, Zorak and Moltar leave the ship and enter a cave)
Monitor (M): Welcome Space Ghost. Warren is expecting you.
(Dramatic sting music - Space Ghost's power bands disappear)
SG: My power bands!
M: You know the rules. No weapons.
Z: Hey. You live here?
M: Oh, I see you brought your mantis.
M: (clears throat)
M: And the fireman. How lucky.
Z: Where's the tub? Can I have this? (sound of glass breaking) Uh, that was broke already.
SG: Zorak...
Z: Someone boiling vinegar?
SG: Zorak!
Z: What?
SG: Shut your beak.
Z: Before you... close it with medical sutures?
SG: No, before I seal it using a powerful space-age adhesive, which I keep in my fanny pack.
M: You know the rules. No fanny packs.
(Dramatic sting music - Space Ghost's fanny pack disappears)
SG: My breakfast bars!
M: Ladies and gentlemen of the arena, I give you... Warren.
(Warren rolls out, looking very much like a potted plant)
SG: Well, it's been a long time.
W: Yeah.
SG: Warren, I've been replicated, man!
W: Hmph. Do I know you?
SG: You tell me, pal.
W: No, I don't know you.
SG: Warren, you had me on your show last night. But I wasn't on your show last night! I was right there in my living room, watching you having me on your show.
Z: Nice bush.
W: Ah, that's funny, mantis. Funny bugs like you, talkin' like that in my castle, end up, lookin' for their teeth, two blocks away, on Quinn Street.
SG: Zorak, let me handle this, please.
Z: Nice... bush.
W: Listen! I can burn you, like the crazy world of Arthur Brown.
SG: Zorak!
Z: Nice... bush.
(Warren zaps Zorak with a destructo ray)
W: We're both green, aren't we, Zorak? But I got rays, don't I!? Don't I? Don't I?
M: You better answer him.
W: Don't I, Zorak?
Z: Ah, go fertilize yourself.
W: (zaps Zorak again several times)
SG: Warren, I've come many miles...
W: (zaps Zorak again)
SG: ... to set myself before you today to find out why you've betrayed our sacred covenant.
W: Do what now?
SG: Who was that you had on your show, because it wasn't me.
W: Aw, yeah. (chuckles) That was just Gary.
SG: Gary, huh?
W: Yeah.
SG: Ga-ry.
W: Yeah. (chuckles)
SG: Garrrrrrry.
W: Yep.
SG: Are you tryin' to shuck me?
W: Listen to me! Over there in the corner, you'll find a mystical cauldron. Conjure up Gary and he will appear before you. He knows the answers, to the questions that vex you so. Now I must adjourn, to my sunny spot, ah! (starts to roll away)
SG: Wait, you didn't answer my question! I didn't come here to talk to a cauldron! Warren, wait!
M: He seemed like a good enough guy.
Z: Yeah, very personable.
SG: Come on, let's hold hands and conjure up this joker.
(Zorak, Space Ghost and Moltar are holding hands in front of a steaming cauldron)
SG: Gary... Om... (wolf howls in background) Hey, you guys have to do it too, or it won't work.
Z: Oh.
SG: Om...
Z: Om...
M: Gary... Gary...
Z: Om...
SG: Om... Om...
Z: Gary... Gary...
M: Gary...
SG: Gary...
Z: Gary...
SG: Om...
M: Gary...
Z: Om...
SG: Gary...
Z: Om...
M: Om... Gary...
SG: Okay.
Z: Om...
SG: Got it.
Z: Om...
SG: We're good. We got it.
GO: (in cauldron, as Space Ghost) (laughs) Thank you.
SG: It's him!
M: Whoa!
Z: It's Space Ghost!
GO: It is indeed.
SG: It is not indeed! Do you know who I am? Gary? Take a good look. I'm Space Ghost!
GO: (coughs) You're what?
SG: That's right, Gary. I'm the real Space Ghost.
GO: So am I.
SG: No, see, I'm the one who flew around the galaxy saving planets, not you! Where do you get off being me?
GO: Uh, in the early days, back when, uh, when Space Ghost was first born, they let me play Space Ghost. And that was what, what a thrill.
SG: Uh, who's "they"?
GO: Mr. Joe Barbera, and Mr. Fred Silverman, gentlemen who chose me to play you.
SG: Nobody plays me, Jack! I play me.
M: Hey Gary, who played me?
GO: Moltar? Moltar, I have a picture of you. I have a picture of Zorak over there, when he was just a mild mutant.
Z: Hey! Remember when I smashed your camera with that rock?
GO: Oh, yes. It was, what wonder days.
M: Gary? Can you come home with us, and... be our new dad?
SG: Now, wait just a second! Can't you see? Are ya all blind? Moltar! Zorak! This is all just some demented mind trick brought on by Warren!
GO: I still have got the inviso-belt, I've got that in the trunk of the car right now.
SG: Listen up, you deluded old freak. Don't make me use my power bands on you.
M: Space Ghost, uh... you don't have your power bands.
SG: Stay out of this, Moltar. The time has come for me to put a lid on this cosmic crackpot.
GO: This looks like real trouble. Hand me that veeblefetzer.
Z: Here ya go, buddy. (hands Gary a blast rifle)
SG: You're counting on hitting me with that veeblefetzer, aren't you?
GO: Oh, yes, yes.
SG: Because then you will become me, right.
GO: Oh, yes, yes.
SG: That's just what I thought. Well, here's something you hadn't counted on, Gary. This set of auxiliary power bands, that I had hidden in my space cavity. Prepare for one of my harmful rays. (adjusts his power bands) Hold on a second. (bands make electronic noises; Space Ghost adjusts bands again) (quietly) You're gonna regret having messed with me. (presses button, but no ray, just a clunking sound) Turning it on. (makes sound like electronic flash charging) (quietly) Prepare... for one of my... harmful rays.
GO: (as Gary) Hey, sock it to me!
SG: Pucker up, Gary! (blasts Gary, whose hand is over his ear a la "Laugh-In") (smoke clears) Moltar, haul that to the Phantom Cruiser.
W: (slides into view) No!! You've destroyed my creation!
SG: Warren, you used that greasy replicant to lure me back here, didn't you?
W: Yeah, you know it.
SG: But why, Warren?
W: Well... (laughs) (dramatic sting music) Never mind why. The past is just the future that already happened. Now come on over here and I'll cradle you.
M: (walks toward Warren)
W: (to Moltar) Not you! (to Space Ghost) You!
SG: I don't understand, Warren.
W: Often we fear what we don't understand, Space Ghost. Come closer to me!
SG: (steps closer to Warren)
W: (sniffs) Closer!
SG: (to himself: I must be out of my nut! What am I doing here? And why is Warren smelling me?)
W: How're ya folks and all them? (edges closer to Space Ghost)
SG: They're... all... kind of... uh... uh...
W: Why don't you take your cape off? Ha!
SG: No... please...
W: Listen to me! Love and fear are often... the same thing. (sniffs)
SG: Oh, okay. Well, thank you.
W: Don't thank me. Just... (sniffs) hold me.
SG: (touches Warren; smiles)
W: Mmmmm! Prime rib!
SG: Wait, wait a second...
(TV shows static and "Space Ghost Coast to Coast" theme music; static gives way to Warren at Space Ghost's desk)
W: (on TV) Greetings citizens!
SG: Hey, what the...
W: I'm Warren! Is everybody gettin' enough carbon dioxide?
(Dramatic sting music, zoom in to Space Ghost's face)
SG: Aha! That's why you brought me here! So you could steal my show! But you already have a show! Why, Warren, why?
W: Well, you know, uh... (laughs) I just felt like it.
SG: Well, you greedy manipulating yard shrub. I'm not going to let your Warren impostinator steal my show right out from under me (reaches for his power bands)
W: But Space Ghost... How do you know that I'm not the impostinator?
SG: Well... you've lost me there, Warren. And now you must pay, you hateful hedge. (blasts Warren)
M: You've destroyed Warren. I'm tellin'. You've destroyed Warren. I'm tellin'.
SG: Tell 'em this. (blasts monitor)
M: You've destroyed Warren. I'm tell- (Blam!)
SG: When you see 'em in Poland.
(Black screen with title: "The End")
(TV in Space Ghost's living room shows "The End" title)
SG: That was good. What else is on?
(Credits roll)
W: Ha!

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© 1998 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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