Episode 62 - "Warren"

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Episode:	62
Title:	Warren
Original Air Date:	September 3, 1998
Guest Star:	Gary Owens
Synopsis:	The gang takes a road--er, space trip to visit Warren, a hateful hedge who plots to take over Space Ghost's show. This show features Gary Owens, who originally voiced Space Ghost in the action series. (Synopsis by Hen Solo)

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Waiting
(Television set, with "The Warren Show" title screen)
Announcer (A): (intro music) And now back to "The Warren Show".
(Shot of Space Ghost's apartment, with Moltar and Zorak)
Space Ghost (SG): Ooh, I love Warren!
Warren (W): Tell us, Space, what are your superpowers?
Gary Owens (GO): (as Space Ghost) I developed a few of my own, I, for example, can leap tall buildings in a single bound, I jump over buildings, I also have x-ray vision, and I can make change for a dollar.
Moltar (M): (laughs)
Zorak (Z): (laughs)
GO: Thank you.
SG: Wait a minute! I don't remember...
GO: I can also bend my thumb, by the way.
SG: I've never been on "Warren"! That guy's a replicant!
GO: I can bend a spoon with my mind, but it has to be a plastic spoon. (TV laughter)
M: Whoa!
M: (laughs)
Z: (laughs)
GO: I can't do the real spoon. (TV applause)
SG: This is such bull! (blasts TV set) I am super-unsatisfied to be replicated in this way! Super-unsatisfied! I need to get to the bottom of this. Come on, boys! Let's take a ride!
Z: Pick me up a hitch-hiker, would'ya?
SG: You're coming with us, Zorak. We'll go see Warren, then we'll swing by the department store and get you some new slacks.
Z: And a hitch-hiker?
SG: We'll see.
M: Shotgun!
Z: (slightly behind Moltar) Shotgun!
M: Yes!
(Phantom Cruiser flies through space)
Z: (hitting Moltar's seat from behind) (clank!)
M: Stop it!
Z: (clank!)
M: Stop it!
SG: (mocking) "I have x-ray vision and I can make change for a dollar!"
Z: (clank!)
M: Stop it!
Z: (clank!)
M: Stop it!
SG: I could make change for five dollars if I had to.
Z: (clank!)
M: Stop it!
Z: (clank!)
M: Quit it!
(Cruiser approaches planetoid)
M: Is this it?
Z: (clank!)
M: QUIT IT!
SG: Yup, it's just like I remember it. Oh, look, they put in a Mr. Winters over there. You see, boys, Warren was my mentor. He was the wind beneath my cape. I learned so much that summer. Perhaps... too much. (sound of brakes) L-let's go back. (shifts into reverse, Phantom Cruiser backs up) What am I doing? (brakes) I love Warren! I need to see him. (shifts gears, goes forward again) But he hurts me. (brakes) But I've been replicated. (goes forward again) But he hurts me. (brakes) But, I have been replicated. (grinds gears) (goes forward again)
(The Cruiser finally lands; the hatch opens, Space Ghost emerges, to dramatic music)
SG: (goes back inside) They were closed.
Z: I wanna see!
SG: There's nothing to see. Now, who wants new slacks?
Z: I don't wear pants, and I don't know anyone who does!
M: Yeah! We wanna see Warren!
SG: (sighs) All right.
(Space Ghost, Zorak and Moltar leave the ship and enter a cave)
Monitor (M): Welcome Space Ghost. Warren is expecting you.
(Dramatic sting music - Space Ghost's power bands disappear)
SG: My power bands!
M: You know the rules. No weapons.
Z: Hey. You live here?
M: Oh, I see you brought your mantis.
M: (clears throat)
M: And the fireman. How lucky.
Z: Where's the tub? Can I have this? (sound of glass breaking) Uh, that was broke already.
SG: Zorak...
Z: Someone boiling vinegar?
SG: Zorak!
Z: What?
SG: Shut your beak.
Z: Before you... close it with medical sutures?
SG: No, before I seal it using a powerful space-age adhesive, which I keep in my fanny pack.
M: You know the rules. No fanny packs.
(Dramatic sting music - Space Ghost's fanny pack disappears)
SG: My breakfast bars!
M: Ladies and gentlemen of the arena, I give you... Warren.
(Warren rolls out, looking very much like a potted plant)
SG: Well, it's been a long time.
W: Yeah.
SG: Warren, I've been replicated, man!
W: Hmph. Do I know you?
SG: You tell me, pal.
W: No, I don't know you.
SG: Warren, you had me on your show last night. But I wasn't on your show last night! I was right there in my living room, watching you having me on your show.
Z: Nice bush.
W: Ah, that's funny, mantis. Funny bugs like you, talkin' like that in my castle, end up, lookin' for their teeth, two blocks away, on Quinn Street.
SG: Zorak, let me handle this, please.
Z: Nice... bush.
W: Listen! I can burn you, like the crazy world of Arthur Brown.
SG: Zorak!
Z: Nice... bush.
(Warren zaps Zorak with a destructo ray)
W: We're both green, aren't we, Zorak? But I got rays, don't I!? Don't I? Don't I?
M: You better answer him.
W: Don't I, Zorak?
Z: Ah, go fertilize yourself.
W: (zaps Zorak again several times)
SG: Warren, I've come many miles...
W: (zaps Zorak again)
SG: ... to set myself before you today to find out why you've betrayed our sacred covenant.
W: Do what now?
SG: Who was that you had on your show, because it wasn't me.
W: Aw, yeah. (chuckles) That was just Gary.
SG: Gary, huh?
W: Yeah.
SG: Ga-ry.
W: Yeah. (chuckles)
SG: Garrrrrrry.
W: Yep.
SG: Are you tryin' to shuck me?
W: Listen to me! Over there in the corner, you'll find a mystical cauldron. Conjure up Gary and he will appear before you. He knows the answers, to the questions that vex you so. Now I must adjourn, to my sunny spot, ah! (starts to roll away)
SG: Wait, you didn't answer my question! I didn't come here to talk to a cauldron! Warren, wait!
M: He seemed like a good enough guy.
Z: Yeah, very personable.
SG: Come on, let's hold hands and conjure up this joker.
(Zorak, Space Ghost and Moltar are holding hands in front of a steaming cauldron)
SG: Gary... Om... (wolf howls in background) Hey, you guys have to do it too, or it won't work.
Z: Oh.
SG: Om...
Z: Om...
M: Gary... Gary...
Z: Om...
SG: Om... Om...
Z: Gary... Gary...
M: Gary...
SG: Gary...
Z: Gary...
SG: Om...
M: Gary...
Z: Om...
SG: Gary...
Z: Om...
M: Om... Gary...
SG: Okay.
Z: Om...
SG: Got it.
Z: Om...
SG: We're good. We got it.
GO: (in cauldron, as Space Ghost) (laughs) Thank you.
SG: It's him!
M: Whoa!
Z: It's Space Ghost!
GO: It is indeed.
SG: It is not indeed! Do you know who I am? Gary? Take a good look. I'm Space Ghost!
GO: (coughs) You're what?
SG: That's right, Gary. I'm the real Space Ghost.
GO: So am I.
SG: No, see, I'm the one who flew around the galaxy saving planets, not you! Where do you get off being me?
GO: Uh, in the early days, back when, uh, when Space Ghost was first born, they let me play Space Ghost. And that was what, what a thrill.
SG: Uh, who's "they"?
GO: Mr. Joe Barbera, and Mr. Fred Silverman, gentlemen who chose me to play you.
SG: Nobody plays me, Jack! I play me.
M: Hey Gary, who played me?
GO: Moltar? Moltar, I have a picture of you. I have a picture of Zorak over there, when he was just a mild mutant.
Z: Hey! Remember when I smashed your camera with that rock?
GO: Oh, yes. It was, what wonder days.
M: Gary? Can you come home with us, and... be our new dad?
SG: Now, wait just a second! Can't you see? Are ya all blind? Moltar! Zorak! This is all just some demented mind trick brought on by Warren!
GO: I still have got the inviso-belt, I've got that in the trunk of the car right now.
SG: Listen up, you deluded old freak. Don't make me use my power bands on you.
M: Space Ghost, uh... you don't have your power bands.
SG: Stay out of this, Moltar. The time has come for me to put a lid on this cosmic crackpot.
GO: This looks like real trouble. Hand me that veeblefetzer.
Z: Here ya go, buddy. (hands Gary a blast rifle)
SG: You're counting on hitting me with that veeblefetzer, aren't you?
GO: Oh, yes, yes.
SG: Because then you will become me, right.
GO: Oh, yes, yes.
SG: That's just what I thought. Well, here's something you hadn't counted on, Gary. This set of auxiliary power bands, that I had hidden in my space cavity. Prepare for one of my harmful rays. (adjusts his power bands) Hold on a second. (bands make electronic noises; Space Ghost adjusts bands again) (quietly) You're gonna regret having messed with me. (presses button, but no ray, just a clunking sound) Turning it on. (makes sound like electronic flash charging) (quietly) Prepare... for one of my... harmful rays.
GO: (as Gary) Hey, sock it to me!
SG: Pucker up, Gary! (blasts Gary, whose hand is over his ear a la "Laugh-In") (smoke clears) Moltar, haul that to the Phantom Cruiser.
W: (slides into view) No!! You've destroyed my creation!
SG: Warren, you used that greasy replicant to lure me back here, didn't you?
W: Yeah, you know it.
SG: But why, Warren?
W: Well... (laughs) (dramatic sting music) Never mind why. The past is just the future that already happened. Now come on over here and I'll cradle you.
M: (walks toward Warren)
W: (to Moltar) Not you! (to Space Ghost) You!
SG: I don't understand, Warren.
W: Often we fear what we don't understand, Space Ghost. Come closer to me!
SG: (steps closer to Warren)
W: (sniffs) Closer!
SG: (to himself: I must be out of my nut! What am I doing here? And why is Warren smelling me?)
W: How're ya folks and all them? (edges closer to Space Ghost)
SG: They're... all... kind of... uh... uh...
W: Why don't you take your cape off? Ha!
SG: No... please...
W: Listen to me! Love and fear are often... the same thing. (sniffs)
SG: Oh, okay. Well, thank you.
W: Don't thank me. Just... (sniffs) hold me.
SG: (touches Warren; smiles)
W: Mmmmm! Prime rib!
SG: Wait, wait a second...
(TV shows static and "Space Ghost Coast to Coast" theme music; static gives way to Warren at Space Ghost's desk)
W: (on TV) Greetings citizens!
SG: Hey, what the...
W: I'm Warren! Is everybody gettin' enough carbon dioxide?
(Dramatic sting music, zoom in to Space Ghost's face)
SG: Aha! That's why you brought me here! So you could steal my show! But you already have a show! Why, Warren, why?
W: Well, you know, uh... (laughs) I just felt like it.
SG: Well, you greedy manipulating yard shrub. I'm not going to let your Warren impostinator steal my show right out from under me (reaches for his power bands)
W: But Space Ghost... How do you know that I'm not the impostinator?
SG: Well... you've lost me there, Warren. And now you must pay, you hateful hedge. (blasts Warren)
M: You've destroyed Warren. I'm tellin'. You've destroyed Warren. I'm tellin'.
SG: Tell 'em this. (blasts monitor)
M: You've destroyed Warren. I'm tell- (Blam!)
SG: When you see 'em in Poland.
(Black screen with title: "The End")
(TV in Space Ghost's living room shows "The End" title)
SG: That was good. What else is on?
(Television set, with "The Warren Show" title screen)
A: (intro music) And now back to "The Warren Show".
(Shot of Space Ghost's apartment, with Moltar and Zorak)
SG: Ooh, I love Warren!
W: Tell us, Space, what are your superpowers?
GO: (as Space Ghost) I developed a few of my own, I, for example, can leap tall buildings in a single bound, I jump over buildings, I also have x-ray vision, and I can make change for a dollar.
M: (laughs)
Z: (laughs)
GO: Thank you.
SG: Wait a minute! I don't remember...
GO: I can also bend my thumb, by the way.
SG: I've never been on "Warren"! That guy's a replicant!
GO: I can bend a spoon with my mind, but it has to be a plastic spoon. (TV laughter)
M: Whoa!
M: (laughs)
Z: (laughs)
GO: I can't do the real spoon. (TV applause)
SG: This is such bull! (blasts TV set) I am super-unsatisfied to be replicated in this way! Super-unsatisfied! I need to get to the bottom of this. Come on, boys! Let's take a ride!
Z: Pick me up a hitch-hiker, would'ya?
SG: You're coming with us, Zorak. We'll go see Warren, then we'll swing by the department store and get you some new slacks.
Z: And a hitch-hiker?
SG: We'll see.
M: Shotgun!
Z: (slightly behind Moltar) Shotgun!
M: Yes!
(Phantom Cruiser flies through space)
Z: (hitting Moltar's seat from behind) (clank!)
M: Stop it!
Z: (clank!)
M: Stop it!
SG: (mocking) "I have x-ray vision and I can make change for a dollar!"
Z: (clank!)
M: Stop it!
Z: (clank!)
M: Stop it!
SG: I could make change for five dollars if I had to.
Z: (clank!)
M: Stop it!
Z: (clank!)
M: Quit it!
(Cruiser approaches planetoid)
M: Is this it?
Z: (clank!)
M: QUIT IT!
SG: Yup, it's just like I remember it. Oh, look, they put in a Mr. Winters over there. You see, boys, Warren was my mentor. He was the wind beneath my cape. I learned so much that summer. Perhaps... too much. (sound of brakes) L-let's go back. (shifts into reverse, Phantom Cruiser backs up) What am I doing? (brakes) I love Warren! I need to see him. (shifts gears, goes forward again) But he hurts me. (brakes) But I've been replicated. (goes forward again) But he hurts me. (brakes) But, I have been replicated. (grinds gears) (goes forward again)
(The Cruiser finally lands; the hatch opens, Space Ghost emerges, to dramatic music)
SG: (goes back inside) They were closed.
Z: I wanna see!
SG: There's nothing to see. Now, who wants new slacks?
Z: I don't wear pants, and I don't know anyone who does!
M: Yeah! We wanna see Warren!
SG: (sighs) All right.
(Space Ghost, Zorak and Moltar leave the ship and enter a cave)
M: Welcome Space Ghost. Warren is expecting you.
(Dramatic sting music - Space Ghost's power bands disappear)
SG: My power bands!
M: You know the rules. No weapons.
Z: Hey. You live here?
M: Oh, I see you brought your mantis.
M: (clears throat)
M: And the fireman. How lucky.
Z: Where's the tub? Can I have this? (sound of glass breaking) Uh, that was broke already.
SG: Zorak...
Z: Someone boiling vinegar?
SG: Zorak!
Z: What?
SG: Shut your beak.
Z: Before you... close it with medical sutures?
SG: No, before I seal it using a powerful space-age adhesive, which I keep in my fanny pack.
M: You know the rules. No fanny packs.
(Dramatic sting music - Space Ghost's fanny pack disappears)
SG: My breakfast bars!
M: Ladies and gentlemen of the arena, I give you... Warren.
(Warren rolls out, looking very much like a potted plant)
SG: Well, it's been a long time.
W: Yeah.
SG: Warren, I've been replicated, man!
W: Hmph. Do I know you?
SG: You tell me, pal.
W: No, I don't know you.
SG: Warren, you had me on your show last night. But I wasn't on your show last night! I was right there in my living room, watching you having me on your show.
Z: Nice bush.
W: Ah, that's funny, mantis. Funny bugs like you, talkin' like that in my castle, end up, lookin' for their teeth, two blocks away, on Quinn Street.
SG: Zorak, let me handle this, please.
Z: Nice... bush.
W: Listen! I can burn you, like the crazy world of Arthur Brown.
SG: Zorak!
Z: Nice... bush.
(Warren zaps Zorak with a destructo ray)
W: We're both green, aren't we, Zorak? But I got rays, don't I!? Don't I? Don't I?
M: You better answer him.
W: Don't I, Zorak?
Z: Ah, go fertilize yourself.
W: (zaps Zorak again several times)
SG: Warren, I've come many miles...
W: (zaps Zorak again)
SG: ... to set myself before you today to find out why you've betrayed our sacred covenant.
W: Do what now?
SG: Who was that you had on your show, because it wasn't me.
W: Aw, yeah. (chuckles) That was just Gary.
SG: Gary, huh?
W: Yeah.
SG: Ga-ry.
W: Yeah. (chuckles)
SG: Garrrrrrry.
W: Yep.
SG: Are you tryin' to shuck me?
W: Listen to me! Over there in the corner, you'll find a mystical cauldron. Conjure up Gary and he will appear before you. He knows the answers, to the questions that vex you so. Now I must adjourn, to my sunny spot, ah! (starts to roll away)
SG: Wait, you didn't answer my question! I didn't come here to talk to a cauldron! Warren, wait!
M: He seemed like a good enough guy.
Z: Yeah, very personable.
SG: Come on, let's hold hands and conjure up this joker.
(Zorak, Space Ghost and Moltar are holding hands in front of a steaming cauldron)
SG: Gary... Om... (wolf howls in background) Hey, you guys have to do it too, or it won't work.
Z: Oh.
SG: Om...
Z: Om...
M: Gary... Gary...
Z: Om...
SG: Om... Om...
Z: Gary... Gary...
M: Gary...
SG: Gary...
Z: Gary...
SG: Om...
M: Gary...
Z: Om...
SG: Gary...
Z: Om...
M: Om... Gary...
SG: Okay.
Z: Om...
SG: Got it.
Z: Om...
SG: We're good. We got it.
GO: (in cauldron, as Space Ghost) (laughs) Thank you.
SG: It's him!
M: Whoa!
Z: It's Space Ghost!
GO: It is indeed.
SG: It is not indeed! Do you know who I am? Gary? Take a good look. I'm Space Ghost!
GO: (coughs) You're what?
SG: That's right, Gary. I'm the real Space Ghost.
GO: So am I.
SG: No, see, I'm the one who flew around the galaxy saving planets, not you! Where do you get off being me?
GO: Uh, in the early days, back when, uh, when Space Ghost was first born, they let me play Space Ghost. And that was what, what a thrill.
SG: Uh, who's "they"?
GO: Mr. Joe Barbera, and Mr. Fred Silverman, gentlemen who chose me to play you.
SG: Nobody plays me, Jack! I play me.
M: Hey Gary, who played me?
GO: Moltar? Moltar, I have a picture of you. I have a picture of Zorak over there, when he was just a mild mutant.
Z: Hey! Remember when I smashed your camera with that rock?
GO: Oh, yes. It was, what wonder days.
M: Gary? Can you come home with us, and... be our new dad?
SG: Now, wait just a second! Can't you see? Are ya all blind? Moltar! Zorak! This is all just some demented mind trick brought on by Warren!
GO: I still have got the inviso-belt, I've got that in the trunk of the car right now.
SG: Listen up, you deluded old freak. Don't make me use my power bands on you.
M: Space Ghost, uh... you don't have your power bands.
SG: Stay out of this, Moltar. The time has come for me to put a lid on this cosmic crackpot.
GO: This looks like real trouble. Hand me that veeblefetzer.
Z: Here ya go, buddy. (hands Gary a blast rifle)
SG: You're counting on hitting me with that veeblefetzer, aren't you?
GO: Oh, yes, yes.
SG: Because then you will become me, right.
GO: Oh, yes, yes.
SG: That's just what I thought. Well, here's something you hadn't counted on, Gary. This set of auxiliary power bands, that I had hidden in my space cavity. Prepare for one of my harmful rays. (adjusts his power bands) Hold on a second. (bands make electronic noises; Space Ghost adjusts bands again) (quietly) You're gonna regret having messed with me. (presses button, but no ray, just a clunking sound) Turning it on. (makes sound like electronic flash charging) (quietly) Prepare... for one of my... harmful rays.
GO: (as Gary) Hey, sock it to me!
SG: Pucker up, Gary! (blasts Gary, whose hand is over his ear a la "Laugh-In") (smoke clears) Moltar, haul that to the Phantom Cruiser.
W: (slides into view) No!! You've destroyed my creation!
SG: Warren, you used that greasy replicant to lure me back here, didn't you?
W: Yeah, you know it.
SG: But why, Warren?
W: Well... (laughs) (dramatic sting music) Never mind why. The past is just the future that already happened. Now come on over here and I'll cradle you.
M: (walks toward Warren)
W: (to Moltar) Not you! (to Space Ghost) You!
SG: I don't understand, Warren.
W: Often we fear what we don't understand, Space Ghost. Come closer to me!
SG: (steps closer to Warren)
W: (sniffs) Closer!
SG: (to himself: I must be out of my nut! What am I doing here? And why is Warren smelling me?)
W: How're ya folks and all them? (edges closer to Space Ghost)
SG: They're... all... kind of... uh... uh...
W: Why don't you take your cape off? Ha!
SG: No... please...
W: Listen to me! Love and fear are often... the same thing. (sniffs)
SG: Oh, okay. Well, thank you.
W: Don't thank me. Just... (sniffs) hold me.
SG: (touches Warren; smiles)
W: Mmmmm! Prime rib!
SG: Wait, wait a second...
(TV shows static and "Space Ghost Coast to Coast" theme music; static gives way to Warren at Space Ghost's desk)
W: (on TV) Greetings citizens!
SG: Hey, what the...
W: I'm Warren! Is everybody gettin' enough carbon dioxide?
(Dramatic sting music, zoom in to Space Ghost's face)
SG: Aha! That's why you brought me here! So you could steal my show! But you already have a show! Why, Warren, why?
W: Well, you know, uh... (laughs) I just felt like it.
SG: Well, you greedy manipulating yard shrub. I'm not going to let your Warren impostinator steal my show right out from under me (reaches for his power bands)
W: But Space Ghost... How do you know that I'm not the impostinator?
SG: Well... you've lost me there, Warren. And now you must pay, you hateful hedge. (blasts Warren)
M: You've destroyed Warren. I'm tellin'. You've destroyed Warren. I'm tellin'.
SG: Tell 'em this. (blasts monitor)
M: You've destroyed Warren. I'm tell- (Blam!)
SG: When you see 'em in Pelham.
(Black screen with title: "The End")
(TV in Space Ghost's living room shows "The End" title)
SG: That was good. What else is on?
(Television set, with "The Warren Show" title screen)
A: (intro music) And now back to "The Warren Show".
(Shot of Space Ghost's apartment, with Moltar and Zorak)
SG: Ooh, I love Warren!
W: Tell us, Space, what are your superpowers?
GO: (as Space Ghost) I developed a few of my own, I, for example, can leap tall buildings in a single bound, I jump over buildings, I also have x-ray vision, and I can make change for a dollar.
M: (laughs)
Z: (laughs)
GO: Thank you.
SG: Wait a minute! I don't remember...
GO: I can also bend my thumb, by the way.
SG: I've never been on "Warren"! That guy's a replicant!
GO: I can bend a spoon with my mind, but it has to be a plastic spoon. (TV laughter)
M: Whoa!
M: (laughs)
Z: (laughs)
GO: I can't do the real spoon. (TV applause)
SG: This is such bull! (blasts TV set) I am super-unsatisfied to be replicated in this way! Super-unsatisfied! I need to get to the bottom of this. Come on, boys! Let's take a ride!
Z: Pick me up a hitch-hiker, would'ya?
SG: You're coming with us, Zorak. We'll go see Warren, then we'll swing by the department store and get you some new slacks.
Z: And a hitch-hiker?
SG: We'll see.
M: Shotgun!
Z: (slightly behind Moltar) Shotgun!
M: Yes!
(Phantom Cruiser flies through space)
Z: (hitting Moltar's seat from behind) (clank!)
M: Stop it!
Z: (clank!)
M: Stop it!
SG: (mocking) "I have x-ray vision and I can make change for a dollar!"
Z: (clank!)
M: Stop it!
Z: (clank!)
M: Stop it!
SG: I could make change for five dollars if I had to.
Z: (clank!)
M: Stop it!
Z: (clank!)
M: Quit it!
(Cruiser approaches planetoid)
M: Is this it?
Z: (clank!)
M: QUIT IT!
SG: Yup, it's just like I remember it. Oh, look, they put in a Mr. Winters over there. You see, boys, Warren was my mentor. He was the wind beneath my cape. I learned so much that summer. Perhaps... too much. (sound of brakes) L-let's go back. (shifts into reverse, Phantom Cruiser backs up) What am I doing? (brakes) I love Warren! I need to see him. (shifts gears, goes forward again) But he hurts me. (brakes) But I've been replicated. (goes forward again) But he hurts me. (brakes) But, I have been replicated. (grinds gears) (goes forward again)
(The Cruiser finally lands; the hatch opens, Space Ghost emerges, to dramatic music)
SG: (goes back inside) They were closed.
Z: I wanna see!
SG: There's nothing to see. Now, who wants new slacks?
Z: I don't wear pants, and I don't know anyone who does!
M: Yeah! We wanna see Warren!
SG: (sighs) All right.
(Space Ghost, Zorak and Moltar leave the ship and enter a cave)
M: Welcome Space Ghost. Warren is expecting you.
(Dramatic sting music - Space Ghost's power bands disappear)
SG: My power bands!
M: You know the rules. No weapons.
Z: Hey. You live here?
M: Oh, I see you brought your mantis.
M: (clears throat)
M: And the fireman. How lucky.
Z: Where's the tub? Can I have this? (sound of glass breaking) Uh, that was broke already.
SG: Zorak...
Z: Someone boiling vinegar?
SG: Zorak!
Z: What?
SG: Shut your beak.
Z: Before you... close it with medical sutures?
SG: No, before I seal it using a powerful space-age adhesive, which I keep in my fanny pack.
M: You know the rules. No fanny packs.
(Dramatic sting music - Space Ghost's fanny pack disappears)
SG: My breakfast bars!
M: Ladies and gentlemen of the arena, I give you... Warren.
(Warren rolls out, looking very much like a potted plant)
SG: Well, it's been a long time.
W: Yeah.
SG: Warren, I've been replicated, man!
W: Hmph. Do I know you?
SG: You tell me, pal.
W: No, I don't know you.
SG: Warren, you had me on your show last night. But I wasn't on your show last night! I was right there in my living room, watching you having me on your show.
Z: Nice bush.
W: Ah, that's funny, mantis. Funny bugs like you, talkin' like that in my castle, end up, lookin' for their teeth, two blocks away, on Quinn Street.
SG: Zorak, let me handle this, please.
Z: Nice... bush.
W: Listen! I can burn you, like the crazy world of Arthur Brown.
SG: Zorak!
Z: Nice... bush.
(Warren zaps Zorak with a destructo ray)
W: We're both green, aren't we, Zorak? But I got rays, don't I!? Don't I? Don't I?
M: You better answer him.
W: Don't I, Zorak?
Z: Ah, go fertilize yourself.
W: (zaps Zorak again several times)
SG: Warren, I've come many miles...
W: (zaps Zorak again)
SG: ... to set myself before you today to find out why you've betrayed our sacred covenant.
W: Do what now?
SG: Who was that you had on your show, because it wasn't me.
W: Aw, yeah. (chuckles) That was just Gary.
SG: Gary, huh?
W: Yeah.
SG: Ga-ry.
W: Yeah. (chuckles)
SG: Garrrrrrry.
W: Yep.
SG: Are you tryin' to shuck me?
W: Listen to me! Over there in the corner, you'll find a mystical cauldron. Conjure up Gary and he will appear before you. He knows the answers, to the questions that vex you so. Now I must adjourn, to my sunny spot, ah! (starts to roll away)
SG: Wait, you didn't answer my question! I didn't come here to talk to a cauldron! Warren, wait!
M: He seemed like a good enough guy.
Z: Yeah, very personable.
SG: Come on, let's hold hands and conjure up this joker.
(Zorak, Space Ghost and Moltar are holding hands in front of a steaming cauldron)
SG: Gary... Om... (wolf howls in background) Hey, you guys have to do it too, or it won't work.
Z: Oh.
SG: Om...
Z: Om...
M: Gary... Gary...
Z: Om...
SG: Om... Om...
Z: Gary... Gary...
M: Gary...
SG: Gary...
Z: Gary...
SG: Om...
M: Gary...
Z: Om...
SG: Gary...
Z: Om...
M: Om... Gary...
SG: Okay.
Z: Om...
SG: Got it.
Z: Om...
SG: We're good. We got it.
GO: (in cauldron, as Space Ghost) (laughs) Thank you.
SG: It's him!
M: Whoa!
Z: It's Space Ghost!
GO: It is indeed.
SG: It is not indeed! Do you know who I am? Gary? Take a good look. I'm Space Ghost!
GO: (coughs) You're what?
SG: That's right, Gary. I'm the real Space Ghost.
GO: So am I.
SG: No, see, I'm the one who flew around the galaxy saving planets, not you! Where do you get off being me?
GO: Uh, in the early days, back when, uh, when Space Ghost was first born, they let me play Space Ghost. And that was what, what a thrill.
SG: Uh, who's "they"?
GO: Mr. Joe Barbera, and Mr. Fred Silverman, gentlemen who chose me to play you.
SG: Nobody plays me, Jack! I play me.
M: Hey Gary, who played me?
GO: Moltar? Moltar, I have a picture of you. I have a picture of Zorak over there, when he was just a mild mutant.
Z: Hey! Remember when I smashed your camera with that rock?
GO: Oh, yes. It was, what wonder days.
M: Gary? Can you come home with us, and... be our new dad?
SG: Now, wait just a second! Can't you see? Are ya all blind? Moltar! Zorak! This is all just some demented mind trick brought on by Warren!
GO: I still have got the inviso-belt, I've got that in the trunk of the car right now.
SG: Listen up, you deluded old freak. Don't make me use my power bands on you.
M: Space Ghost, uh... you don't have your power bands.
SG: Stay out of this, Moltar. The time has come for me to put a lid on this cosmic crackpot.
GO: This looks like real trouble. Hand me that veeblefetzer.
Z: Here ya go, buddy. (hands Gary a blast rifle)
SG: You're counting on hitting me with that veeblefetzer, aren't you?
GO: Oh, yes, yes.
SG: Because then you will become me, right.
GO: Oh, yes, yes.
SG: That's just what I thought. Well, here's something you hadn't counted on, Gary. This set of auxiliary power bands, that I had hidden in my space cavity. Prepare for one of my harmful rays. (adjusts his power bands) Hold on a second. (bands make electronic noises; Space Ghost adjusts bands again) (quietly) You're gonna regret having messed with me. (presses button, but no ray, just a clunking sound) Turning it on. (makes sound like electronic flash charging) (quietly) Prepare... for one of my... harmful rays.
GO: (as Gary) Hey, sock it to me!
SG: Pucker up, Gary! (blasts Gary, whose hand is over his ear a la "Laugh-In") (smoke clears) Moltar, haul that to the Phantom Cruiser.
W: (slides into view) No!! You've destroyed my creation!
SG: Warren, you used that greasy replicant to lure me back here, didn't you?
W: Yeah, you know it.
SG: But why, Warren?
W: Well... (laughs) (dramatic sting music) Never mind why. The past is just the future that already happened. Now come on over here and I'll cradle you.
M: (walks toward Warren)
W: (to Moltar) Not you! (to Space Ghost) You!
SG: I don't understand, Warren.
W: Often we fear what we don't understand, Space Ghost. Come closer to me!
SG: (steps closer to Warren)
W: (sniffs) Closer!
SG: (to himself: I must be out of my nut! What am I doing here? And why is Warren smelling me?)
W: How're ya folks and all them? (edges closer to Space Ghost)
SG: They're... all... kind of... uh... uh...
W: Why don't you take your cape off? Ha!
SG: No... please...
W: Listen to me! Love and fear are often... the same thing. (sniffs)
SG: Oh, okay. Well, thank you.
W: Don't thank me. Just... (sniffs) hold me.
SG: (touches Warren; smiles)
W: Mmmmm! Prime rib!
SG: Wait, wait a second...
(TV shows static and "Space Ghost Coast to Coast" theme music; static gives way to Warren at Space Ghost's desk)
W: (on TV) Greetings citizens!
SG: Hey, what the...
W: I'm Warren! Is everybody gettin' enough carbon dioxide?
(Dramatic sting music, zoom in to Space Ghost's face)
SG: Aha! That's why you brought me here! So you could steal my show! But you already have a show! Why, Warren, why?
W: Well, you know, uh... (laughs) I just felt like it.
SG: Well, you greedy manipulating yard shrub. I'm not going to let your Warren impostinator steal my show right out from under me (reaches for his power bands)
W: But Space Ghost... How do you know that I'm not the impostinator?
SG: Well... you've lost me there, Warren. And now you must pay, you hateful hedge. (blasts Warren)
M: You've destroyed Warren. I'm tellin'. You've destroyed Warren. I'm tellin'.
SG: Tell 'em this. (blasts monitor)
M: You've destroyed Warren. I'm tell- (Blam!)
SG: When you see 'em in Conyers.
(Black screen with title: "The End")
(TV in Space Ghost's living room shows "The End" title)
SG: That was good. What else is on?
(Credits roll)
W: Ha!

GUEST STAR
Gary Owens

WRITTEN BY
Matt Maeillaro

EDITORS
Ken Brady
Jay Bellissimo

MUSIC
Sonny Sharrock
Man...or Astro-Man?

MUSICIANS
Sonny Sharrock
Lance Carter
Eddie Horst
Alfrieda Gerald
Man...or Astro-Man?

VOICES
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Colonel Bruce Hampton

DESIGN COMPANY
Big Deal Cartoons

ANIMATION DIRECTOR
C. Martin Croker

DIGITAL COMPOSITOR
Dave Sillman

INK & PAINT
Pat Epstein

CAMERA SUPERVISOR
Ron Sutton

EFFECT DIRECTOR
Brian Adler

TECHNICAL DIRECTOR
Bryan Smythe

VIDEOGRAPHER
Melinda Nichols

LIGHTING ASSISTS
John Hallden
Thomas Branch

TAPE
John Parks

VIDEO SHADER
Jim Reeves

RE-RECORDING MIXER
Roy Clements

AUDIO CONFORM
Mark Coddington

ON-LINE CONFORM
Bob Woodhead

EDIT ASSISTS
Joe Friou
Dave DelBino

PRODUCTION MANAGER
Vishal Roney

PRODUCTION COORDINATOR
Anne Susan Brown

TALENT COORDINATOR
Nina Bishop

PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS
Gus Jordan
Maya McClure
Sophia Psomiadis
Michael Lazzo

INTERNS
Keith Hill
Aaron Vandemark

SPACE GHOST'S MALE SECRETARY
Nathan Cook

SPECIAL THANKS
Khaki Jones
Lisa D. Ellis
Kenny Crow
Eric Santacroce
Chris Moore
Tom Roche
Wilem Madison

ORIGINAL SPACE GHOST DESIGN
Alex Toth

WEBSITE PRODUCER
Chip Duffey

ASSOCIATE PRODUCER
Vishal Roney

ASSOCIATE PRODUCER
Kaili Rubin

PRODUCER
Jim Fortier

PRODUCER
Barry Mills

PRODUCER
Pete Smith

PRODUCER
Dave Willis

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Matt Harrigan

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Keith Crofford

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