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| Episode: | 64 |
|---|---|
| Title: | Rio Ghosto |
| Original Air Date: | September 17, 1998 |
| Guest Stars: | Ben Stiller, Kevin Smith, Jim Jarmusch |
Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed
| Waiting | |
| (Opening screen with Ghost Planet, titled "Last Saturday". Transition to Space Ghost's lab, with sign reading "Do Not Enter, House of Pain Cakes". Space Ghost types on a mechanical typewriter as he speaks) | |
| Space Ghost: | Scene one, office, day. Mr. White says, "I will stop you." (carriage return) And Mr. Black says, "You won't stop me." (CARRIAGE RETURN) Mr. White says, "Yes, I will stop you." I read that wrong: "Yes, I WILL stop you!" (CARRIAGE RETURN) (PAUSE) Hmm. (PAUSE) Robotic space worm enters, destroys city, The End. (carriage return) (pause) Or is it? (carriage return) |
| (Opening theme & titles) | |
| Space Ghost: | (invisos to set) Greetings, I'm Space Ghost, architect of the future. Welcome to the show. (waves) So, how was your weekend, Zorak? |
| Zorak: | I, uh, I did some volunteer work over at the orphanage. |
| Space Ghost: | Well, I was... (does a double take) Yeah. Well, I was finishing up my screen play, and it's brilliant. Brilliant! Now play me to the Desk. |
| (Zorak and Way-outs play) | |
| Space Ghost: | (invisos to desk) Some of my director pals are dropping by the studio tonight, and if one of 'em plays his cards right, I'll affix him to my movie. |
| Zorak: | You don't know any directors. |
| Space Ghost: | Sure I do. Moltar's a director, aren't you, Moltar? |
| Moltar: | Yeah, check it out. (throws lever, title card reading "A Moltar Film" scrolls up onto screen, with fanfare music) Ta da. (title card stays in middle of screen) |
| Space Ghost: | See, Zorak? |
| Moltar: | Hey Space Ghost, why doncha let me direct your movie? |
| Space Ghost: | Moltar, Moltar, Moltar, Moltar, Moltar, Moltar, Moltar. (laughs) That's very thoughtful of you. But your specialty is cartoons. |
| Moltar: | So? |
| Space Ghost: | So cartoon's are kid's stuff. I need someone with real adult film experience. I'm sure you understand. |
| Moltar: | Oh, I do. |
| Space Ghost: | And, would you lose the title card. We're not doing "Three's Company" here. |
| Moltar: | Sure. (throws lever, title card disappears and trap door opens under Space Ghost's chair) |
| Space Ghost: | Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa... |
| Zorak: | (evil laughter) |
| Moltar: | (evil laughter) |
| Space Ghost: | (thud) (far away voice) Moltar, see me after the show. |
| Moltar: | (laughs) |
| (Monitor lowers from ceiling with Ben Stiller. Space Ghost's desk is still empty. smaller "A Moltar Film" title card appears in lower left corner) | |
| Zorak: | (turns and glares at Ben) |
| Ben Stiller: | It's a pleasure to be here. |
| Zorak: | Who are you? |
| Ben Stiller: | (looks around) Um, I'm Ben Stiller. |
| Zorak: | Is that a wig? |
| Space Ghost: | (groaning sounds, climbs up through trap door and into his chair) |
| Zorak: | It sure looks like a wig. |
| Space Ghost: | Sorry about that, Ben. Can we get you anything? |
| Ben Stiller: | I probably could use some coffee. |
| Space Ghost: | Yeah. (creaking sound in background) Coffee would be good. |
| Ben Stiller: | Um... |
| Zorak: | Psst, Ben? |
| Ben Stiller: | Yeah? |
| Zorak: | You have a kind face. |
| Ben Stiller: | Thank you. |
| Space Ghost: | The kind you would like to do what to, Zorak? |
| Zorak: | The kind I'd like to chew off and spit on and spit up and stomp on... |
| Ben Stiller: | You know what? |
| Zorak: | I'm not finished yet. And slap. And push. And kick. And... push. And... kick. |
| Ben Stiller: | Zorak, I enjoy the, your ribald sense of humor, that you bring to the show. |
| Zorak: | Yeah, I'm ribald. |
| Ben Stiller: | I think you are a necessary evil... |
| Zorak: | Yeah, I'm evil. |
| Ben Stiller: | ... if you will, on this show. |
| Zorak: | Yeah, I will. |
| Ben Stiller: | I think you guys have a great little reparte thing happening. |
| Space Ghost: | Don't mind Zorak, Ben, he's just a squirrel. |
| Ben Stiller: | (laughs) Okay, uh... |
| Space Ghost: | (coughs) Uh oh (laughter in background) (coughs again; more background laughter) Hang on. (sneezes) (enthusiastic applause) Thank you! |
| Ben Stiller: | (holds hands up) Oooo! |
| Space Ghost: | Anyway, I think you should direct my movie! |
| Ben Stiller: | Yeah, "Cable Guy 2", starring Space Ghost. You could be the, uh, kooky guy who comes and hooks up the, uh... |
| Space Ghost: | Let me get with my people, Ben. I'll get back to you on that. Zorak, Moltar, meeting. |
| (In control room) | |
| Space Ghost: | Gentlemen? |
| Zorak: | (flaps lips) Stinks. |
| Moltar: | Pasadena. |
| (In studio) | |
| Space Ghost: | Ben, we love the idea! So, we're gonna pass. Moltar and Zorak, they just don't share our vision. |
| Ben Stiller: | Okay, thank you. Moltar, and Zorak. (laughs) |
| Space Ghost: | Ben, you've been making movies since before you were born. If you could give me any advice about my movie career, what would it be? |
| Ben Stiller: | Um, I would start out with comedy, like you're doing. |
| Space Ghost: | (writing franticly) Start... out... with... okay, start out with comedy, like I'm doing... |
| Ben Stiller: | Do the stand-up, I'd like to see you do some stand-up. |
| Space Ghost: | The stand-up. (stands up) Like this? |
| Ben Stiller: | Uh... |
| Space Ghost: | Is this funny? |
| Ben Stiller: | No. (smiles) |
| Space Ghost: | (begins to float) How about floating? |
| Ben Stiller: | Okay. |
| Space Ghost: | Is that funny? |
| Ben Stiller: | (laughs) No. |
| (Some goofy guy rolling on the grass, laughing) | |
| Space Ghost: | (talking on the phone through his communicator) Now, if I'm not completely satisfied, you say I get a full refund. (background reply sounds) That sounds fair. And, still keep my miracle hat? (reply sounds) Yeah, I think I do know a couple of people who may be interested. |
| Moltar: | No. |
| Space Ghost: | O-kay. Zorak, you want in on this? |
| Zorak: | (flaps lips) |
| Kevin Smith: | (appears on monitor) Hey, how are you, Ghost. |
| Space Ghost: | I'm on the phone, that's how. Rude. Okay, put me down for six dozen more. (reply sounds) Yeah, I can hold. (hold music) |
| Kevin Smith: | (puts his hand to his ear) |
| Space Ghost: | Where'd you get that sweater? It looks cheap. I hate it. (hums along with hold music) (click: reply sounds) Okay then. (phone hangs up, dialtone) Thank you so much. Bye now. Alrighty. Identify yourself, Kevin. |
| Kevin Smith: | Um, I'm Kevin Smith. I've, I've directed "Clerks" and "Mall Rats" and "Chasing Amy". |
| Space Ghost: | And that's why you're here. To discuss my movie. |
| Kevin Smith: | Um, I guess I should, I should pitch you something, huh? Are you up for that? |
| Space Ghost: | I'm up for sittin' by the pool and watchin' the jack roll in. |
| Zorak: | I'm up for a Peabody. |
| Space Ghost: | (looks at Zorak) Squirrels don't win awards. Stupid squirrel. |
| Kevin Smith: | Zorak. |
| Zorak: | Kevin! |
| Kevin Smith: | Zorak! (makes thumb-forefinger-pinky gestures with both hands) |
| Zorak: | Kevin! |
| Kevin Smith: | Zorak! |
| Space Ghost: | (stands up) Spaaaace Ghoooost! |
| Kevin Smith: | (rolls his eyes) |
| Space Ghost: | (sits down) Ha ha, sorry. |
| Zorak: | Pfft! |
| Space Ghost: | So, Kevin, what's the plan? What now, where to, what's next for the Space Ghost? |
| Kevin Smith: | I think you just need to work with the right director. So I'm sure this is boring Zorak, but... |
| Zorak: | Yeah, I turned off my ears five minutes ago. |
| Space Ghost: | Then how did you know what he said? |
| Zorak: | Huh? |
| Space Ghost: | I said, if you turned off your ears, how did you know what Kevin said? |
| Zorak: | What? |
| Space Ghost: | I said, if you... |
| Zorak: | Huh? |
| Space Ghost: | I said, if you turned, did you say "turned off"? |
| Zorak: | Yup. |
| Space Ghost: | I said, if you turned off your ears, how did you know what Kevin said? |
| Zorak: | Ih. |
| Space Ghost: | Zorak? Zorak! |
| Zorak: | (floats out of his pod) |
| (Space Ghost shoots Zorak with his power bands) | |
| Zorak: | Aaaaa!!! (lands in his pod) |
| Space Ghost: | Floating isn't funny. |
| Kevin Smith: | (laughs) Tad. |
| Space Ghost: | You laughin' at me, boy? |
| Kevin Smith: | No, I, I didn't mean, I was laughing with you. |
| Space Ghost: | But I wasn't laughing, was I? |
| Kevin Smith: | No, you hadn't... |
| Space Ghost: | No, I hadn't, had I? |
| Kevin Smith: | No... |
| Space Ghost: | So, it's all settled then. Now I have a contract drawn up for you to direct my movie. All you need to do is sign it, and then go away. |
| Kevin Smith: | I'd be up for that. I'd, I'd sign a waiver. |
| Space Ghost: | Actually, it's a little more binding than a waiver. It's more like a trap. So, if you could just go ahead and sign that, we'll begin principle photography in, what, say, ten minutes? |
| Kevin Smith: | You are takin' care of business, he is takin' care of business, Zorak, isn't he? |
| Zorak: | (transformed into a squirrel) (blinks) Screwy, ain't it? |
| Kevin Smith: | Never mind the big bug bust-the-power-band move. |
| Space Ghost: | Listen, Kevin, if you're not going to take this seriously... |
| Kevin Smith: | I've got a question now, where is, where is the monkey? |
| Space Ghost: | That's it. |
| Kevin Smith: | Monkey can't get a break in this business. |
| Space Ghost: | Moltar! |
| Moltar: | Cue fire. (throws lever, Kevin is enveloped in flames) |
| Kevin Smith: | Aaaaaa!!! |
| Space Ghost: | (taps cards) Meeting. |
| (In control room) | |
| Space Ghost: | Is everyone here? |
| Zorak: | Yup. |
| Moltar: | Yup. |
| Space Ghost: | Good. |
| (In studio) | |
| Space Ghost: | Alrighty. Please say hello to my last and final guest, Jim Jarmusch. |
| Jim Jarmusch: | I'm really happy to be here, but I'm a little confused, because I, uh... (flames leap up around jim) Uh... |
| Space Ghost: | Okay, quit horsin' around, Moltar, you're embarrassing me. (flames subside) |
| Jim Jarmusch: | That's better, thanks. The last thing I remember was I was asleep at home in my bed, and then there was this really intense white light, that... |
| Space Ghost: | I usually see sky rockets. |
| Jim Jarmusch: | I, I see. |
| Space Ghost: | Yes. Then, the depression and guilt. |
| Jim Jarmusch: | Really. |
| Space Ghost: | I don't need to tell you that. (beat) Out loud. (beat) Meeting. |
| (In control room) | |
| (Zorak the squirrel and floating Moltar) | |
| Space Ghost: | (coughs) (applause) |
| (In studio) | |
| Jim Jarmusch: | Hey, could I say 'hi' to some of my friends in the cartoon world? (Quickdraw McGraw walks by) 'Cause I've never been, like, in cartoon land before. |
| Zorak: | How ya doin' there, pardner? Hup, see ya later. |
| Space Ghost: | Actually, Jim, I - (falls through trap door again) Aaaaaaaaaaaa... |
| Zorak: | (evil laughter) |
| Moltar: | (evil laughter) I love that. |
| Zorak: | Psst, Jim! |
| Jim Jarmusch: | Yeah. (thud) |
| Zorak: | You have a kind face. |
| Space Ghost: | (far away voice) Meeting! |
| (In control room) | |
| (Disco lights and music) | |
| (In studio) | |
| Space Ghost: | Anyway, about my movie... |
| Jim Jarmusch: | You could, like, grow an extra head or, you know, die and come back to life, or, uh... |
| Space Ghost: | (beat) Meeting! |
| (In control room) | |
| (Everyone sings) | |
| Space Ghost: | Hello! |
| Moltar: | Hello! |
| Zorak: | Hello! |
| Jim Jarmusch: | Hello? |
| (In studio) | |
| Space Ghost: | Sorry, Jim, but we're in a hurry, and the only reason you're here is that you're a director. So, help me or leave. |
| Jim Jarmusch: | Yeah, I, I, uh... What's up with Zorak, is he, uh, he's like some kind of outer space grasshopper or something? |
| Space Ghost: | Help me or leave, Jim. |
| Jim Jarmusch: | Is he related, is he, like, the evil twin of Jiminy Cricket? You know, the... |
| Space Ghost: | Help me or leave, Jim. |
| Jim Jarmusch: | And another thing I wanted to ask you, now, why do you superheroes, like, wear your underwear on the outside of your pants? |
| Space Ghost: | Moltar? |
| (Jim is enveloped in flames) | |
| Jim Jarmusch: | Aaaaaa!!! |
| Space Ghost: | Aw heck, I'll just direct it myself. |
| Jim Jarmusch: | Help me! |
| Space Ghost: | Oh, be quiet. |
| (Credits roll) | |
| Space Ghost: | Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa... |
| GUEST STARS Ben Stiller Kevin Smith Jim Jarmusch |
| WRITTEN BY Mark Banker |
| EDITORS Ken Brady Tom Roche |
| MUSIC Sonny Sharrock Man...or Astro-Man? |
| MUSICIANS Sonny Sharrock Lance Carter Eddie Horst Alfrieda Gerald Man...or Astro-Man? |
| VOICES George Lowe C. Martin Croker Pete Smith |
| DESIGN COMPANY Big Deal Cartoons |
| ANIMATION DIRECTOR C. Martin Croker |
| DIGITAL COMPOSITOR Dave Sillman |
| INK & PAINT Pat Epstein |
| ON-LINE CONFORM Jay Bellissimo |
| AUDIO CONFORM Mark Coddington |
| EDIT ASSIST Wilem Madison |
| ON-LOCATION DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY Dennis Bassarab |
| SOUND TECH Mardy Beeson |
| RE-RECORDING MIXER Roy Clements |
| PRODUCTION MANAGER Kaili Rubin |
| PRODUCTION COORDINATOR Vishal Roney |
| TALENT COORDINATOR Nina Bishop |
| PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS Gus Jordan Maya McClure James Huffman Michelle A. Long Michael Lazzo |
| INTERNS Joey Googe Natali Tesche |
| SPACE GHOST'S MALE SECRETARY Nathan Cook |
| SPECIAL THANKS James Harrison & Family Southern Animal Talent Agency Loren Falls Kathy Roast Kenny Crow Lisa D. Ellis |
| ORIGINAL SPACE GHOST DESIGN Alex Toth |
| WEBSITE PRODUCER Chip Duffey |
| ASSOCIATE PRODUCER Isabel Gonzalez |
| ASSOCIATE PRODUCER Vishal Roney |
| PRODUCER Jim Fortier |
| PRODUCER Barry Mills |
| PRODUCER Pete Smith |
| SUPERVISING PRODUCER Dave Willis |
| EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Matt Harrigan |
| EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Keith Crofford |
© 1998 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.
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