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| Episode: | 67 |
|---|---|
| Title: | Intense Patriotism |
| Original Air Date: | December 3, 1998 |
| Guest Star: | Jeff Foxworthy |
Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed
| Waiting (with dog barking) | |
| (shot of Earth from space, the Ghost Planet approaches) | |
| (Space Ghost stands in the darkened studio, watching Earth as they approach) | |
| Space Ghost: | Open wide, Lady Liberty. Because Space Ghost is coming to America! Today! |
| (Opening theme & titles, which transitions to "Stars & Stripes Forever") | |
| Space Ghost: | Heh, "open wide", that's gonna slide right by the censors. |
| Voice: | Lady Liberty's not a real person. |
| Space Ghost: | Um... |
| Voice: | It's a philosophy. |
| Space Ghost: | Ah... |
| Voice: | Let's try that just one more time, all the way through. |
| Space Ghost: | "Space Ghost is coming to America"? Is that the idea here? |
| Voice: | And Space Ghost is about to inviso in. |
| Space Ghost: | Okay. |
| Space Ghost: | Because... |
| Space Ghost: | Sorry. |
| Voice: | Lovin' this. |
| Voice: | Yeah. |
| Space Ghost: | Oh, shut up. |
| Voice: | Uh... |
| Voice: | Um... |
| Space Ghost: | Max, it's nothin' personal, but... |
| Voice: | You wanna take five, you know... |
| Space Ghost: | No, we're fine, we're fine, we're fine, let's just go. (feedback squeal) (sighs) |
| Space Ghost: | Good morning America, how are you? Don't you know me, I'm your native son Space Ghost. |
| Moltar: | Whoa! Looks like we're movin'! |
| Space Ghost: | We are moving, Moltar. To America! |
| Moltar: | And, uh, why are we doin' that? |
| Space Ghost: | Because all the successful superheroes live in America. |
| Moltar: | Okay... |
| Space Ghost: | It's really the only thing that keeps me from being the next Superman. |
| Moltar: | Are you faster than a speeding bullet? |
| Space Ghost: | Well... no, but... |
| Moltar: | Are you able to leap tall buildings with... |
| Space Ghost: | Moltar, that's not the point. Americaners don't trust foreigners. Especially when they don't live there. That stuff about the melting pond... |
| Moltar: | Yeah. |
| Space Ghost: | Heh, it hasn't melted. That's a pantload. |
| Zorak: | (hunched down in his pod) Hey, anybody got a magazine? |
| Space Ghost: | Zorak, what are you doing? |
| Zorak: | Oh, just, uh... droppin' the kids off at the pool. (laughs) |
| Space Ghost: | You don't have kids. |
| Zorak: | (laughs) I do now. (laughs) |
| Space Ghost: | Well, congratulations? |
| Zorak: | Yeah, twins! (laughs) |
| Moltar: | (reading book titled "Perfidy for Dummies") Well, I ain't goin' to America. They extradite. Most uncool. |
| Space Ghost: | Fine, Zorak and I will go to America, and you can just go back to Russia! |
| Moltar: | Fine! (walks away from console) |
| Space Ghost: | W-w-wait! B-b-before you go, uh.. is there anything you can do to make this set a little more patriotic? |
| Moltar: | (walks back to console) I ain't no commie! |
| Space Ghost: | Huh? |
| Moltar: | Try this. (throws lever) |
| Space Ghost: | Ow! Ow ow ow ow ow! Don't hit the wrong button. That puts a weird tone in my head. |
| Moltar: | (laughs) Sorry. Try this. (set is redecorated in stars & stripes motif, with patriotic background music) |
| Space Ghost: | Yeah! Lovin' this! |
| Moltar: | This is just a shareware demo. It'll cost fourteen million to actually install. |
| Space Ghost: | These are the colors of my forefathers, Moltar. The men who laid down their lives so that I can have my outer space talk show. (picture of Mount Rushmore, with Space Ghost's face in place of Teddy Roosevelt's) I think it's worth it. |
| Moltar: | You got fourteen million? |
| Space Ghost: | I was hoping to sign for it. |
| Moltar: | (laughs) No. (throws lever, decorations disappear and music stops) |
| Space Ghost: | Everything's free in America, Moltar. |
| Zorak: | It's a free country? |
| Space Ghost: | That's right, Zorak. (waving flag appears behind Space Ghost, patriotic music plays in background) It's the land of the free, and the home of the free. |
| Zorak: | So I get to go free? |
| Space Ghost: | No. (flag disappears, music stops) Now play me to the desk or I'm puttin' you in the box. |
| Zorak: | (wide eyed) (whispers) The box? |
| Space Ghost: | That's right. The box. |
| Zorak: | (plays Space Ghost to the desk with "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") |
| Space Ghost: | (invisos to desk) Moltar, give me Jeff Foxworthy, or give me death! |
| Moltar: | Uh... do I get to pick? |
| Space Ghost: | You want to go in the box too? Huh? |
| Moltar: | No, no, no. Here's, uh, the redneck. (throws lever) Ugly American. |
| (monitor lowers from ceiling with Jeff) | |
| Space Ghost: | Greetings Jeff, welcome to America's fifty-first state, Ghostlahoma. |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | Thanks, nice to be here. |
| Space Ghost: | The spherical state. |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | Uh huh, yeah. |
| Space Ghost: | Do you know who I am? |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | I, I've seen you, you know, like, when I'm flippin' channels late at night, but I've never really been interested enough to stop. |
| Space Ghost: | I am United States Ghost, Jeff. |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | (laughs) |
| Space Ghost: | America's most patriotic action hero. |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | (laughs) |
| Space Ghost: | Please rise and join me in the Pledge of Allegiance. (stands) |
| Moltar: | I don't wanna be an American! They'll discriminate against me because of my... my metal skin. |
| Space Ghost: | (laughs) Well, who wouldn't, you red outcast? |
| Zorak: | (laughs) |
| Space Ghost: | I mean, look at you! You're a garbage can that talks! Look at you! (laughs) Were it me, I would not enter public. |
| Zorak: | (laughs) |
| Space Ghost: | Now, show old Larry some respect and take off that helmet. |
| Zorak: | (reading a paper) I pledge allegiance... |
| Space Ghost: | Can't hear you. |
| Zorak: | ... to the flag... |
| Space Ghost: | I totally can't hear you. |
| Zorak: | (looks up, louder) I pledge allegiance... |
| Space Ghost: | There you go. |
| All: | (not in unison) I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America. And to the Republic for which it stands, one nation... (beat) |
| Zorak: | One nation... |
| All: | ... under God, with liberty and justice... |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | There's an "indivisible". |
| Zorak: | ... indivisible... |
| Space Ghost: | Yeah, well, I didn't see it. Let's see... (holds up paper) ... for which it stands, one nation under God... |
| Zorak: | ... indivisible... |
| Space Ghost: | ... under God, indivisible, right? |
| All: | ... indivisible, with liberty and justice for all, but Zorak and Moltar. |
| Space Ghost: | Play ball! (laughs) |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | (sits down, laughing) |
| (Bright light washes out the screen) | |
| Space Ghost: | Helmet on, Moltar! (light dies down) |
| Zorak: | So, uh, how 'bout my freedom, huh? |
| Space Ghost: | (beat) So, Jeff, have any trouble finding the place? |
| Zorak: | (while Space Ghost and Jeff are speaking) Hey! Hey!! Where's my freedom?! |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | Yeah, well, it was kinda weird, I was comin' down the interstate, and, uh, hit the exit goin' pretty fast, (laughs) and, got airborne, and (shrugs) I'm here. |
| Space Ghost: | (sarcastic) Good one, Jeff. What'd ya take, the mighty Space Shuttle? |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | Uh, I drove. |
| Space Ghost: | You drove, huh? |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | Well, uh... |
| Space Ghost: | Listen, Jeff, I don't like when people patronize me. Moltar, harvest his skin. |
| Moltar: | Right on! I was hopin' you'd say that! Hang on, I'll get the peeler. (walks out of control room) |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | (looks around in disgust, puts his hand on his brow) |
| Space Ghost: | Nah, I'm just kiddin', Jeff. |
| Moltar: | (standing by Space Ghost's desk) Alright, I got it. |
| Space Ghost: | (aside) Put the peeler away, Moltar. |
| Moltar: | Oh, come on! |
| Space Ghost: | No, no. United States Ghost does not believe in cruel and unusual punishment. |
| Moltar: | It'll just take a second. Just (whish whish whish whish) ... |
| Space Ghost: | (in friendly voice) Moltar! Put the peeler away, or I'm going to rip off your arm and beat you with it. So Jeff, what brings you out to our... |
| Moltar: | (slaps down paper on Space Ghost's desk) (quietly) I have a picture of you... buddy. (growls, then stomps off stage) |
| Space Ghost: | (nervously) Uh, er, so Jeff, what, um, brings you out to our neck of the universe? |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | Uh, this particular trip, I'm just out here to do your show, and then I've gotta go back to, to Earth and pick up my kids at school. |
| Space Ghost: | Zorak has kids. Twins, right? |
| Zorak: | Zorak lost count. (evil laugh) |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | Do you ever go into the schools and, like, talk to the kids? |
| Space Ghost: | Sure, whatever. |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | About...? |
| Space Ghost: | (scribbling) Oh, you know. Politics, horses... |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | Politics and horses? |
| Space Ghost: | (looking at his card) Alcoholism... |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | Do kids like you? |
| Space Ghost: | (beat) I bet Zorak's kids would like me. |
| Zorak: | Well, come on over. (Space Ghost walks over to Zorak's pod) I'll introduce ya. |
| Space Ghost: | Hi gang, your dad bring you into work today? (looks down into a pool of water) |
| Zorak: | Oh, it's that awkward stage. |
| Space Ghost: | Uh huh.(to 'kids') Hey, champ! (to Zorak) They seem to be very strong swimmers. |
| Zorak: | You wanna hold one? |
| Space Ghost: | Uh, no thank you. You know, kids, your father might not always tell you this, but he loves you very much. |
| Zorak: | Say goodbye, kids. (Zorak flushes the 'kids') |
| Space Ghost: | Zorak, no! |
| Zorak: | (evil laughter) |
| Space Ghost: | Swim, kids, swim! No, the other way, against the current! |
| Zorak: | (more evil laughter) |
| Space Ghost: | You're a bad father. (blasts Zorak right through wall into Moltar's control room) |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | You know that the, the people that work here, and I probably should not say this on the air, told me that you weren't right... |
| Space Ghost: | Who said that, Moltar and Zorak? They work for me. |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | I know, I know, though, we all know that they work for you, because you bring this up every single week... |
| Space Ghost: | I don't think you understand, Jeff. They.. work.. for me. |
| Zorak: | I'm freelance! |
| Space Ghost: | You work for me! |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | Yeah, there's a guy that comes and cuts my grass every Thursday, but I don't meet him out there on the lawn going, "You work for me!" |
| Space Ghost: | Yeah, well... I have my own TV show. |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | Listen, listen. I had my own show, that doesn't mean that it's good, okay? |
| Space Ghost: | But the difference between your show and my show, is that mine is still on. ('Pomp and Circumstance' begins to play in background) You see, Jeff, this show is a serious program, about serious issues, that face serious everyday Americans. (shot of Zorak playing the keyboard) Their giant piano-playing mantises. Zorak... (music stops) Now Jeff, you claim to be an authority on (reading his card) red necks. Yet I notice that your neck is strangely pale. |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | I, well, it's, my definition of redneck has always been, a glorious absence of sophistication. |
| Space Ghost: | So, I might be a redneck. |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | Well, that's, that's, that's the joke, is it, you might be. |
| Space Ghost: | But, I've never seen my neck. |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | It has nothing to do... |
| Space Ghost: | How do I know what color it is? |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | I, I just told you, the definition is, is an absence of sophistication, it has nothing to do with the color of somebody's neck. |
| Space Ghost: | Why don't you just say, "You know you have an absence of sophistication when..."? |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | Because it's not funny. (beat) See, that's, they're jokes, I'm a comedian, that's... |
| Space Ghost: | Moltar's red, but he doesn't have a neck. (beat) |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | You understand jokes, right? |
| Space Ghost: | Yeah. |
| (Set starts to shake and creak) | |
| Zorak: | Hey! Where're we lookin' to park this pig? |
| Space Ghost: | Dothan. |
| Zorak: | Oh yeah? Well, I'm gonna run naked in the streets of Dothan. |
| Space Ghost: | You're not gonna run naked in the... |
| Zorak: | I'm gonna run naked in the streets of Dothan! |
| Space Ghost: | You're not gonna run naked in the streets of Dothan! |
| Zorak: | C'mon! You said it was a free country! |
| Space Ghost: | (waving flag in background, with patriotic music) With freedom comes responsibility. |
| Zorak: | With freedom comes nudity! (Space Ghost aims his power bands) Hey, I'm an American! I have rights! |
| Space Ghost: | Tell it to the judge. (blasts Zorak) Jeff, you're an American, what is it with you Americans and your obsession with barrels? |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | You know, I have, I have to tell you, I've done a, a lot of talk shows, and these are... these are the stupidest questions that I have ever been asked. |
| Space Ghost: | Don't look at me. |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | Do you guys do any research or anything about the guest? It just... they're insane questions. |
| Space Ghost: | No, I'll tell you what's insane. (waving flag in background, with patriotic music again) Using la- (looks up distracted by the music; it stops, flag goes away also) Using laser beams for optometry. You call that progress? Ha! |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | Well see, that would, that would, that would make perfect... |
| Space Ghost: | Ah, your culture's primitive. |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | (shrugs and sighs) |
| Space Ghost: | Moltar, put Jeff in the box. |
| Jeff Foxworthy: | But... (Jeff fades from screen) |
| (Entire set starts shaking, with rumbling noise) | |
| Space Ghost: | Turbulence. |
| (Shot of Ghost Planet orbiting Earth, entering atmosphere to land) | |
| Space Ghost: | Prepare... for... touchdown! |
| (Ghost Planet plummets over a desert and lands) | |
| (In control room, floor is tilted, Moltar gets up) | |
| Moltar: | Where are we? (throws lever, sees Mexican village scene with mariachi music in background) Is this it? |
| (Exterior shot of Ghost Planet at the end of a huge rut, next to a town) | |
| Moltar: | Is this where we're goin'? |
| Space Ghost: | (stretches and takes a deep breath. "Welcome to Tijuana" sign outside his studio window) Finally, I'm getting enough oxygen. |
| (Space Ghost, Zorak and Moltar are holding hands outside, looking at the United States border inspection station) | |
| Space Ghost: | Just let me do the talking, okay? |
| Zorak: | I wanna go to ???? |
| Space Ghost: | Shush! |
| (Credits roll, with mariachi music still playing) | |
| Space Ghost: | You boys know anyone at William Morris? |
| Voice: | The agents, you mean? |
| Space Ghost: | Yeah. I actual, no, I actually got a good referral, but, but, uh, you know, yeah, we'll talk about it later. (BEAT) They don't return calls, do they? |
| Voice: | ???? |
| Space Ghost: | I'm sorry? |
| GUEST STAR Jeff Foxworthy |
| WRITTEN BY Dave Willis |
| EDITORS Michael Cahill Tom Roche |
| MUSIC Sonny Sharrock Man...or Astro-Man? |
| MUSICIANS Sonny Sharrock Lance Carter Eddie Horst Alfrieda Gerald Man...or Astro-Man? |
| VOICES George Lowe C. Martin Croker Matt Harrigan Dave Willis |
| DESIGN COMPANY Big Deal Cartoons |
| ANIMATION DIRECTOR C. Martin Croker |
| ON-LINE CONFORM Bret Langefels |
| EDIT ASSIST James Dansereau |
| RE-RECORDING MIXER Roy Clements |
| AUDIO CONFORM Mark Coddington |
| PRODUCTION COORDINATOR Anne Susan Brown |
| TALENT COORDINATOR Nina Bishop |
| PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS Maya McClure Natali Tesche-Ricciardi Michael Lazzo |
| INTERNS Aaron Vandemark Keith Hill Meagan Clark |
| SPACE GHOST'S MALE SECRETARY Nathan Cook |
| SPECIAL THANKS Peter Siaggis Lori Erwin Butch Seibert Matt Labov Eric Wachtman |
| ORIGINAL SPACE GHOST DESIGN Alex Toth |
| WEBSITE PRODUCER Chip Duffey |
| ASSOCIATE PRODUCER Vishal Roney |
| PRODUCER Michael Cahill |
| PRODUCER Jim Fortier |
| PRODUCER Pete Smith |
| SUPERVISING PRODUCER Dave Willis |
| EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Matt Harrigan |
| EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Keith Crofford |
© 1998 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.
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