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Title:Waiting for Edward
Original Air Date:December 24, 1998
Guest Star:Denis Leary

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Waiting (for a really really long time)
(Zorak is riding on Space Ghost's shoulders)
Zorak (Z): Yah! Yah!
Space Ghost (SG): Hang on, Zorak, hang -
Waiting (again briefly)
(In control room, Moltar throws the lever, a black and white photo of a bald man wearing a tie appears on monitor, followed by a test pattern with a "7", followed by Denis Leary)
Denis Leary (DL): Moltar, how are ya?
Moltar (M): This is how I am, Denis. (pulls lever) I'm destroying the planet. (klaxon siren in background)
DL: Get outta here.
M: Yeah. And I'm havin' a sale, too.
Voice (V): Seven minutes, twenty seven seconds until total devastation.
M: Whattya think about that?
DL: Now you, you overstep your, your boundaries when it comes to power.
M: How about a free kick in the throat?
DL: See what I'm saying?
M: (throws lever, sends Denis to the studio monitor) Bah! (laughs)
SG: (invisos in to control room) Moltar, are you trying to destroy the - Oooh! Are you having another Total Devastation sale? (looks at sign:)

Take an additional 30%
off all men's outerwear!

M: Yup! Everything must go.
SG: I don't have any money! (punches Moltar in the face)
(Moltar and Space Ghost proceed to punch each other rock'em sock'em style)
(In the studio; Denis is already on the monitor)
Z: Wow! Denis Leary! I've seen all your movies!
DL: Thank you, thank you.
Z: I didn't think they were very good. (Beat) What'd you think?
(In the control room; Space Ghost is lying on the floor, Moltar is standing on his back)
SG: Ooh! Get off my back!
M: (laughs, hops onto his head) Ooh, sorry! (laughs)
SG: My head! This is going in your file! (invisos out, Moltar drops to the floor)
(In the studio)
SG: (invisos in) Hello! I'm Space Ghost!
Z: And I'm Zorak.
SG: Nobody cares who you are, Zorak.
Z: (BEAT) Man, you're wrong about that.
SG: (Beat) Okay, okay, everybody pipe down. Guest is here, it's interview time. (invisos to desk while Zorak plays cheesy funky organ music; Space Ghost plays with his inviso control, fading in and out for about fifteen seconds, until music stops)
SG: I like that that happened. (Beat) I'm gonna do that again. (Music starts again, Space Ghost resumes invisoing in and out) (moans) Denis...
DL: Hi, how are ya?
SG: (still invisoing in and out) Good, good, and you?
DL: Oh, okay, good.
SG: Mmmm. (finally finishes invisoing in) (sighs) Ah, there we are. Denis, are you a leprechaun?
DL: No, there's no such thing as leprechauns. (sips water)
SG: Oh, yeah, yeah, I was gonna say.
DL: Mm hm.
SG: (looks at his card) Okay then... well, that's all I got. We done here?
DL: Uh, I have one question for you, have you ever thought of taking a vacation and - (Space Ghost is walking towards Zorak's pod) You're not listenin'.
SG: (to Zorak) Say, what's this thing?
Z: Don't touch it, it's mine!
SG: When did you get this?
Z: I've had it.
SG: (presses a keyboard key, a riff plays) You didn't tell me this was a synthesizer! (plays a few other keys) It has samples! Hey, get out of there, scoot over!
Z: Hey, quit, quit shovin'!
SG: Mine! My turn!
Z: Jerk!
SG: (sitting in pod; he sings his lines while he plays a melody on the keyboard) 'Hey Denis, what brings you to these parts?'
DL: Uhhhh... you asked me to appear on the show, so I -
SG: I did? Oh yeah! (sings and plays) 'I did, didn't I?'
DL: I'm actually doing this as a sort of a, uh, a payback for my kids, 'cause they're big fans of your show. I don't really watch the show, and I'm not really a big fan, I don't think you're that funny, quite frankly.
SG: (sings and plays) 'Not that funny, eh?'
DL: Well, my kids watch the show, so I'm on the show 'cause it'll please my kids.
SG: (sings and plays) 'So the feelings of your stupid kids are more important than mine.'
DL: Yeah.
SG: (stops playing, walks over to studio monitor) Who do you think you are?
DL: I think the universe knows who I am, Space Ghost.
SG: Then who do you think the universe knows I am, Denis?
DL: Space Ghost, and I'm Denis Leary, of course. Master of the universe.
SG: (sitting at desk) (laughs) Master?! I know one or two guys who might disagree with you. (whispers) Master!
DL: Like who?
SG: Yoda.
DL: Okay, who else, on the list?
SG: (Beat) Star wars.
DL: Okay, so let's say that I'm, uh... master of the -
SG: You're sure you're not a leprechaun?
DL: (Beat) I'm too tall to be a leprechaun.
SG: Okay, okay. 'Cause I was gonna say, you're the worst leprechaun that we've ever had on the show.
DL: Look, look, here's the bottom line...
SG: Ho- hold on. (flies off)
DL: (to Zorak) You have Madonna's new album?
Z: (hisses)
DL: Somebody's buyin' it.
(In the control room, Lokar is on Moltar's monitor)
Lokar (L): Have you any dangerously sequinned hot pants?
M: Um... no.
L: Perchance a scented thong?
M: I have some underwear that's scented, but... I don't think it's what you're lookin' for.
L: Oh... gorgeous!
(In the studio, Space Ghost bounds back to his chair, sporting a crude drawn-on mustache)
SG: (whispers) Hey, Denis! (normal Voice) Notice anything... different?
DL: Nope.
SG: About my face?
DL: We don't really care.
SG: Hey, Zorak.
Z: (sporting a toucan beak)
SG: (Beat) (sighs) Anybody else have any questions for Denis? (Beat) Anyone? Anyone? (mustache is gone) Anyone?
M: (marches out, slams cards down on Space Ghost's desk) Try this one.
SG: (reading card) "Nice jacket Fonzie." (to Moltar) And you want me to say this?
M: (nods)
SG: Out loud. To Denis.
M: Go on.
SG: I don't think so.
M: (groans in disgust) Sit on it! (walks off stage)
DL: Hey, lay off.
SG: That's my arch-enemy, Denis.
DL: Mm hm.
SG: Who are your arch-enemies? And don't say me.
DL: You.
SG: (does spit take on camera lens; audience laughs) Me?! (spits again, audience laughs again) Me?!?! (laughs) One more... (spits again, this time it's blood; audience gasps) Uh oh. (gulps)
DL: Aside from you, uh... Dr. Katz, another animated figure.
SG: Why don't you just launch him into the deep recesses of space?
DL: If I could.
SG: Oh, that's right, you're a smoker.
DL: Who's the last person you, you've launched into the deep recesses of... of space?
SG: My friend Edward.
DL: Why couldn't you do that with, say, Celine Dion?
SG: Oh no, I don't think Edward would approve of that.
DL: Not extremely powerful, I must say. (sips water)
SG: (Beat) I beat up Charlton Heston once.
DL: When?
SG: Over the holidays.
DL: In your one-dimensional world, you beat up Charlton Heston.
SG: Yeah, I hit him over the head with some books.
DL: So, you're actually bragging about beating up a man who must be in his late eighties, is that correct?
SG: Uh, late eighties, early nineties.
(In the control room, Brak is on Moltar's monitor)
Brak (B): You have any farmer stuff?
M: No.
B: You have any astronaut stuff?
M: Uh...
B: You have any melba toast? 'Cause that's what I want.
M: (trying to break in) I got - (sighs)
B: I'd also like an army of rabbits, some tar, a glass hat, a book about lightning, a magical fortress made of rainbows...
M: (trying to interrupt) Brak... Brak... Brak!!!
B: Yes?
M: How're you gonna pay for all this?
B: With rocks.
M: (shouts) I hope you die before your wedding!
B: What? I'm not gettin' mar- (Moltar throws lever, sending him away)
(In the studio)
SG: I guess my greatest fear would be to find myself hopelessly attracted to one of my coworkers.
(Camera zooms back to show Zorak sitting on Space Ghost's lap)
SG: What are you doing?
Z: That'll be ten dollars.
SG: Get off!
Z: (bounds away) You can owe me.
SG: Denis, what's your greatest fear?
DL: Probably, having to have my own... show on prime cable.
SG: Hey, do you wanna move in with me?
DL: No thank you.
SG: Well, then how would you like to help out around the set?
DL: Naw, that's okay.
SG: You sure?
DL: Yep!
SG: Maybe you could overcome your fears.
DL: I really have a packed schedule.
SG: We've got some exclusive interviews coming up.
DL: Yeah, I've got - with who?
SG: (Beat) My friend Edward.
DL: Yeah? And who else?
SG: Um...
Z: Denis Leary.
SG: That's right, Denis Leary, thank you Zorak.
DL: Mm hm.
Z: You can owe me.
SG: Lots of big names.
DL: Yup.
SG: Big stuff going on here. (taps cards)
Z: Hey! Weren't we supposed to blow -
(Music starts, then slows down and stops)
Later... at camp
(Four kids are sitting on the ground in a field, Space Ghost stands in their midst)
SG: And so, kids, that's the story of how I saved Christmas. (angrily) Now get back to work, ya fat humps!!

Denis Leary
The Cartoon Gang
Matt Harrigan
Matthew Maiellaro
Pete Smith
Dave Willis
Mark Davis
Tom Roche
Sonny Sharrock
Man...or Astro-Man?
The Jim Fortier Project
Sonny Sharrock
Lance Carter
Eddie Horst
Alfrieda Gerald
Man...or Astro-Man?
Jim Fortier
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Andy Merrill
Cheryl Barbour
Big Deal Cartoons
C. Martin Croker
Matt's of Midtown
Bob Woodhead
Reid Jacobson
Nina Bishop
Bobby Tate
Roy Clements
Mark Coddington
Maya McClure
Natali Tesche-Ricciardi
Anne Susan Brown
Michael Lazzo
Meagan Clark
Nathan Cook
Clay Cox
Negashi Harvey
Elijah Kelley
Dominique Robertson
Kaili Rubin
Alex Toth
Chip Duffey
Vishal Roney
Matthew Maiellaro
Pete Smith
Dave Willis
Jim Fortier
Matt Harrigan
Keith Crofford

© 1998 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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