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Title:Table Read
Original Air Date:December 2, 1999
Guest Stars:C. Martin Croker, George Lowe, Mike Lazzo, Dave Willis, Jim Fortier, Matt Maiellaro, Mark Banker

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed

(Opening titles)

Cartoon Network
in conjunction with
Akins Dynamic
pictures & noise
The Williams Street Players
Table Read
A Cartoon Network Production Copyright MCMXCIX

Director (Sean Akins): Action!

Voice: Was that action?

Director (Sean Akins): Come down here!

(A group of "men" walk down a hallway toward the camera. As they come into focus, we see that they are Mike Lazzo, Matt Maiellaro, Jim Fortier, Mark Banker, Dave Willis, C. Martin Croker and George Lowe.)

George Lowe: Now we're cool. Now everybody stay cool.

Dave Willis: Dude, I...

George Lowe: Hey, how come talent's in the Back...?

(They walk into a room and sit down at a table in a rustic meeting room nestled amongst the rat droppings of Williams Street.)

Mike Lazzo: ...an afterthought.

Mike Lazzo: George, you're over here.

George Lowe: Where am I?

Mike Lazzo: No, no.

George Lowe: I'm over here. Sitting comfortably.

Conan Script
"2.8 AB"
July 21st
2:50 p.m.

Mike Lazzo: Conan script, "2.8 AB", okay. (points to Jim Fortier) Conan, you're gonna be Conan. (points to George Lowe) Space Ghost. (points to C. Martin Croker sometimes known as Clay) Zorak, Moltar. (points to Mark Banker) You'll be doin' the music and effects (Points to Dave Willis) Dave, reading direction. (Points to Matt Maiellaro) Matt, sound effects. Ready when you are.

George Lowe: Written by Mike Lazzo.

Mike Lazzo: Cue...

George Lowe: Produced by Mike Lazzo.

Dave Willis: Open on set. Musical fanfare.

(Mark Banker plays musical fanfare on a small keyboard. It goes on for quite some time, prompting George to look at his watch. Finally, the fanfare stops.)

Jim Fortier: (as Conan) Everytime I think, it's gotta be the last one.

(The musical fanfare starts again)

C. Martin Croker: (as Moltar) Yeah, it's a...little Excessive.

(The fanfare starts yet again)

Jim Fortier: Space Ghost descends from the heavens.

Mike Lazzo: Uh, I think the musical fanfare's a little too long.

George Lowe: No, really, Mike? I was enjoying it.

Mike Lazzo: But not as, not as, it shouldn't be as short as I think you think it should be, but it's slightly long.

George Lowe: I thought it was good.

Mike Lazzo: We did.

George Lowe: Didn't you, Clay?

Mike Lazzo: Little church thing...

Dave Willis: Play.

(Mark Banker plays the fanfare again, much shorter this time)

Dave Willis: Space Ghost descends from the heavens, glowing and god-like.

(The fanfare continues)

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Sorry I'm late. I was out saving your life -- in the future!

Jim Fortier/Conan: I don't know what you're talking about, Space Ghost.

George Lowe/Space Ghost: I'm talking about creation!!

Dave Willis: Space Ghost slams his fist down so hard it bursts into flames.

Matt Maiellaro: (makes explosion noise)

C. Martin Croker/Moltar: Ahhh! Burnin' hair. Daddy!

C. Martin Croker/Zorak: Daddy's on fire!

Jim Fortier/Conan: Yes? Can I help you?

Dave Willis: Space Ghost grabs a blue card.

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Have ya ever...?

Dave Willis: The card bursts into flames.

Matt Maiellaro: (makes explosion noise)

George Lowe/Space Ghost: I...guess I'll go from memory. Uhhh....

C. Martin Croker/Zorak: Uhhhh.....ummmm.....uhh....

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Uhhhhh....ummmmmm.....uhhh....ummmmmmm.. (smacks Jim in the head with his script) Conan!

Mike Lazzo: When you speak "Uhhh," try and stay with the same, like you just drop your mouth. "Uhhh..."

George Lowe: Uhhhh.....

Mike Lazzo: You know, don't keep interrupting with different "Uhhh"s.

George Lowe: I like "Uhhh."

Mike Lazzo: Just try to be that one stupid "Uhhh."

George Lowe: It was my version of the fanfare. (AS SPACE GHOST) Uhhhhhh....uhhhhhh....

C. Martin Croker/Zorak: Uhhhhhhhh....

Jim Fortier/Conan: You know, when you first came on the air, I thought this guy hasn't got a chance.

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Uh-huh.

Jim Fortier/Conan: I mean, no offense...

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Uh-huh.

Jim Fortier/Conan: But you know what I mean? You're from space...

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Huh.

Jim Fortier/Conan: You're a cartoon, and your '60s show really didn't go anywhere.

George Lowe/Space Ghost: It got me a Camaro.

Jim Fortier/Conan: Well, your '60s show wasn't really that great.

George Lowe/Space Ghost: (making car engine noises)

Jim Fortier/Conan: It wasn't very good. (laughing) It wasn't very good.

Dave Willis: Flashback to old Space Ghost episode. Space Ghost has his back to us, shouting.

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Well, Jerry. The jig is up! Up in the air! 'Cause you're going down! All the way down! Not up, where the jig is! Where I said before! Where's the damn camera?

Matt Maiellaro: (makes bird noises)

Dave Willis: Giganto bird swoops in and slams Space Ghost.

Mike Lazzo: Uh, in "Well, Jerry, the jig is up"...

George Lowe: Oh yeah, yeah. I could have gone harder on "Where's the..."

Mike Lazzo: It's "WHERE I SAID BEFORE!"

George Lowe: Okay, so I'm still staying in that.

Mike Lazzo: You're still staying in that.

Matt Maiellaro: Yeah.

George Lowe: 'Cause I thought it was a little confused there.

Mike Lazzo: It's confused on "Where's the damn camera?"

George Lowe: But I'm superhero all the way through.

Mike Lazzo: Exactly.

George Lowe: From top to bottom.



Mike Lazzo: No, that is...now you're confused.

George Lowe: That's I'm..."Where's the damn camera?"

Mike Lazzo: Exactly.

Matt Maiellaro: Yeah, this is a shot from an old Space Ghost show, and you're actually not even facing the audience. You're, you're standing on this mountain and you're like this, looking out.

C. Martin Croker: It's a rock.

Matt Maiellaro: Yeah.

Mike Lazzo: Yeah.

Matt Maiellaro: Oh, it's a rock? Whatever, yeah. Uhh...I thought, uh, Gigantor bird noise was pretty good.

(The group laughs)

Mike Lazzo: Exactly. And you did a great Wookie, by the way.

George Lowe: Thank you, thank you.

Mike Lazzo: We've been sold on Dave's Wookie.

Dave Willis: Back on set.

George Lowe/Space Ghost: They were space monsters, Conan. Not actors.

Jim Fortier/Conan: Yeah, yeah.

George Lowe/Space Ghost: See him over there? Monster.

C. Martin Croker/Zorak: Where? Where's the monster? (laughs) Givin' me the business! (laughs)

Dave Willis: Conan stares at Zorak.

Jim Fortier/Conan: Is it Moltar?

C. Martin Croker/Zorak: It's Wallace.

C. Martin Croker/Moltar: I'm Wallace too!

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Shut up, Moltar. For argument's sake, let's say Zorak was Wallace. Wild Wallace. What would you do?

Jim Fortier/Conan: I think what I'd do at first is I'd hold my arms out like this...

George Lowe/Space Ghost: So you could have a front-row seat, to be right there to be watching them as you see them being ripped off at the sockets?! You fool.

Jim Fortier/Conan: I don't have a weapon.

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Wait, you have a talk show without any weapons?

Jim Fortier/Conan: So always have a weapon?

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Yes.

Jim Fortier/Conan: And what should it do? Should it immobilize people?

George Lowe/Space Ghost: It should destroy everything in a five-click radius, so...yeah, immobilize people.

Jim Fortier/Conan: I'm confused, 'cause there's so many rays. There's a ray that disintegrates people. There's a ray that makes people float.

George Lowe/Space Ghost: And there are some rays I downloaded off the Internet.

Dave Willis: Space Ghost fires the "La Cucaracha" ray and his desk crashes up and down like a low-rider.

(Mark Banker starts playing "La Cucaracha" on the keyboard)

Jim Fortier/Conan: I Iove that ray.

George Lowe/Space Ghost: My neighbor doesn't. So, uh, you've heard of me, right? Space Ghost?

Jim Fortier/Conan: Space Man.

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Space Ghost. (to Mark Banker, still playing "La Cucaracha") Thank you. (back to Conan) You've heard of me, right? Space Ghost?

Jim Fortier/Conan: Space Man. You were a space man who died and became a space ghost.

George Lowe/Space Ghost: I've always been dead, Conan.

Jim Fortier/Conan: I know that you don't want the kids to know that you died (fake crying), but you died, baby! You got to get down with that.

George Lowe/Space Ghost: No!

Jim Fortier/Conan: It's true. Everyone should know this. Space Ghost was a space man who had an embarrassing death.

Dave Willis: Flashback. Space Ghost reaches into his aquarium with an electric shaver.

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Dr. Fishopolis! You need a shave!

Matt Maiellaro: (makes electric explosion noise.)

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Agh! A shave!

Matt Maiellaro: (makes electric explosion noise.)

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Agh! A shave!

Matt Maiellaro: (makes electric explosion noise.)

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Agh!

Dave Willis: Back to set.

C. Martin Croker/Zorak: A shave! (laughs) A shave! (laughs)

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Dr. Fishopolis!!

Mike Lazzo: This Fishopolis thing bothers me back to back like that.

Matt Maiellaro: What if he yelled "No" before it? You're remembering this thing that you made up how you died. Then you come out of this fantasy of how you died.

George Lowe: You're adding "No" there?

Matt Maiellaro: This fish that you've never even owned.

Mike Lazzo: And you're shaving it.

Dave Willis: No! Dr. Fishopolis!

Matt Maiellaro: Yeah, try adding a "No" in front of that.

George Lowe/Space Ghost: No! Dr. Fishopolis!!

Jim Fortier/Conan: Face it, Space Ghost! You're a space man that choked on a muffin!

George Lowe/Space Ghost: No, no. You're thinking of Space Cop.

Jim Fortier/Conan: I saw that on the WB, actually. They'll carry anything. Ha ha ha ha ha!

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Ha ha ha ha ha! Look at my hand, Conan. It's glistening with sweat.

Jim Fortier/Conan: I'm looking at your hand. That's what George Michael said. (laughs) Get it? Because he had that problem?

George Lowe/Space Ghost: (laughs) Laughing is fun!

Matt Maiellaro: Uh, maybe too much there.

Mark Banker: Like, real nonchalant, like, you know, like everybody knows that.

George Lowe: And, and who are you again?

Mark Banker: I'm just Ironside.

George Lowe: I'm sorry, I'm just kidding, Mark, for crying out loud.

Mark Banker: They just bring me in to do it.

George Lowe: Okay.

Mike Lazzo: Okay?

(The group laughs.)

Mike Lazzo: Um, page 6.

George Lowe: He's from the Toronto office. I dreamt I grew a beard of hamburger last night and shaved it off and ate it.

Jim Fortier: Looking at, uh, page 8 at the top, um, "That's what that guy you said earlier said"?

George Lowe: Mm-hmm. You're on where? Now where are we? Where? Where? Where?

Dave Willis: Middle of 8. Or, like, top middle of 8.

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Heh, heh. That's what that guy you said earlier said. Ha ha ha ha ha! Get it?

Jim Fortier/Conan: No.

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Mike Lazzo: You really need to play these as, as they're written.

Jim Fortier: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Mike Lazzo: Listen to how he does it, then you follow kind of laughing...

George Lowe/Space Ghost: That's what that guy you said earlier said! Ha ha ha ha!

Mike Lazzo: Exactly. But I wouldn't go exactly like him.

George Lowe: Well, you just said to go exactly like him.

Mike Lazzo: I know I did, and I was completely wrong.

George Lowe: Okay, then.

Mike Lazzo: I would go "Ha ha ha ha!"

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Ha ha ha ha!

Mike Lazzo: Not exactly mimic him. Ha ha ha.

George Lowe: So what's his laugh like?

Jim Fortier: You were doing that fine. I think you're doing that fine.

(The camera starts to pan up away from the table and pans up toward the ceiling.)

Mike Lazzo: You can give him an A. Write it down.

Jim Fortier: There you go.

George Lowe: Oh, okay. A's are good, please. Dave? Can I get a grade on the paper?

Mike Lazzo: Dave, turn your...more toward the...on page 5...

(The camera holds on a shot of the air vents, the sound from which drowns out the voices from the table. After holding the shot for a few seconds, the camera returns to the table.)

Mike Lazzo: All right, what else? We gotta get back...

Jim Fortier: Page five...

Mike Lazzo: Yeah, immobilize people.

George Lowe: No, I'm not. I'm ignoring you.

Matt Maiellaro: So, yeah, immobilize people. That's more sarcastic.

Dave Willis: Yeah, it's like, "No duh." It's like, "Yeah, immobilize people."

Matt Maiellaro: Exactly.

Jim Fortier: Page 8, page 8, George...

George Lowe: You know, I just had a frightening, like animatronic image of Dave's nipples on the slow-motion thing going deet-deet-deet-deet-deet-deet-deet-deet.

Mike Lazzo: We'll have to see if that happens.

George Lowe: Hey, my paper got wet. (makes train whistle noise)

Dave Willis: A train whistle blows.

George Lowe/Space Ghost: To the mines!

Matt Maiellaro: You do it. (group laughs.)

Dave Willis: Space Ghost, Zorak and Moltar...

George Lowe: I felt like doing a whistle, so let me.

Matt Maiellaro: I do the whistle every time.

George Lowe: I'm sorry, do the whistle.

Matt Maiellaro: (makes train whistle noise)

George Lowe/Space Ghost: To the mines!

Jim Fortier/Conan: Well, Space Ghost, at the end of an interview, it is traditional for the talk show host to say, "Thanks for being here, Conan. This was Conan O'Brien. Check out his show on NBC at 12:35. For all these people know, my show is a cop show on Fox or something.

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Isn't it?

Dave Willis: Isn't it? Just uh...

Mike Lazzo: Yeah.

Dave Willis: "For all these people know, my show is a cop show on Fox or something." You're not even paying attention. You're sort of walking out. "Isn't it?"

George Lowe: I mean, I gave him kind of a knowing, "Isn't it? Isn't it a cop show?"

Dave Willis: It's not like that at all.

George Lowe: No, well, I know. I caught it when I did it, but...

Matt Maiellaro: Just like barely...

George Lowe/Space Ghost: Isn't it?

Matt Maiellaro: You're in a mining car. You're getting ready to go to something else.

George Lowe/Space Ghost: "It isn't?" Can I say, "It isn't?"?


Dave Willis: No.

George Lowe: Okay.

(Group laughs)

Dave Willis: Just say, "Isn't it?"

George Lowe: God no, we wouldn't want to tamper with this, would we?

Dave Willis: Nope.

Mike Lazzo: Any general notes?

Matt Maiellaro: Anybody wondering about the clown?

Mike Lazzo: Credits!

Matt Maiellaro: (makes train whistle noise)

Space Ghost
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
C. Martin Croker
Conan O'Brien
Jim Fortier
Dave Willis
Live Sound Effects
Matt Maiellaro
Mike Lazzo
Musical Fanfare
Mark Banker
Written by
Dave Willis
Jim Fortier
Matt Maiellaro
Mark Banker
Directors of Photography
Dennis Bassarab
Don Bohannon
Wing Ko
Edited by
Michael Cahill
Music by
Chauncy Caufield
"Sane to You" Courtesy MP3.com
Re-Recording Mixer
Roy Clements
Line Producer-Assistant Director
Dominique Perez
Production Manager
Gwen Tedford
Graphics by
Michael Cahill
Joe Donini
Assistant Cameramen
Bret Lanius
Dudley Voll
Mike Kenny
Key Grip
Ashley Sudge
Sound Mixer
Michael Filosa
Inervalometer Operator
George Klein
Storyboard Artist
Matthew Jenkins
Hair/Make-Up Artist
Sheila Haynes
Best Boy
Chris Sorel
Donny Fowler
2nd Grip
Mike Pilcher
Boom Operator
John Gray
Online Editor
Monda Ray
Flame Artist
Andrew Pope
Production Intern
Marcus Johnson
Craft Services
Rita Byers
Coco Loco
Film Stock
Eastman Kodak Co.
Camera Equipment
Cine Photo Tech
Lighting & Grip Equipment
Feature Systems
Film Processing by
Telecine/Transfer Facilities
Electric Transfer
Post Production Facilities
Cartoon Network Productions
Turner Studios
Synch Sound Services
Doppler Studios
Post Sweetening Facilities
SoapBox Studios
Executive Producers
Keith Crofford
Mike Lazzo
Produced & Directed by
Sean Akins

© 1999 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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