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Title:Knifin' Around
Original Air Date:September 1, 2001
Guest Stars:Björk, Thom Yorke

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(Credits roll at start of show, accompanied by Björk's singing)

(Control room; Thom Yorke is on Moltar's monitor)

Thom Yorke: They were old people's sunglasses.

Moltar: Really?

Thom Yorke: Yeah, you can buy them, you can buy them in Dallas airport.

Moltar: Cool.

Thom Yorke: Yeah, and you put them over normal sunglasses.

(Space Ghost enters the control room, holding a CD)

Space Ghost: Moltar, can you make me a hundred copies of this?

Moltar: What is it?

Space Ghost: It's the new Radiohead CD.

Thom Yorke: (stares at Space Ghost from Moltar's monitor)

Space Ghost: (to Moltar) That the guy from Radiohead?

Moltar: Yes.

Thom Yorke: Hello.

Space Ghost: Hey, how's it goin'?

Thom Yorke: (gives SG a "thumbs up" sign)

Space Ghost: Good. Moltar, we'll talk about it later. Hey! What's that? (walks over to a fancy projector-looking machine in the control room)

Moltar: Oh, that's a, uh... what is that? (Loud noise off camera) What!

(Space Ghost is holding Moltar in a head lock)

Space Ghost: (talking quietly to Moltar) Now you listen to me. I could go to jail in Mexico if Thom were to hear that I'm copying his CD. (glances over at Thom, who is watching them) Don't look at me! We're talkin' about dragons. (to Moltar) So you take Thom out to the set while I burn and verify these... (to Thom) these... dragons. (another loud noise as he releases Moltar)

Moltar: You don't know how to work it.

Space Ghost: Moltar, I have a giant brain, that is able to reduce any complex machine into a simple yes or no answer.

Moltar: Okay, but that's not the CD burner...

Space Ghost: (interrupting) Moltar... Yes.

Moltar: (pause) Alright. (walks away)

Thom Yorke: Thank you very very much, Space Ghost, for having me on your show.

Space Ghost: Sure, sure... wanna, wanna see how this works? (he presses a button, the projector machine fires a brief ray, then falls over, explodes and catches fire.)

Thom Yorke: (watches, slack-jawed)

Space Ghost: Twenty. Yes.

(On the set, Moltar walks up to Space Ghost's desk, talking in a lively DJ voice, with funky background music)

Moltar: Oh, yeah! Welcome to the Moltar Show!

Thom Yorke: Thank you very much, Moltar.

Moltar: Thank you very much, Thom Yorke, for sitting next to the man! Of the century! Oh yeah!

Thom Yorke: You're very self-assured, you're very much a 90's man.

Space Ghost: (off screen) Come on! (off screen explosion; music stops; )

(Cut to control room. Projector is still burning, flames are engulfing Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: No! No!

(Cut back to set)

Space Ghost: (off camera) No!

Moltar: That is fascinating! (music starts again) Thom Yorke, you are very very interesting, and very very perceptive!

Thom Yorke: Really..

Moltar: So interesting and so perceptive that I think we will now fight with knives. (a large medieval looking knife pops into his hand; the music changes to a hard rock electric guitar beat)

Zorak: (off camera) Yeah! To the death!

(The flaming projector flies by Space Ghost's desk, and crashes into Zorak's keyboard pod)

Space Ghost: (flies onto set) That thing wasn't a CD burner to begin with. (staring at Moltar holding a knife) What are you doing?

Moltar: (still doing DJ voice) I'm hosting the show!

Space Ghost: With that knife.

Moltar: (in normal voice) Uh... yes.

Space Ghost: Oh really.

Moltar: (clears his throat; knife is now gone. He resumes his DJ voice) Well hey, Thom asked me if he could see my knife, and Thom's doing a song about a knife, and he wanted to see what one looked like. Isn't that right, Thom? (knife reappears in his hand, followed by two guitar notes).

Space Ghost: (to Thom) Is that right?

Thom Yorke: No.

Space Ghost: 'Cause it sounds like a good idea. So do it.

Thom Yorke: (shaking his head) No. (laughs)

Space Ghost: Then I'll do it. (sings in low voice) I'm a kni-i-i-fe. Knifin' aro-o-o-und. Cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut... (walks back and forth on stage, making "cut" sounds)

Thom Yorke: Do you take those, those (motions with his hand)... intelligence drugs?

Space Ghost: (stops) I don't need intelligent drugs, Thom. Because I don't know what they are. Okay, Thom?

Thom Yorke: Yeah.

Space Ghost: But I will put anything into my mouth that is given to me. Whether it's supposed to go there or not. (sits down at his desk) Because... I'm different.

Thom Yorke: (stifles laughter)

Space Ghost: Is that clear with everyone?

Thom Yorke: Very.

Space Ghost: Just different.

Thom Yorke: That's because you're weird. (laughs)

Zorak: (off camera) Whatch y'all doin'?

Thom Yorke: (laughs)

Space Ghost: "Y'all"?

Zorak: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Where'd you learn to talk like that?

Zorak: Hattiesburg.

Space Ghost: What were you doing in Hattiesburg?

Zorak: Kickin' it.

Space Ghost: Oh really.

Zorak: Yep.

Space Ghost: Well, that's interesting.

Zorak: It is interesting.

Space Ghost: Thom, is that interesting?

Thom Yorke: No.

Space Ghost: See, Zorak? We're not interested.

Moltar: (from control room, in his DJ voice, with funky background music) Well, I happen to think that it's very very interesting!

Space Ghost: Moltar... it's over.

Moltar: (make lip buzz sound) Really?

Space Ghost: Yeah.

Moltar: Okay, oh, and your wife's on the phone.

Zorak: Your wife?! (laughs)

Space Ghost: I don't have a wife.

Moltar: She says she's your wife.

Space Ghost: Look, just tell this woman that she's crazy. Just because I'm famous and sexy doesn't mean that someone can just go and marry me the second I leave the room.

Zorak: What room?

Space Ghost: Look, listen everybody... (stands up) please? Listen to me. I have a hit song about a knife... and yes, I'm married. And that is why I want you to hang up right now.

(Thom is zapped off the monitor and replaced with Space Ghost's wife, played by Björk)

Moltar: Thank you, Moltar. (to his wife) Hey, honey, how are you?

Björk: Do you like sulphur?

Space Ghost: Sulphur? Sulphur's my favorite food, you know that. Is that why you called me?

Björk: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Oh great.

Björk: Can I sing in Icelandic?

Space Ghost: Uh, not right now, honey, please, I'm, I'm right in the middle of a, um... giant space war.

Björk: I, I enjoy talking to you.

Space Ghost: Yes, you do, but like I said, this space war, what can I do? Aliens.

Björk: Yeah.

Space Ghost: (waving) Yeah, so, you have to go now.

Björk: Okay.

Space Ghost: Okay. So, I'll talk to you when there's peace. In space.

Björk: (pause) Yeah, and you like salmon or you like trout?

Space Ghost: (pounds his desk) You know what, it doesn't matter. Because I love you so much...

Björk: Yeah?

Space Ghost: ... that it's time for you to go to sleep.

Björk: Okay.

Space Ghost: Because that's what it means to love a woman so much.

Björk: Okay, do you -

Space Ghost: So, you believe what I'm telling you, right?

Björk: Shall I sing to you, or sing to -

Space Ghost: Moltar...

(Moltar switches Thom back to the monitor)

Moltar: You got married?

Space Ghost: Yeah, okay? Everything gets married. Even animals and spiders. And, just because they don't have cakes and suits and wedding parties and expensive rings, doesn't mean that they're not legally, ahem... married.

Moltar: (beat)

Space Ghost: C'mon, fight me.

Zorak: Doesn't seem like you love her.

Space Ghost: (stares at Zorak)

Zorak: (bloonk bloonk)

Space Ghost: Well, love is about compromises, Zorak.

Thom Yorke: That's right.

Space Ghost: Compromising your future to the city council of Bethesda, Maryland. (beat) Cutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcut (scissor noise in background)

Thom Yorke: (nods while Space Ghost "cuts") But...

Space Ghost: Look, marriage is about hiding in the kudzu behind your apartment, and not going in until the lights are completely out.

Moltar: Your wife's on the phone again.

Space Ghost: Uh, tell her I exploded, and tell her it was very sad, and the last thing I said was "make sure my wife moves out of my condo."

Moltar: She says it's an emergency.

Space Ghost: Emergency... patch her through

(Björk replaces Thom on the monitor)

Björk: I have to go to the toilet.

Space Ghost: You remember the difference between the toilet and the sofa, right?

Björk: I think so.

Space Ghost: And remember how angry I got.

Björk: It smells like.. bad eggs.

Space Ghost: Because that's what happens when you boil the cushions of the couch you'd been urinating on.

Björk: Yeah'm?

Space Ghost: Oh oh, and, as long as I've got you here, (does his power band move) tell that French DJ Tricky to move out.

Björk: What's his name again?

Space Ghost: I don't know, he's your damned friend.

Björk: And I would love to introduce you to him.

Space Ghost: I've met him. He's living on our couch, with the urine. And tell him to stop letting in strangers to listen to his new beats.

Björk: It makes all the children happy.

Space Ghost: (in low voice) Honey, those aren't children, they're packets of cream cheese.

Björk: Sometimes I can't separate between the two, do you know that?

Space Ghost: Yeah. I.. wish I'd known that when we were just dating.

Björk: You have a mask, has anyone told you?

Space Ghost: Uh, honey? I buried a present for you out in the yard.

Björk: Yeah'm?

Space Ghost: Yeah. Why don't you go dig it up?

Björk: Kannski ... sleikja á þér tærnar stundum? (translation: Maybe ... lick your toes sometimes?)

Space Ghost: Yeah... well, I'll tell him you said that.

(Thom replaces Björk on the monitor)

Zorak: Hey, um... what'd you bury?

Space Ghost: Her mother.

Zorak: Cool.

Space Ghost: No, Zorak, it's just a bagel, she started calling "mother".

Thom Yorke: (motions with mug, as in making a toast) Here's to getting hitched, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: (raises his mug) Yeah. Let's drink until our hearts stop.

(Space Ghost, Zorak and Thom drink from their mugs, Moltar drinks from his cup through a straw. Space Ghost drinks for a long time, leaning backward. He takes a breath, then continues drinking)

Zorak: Cool... well look, I've got a friend comin' by in about five minutes, so, uh... I gotta skate.

Space Ghost: What are y'all gonna do?

Zorak: I think we're gonna smash lightbulbs out by the dumpster.

Space Ghost: Really? I'm gonna go with you.

Zorak: Well... (sighs) You can't. You're not my friend.

Space Ghost: We have things in common. Er, your dad's still big into those trains, for instance?

Zorak: No.

Space Ghost: Well... what's he big into now?

Zorak: Look, when my friend gets here, why don't you just go fly around or, hide or somethin'? I don't know, go to the kitchen.

Space Ghost: I'm coming with you.

Zorak: No you're not!

Space Ghost: Then you're not going anywhere!

Thom Yorke: You've got a, you've got a... (makes a circular motion around his nose and mouth)

Space Ghost: What, Thom?

Thom Yorke: (makes motion again) What's that?

Space Ghost: (sighs)

Thom Yorke: (motions again) This thing here.

Space Ghost: (impatiently) It's a mouth, Thom.

Thom Yorke: Well, anyway...

Zorak: My friend's here, see you later!

Space Ghost: (shouting) What did I just tell you earlier?

Zorak: (quietly) He's here!

Space Ghost: (quietly) Oh, sorry man. (ducks down behind his desk)

Moltar: Hey, your wife's on the phone again.

(Björk replaces Thom on the monitor)

Space Ghost: (quietly) Are they gone?

Björk: Yeah, do you get along with them?

Space Ghost: (sits up again) What, are you kidding, they're my best friends! That's why I married you, so I wouldn't have them anymore.

Björk: Yeah, thanks for inviting me.

Space Ghost: You're welcome, I didn't. Hey honey, I really wanna go outside and smash glass with my mantis friend Zorak, okay?

Björk: What's his name again?

Space Ghost: Zorak, you know, he, he's my buddy from work?

Björk: Well, maybe you should stay indoors.

Space Ghost: Look, I need this. For me. I feel like I'm in jail here!

Björk: I seem to, um, get the picture. If you know what I mean.

Space Ghost: Well, I know what you mean. (makes power band move) What exactly do you mean?

Björk: Um... enjoy, uh, refreshing time.

Space Ghost: Enjoy refreshing what?

Björk: Time.

Space Ghost: Fine, I will. And don't count on us ever getting married again.

(Thom replaces Björk on the monitor)

Moltar: So, are you goin'?

Space Ghost: No, she'd kill me.

Thom Yorke: (clears his throat, and holds up a black piece of yarn)

Space Ghost: Whatdya got there, Thom?

Thom Yorke: It's a worm.

Space Ghost: (whispering) Ah, god...

Moltar: Your wife's on the phone again.

Space Ghost: Oh, you can just tell her that I'll be home no later than eight.

(Björk replaces Thom on the monitor, now sporting red hair and a different outfit)

Space Ghost: Hey, honey!

Björk: (laughs)

Space Ghost: You're different!

Björk: Yeah, just for a while.

Space Ghost: Uh huh. Look, honey, craziest thing, heh heh. Another space war, if you can believe that, and it's.. out by the.. dumpster, uh...

Björk: Yeah?

Space Ghost: Hopefully this will mean peace. But there's someone here who would love to listen to your mouth.

Björk: Who's that?

Space Ghost: His name is Moltar.

Moltar: (growls)

Space Ghost: Get down here, Moltar. (to Björk) He wants to ask you every little thing you know about ice.

Moltar: (walks toward Space Ghost's desk) No I don't.

Space Ghost: Yes you do.

Moltar: No, I don't!

Space Ghost: Yes, you do. (aims his powerband, poised to fire)

Moltar: (pause) Yes I do.

Björk: I know quite a lot about things like that because I come from Iceland, which is a tiny place with only 280,000 people...

(Space Ghost flies off while Björk talks)

Moltar: (disinterested) Oh really.

(Space Ghost is by the dumpster, Zorak is sitting nearby)

Space Ghost: Where's all the glass?

Zorak: Eh... broke it all. I feel empty.

Space Ghost: Well, here's some boxes. Let's break those down so that they'll store properly.

Zorak: That's boring!

Space Ghost: You don't know from fun. This is responsible!

Zorak: I need what you have. (quietly) I need a woman.

(Sound of a cell phone ringing. Space Ghost's chest phone is blinking)

Space Ghost: Hang, hang on.

Zorak: So that I can sell her organs to Black Sabbath.

Space Ghost: Zorak, please.

Zorak: Make me some money.

Space Ghost: (to his phone) Space Ghost's chest phone.

Zorak: You hear what I said?!

Björk: (over the phone) I have to say I'm a great fan of triangles.

Space Ghost: Well, I have to say that I am a great fan of Chuck Norris, and he was in the Delta Force, and the delta was a triangle.

Björk: The one that came up when I was eleven.

Space Ghost: Yeah! You know honey, all this talk about Chuck is making me want to get married all over again.

Björk: Yeah?

Space Ghost: Because at the Beta Barn, you get 20% off for each marriage.

Björk: (long pause) And what's your name again?

(Space Ghost is now standing on a hill, overlooking Budapest, Hungary. His monitor is there with Björk on it. Organ music plays)

Minister: In sickness and in health, until death do you part?

Björk: Yeah.

Minister: And do you, Space Ghost, take this woman...

Space Ghost: (punches monitor, it flies out of view) Oh no. (pause)

Zorak: (enters from off screen and punches Space Ghost, knocking him down. Moltar is standing next to him) Oh no!

Moltar: (chuckles) Oh no! (reaches with his arm)

Zorak: Don't.

(Ghost Planet Industries logo is shown, with a drum roll, followed by a 'plink', and the skull & crossbones logo)




Written by
Matt Maiellaro
Dave Willis
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Dave Willis
Offline Edit
Ned Hastings
Jay Edwards
Online Edit
Bob Woodhead
Line Producer
Vishal Roney
Re-recording Mixer
Roy Clements
Production Assistant
John Brestan
Supervising Producer
Dave Willis
Executive Producers
Keith Crofford
Mike Lazzo

© 2001 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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