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(Tenacious D appear in the monitor. The both smile and nod at Zorak.)

Jack Black (JB):

'Sup, Zorak?

Zorak (Z):

My dinner.

(Zorak vomits a chunky green substance past the monitor where Jack Black looks amazed and also onto his keyboard pod.)

Z:

Write a song about that!

Kyle Gass (KG):

(somewhat agitated) Alright, let's do it, fine.

Z:

That's right you'll do it. 'Cause I said it. Zorak.

(Tenacious D start playing the intro to "Explosivo")

Z:

(over Tenacious D's song) Wait. What is this? Heh, this ain't cuttin' it.

JB:

What's the name of the song?

Tenacious D (TD):

EXPLOSIVO!

JB:

Don't know what it's about, but it's good to go
What's the name of my-

Z:

(over Jack's singing) No, no, no, no, no, stop!

(Tenacious D stop playing)

Z:

Explosivo? What's that mean? You're fat?!

JB:

It becomes an evil word, if you say it low. (in a low voice) Explosivo.

Z:

Naw, man, that ain't gonna make any money.

KG:

(sounding disappointed) I know.

Z:

Check this out.

(Zorak jumps out from inside his pod with what looks like a Purple Colored Gibson Brand Flying V Style guitar)

Z:

1 - 2 - 3 - 4

(Zorak starts playing. Flames erupt from nowhere around the guitar and some lights come from the ceiling)

Z:

(while playing) Explosivo!

(Zorak keeps playing. Flames continue to erupt, and grow into small explosions, Moltar comes onto the bandstand from presumably the set)

Z:

(while playing) Explosivo!

(Jack Black moves his fingers like he's hammering on and pulling off his fingers on the frets of a guitar, and guitar sound effects seem to agree)

Z:

(while playing) Explosivo!

(A giant goat's head starts to lower from the ceiling. The top of the goat's head is on fire as is its chin, and flames also erupt from its nostrils)

Z:

(while playing) Yes!

(Zorak stops playing)

Z:

Yes!

JB:

We should get a big evil puppet behind us, in, uh, concert man?

KG:

(laughs)

JB:

Big evil puppet comes down?

Moltar (M):

Shyeah, man, and he's totally allergic to pollen.

JB:

(sarcastically) Yeah.

KG:

(pretending to agree) Yeah, maybe.

M:

(obviously making it up as he goes along) And he's got these big... like... oven mitts, or somethin', man.

JB:

(looks at Moltar in disappointment and shakes head) That's not evil.

M:

(still making it up as he goes along) Yeah it is! 'Cause he's bakin' in, in the kitchen of darkness. A pie of, of lost souls, until it's, it's golden brown.

(Tenacious D look at each other)

Z:

Pff. Golden brown?

M:

Yeah. But, but, but you can't eat it, even though you want to, you gotta let it cool off on the window.

(Tenacious D look at each other again)

M:

The, the windowsill to... TO HELL!

KG:

Are you goin' off the script?

Z:

Look, you guys need to spew more blood. For Satan. He likes that.

(Tenacious D look at each other)

Z:

But you don't want to puke out your own blood, you understand, 'cause your gonna need those nutrients to perform the encore.

KG:

Of course. (gives a confused look)

Z:

So you're gonna need the blood of another. Somebody else. Now check this out. Hand me the goat.

M:

(holding a goat) This goat?

Z:

Thanks, I appreciate it.

(Space Ghost drops into his desk. The upper right corner is on fire.)

Space Ghost (SG):

Sorry I'm late, have I missed anything?

Z:

(holding the goat, which baas constantly) Uh, no.

JB:

Nah!

KG:

Heh!

SG:

Well what are you doing with that goat?

Z:

Heh, I don't know? Milkin' it?

SG:

Moltar?

(Moltar looks at Zorak and then looks back at Space Ghost)

M:

Looks like he's milkin' it.

JB:

That was, uh, a lie.

SG:

How many times have I told you not to hang that giant beast head from the light grid? Take it home. Put it in your own house. It smells horrible.

Z:

Okay. I promise.

(beat)

SG:

No you don't!

Z:

Look, Satan is supposed to come pick it up.

M:

Shyeah, man, we're doin' it for Satan.

SG:

Satan. Did I meet him? At, at the open house?

M:

Yeah, he was the guy, that was tryin' to get you to- kill that girl.

Z:

Yeah, you know, with the necktie. And, uh, crown made of femurs.

SG:

Uh, I don't remember him.

Z:

Maybe you didn't see him. Your eyes were all rolled back in your head.

M:

Yeah, man, and you kept sayin' "Satan, daddy, satan!"

SG:

Femurs?

M:

Uh, Space Ghost, come in here, let me show you.

(Space Ghost goes into the control room. Moltar pulls the lever and the monitor switches from Tenacious D to a red-painted handpuppet, with fake eyes [ala Cookie Monster], horns, and teeth. "Evil" music starts playing [the same music they played when Space Ghost went around eating everybody in "Curses], and there are flames in the monitor as well. Handpuppet starts chomping teeth with chomping sound effects.)

M:

Whoa! Oh, okay, see, there he is, that's Damien.

(The fake teeth fall out of the hand puppet's mouth. The handpuppet looks down at the teeth and then back up at the monitor.)

M:

Uh, as a baby.

(back on the set)

Z:

(still holding the goat, which is still baahing) I'll show ya! I'll show all o' ya!

JB:

Show us.

(Zorak starts to swallow the goat whole, very much like a snake, only much faster)

KG:

Whoa! Whoa! Okay! Okay!

(Space Ghost drops into his desk, which is no longer on fire)

SG:

Look Zorak, I just watched all four "Omen" movies, including the crappy third one where he was president. (pounds fist)

(beat)

(Zorak spits out the goat. His eyes roll back into his head. He starts talking backwards with the same "evil" music playing as was in the control room with the handpuppet. Zorak starts saying something that sounds thoroughly demonic, although when played backward, reveals something to the effect of "Watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Thursdays and Sundays at Nine." During this period Space Ghost looks shocked and Tenacious D look at each other and smile)

SG:

What's that mean?

KG:

Uh, it means "Up your ass!"

(Jack looks at Kyle)

JB:

(disapprovingly) Dude!

(Space Ghost laughs)

SG:

That old wive's tale? Kyle, asses don't exist. Everyone knows that.

Z:

Yeah, where'd ya learn that? Batman Fantasy Camp?

SG:

I never went there!

M:

Hey Zorak, get out the diary! (laughs)

Z:

(reading from the diary) "Dear Bat-diary-

SG:

(embarassed) Zorak...

Z:

-another Bat-tacular day at Camp Batman."

SG:

(embarassed and agitated) Put it away.

Z:

"Today we looked after Alfred's older sister and made sure she didn't swallow her own tongue."

(Tenacious D both laugh hysterically)

Z:

"Haven't gotten to meet Batman yet. So far everyone seems old and in need of care."

(Zorak and Moltar crack up)

SG:

You stole that out of my Bat-locker! (pounds fist on desk)

KG:

Is that why you look like Batman?

SG:

I never went there, Kyle.

KG:

'Cause you look like Batman, dude.

SG:

(annoyed) I have ears, Batman doesn't.

Z:

No you don't!

M:

Batman has ears!

(beat)

SG:

Yeah. Batman does, but Space Ghost doesn't, and there's the key difference.

Z:

Because you're deformed.

SG:

Because I was bitten by a radioactive spider, Zorak! The kind that didn't care for ears.

JB:

You see, he looks for the sensitive spot, and then he- (motions with his hand like somebody poking at something with a fork)

KG:

Why would that be a sensitive spot?

JB:

Uh, it just seemed like a sensitive spot, there was a shifting and a...

KG:

Alright!

SG:

But that is how I got my superpowers

(Tenacious D look at each other and then at Space Ghost)

SG:

It is.

JB:

Where's Crack?

KG:

Where's Krakow?

SG:

Oh, you talkin' about Brak? Don't. He's dead to me.

TD:

(collectively) Oooh!

SG:

So's his sitcom, which apparently is extremely popular.

KG:

Phew, ouch.

JB:

Touchy subject.

SG:

People are stupid.

(Kyle clears his throat)

JB:

Was that a spinoff?

SG:

More like runoff. From a waste pump.

Z:

It's actually quite successful.

JB:

Sweet for Brak.

KG:

Mmm hmm.

Z:

Yeah, I'm hopin' it'll even my own show. My show's not a comedy, it's a horredy. It's called Blood Dumpster.

SG:

Your pilot gave me nightmares! This is 22 minutes of a guy running down a tunnel.

JB:

This is a show?

Z:

Yes.

SG:

And what's with your character, the guy with the blades? What's that?

Z:

The dumpsterkeeper.

SG:

Who's gonna identify with the "dumpsterkeeper"? I mean, maybe if he were in a motorized wheelchair you'd have some sense of sympathy for him.

Z:

Well, it tested well.

(beat)

Z:

I mean really well.

SG:

Brak is nothing without me. If it weren't for me he'd still be doing his show which he's doing now without me.

KG:

Can we meet him, is he here?

SG:

Why do you want to meet him? He's probably drunk.

JB:

(looks surprise) Really?

SG:

Oh sure, everyone thinks he's cute on the outside. But on the inside, heh, his organs are buoys, bouncing around on a sea of gin.

JB:

Is that true?

SG:

Oh yeah.

(We now go to Space Ghost as seen on Brak's TV)

SG:

Whadda ya think of that, children?

Brak (B):

What?

(we now go back to the set. Tenacious D are playing with some props)

SG:

You know, my feelings are so much deeper and more complex than Brak. I mean, I love more than beans, let's just say that. I love... bicycles. And there's, there's way more that goes into that.

KG:

Well, is, is your bicycle special? I don't understand.

(Space Ghost pounds fist on desk)

SG:

Well yeah, it's special. My dad threw it at me every chance he got.

(Tenacious D collectively groan)

SG:

That's why I started sleepin' in the trees. He couldn't throw it that high.

JB:

Where you goin', Rich?

KG:

I just, I just had to get some coffee.

SG:

Hey! Sing a song about my bicycle! But... none of that stuff about my dad, and sleeping in trees, and having to eat walnuts and bark for nourishment... and of course being called Tree Wizard in school.

JB:

Do you have some chords?

KG:

(annoyed) Yes, I've got some chords. (starts playing his guitar)

JB:

(singing) Space Ghost and his bicycle. Much better than just a tricycle. Why doesn't he have rocketcycle? Heyyyyyyy! Argggh!!!!

KG:

(stops playing)

SG:

Rocketcycle? Well I'll tell you why I don't have a rocketcycle. They don't exist. Now keep going.

JB:

That's it.

KG:

That's it.

SG:

No, that's NOT it. Sing something about how my thighs, and, uh, how they've developed from riding the bicycle.

KG:

(clears his throat) Alright, verse two. (starts playing again)

JB:

(singing) He rides it all around. Inside his ship. He doesn't go outside his freakin' ship, oh!

SG:

(singing) With his monkey Blip.

JB:

(no longer singing) Stop.

KG:

(stops playing)

SG:

(singing) Doin' lots of flips. Then I start to strip.

(Jack and Kyle look at each other and then at Space Ghost)

SG:

(no longer singing) Hold on. Wait a minute!

JB:

Whoops.

SG:

Your song made me sing horrible things! Do another song and do it right.

KG:

Which one would you like to hear?

SG:

Anything by Jim Croce.

JB:

Well, it's kind of a short one.

SG:

You give me the long one!

JB:

Naw, do the long one.

SG:

Zorak, get the candles. Set the mood.

JB:

This isn't gonna be allowed on.

SG:

Oh yes it is!

M:

No, it's not, man. Some lawyer just called from the label. We can't clear the song.

SG:

What?! No lawyer's gonna tell Space Ghost what to do. Kyle, Jack? You do your most famous song and make SURE it's from your latest album.

(Kyle starts playing)

JB:

(singing) You don't always have to...

(Tenacious D's song, "F*** Her Gently", is replaced by someone playing guitar and singing "Good King Wenceslas" badly. Video cuts to slow motion action scenes from the original Space Ghost cartoon. It cuts back to the set, with Tenacious D still playing.)

SG:

(singing over the song) Time in a bottle!

(The song resumes, and video continues to go back and forth from the set to slow motion action scenes from the original Space Ghost cartoon)

All (A):

(singing collectively) Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrd!

(Kyle plays one final chord and Jack exhales)

Z:

That was very pretty.

KG:

Thank you, Zorak.

SG:

Yes it was pretty. I've never heard it live. That totally rocked.

M:

Hey, uh, Space Ghost? Some guy up here wants to see ya.

(Space Ghost invisos into control room)

M:

Space Ghost, say "hey" to Satan.

(We now see "Satan" in the corner, and he looks very much like an eight foot tall Yogi Bear with a crown of bones [femurs] on his head. Aforementioned "evil" music starts playing.)

M:

Satan, Space Ghost.

SG:

Hello.

Satan (S):

Come closer to me.

M:

Go on, man.

S:

Closer.

(Space Ghost inches closer to Satan nervously as Satan breathes heavily)

M:

Go on, go on.

SG:

You here to kill me?

S:

(looking angry) Now you listen to me. I'm here to get you on a sitcom. You want to get on a sitcom, right?

SG:

Can you get me on the Brak Show?

S:

(now smiling) They have already cast that one. But I've got some connections with this other show. It'll cost you. Dearly.

SG:

How much?

S:

You'll see. (evil laughter)

(We now go to a live action shot of a dumpster, with "I Dream of Genie" type music playing. The title "Blood Dumpster" appears on the right side of the screen. Zorak's head pops out of the dumpster to canned laughter. It now changes to another dumpster, where Zorak's head also pops up, with the word "Starring" replacing "Blood Dumpster. It changes to another dumpster, where Zorak's head pops out of yet again, and the word "Starring" is replaced with "Zorak". Now we cut to Space Ghost at the entrance of a large drainage pipe with a dumpster at the end.)

SG:

Wait, what's my motivation?

(Zorak pops out of the dumpster in a motorized wheelchair with a scythe in hand and with several blades spinning rapidly on his shoulders, knees, elbows, and hands.)

Z:

Gabba gabba go, neighbor!

SG:

(running away) Oh no!

© 2001 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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