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Title:Baffler Meal
Original Air Date:December 31, 2002
Guest Star:Willie Nelson

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed

(Space Ghost's set. As the camera zooms back, we see a "Master Shake" with a silly grin in front of the desk. Space Ghost invisos in.)

Zorak: (off camera) Ooga booga.

(Zorak is wearing a jungle mask)

Space Ghost: Zorak, take off the mask.

Zorak: (beat) What mask?

Space Ghost: (with emphasis) You know. What mask. I'm talking about.

Zorak: (beat) No I don't.

Space Ghost: Yes you do, you're wearing it right now!

Zorak: (beat) No I'm not. (Jumps out his keyboard pod)

Space Ghost: (shouting) Come back here, you godforsaken mantis! (runs after Zorak)

Zorak: (evil laughter)

(Master Shake shuffles forward, no longer grinning)

Space Ghost: (off camera) You DO have a mask!

Master Shake: Shake power activate!

Space Ghost: (holding Zorak) Alright! Um... Mister Shake is here...

Master Shake: MASTER Shake. Master is my name, and thirst is what I tame.

Zorak: What is that, and what's it doing here?

(music swells in background)

Master Shake: I am dethirstifying the perimeter!

Space Ghost: Uh, yeah, Zorak, obviously.

Master Shake: Aqua Teen Hunger Force, assemble.

(Frylock descends from ceiling above the bandstand)

Frylock: Frylock, the hunger hater 'tater.

(Meatwad descends from ceiling in control room, next to Moltar)

Meatwad: Meatwad, ball of compressed meat. The bun is in your mind.

Master Shake: And together we are.. (in unison)

All: Aqua Teen Hunger Force!

Meatwad: The bun is in your mind.

Master Shake: Meatwad, stand down!

Meatwad: But it is, it's in your mind.

(Zorak is no longer wearing the mask)

Zorak: What's with the stupid food puppets?

Space Ghost: Zorak, they're a delicious meal, from Burger Trench.

Moltar: Burger Trench? I found a bone in my shake there.

Space Ghost: Mmm mmm!

Moltar: No, man. It was human.

Space Ghost: Oh...

Zorak: And my dipping sauce had ticks in it.

Master Shake: The mantis mocks our mission! (Leaps onto Space Ghost's desk) We battle hunger with nutritious salt and oil-based weapons.

Space Ghost: Yeah, Zorak, that's what they do.

Master Shake: And that's what you do from now on.

Space Ghost: Uh... sure, man, whatever.

Master Shake: Not "whatever", forever!

Space Ghost: Just.. get down from my desk, would ya?

Master Shake: Frylock, cast your potato magic, I sense hungry teens!

Frylock: (shouts) I can use the amulet of Ayahockalise!

(Zorak is standing on an amulet)

Frylock: (to Zorak) Could you get off that amulet please, I sense, I need to sense hungry teens with it.

Zorak: I'm butterin' it.

Frylock: With your, with your foot on it, it's really messin' me up.

Zorak: With foot sweat.

Frylock: (shouts) I can't get to it, please get off of it!

Space Ghost: Zorak, get off the man's.. thing.

Master Shake: Frylock, unsheath your edible blade (pronounces it "blahde").

Frylock: (pulls out a blade, which looks like a french fry) Stand aside, insect, or I shall strike you down, with my battered wedge forged in corn oil.

Zorak: Gimme that! (grabs Frylock's "blade" and eats it)

Frylock: (shouts) Master Shake, he ate the fry sword!

Master Shake: Then we have ourselves a tasty little problem then, don't we? (Jumps down from the desk) Don't we!

Space Ghost: Okay Zorak, we're all a team now.

Master Shake: An Aqua Team.

Space Ghost: And there's no "I" in team.

Zorak: But there is an "A". In team.

Space Ghost: (Beat) Right, which means, probably, partially whatever you do should.. be okay.

Master Shake: No, never! Your mantis is violating the contract.

Moltar: Alright, I'm lost. What contract? What are we talkin' about?

Master Shake: Enjoying your houseboat? Mmm?

Space Ghost: (quietly) Uh, would you mind not just bringing that up right now?

Master Shake: (loudly) No! Let's talk about it! Loudly.

Moltar: So THAT'S how you got that houseboat! (Cut to shot of exterior of Ghost Planet Industries building; a houseboat is floating outside)

Zorak: You sold us out for promotional considerations!

Moltar: And a houseboat!

Space Ghost: I didn't sell you out for a hou-

Meatwad: (in Space Ghost's mind) The bun is in your mind!

Space Ghost: (beat) I also received two cool speakers.

Zorak: (wide-eyed) Are they surround sound?

Space Ghost: Well...

Master Shake: "It." Is "it" surround sound. And no, "it" is not.

Space Ghost: Whoa. Hold on a second. There's only one?

Master Shake: You will receive the second speaker upon the elimination of all hunger.

Zorak: You sold us out!

Moltar: For a crummy houseboat.

Space Ghost: And one serious speaker! Look, guys, we're still doin' the show. We're just takin' it in a new direction, that's all.

Master Shake: Yes, a delicious direction!

Frylock: At least directly to Burger Trench.

Master Shake: Now with three convenient locations.

(Space Ghost invisos to his desk)

Master Shake: That was good. *I* want to turn invisible, and I want jets.

Space Ghost: Look, let's just get the guest out here, okay?

Master Shake: (moving between SG and the camera) Yes! Bring forth the guest.

(In the control room)

Moltar: What do you do? You, you fight hunger, or, is hunger your villain, or...

Meatwad: Master Shake is the almighty frozen drink.

Moltar: Yeah, forget about that guy for a second.

Master Shake: (shuffles into control room) What is going on in here? We fight hunger and that is all you need to know, lever man. To us, you are very small. We are huge, lever man.

Space Ghost: Lever man, don't mess this up for me.

Moltar: Mess what up?

Master Shake: Oh! Someone doesn't know about the...

Space Ghost: No, Master Shake...

Master Shake: ... limited edition collector's cup deal.

Space Ghost: Oh, no, no! Hey, Master Shake, we...

Master Shake: Collect all four! From the entire Space Ghost gang. Space Ghost, Zorak, Brak and ...

Moltar: (waits expectantly)

Master Shake: ... the NASCAR driver Rusty Wallace.

Moltar: (shouts) Where's my cup!!

Space Ghost: Moltar, uh... how can I put this? (sighs) You scare children.

Moltar: I'm the only one that wears a cup.

Space Ghost: True... but you wear it in a bad place. And, you never rinse it properly.

Moltar: How would you know?

Space Ghost: Because I drank from it. And believe me, it smells, buster.

Master Shake: The Moltar cup didn't test well. It's yucky. Children didn't want to put their lips to it.

Space Ghost: Yeah. So send Willie out here.

Master Shake: Do it, lever man. You know I'm the master. (shuffles out of the control room).

(At the bandstand, Frylock is missing an eye)

Frylock: (screams) Master, he took my eye!

Space Ghost: Why would you do that, Zorak? (piano music begins in background) Just because he doesn't look like you?

Zorak: Yeah, that's a reason.

Space Ghost: Well, just because someone's different, doesn't give you the right to remove their face with your mouth. Your filthy, green mouth that is so odd and jagged. Y'know, sometimes I wonder...

Colonial Man: (in Space Ghost's mind) Between two steamed buns!

Space Ghost: Wait a minute. (blood runs from his nose under his mask)

(The voice laughs; Willie Nelson is on the monitor, and momentarily morphs into Colonial Man, who is laughing, then morphs back to Willie)

Space Ghost: (blasts Zorak with his power bands) (chuckles) Been a while since you had one of those, hasn't it? Hee hee hee..

Willie Nelson: Hello.

Space Ghost: Up the chain, Willie.

Master Shake: (moves between Space Ghost and the camera) Greetings, alien. I am Master Shake.

Willie Nelson: Where d'you get them clothes? (sips from his mug)

Master Shake: This is a cup, which contains my chocolate inner being.

Space Ghost: (peeks from behind Shake) Hey. Hey! I'm doing the interview here.

Willie Nelson: (laughs)

Space Ghost: Willie, this is a cup, which contains my chocolate inner being.

Willie Nelson: Hey, there you go, who do you fight?

Master Shake: (on Space Ghost's desk) Go ahead, Ghost, tell him what you fight.

Space Ghost: Um... I, fight hunger, Willie.

Master Shake: Louder! Be proud of what we make you do!

Willie Nelson: (laughs) Crime down these days?

Master Shake: (shuffles toward camera) It's a crime not to pick up a Master Shake! Now in artificial flavors somewhat similar to strawberry. We have a commercial which depicts this crime, perhaps you've seen it. But I'll describe it for you.

(In the control room, Meatwad talks to Moltar, while Shake continues to talk on the set.)

Meatwad: See, I'm the pieces of meat that weren't good enough to make the hamburger.

Moltar: Well, how do people even hold you?

Meatwad: Well, you know, the bun? See, that's in your mind. So they gotta use bare hands.

Moltar: God!

Meatwad: Yeah, they're gonna rip out my eyes and thread an easy-grip handle through the holes. Please, God, kill me.

(Back on the set, Master Shake continues his story.)

Master Shake: Then they go to a Burger Trench and order one of my shakes, because they cannot fight the hunger inside. It imprisons them. You can tell that they are burglars because they wear masks over their eyes and they have striped suites. Then we show them being arrested. The ad is long...

Space Ghost: Willie...

Master Shake: ... and it is in surround sound.

Willie Nelson: What planet are you from?

Master Shake: The planet of flavor.

Space Ghost: Willie! Hey, Willie!

Willie Nelson: Hey, how ya doin', Tex?

Space Ghost: I'm the host of the show. Not the cup.

Master Shake: Over here! Look at me! Initiate hunger imagery!

(We are treated to hunger imagery, consisting of video clips of a rotating burger on a background of fries, a scary guy, more fries, subliminal text saying "EAT", a bat chasing a burger, and a bearded guy eating a hot dog smothered in catsup)

(Moltar throws the lever, the imagery continues in the background while Space Ghost speaks)

Space Ghost: Look, when we first talked, we said that you would be running through occasionally with your food friends.

Master Shake: That is correct, because we are action heroes, and running is action. (runs to center screen) Mommas, let your babies grow up to drink Master Shakes. Willie, get on the road again, for a kid's Baffler Meal.

Space Ghost: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! This is outside the scope of what we talked about.

(In the control room)

Master Shake: (On Moltar's monitor) I am always on your mind.

Meatwad: The bun is IN your mind.

Master Shake: Oh, sweet delight! Meatwad has spoken again. Yes, keep chanting that ad line, Meatwad. How about this one: Reward yourself by eating a wad of decayed meat with an oasis of greasy honey mustard filling -

Space Ghost: Will you just shut up for three seconds!

(Master Shake shuts up, and the background hunger imagery and rock music stop)

Master Shake: (after silence of approximately three seconds) Yes, silence is golden.

Frylock: Like my delicious golden fries!

Master Shake: They come with a kid's Baffler Meal. Baffle yourself with flavor.

Space Ghost: Okay, we heard you!

Master Shake: (Beat) They haven't heard what the box is -

Space Ghost: What? What is it? What is the box? Please, tell us what it is, because you're gonna do it anyway, tell us all about the box, please.

Master Shake: (looking down) It's a maze and coloring book.

Space Ghost: Well, thank God!

Master Shake: (shuffling off stage) I guess we know who doesn't want a house boat.

Space Ghost: I- I- I.. well, come on, I didn't mean that.

Master Shake: Oh, you sure yelled it loud enough.

Space Ghost: (contrite) Please don't take away Proud Larry.

Master Shake: (shuffles back on stage) Then pronounce your love for me.

Space Ghost: Y'know, this, this wasn't part of the deal.

Master Shake: Bow down, and I will dominate you. That's the deal.

Space Ghost: Now hold on, Master Shake.

Master Shake: Is it clear who's in charge in here?

Frylock: Hail, Master Shake! Warrior of the Night!

Space Ghost: (in overacting voice) You need to chill out, and shut your lid, cup! Or else it'll be time to shake it up! (Beat) And the drinks are on me. (Beat) 'Cause I'm... tired of milkin' this shake. (Beat) And there's no... free refills this time.

Zorak: (nods)

Space Ghost: Excuse me, ma'am, but the machine seems to be out of ice, and... I just purchased this. (Aims his power bands at Master Shake)

Master Shake: (looks down, silently)

Space Ghost: Let me... let me rework this. (flys off, then returns) (Long pause) (He pushes Master Shake over, whose lid pops off, and chocolate shake spills onto the floor)

Master Shake: You have stopped the flavor!

Space Ghost: Yes, I did! Because I don't even have a boating license! I suppose I could get one. (looks toward Frylock) But still!

Frylock: Look, just chill out. Don't shoot. Don't shoot, please. Really, I'm just a ...

Space Ghost: Time to have some refried fries, fry man! (aims his power bands)

Frylock: ... this is a rented suit! (gets blasted by Space Ghost, and disappears in a cloud of smoke)

Moltar: (looking like Meatwad) The bun is in your mind.

Space Ghost: Meatwad! Meat dead? Make dead meat more like it! (aims his power bands)

Moltar: (talking fast) No wait, don't shoot, don't shoot, it's me, Moltar! (laughs)

Space Ghost: (lowers his power bands)

Moltar: No, see, uh, he was beggin' to die, so I mangled him, ate him, and put on his skin as a joke. (laughs nervously). Eh?

Space Ghost: And you're wondering why you didn't get the cup with your little face on it.

Master Shake: (wails, closes his eyes). I'm dead.

Zorak: I guess that's the end of your little-

Master Shake: (opens his eyes) Oh wait. Before I ascend into heaven free of all sin, I have a few other thoughts I'd like to share.

Space Ghost: (pounds his fist on his desk)

Master Shake: Since I will no longer be working in television, which will sadden advertisers, and prevent me from appearing with Guns N' Roses, at Phillips First Union Center in January, Yep, because I'll be dead. (Beat) I think I said that earlier. So, to summarize... classic rock will be forever changed.

Space Ghost: Oh no.

Master Shake: And I'm making a movie with Axl Rose. It starts off in the desert...

Space Ghost: Quickly, to the house boat! (flies off)

Master Shake: ... where we are both hungry, and scorpions roam the earth.

(Space Ghost, Zorak and Moltar are in the house boat, which is moving forward with a putt-putting sound)

Space Ghost: Everybody buckled in? (Beat) To the club! (flies off)

(At a dance club, Space Ghost is met by a guy at the door wearing a "SECURITY" t-shirt)

Space Ghost: Four dollars? For what?

(Colonial Man and his band are on stage; the band plays a riff after each line that Colonial Man sings, while the credits roll)

Colonial Man: (sings) Hey baby, say the way you quake, gonna break it down for Master Shake.
You got a thirst you wanna quench, come on down to Burger Trench!
Eat yourself a big meatwad with honey mustard dipping sauce!
You want an affordable place to dine, feed your kids for three ninety nine!

Space Ghost: What have I done to the future of classic rock!

Colonial Man: (sings) Hey baby, oh baby, pretty baby... Now we're gonna break it down!

Space Ghost: (over "Ghost Planet Industries" logo) Noooooo!!!!

(Back at the studio, Master Shake still lies on the floor, blinking while he speaks)

Master Shake: Hello, God? Are you there? Is this heaven? Or am I in television?

Written by
Matt Maiellaro
Dave Willis
Todd Hanson
Jay Edwards
Guest Star
Willie Nelson
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Dave Willis
Matt Maiellaro
ATHF Cel Animation
C. Martin Croker
Compositing & Special Effects
Scott Fry
Craig Martin
Crichton Bentley
Sound Design
Roy Clements
Dan Schaefer
Line Producer
Vishal Roney
Production Assistants
John Brestan
mc chris
Special Thanks
Southfork Restaurant
Smith's Olde Bar
Hunger Imagery by
John Brestan
Colonial Man Band
Dave Willis
Matt Maiellaro
Jay Edwards
Hunter McRea
Colonial Doorman
Barry Mills
Produced by
Dave Willis
Matt Maiellaro
Jay Edwards
Executive Producers
Mike Lazzo
Keith Crofford

© 2002 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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