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(Opening theme and titles)

(Space Ghost invisos in)

Space Ghost (SG):

Let's get one thing straight. I'm angry!

Moltar (M):

(In the control room) Uh, what about?

SG:

What about? About everything.

M:

Uh, like what?

SG:

Like... goats.

Zorak (Z):

(In his keyboard pod, turns and looks at SG)

SG:

Stupid goats with their stupid little beards. Goats are stupid! The floor is stupid!

M:

What about me? Stupid?

SG:

Mmmm, I don't know, say something.

M:

Uh, the guest is here? (throws lever back and forth, the studio monitor lowers with Dennis)

SG:

The guest is stupid.

Dennis Miller (DM):

Thank you for having me, Ghost.

SG:

It's great to have you here. (Turns to Zorak) Isn't it, stupid?

(Dramatic music plays; Zorak reaches into his keyboard pod and takes out a blast rifle. Space Ghost stares and aims his power bands. The camera alternates between Space Ghost and Zorak as they stare at each other. Finally, Zorak puts the rifle down, and the music stops.)

SG:

(Lowers his power band arm) Stupid Zorak!

DM:

Which one is Zorak? Tom Servo, or...

SG:

Say what, ass(BLEEP)

DM:

Oh wait, I've crossed...

Z:

Arliss

SG:

What's that now?

DM:

(laughs) I've crossed genres here.

Z:

Now there's a show!

DM:

I like the shop you run over here, Space Ghost. I like the boys you surround yourself with...

SG:

That pisses me off. Look, I do what I want, do I make myself clear?

DM:

Mmm hmm, well, I...

SG:

(aims his power bands at Dennis) DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR!? (dramatic music plays again)

DM:

Sorry. (Laughs) Already I've blown it. Oftimes when I meet people I admire, you know how you kind of put your foot in the mouth right off the bat.

SG:

Oftimes when I meet people who are retired I put my foot in their mouth and I say, "Welcome to Venice. This will be your last meal!"

Z:

And what do they say?

SG:

(stretches) "Spaaaaace Ghooooost!" Man, am I angry. I'd better go blow off some steam before I explode on some fool. Aaaaaah!

(SG flies from his desk, still yelling. The Phantom Cruiser streaks through space, with SG continues yelling as he pilots the ship. Next, SG is in the Ghost Planet mailroom)

SG:

Aaaaaah! Hello, a book of postcard stamps, if you please. (shrugs) Aaaaah!

(The Phantom Cruiser returns, with SG still yelling as he pilots the ship. He flies back to the set, and crashes on the floor.)

SG:

(stops yelling, makes a small hiccup) Oh, good. Every time I do something like that, I give myself the hiccups.

Z:

You sure are angry tonight.

SG:

That's right, Zorak.

Z:

You know, I like this new side of you. I think it's boss.

SG:

Ah! Then you're gonna love this. (Aims his powerbands at Zorak and blasts him)

Z:

(flails back and form, making gibbering noises, but is not crisped)

SG:

(stops blasting) I'm sorry, what? (resumes blasting Zorak)

Z:

(flails and gibbers some more, until SG stops blasting)

DM:

So, uh, I'm a big fan of Zorak, it's a hard thing to serve a great man like you.

SG:

Hmm.

DM:

And oftimes this man (points toward Zorak) is of more consequence than the man (points at Space Ghost) who carries the torch.

SG:

If you like green babies.

Z:

Arliss...

SG:

(Looks at Zorak)

Z:

(takes sideways glance toward camera)

SG:

(to Dennis) Say something.

DM:

Well, I have two sons, 9 and 13...

SG:

Sons are the same as kids, right?

DM:

Exactly.

SG:

And kids are just dumb little adults.

DM:

You don't have any kids, do you, Space Ghost? (laughs)

SG:

Yeah, I have two sons. Fifi and Pierre. I shave their butts out of anger. (pounds his desk) And they hate me for it. (Hums into his palm) That's the shaving noise. Want to give a shout out to your two sons?

DM:

Marlon, Holden! (Shakes his fist forward in the air) With the Ghost!

SG:

(holding up his hand) Fifi, Pierre! Get off the couch! (Beat) It is clear they're poodles, right?

Z:

(whispering) Arliss!

SG:

Everyone's talkin' about me, Dennis. We've become a nation of people talking about Space Ghost.

DM:

Weren't you doin' it with that Herculoid blob for a while?

SG:

Gloop?

DM:

Yes.

SG:

Sure was.

DM:

(laughs)

SG:

It was good too.

DM:

(laughing) Exactly.

SG:

(Stretching) Spaaaaace (BLEEP) F(BLEEP) catch (BLEEP) gonzale.

Z:

(blinks and stares)

SG:

I should be on HBO. What's their problem?

DM:

HBO has no problem, you know you're doing this merely as an audition to get on their, Ghost. That's where it's all happening. All the creativity, you're saddled over here at the Cartoon Network. You know there are certain things you can't say.

SG:

Who are you again?

DM:

My name is Dennis Miller, I'm a comedian and a fan of Space Ghost.

SG:

(looks at a blue card) And you've come here from the future to kill me! (puts card down) Right?

DM:

(laughs, wiping a tear from his eye) Wow, I know that's my MO. (laughs)

SG:

Dennis, you've played a number of cops. Tell us how you became to be Robocop. The ultimate cop! (does a powerband move)

DM:

Well, listen, I had done a one-man show as Peter Weller called "Give 'em Hell, Peter" for years, off-Broadway.

SG:

Hang on, Peter. I'm way too angry to check out each off-Broadway production of Robocop. I'll wait until it's on-way.

DM:

(looks perplexed, shakes his head)

SG:

Broadway?

DM:

Could not be further out of the loop.

Z:

Hey, Arliss! Ah, made you look!

Brak (B):

(yelling in the distance, everyone looks up. Suddenly he falls from above, and lands on his head and falls down.

SG:

What the ...!

DM:

(laughs out loud)

B:

(lying on the floor) (makes gibbering noise) That's fun.

SG:

Oh great.

B:

Hi, my name is Brak!

SG:

The low quality of your name makes me very angry!

B:

Yeah, well I have a big dent in my hinder. Ouch!

DM:

Nice to see you... Brak.

B:

Oh.. that hurt. Zorak, will you give me a bath?

Z:

No bath here. So screw!

B:

Come on, I'm dirty! Look at this dirty boy! (Continues talking in background) Hey, smell my armpits! Oh boy! Come on! It's Saturday! I need my bath!

DM:

Brak is the one who stops in periodically.

SG:

Thats right, Dennis.

DM:

He makes the, uh, cameo. Like Hitchcock, periodically you'll see him walking through the background.

SG:

Hitchcock's the worst director ever. Did you see "Rear Window"? It's all black and white and there are no adult situations. You know it was just made to sell toys, which you can't find anywhere!

B:

Here's one! (laughs)

SG:

Give it here!

B:

(walks to SG's desk, humming a song) Look at this. It's got a camera.

SG:

I hate this and all toys!

B:

Look out!

(Space Ghost slams the toy with his fist, destroying it)

M:

Hey Space Ghost, how come you're so angry?

SG:

What?

M:

You need to mellow.

Z:

Yeah, mellow out, friend.

SG:

Don't tell me to mellow out! That'll just make me angrier!

Z:

You want to mellow.

M:

Mellow.

Z:

Mellow.

M:

Mellow.

Z:

Mellow.

M:

Feel better?

SG:

Knock it off!

B:

I want my bath!

M:

Space Ghost is like Mr. Angry today!

SG:

No! Zorak's Mr. Angry!

B:

Hey! I wanna be somebody.

Z:

Oh ho! Zorak is Mr. Relaxed.

SG:

Are you relaxed enough to fight?

Z:

You know, I think I am. (Dramatic music in background)

B:

I'm Mr. Clean! (humming something)

SG:

Perhaps you should consider going somewhere!

Z:

Where would I go?

SG:

Somewhere I'm not!

B:

I'm Mr. Mustard!

SG:

(walks to the bandstand) Like here!

Z:

Eh! And here you are.

SG:

Now then, where would you like to go?

Z:

I think, I'd like, to come over there! (Walks over to SG's desk)

B:

I'm Mr. Pat Sajak!

SG:

Wait, I thought I was coming over there.

Z:

Oh brother.

SG:

I meant to anyway. Now come on! (Confronts Zorak, sitting in his desk)

Z:

Alright, alright, just relax.

SG:

I am relaxed!

Z:

Relaxed enough to fight?

(Zorak punches Space Ghost)

SG:

Ah! Son of a-

(Space Ghost and Zorak fight lamely, accompanied by "fight" music. Zorak finally lands one punch, and Space Ghost counters by punching Zorak's head off. His head bounces and comes to rest at the bandstand.)

Z:

It didn't hurt.

B:

Can I get my bath now?

SG:

Yeah, come here, I'll give you a bath.

B:

Yeah boy! (Walks over to Space Ghost, laughing)

(More dramatic music; Space Ghost picks up Brak)

B:

Don't put me down!

(Space Ghost throws him across the set; he lands next to Zorak's head)

B:

Ouch!

SG:

Moltar, would you like a bath? (flies from his desk)

M:

Um... I already took one actually.

SG:

(in the control room) TAKE ANOTHER ONE!

(Space Ghost punches Moltar; he flies off camera, amid the sound of falling down stairs and glass breaking)

SG:

(to Dennis, in Moltar's monitor) What about you? Do you need a bath?

DM:

No I don't, Ghost.

SG:

(invisos back to desk) Undress me with your eyes, Dennis.

DM:

(laughing) Okay. I just undressed you, and quickly redressed you.

SG:

(listening to the director via his communicator) What's that now, Tom? Oh. Tom's gotta switch tape and I'm going to run down the hall and take a quick wizz.

Z:

Please do.

SG:

You sit comfortably.

DM:

Zorak, you seem to have, uh, slim shoulders there. (Zorak plays his keyboard, headless) To think, the most eclectic day of my show business career, that I spoke at Bob Hope's 100th birthday, and I had to sprint over to do Space Ghost.

(Moltar is back at his monitor; he, Brak, Zorak and Dennis all laugh)

SG:

Hey I'm back.

(Zorak stops playing; everyone is silent)

SG:

(taps his blue card) I'm back from the hallway. (Taps his card once) Hey, have you heard my famous story? (Zorak's body descends into his keyboard pod) It starts in a couple of minutes. Beat. A long beat.

DM:

Come on. What, do you need an edit point, Space Ghost?

SG:

(Dramatic music in background, black and white cartoon montage from old Space Ghost cartoon plays behind him as he speaks.) The race war had begun. Machines were building robot babies to replace other babies. Everyone knows what happened next. The End. (Music and montage end)

DM:

(laughs) Real ???

SG:

Written by Space Ghost. (More dramatic music as he reads the "credits") Robots by ILM... and Space Ghost. George Lucas by Space Ghost. (He scribbles on his card) House lights up, people leave theatre. Trash everywhere. Zorak, clean up the trash while I go rethread the projector. Later, Dennis.

Z:

Eh.

(Credits roll)

B:

Oh no!

© 2003 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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