Home | Ghost Planet Central | Episode Guide | Previous | Next

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed

:WAITING

Announcer (A):

Tonight! Live from Ghost Planet! It's the 1st Annual World Premiere Toon In! (Polaroids fly in) With special guests! Brak! Van Partible! Lokar! Pat Ventura! Metallus! Craig McCracken! Black Widow! Genndy Tartakovsky! Tansut! and Geno Mattos! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, The Council of Doom. (curtain raises)

Council of Doom (COD):

We're from outer space,
we're an evil disgrace!

Tansut (T):

We spread germs and disease
all over the place!

COD:

But now we're here
and we're full of beer

Brak (B):

Full of beeeeeer! (subtitle: HELLO MY NAME IS BRAK!)

Black Widow (BW):

Space Ghost is so pretty
I could hold him dear! (music stops)

B:

What the...!

Lokar (L):

What, are you insane?

BW:

Okay, okay! I hate him! (music resumes)

COD:

We hate em too,
he's like a bad haiku

B:

Haiku! (subtitle: HELLO MY NAME IS BRAK!)

Metallus (M):

(Drones) (subtitle, with bouncing ball: BUT HE GAVE US ALL A PARDON / SO, WHAT COULD WE DO?)

COD:

So we're nice again,
Yeah! We're all good sports,
and we're here to judge the
World Pre-mier Shorts!

B:

Shorts! Shorts!

A:

Tonight's broadcast extravaganza will be simulcast on TBS, TNT and the Cartoon Network. And now, your host for the evening, The Principal of Outer Space! Spaaaace Ghooooost!

Space Ghost (SG):

(invisos in)(coughs during introduction) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost, from Coast to Coast, on the Cartoon Network! Welcome to the First Annual World Premiere Toon In! (aside) We're rolling as we speak, still? Okay, good. (to camera) Tonight, five directors from the Hanna-Barbera Cartoon Studio will compete against each other, in front of an audience of millions and millions, for a big prize! (fanfare) Each director will be judged in random categories by the Council of Doom! The winner will be the winner when he wins! And the winning director will have his cartoon premiered at the end of the show?

Zorak (Z):

(glares at Space Ghost)

SG:

Okay. Here to tell you how the votes are tabulated, from the Accounting Firm of Price Westinghouse, Blip the monkey!

Blip the Monkey (BTM):

(on stage in a tuxedo) (squeaks and squeaks)

SG:

Huh? What are you saying, Blip? What are you saying?!

BTM:

(squeaks and squeaks)

SG:

I can't understand a word you're saying! Okay, get the monkey off the stage. Now, let's meet the judges, the Council Of Doom.

(Judges, from left to right: Lokar, Metallus, Black Widow, Tansut, Brak)

SG:

Tansut, a vicious alien from the SK system! He likes to mold things out of scalding hot tar.

T:

Hi Mom! Hi Dad! (makes peace signs) Predicate!

SG:

Heh heh, oh-kay. Three time Nascar Champion and conqueror of the Dust Mite Planet, Brak!

B:

All Hail Brak!

COD:

Hail!

B:

Hail Brak! Haiiiil Brak!

SG:

Black Widow! And next...

BW:

Mmmmmm! You look really good in those tights, honey!

SG:

Eew! Yuckie!

T:

Predicate!

SG:

Next, Metallus, an armored warrior whose mere glance is enough to strike fear into the hearts of those weaker than he. (looks evil, making droning sound) He collects fridge magnets and is a champion speed knitter.

M:

(drones)

SG:

And finally, Lokar! A hideous locust who hails from the east. He enjoys literature and books, and he likes to read colorful pamphlets to orphans.

L:

Thank you Space Ghost, I'm esteemed.

Z:

Death to Lokar!

L:

Oh please, Zorak, your insipid habit of barking out ludicrous commands is nothing more than a blatant display of your lack of intelligence.

Z:

Oh. Thank you, Lokar. That's just about the dumbest thing I ever heard!

SG:

Hey now! You bugs be nice!

Z:

Shut up!

L:

Shut up!

SG:

Alrighty, who will be our first director? Dian?

Dian Parkinson (DP):

Are we on or...

SG:

(laughs) (quietly) Moltar! Who's on first?

Moltar (M):

Who's on second?

SG:

I dunno! Who's on second?

M:

Right!

SG:

Oh-kay. (pauses, looks around studio) Have you ever noticed the beautiful lighting in this studio?

Z:

Yeah. (breaking sound off screen) What's a Toon In?

SG:

It's a franchise.

Z:

Oh, okay.

SG:

The first category is Director's Composure Under Extreme Interrogation! Our first contestant is Pat Ventura!

(Monitor lowers with Pat)

A:

(whispering) Tonight's contestants have been briefed on the rules governing each category. What you are about to see is real, these are not actors, they're directors.

SG:

Welcome, Pat!

Pat Ventura (PV):

Well, thank you very much, I...

SG:

What do you do?

PV:

I'm, uh, a director.

COD:

(Ding!) (Scores: 3, 10, 5, 1, 6)

SG:

Not yet, you clowns! Sorry, uh, tell us about your cartoon!

PV:

Yuckie Duck is a very hapless, uh, character. He try to please but no one appreciates it, it's like the world against him. (pause) Everything he touches just fouls up.

SG:

(long pause) Let's look at the clip!

(Clip of "Yuckie Duck" is shown)

SG:

Clip category! Council gives...

COD:

(Ding!) (Scores: 3.14, 78, 109, 12.2, "HELLO MY NAME IS BRAK")

A:

(with French translation in background) Tansut, twelve point two. Black Widow, one hundred nine. Brak, "Hello my name is Brak."

SG:

What is it with you and Talking Ducks?

PV:

(clears throat) Well, being a cartoon character, he just can do anything. He'll talk, and... I guess he talks because we just give him a voice.

SG:

You just decide on his voice, just like that.

PV:

(shrugs) Uh... I...

Z:

(mocking Pat a la Butthead) Uh huh huh, uh huh huh...

SG:

Okay Pat! Solve the puzzle! (Pat doesn't have time to respond)

SG:

Wrong! Too many vowels!

PV:

Oh, sssss...

SG:

Council?

COD:

(Ding!) (Scores: 5, 4, 3, 6, 3)

SG:

Hmmmm, not so good. Do you sing?

PV:

Uh... no, I don't.

SG:

Dance?

PV:

No Space Ghost.

SG:

(sings, in monotone) Don't sing, don't dance. What do you do... Pat?

PV:

I'm, uh, a director.

SG:

Then direct me!

PV:

Well, you can do a cartoon with just...

SG:

Okay, I'm doing a cartoon, here we go, I am a cartoon! What's my motivation? Where am I? Why am I? What are the other characters doing?

PV:

I guess the characters are doing superhuman feats in themselves.

SG:

Likin' it! They're doing feats and I come in and I say...?

PV:

Uh...

SG:

Talk to me, Patty baby!

PV:

Hello, and my name is Pat Ventura.

SG:

(bad acting, straight) "Hello, and my name is Pat Ventura!" Directing category! Council gives...

COD:

(Ding!) (Scores: 2, 0, 1, 2, 4)

SG:

Ooooh. Sliding. Well, thanks, Pat! We'll see you at the end of the show!

PV:

Thank you, Space Ghost.

SG:

You're welcome! My next contestant is Van Partible!

Z:

The wrestler?

SG:

No, the director of "Johnny Bravo".

(Van Partible appears on the monitor, eating a danish)

SG:

Hello, Citizen Partible!

Z:

Hey, do you know Rick Flair?

Van Partible (VP):

Mm Hm. (takes big bite)

Z:

(wide eyed) Food. Food!

M:

(pointing) You have a danish!

VP:

Yes.

Z:

Gimme the danish!

VP:

Okey dokey.

SG:

No, Van, it's a trick! He'll take your whole hand!

VP:

No, I doubt it, but it would be funny... that would be comedy.

SG:

Wait a second, Chester, blood is not funny.

T:

(Ding!) Blood is funny! Van is the winner!

VP:

I totally love the Ghost Planet.

SG:

Citizen Van, you chose the danish, why?

VP:

I have no idea, it was the only thing there, it was either a bagel or this cream cheese frosting thing.

SG:

Food selection category! Council gives...

COD:

(Ding!) (Scores: -9, -1, -3, -2, 0)

SG:

Council would have chosen the bagel. Bad decision, Van.

VP:

See, what I'm trying to do is chew and talk at the same time...

SG:

Talking with your mouth full category! Council gives...

COD:

(Ding!) (Scores: -22, -3, -90, -48, -67)

SG:

Ooooh, Van, things aren't lookin' good. Bad manners are never en vogue.

VP:

I guess, it, it...

SG:

Let's look at the clip!

(Clip of "Johnny Bravo")

SG:

Clip category! Council gives...

COD:

(Ding!) (Scores: 9, 0, 2, 1, 0)

SG:

You can do better than that, Van!

VP:

I... (long pause) (shrugs) I guess you're a critic.

SG:

Yup.

VP:

Okay.

SG:

We'll be back in two and two!

A:

Only one cartoon will win! Which one will it be? Stay tuned to find out.

(World Premiere Toon-In graphic)

A:

Oh goody! The World Premiere Toon In franchise is back! Excited? I am.

SG:

Welcome back! Our next contestant is Geno Mattos!

Geno Mattos (GM):

Whew! Just beamed in from the old Enterprise, uh, thought I'd say hi!

SG:

Shatner method acting! Council gives...

COD:

(Ding!) (Scores: 0, 0, 0, 0, 0)

SG:

Goose eggs. Ha ha ha! But you'll have a chance to make that up. Tell us what you do!

GM:

I am a animation director, designer, uh, on the show "Shake and Flick."

SG:

Wrong!

GM:

Excuse me, Space Ghost?

SG:

You must answer in the form of a walrus!

GM:

Are you serious?

L:

Pardon the intrusion, don't you mean, question?

SG:

You have a question, Lokar?

L:

No, lower brain form, you mean, he should answer in the form of a question.

SG:

Yes, he should question in the form of an answer! Good answer! Question the answer, Gino!

GM:

Who?

SG:

You're good, buddy boy! Now for the clincher... (drum roll)

GM:

This is totally serious.

SG:

You wouldn't understand my shouting Braille when there's a blender in the oven.

GM:

Uh, because our deflector shields were up and our communication was kinda garbled?

SG:

Uhhhh, we'll have to check with the judges, hold on!

COD:

(Ding!) (Scores: 9, 7, 8, 9, 8)

SG:

You're back in the race!

GM:

Thank you, Space Ghost.

SG:

Not a problem, Gino.

GM:

This is my fifteen seconds of, royal fame.

SG:

That's enough, son.

GM:

Okay, was I hammin' it up a little too much?

Z:

Roll the clip!

(Clip of "Shake and Flick", opening credits only)

SG:

Survey says...

COD:

(Ding!) (Scores: 8, -107, 9, 8, 7)

SG:

Well, Geno, you're doing okay.

GM:

Okay.

SG:

See you. (Geno zaps off monitor)

SG:

Okay! My next contestant is Genndy Tartakovsky. (appears on monitor)

B:

Hey! What time is it?

SG:

Welcome, Comrade Ginsu!

Genndy Tartakovsky (GT):

It's good to be here Space Ghost, thank you.

SG:

You're welcome.

GT:

You're welcome.

SG:

Yes, Space Ghost.

GT:

Yes, Space Ghost.

SG:

Mimic category! Council gives...

COD:

(Ding!) (Scores: 2, -5, 1, 2, Brak)

B:

Hey! What time is it?

SG:

Tell us about your cartoon.

GT:

Yeah, Dexter is a boy genius and, uh...

SG:

Uh huh... Roll it!

(Clip of "Dexter's Laboratory" is shown)

SG:

Clip category! Survey says...

Z:

Dexter's stupid!

SG:

Ooooh, (Ding!) what do you say to that Comrade?

GT:

Well, he can go and just have his own opinion and it won't bother me at all.

B:

(in background) Hey! (Ding!) Hey, looky here! (Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!) Hey, look at me! (Ding! Ding!)

SG:

(looks at Brak, annoyed) Self-restraint category! Council gives... Council gives...

B:

Oh!

COD:

(Ding!) (Scores: 1, 3, 2, 3, 1)

B:

There!

SG:

Okay Ginsberg, looks good!

GT:

Thank you, Space Ghost.

SG:

(mocking) Thank you, Space Ghost. (normal voice) Our last and final contestant is Craig McCracken!

SG:

Citizen Craig McCracken, Come on down! (monitor lowers)

Craig McCracken (CM):

Thanks. It's good to be here.

SG:

What do you do?

CM:

Uh, I make cartoons. I make, uh, the Power Puff Girls, about these three little kindergarten-age superheroes who fly around and beat up bad guys.

SG:

Ohhhh, let's see the clip.

(Clip of "Power Puff Girls", about 0.5 second long)

SG:

That's great!

CM:

Um, Why aren't you like a big sheet just with, like, eyes cut in it, goin' like (motions) "Woooh!" and scary? I mean, why is that? I mean, that's like a ghost.

COD:

(Ding!) (Scores: 10, 10, 10, 10, 10)

SG:

Uh, Craig...

CM:

You know, I don't, I don't understand this whole yellow cape black hood thing. It's kinda strange to me.

COD:

(Ding!) (Scores: 10, 10, 10, 10, 10)

SG:

McCracken...

CM:

Not really spooky.

SG:

I'm not a scary ghost, Jim! I'm a Space Ghost!

CM:

Oh, is that it?

SG:

Yes! I'm the savior of the universe! A mature crime-fighter of all evil!

CM:

I don't, I don't, uh, think crime fighting takes any specific age.

COD:

(Ding!) (Scores: 10, 10, 10, 10, 10)

SG:

Quit thinking.

CM:

Okay, I mean, even babies could save the day if they had to.

COD:

(Ding!) (Scores: 11, 11, 11, 11, 11)

SG:

Aren't you late for something?

CM:

Uh uh. No.

SG:

(raises his armband, as if to fire)

CM:

Oh, I get it.

SG:

And it's not funny... is it?

CM:

Nooo, Space Ghost.

SG:

Get a haircut, McCracken.

(Craig disappears from the monitor)

SG:

Alrighty! Now it's time to tabulate the scores and determine tonight's winning director! (tympani roll) Moltar?

M:

(pulls the lever to begin tabulating)

SG:

And the winner is...

A:

Don't move. Not a muscle. The winning cartoon is coming up! Right after these messages.

(World Premiere Toon-In graphic)

A:

Ah, there's more. We now return to the conclusion of The Cartoon Network's World Premiere Toon In. Let me do that again.

M:

It's a tie! I think. Idn't it?

COD:

(Scores: 86, 86, 85, 86, 86)

M:

Yeah, it's a tie. (fanfare)

(Musical accompaniment starts; Space Ghost and Zorak sing)

SG:

Here he comes!
It's a tie!
It's a beautiful burnt sienna tie for me!

Z:

I want green,
to match my spleen,
Oh, what a beautiful tie!

BTM:

(squeaks and squeaks)

SG:

Look at Blip,
He is small,
Oh, what a monkey he is!

(Music ends; Blip keeps squeaking)

SG:

What? Quit speaking monkey!

L:

(pausing deliberately, as though he's translating) Ahem. He said, since it's a tie, yes, I believe it's 'tie', you must have a tie-breaker.

SG:

No, since it's a tie we'll have a swimsuit competition! (low voice) Lose the primate!

(Blip screeches, followed by a crash sound)

SG:

The tie-breaker category is the Swimsuit Competition! Citizen Pat Ventura! Go!

PV:

(appears on screen) No, Space Ghost.

SG:

Disqualified! (zaps him off of screen) Van Partible! Swimsuit! Go!

VP:

(appears on screen, still eating, mouth full) Do I look at anybody?

Z:

Danish!

SG:

Disqualified! (zaps him off of screen) Geno Mattos! Swimsuit! Go!

GM:

(appears on screen) Are you serious?

SG:

Disqualified! Comrade Gingersnap! Swimsuit! Go!

GT:

No, Space Ghost.

SG:

Disqualified! (zaps him off screen) Last contestant! Craig McCracken! Swimsuit! Go!

CM:

(appears in swimsuit, life jacket, water wings, fins, mask and snorkel, posing & waving; disco music plays)

SG:

And the winner of the 1st Annual Toon In is... Craig McCracken! (Craig holds flowers and weeps, a tiara on his head)

CM:

(talking through mask and snorkel, blowing kisses) Thank you, Space Ghost, oh, I love them, thank you, Space Ghost.

SG:

Goodnight everybody! You're beautiful! Here's the winning cartoon that won the winning... oh, roll the cartoon.

(Entire "Power Puff Girls" cartoon is shown)

(Credits roll)

SG:

(mocking) Thank you Space Ghost.

© 1995 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

Home | Ghost Planet Central | Episode Guide | Previous | Next